Guilt Feelings??

[shellyj 5]

lately i have been feeling guilty. the other night i was laying bed thinking how bad i ate today i was gonna fail and when i went through and made a mental list of everything i had eaten they were all good food choices. i was around 20 carbs for the day and 1300 calories. i couldnt figure out why my mind would do that to me!!! i have been doing great on the Atkins diet. about my only bad thing i am doing is not getting in my water!!! through the week i do good but on the weekend i drink tea w/splenda and diet 7 up. so by monday i am feeling dehydrated. i have to do better on this.

just wondering if anyone else get these feelings. also another weird mind#$%@ is that i still FEEL just as fat as i did when all this started. i guess my mind hasnt adjusted?

[donali 57]

Hi Michelle -

Those "guilty" feelings sound like the by-product of dieting mentality to me. I don't have them anymore, since signing a contract with myself to never ever diet again.

Pre-band many years ago on one of my many, many dieting excursions, I used to have dreams about breaking my diet by accident (I was dieting with a friend), and the dreams were so real I would wake up very stressed and guilty, even though I had been "perfect" on my diet. It was horrible.

As far as still feeling fat - I hear you totally on that one. I'm down 85 pounds. I'm a solid size 20 from a 28-30+. I can visually see the changes, starting to see collar bones, etc. But I FEEL the same! I guess not "fat", exactly, but the same as when I was 85 pounds heavier.

It's been hard for me to accept compliments and talk positively to my supporters about my weightloss, because they invariably say, "You must feell SO great!!!" And I feel guilty (and perversely compelled) to respond, "Actually, I feel the SAME." Then they want to argue with me about how I feel... lol "But you must be so proud. It's gotta feel great know how much better you look... blah blah blah..."

Yes, I am thrilled I'm looking better. I accept and recognize my weightloss. I am NOT complaining! But I FEEL the same.

So, I tried to analyze what "feeling the same" means to me. And to me it was some kind of revelation that I think what I feel is just the normal "I take up space because I exist" feeling, which I will always feel, regardless of my size. Because I have continued to move into clothes that fit, I still feel them around my body when I sit, readjust my tops, fiddle with the damn slipping bra, etc. All that feels the same to me as when I was wearing clothes that fit in a 28-30+.

To be honest, at 313/303 if I wasn't looking in a mirror or trying to fasten a seatbelt, or sit in a chair with arms, I must say that most of the time I didn't feel "fat". It wasn't until I got into one of those situations where I was physically too big that I was reminded just how huge I was. So I guess it should not be any shock that I don't feel smaller, either. I just feel like I take up space...

I have also heard that people at their "normal" weight have days when they feel "fat" - things don't seem to fit right, they feel unattractive, etc. So I expect that is a normal feeling for all people, regardless of weight. Instead of saying "I feel bloated" or "depressed" or whatever, that feeling just gets translated to "I feel fat."

[shellyj 5]

hey donali!

i know they are from being on a diet. but i really dont know what else to do. since banding when i dont diet i dont seem to lose. i think my metabolism is totally screwed up.

since they have come out with new low carb products it is easier for me to 'diet' . about once or twice a week i'll eat a the lowcarb bread ( 6 carbs ) or i'll make croutons out of it to have some crunch in my salad i even got creative enough to make bread crumbs out of it and make me 2 fried chicken tenders. i also bought some carbsmart ice cream and i have it for a week and a half now and i have only eatin 2 servings. the candybars are a different story. if i buy a 5 pack i eat them all within 2-3 days. i could DRINK chocolate. if i tell myself i am not dieting i think its hard for me to hold myself accountable for what i am eating. i just eat what i want and wonder why i am not losing.

before wls i didnt really acknowledge how fat i was and since having surgery i have become hyper aware of size so while i can tell i am losing i still feel like i am FAT which at 280 i AM!!

[donali 57]

lol - I am still fat, too. Didn't mean to give anyone the wrong impression!

It is definitely difficult to abandon the diet mentality - I had all the same fears you mention. Also, I had a hard time resolving the difference between "not dieting" but "choosing healthier foods". In many ways it seemed like a mind game to me - I thought "I AM still dieting, I'm just calling it "choosing healthier foods." I was very frustrated.

But then, I GOT it. It all had to do with analyzing WHY I wanted something less healthy, and recognizing what emotions might be driving me to wanting to eat a whole large deep dish pizza (or two). That was the difference between dieting and choosing healthier foods for me. Sometimes I still chose/choose to eat less nutritious foods, but it is no longer UNCONSCIOUS. And because I have permission to eat whatever I want, the clamour to eat less healthy foods because they're "bad" and I was subconsciously punishing myself (and comforting myself) for feeling bad to begin with has died down for the most part. Now that there are no "bad" or "good" foods, just less/more nutritious, I don't feel guilty when I indulge. I do, however, try and examine WHY I want to indulge. Sometimes identifying that I'm really bored, or hurt, or depressed, or frustrated and NOT really hungry is enough to remind me to try a different activity to solve those emotions. Sometimes I eat it anyway. But I no longer beat myself up about my choices. It really is amazing to me how much easier it is to make more nutritious choices when I have permission NOT to.

But, all this was accomplished through a 6 month counseling program geared specifically towards solving my compulsive/obsessive eating disorder. It did take a lot of work (and faith!) on my part, and I certainly am not perfect, but I no longer feel guilty - even after eating half a box of Valentine's Day candy (all at one time!!) when I wasn't hungry. :sick lol

One of the most important things I learned about myself during that time was that I honestly felt that if I were not suffering in some way, then I wasn't trying HARD enough. I don't feel that way anymore.

[jeniwren 0]

My theory is...that pre band when were were chockers full, it meant we'd overeat and so felt guilty.

I think post band...we are full with a smaller amount of food, but we still hold on to that guilt as it is associated with that full feeling.

Time to retrain your mind, and talk to yourself, and know that you havn't eaten too much... unless of course you have.

Have a fab journey

:bounce::whoo::clap2:

Jen

[ParaGirl 71]

I too have felt guilty and then counted up the whopping 850 calories I ate that day.

My problem is, those 850 calories werent all that nutritional. We all need to learn not to feel guilty and to make sure we eat nutritionally valuable food.< /p>

Take care and dont be so hard on yourself.