5 Month Post-Op Psycholgical Adjustment Issues

[anonymous2006 0]

I am really embarrased to be asking this, however, I can't seem to find any answers on the net. About 5 months ago I had the band installed. Physically, everything is great. I used to be really heavy and now my weight is about 2/3'rds the way to goal weight. I am much healthier, fitter, and better feeling in every way except for one. My problem will take some explaining....

Before the band, I was happy with my life. I went to work during the weekdays and enjoyed myself on the weekends. I enjoyed playing computer games, reading alot, going to movies, the mall, and going out to eat from time to time. I am married with no kids, however, I was fine with that, in fact, I thought it was perfect. If I were to pick a word to describe my life I would choose "contented". However, I knew that if I did not lose weight, then I probrably would be dead by my mid-forties. Being thirtyish now, I realized that I had to fix things. To make a long story short, I had the band installed.

At about two months post-op things were going great, being male, the weight came off fairly quickly, and continues to drop off. Sometimes I am reminded of the movie "Thinner". However, I noticed that psycholigically, things were changing too. The changes were not manifested by a change in my outward behaviour, however I started to feel...different...mentally. Here are some examples...

1. In the past, when I dieted, and lost alot of weight (from 30% body fat to 15%), I still thought of myself as fundamentally an overwieght person that was on a diet. I knew that the weight would come back if I ever fell off the wagon. However, now I see my self as a skinny person. A skinny person that still has some weight to lose, but skinny nonetheless. In general, this whole line of thought seems odd to me everytime I think about it.

2. About 2 month post-op, all of the things that I listed in paragraph 2 above as making my life contented, stopped doing so. Now, I find myself looking forward to the weekend ending and going back to work. Don't get me wrong, I am not a work-aholic, however, I seem to find purpose at work and that seems to make me happier. Please forgive me, I know this sounds bizarre.

3. I am starting to feel a certain restlessness in my life. Its very hard to describe. Even though I feel and look younger physically, I am starting to feel like I am old. It's a feeling like I am missing something. However, I don't know what that something is.

Oddly, I have never really felt uncertain about anything. I have never really had much self-doubt nor have I ever had an internal "crisis". This whole thing is really weirding me out. I have dieted in the past, and have reached this weight before (Atkin's). However, I dont remember feeling anything like the kind of issues that I am feeling now. In the past, dieting just made me thinner and I had to buy new clothes. It really wasn't a big deal and that was about the extent of it. Unfortunately, there seems to be something very different going on this time. It's a like the Me that was Me before isn't Me anymore and I don't know who Me is. That must seem nuts. Something unexpected has changed mentally with me, and it is really scaring me.

Has anyone ever heard of this? Does anyone have any fixes? I am little afraid of knowing, but does anyone know what end result of these types of issues are?

[pati-o 6]

Here are my thoughts- however simplistic they may seem.

After reading your post, it appears to me that (pre-banding) you had your life mapped out. Live until your fourties, then die. Now that you've lost the weight and can't sabotage yourself in the Quest for being thin, you have NO idea what to do with your life. You're most likely NOT going to die in your 40's, so that's shot to hell. You aren't going to reach your goal then make a 180 and gain it all back. Seems to me that you're just unsure of how to really LIVE. It also seems that you've always looked at weight loss as a sure failure. Not so this time around.

I understand the restlessness....Not only do I feel that I can no longer be obsessed with being HUGE, I'm sending my baby off to school this fall and have to start another chapter in my life that doesn't involve little kids at home.

One thing is for sure, the possibilities are endless if we're willing to take the time to explore them.

Pati

[NeenBand 7]

Thank you for being so candid about what your going through.

Maybe your experiencing some of what I am. Weight has insulated me from living a full life. It kept me from meeting people, doing things, fulfilling dreams. Or it was a convienient excuse. Now in my early forties, when the weight comes off me, I think actually I know I will experience a mouring for all that time I have lost. The "what if's " and "could have beens" and choices I might have made.

I've missed out on so much being fat, I really have.

I think when I am at a good weight I will start longing for life more and get an itch to dive into it more.

One of my dreams, and one in which I was actively persuing until I became so fat was an acting career. Unless you have a hide like an elephant, being fat in the acting business is hell, and I don't have a tough hide.

If I get back into it to fulfill that dream, it will mean changes in my life, especially my relationship as all I do really is stay home on the computer (and play PC games too) . That road not taken is contemplated and then the changes that will come if you take that road can be daunting and uncomfortable.