Just Got My Approval, Waiting For Date... But Scared To Tell Anyone

[duckydoom 128]

So, I have a sort of embarrassing question/situation. I'm definitely going forward with my banding, I've struggled with my weight for years, and have had comments from friends and family over the years (both good and bad). Have any of you kept your surgery a secret, save for those who are obviously gonna know? I have told my husband, best friend, and my parents, but don't really want anyone knowing beyond that. I work in an office full of gossip hounds, and I have a bunch of nosy Nancy's in my family who constantly pounce on my current weight as an excuse to ask if I'm pregnant.

I feel ridiculous and almost like I'm ashamed of my decision because I want to keep it private. Is this a rational decision, to keep it private? How do I keep it that way? I'm somewhat worried my mother in law may have inadvertently spilled the Beans already... I just don't want to deal with snide remarks.

Any advice?

[sandy.lyons 5]

I haven't told either. My husband, daughter, 2 best friends, and another friend who has a band knows. Other than that I didn't tell. I don't want people watching everything I eat and making judgements. I am a teacher, so I am on vacation for the summer now. Everyone knows that I am on a diet. I hope to lose 10 pounds before school beings in August. I didn't even tell my mother because she is 91. I don't want her to worry.

I say it is your business if you don't want to tell.

[cindybabe7 1]

I'm going to have this done to and I haven't told to many people either. I only told two family members but I don't know how many the one sister in law told. She has a big mouth. I also told my one friend because she had bypass surgery.

[Bamabander 111]

Only my immediate family knows. Anyone else that will know I had surgery since I can't do all of my normal activities, I have told I had my gall bladder out. One friend who brought my family dinner asked about how I was healing etc.. And I explained that having this surgery is a big wake up call for me and I plan to use it as a motivator to lose weight as soon as I'm healed.

It's common to be on a liquid diet before and after gall bladder surgery. So I know I'm not being truthful but I'm much more comfortable that way. Just remember you can't untell.. So please think long and hard about who you tell. Good Luck!

[AXA 19]

My husband knows and one of my brothers. That's it. I haven't told my parents, children, friends, coworkers, or anyone else. I figure it's no one's beeswax! I didn't feel compelled to tell anyone that I had a hernia operation or the results of pap smear either. I figure this is a medically necessary operation to make me healthy and sharing it with people is not something I have to do.

Another reason that I didn't tell everyone was in case it didn't work. And it didn't work at first (first 3 months) so I was thankful I hadn't told and I only got grief from my husband ("you should have gotten the other surgery"). A girl at my support group had told everyone and then, four months in, she hadn't lost a pound and she felt guilty and ashamed around all these people who knew she had the surgery. She told us that everyone must think that she's still overeating, not exercising, or not trying. We gave her similar advice to what you get on these forums (track your food, lower calories, lots of Water, exercise, talk to doctor) but she never came back to the support group again. I felt so bad for her. I had a similarly hard time at the beginning but at least there weren't people around me with expectations!

Telling people about it is such a personal decision. I think people should do what's right for them. I don't criticize those who tell the world or those who tell just a few. No one should feel bad about what they decide to do because there is no right or wrong answer here.

[tomato pie 15]

The only person that knows I am having this done is my husband, and he is sworn to secrecy I also feel very guilty for not telling my mother because she is the one who watches my 2 year old while I go to all these mystery appointments. I want to tell her , but, like you, I have a lot of "nosey Nancy's" in my family who would all be fighting for the prestigious title of Sargeant food Police :/

[smellslikecoffee 43]

I have not been banded yet, but I'm going thru the process and only my parents, husband, 2 best friends and sister know. That's all that need to know. I'm afraid eveyone will criticize me about it, and especially since I'm not approved yet I don't want eveyone to know and then think I backed out if I don't get approved. It's just a hassle, and I plan on lying and saying I did it all by myself when I do lose the weight lol

[duckydoom 128]

Haha. I love the term Sargeant food Police, and I'm gonna use that from now on I think the biggest issue if people knew would definitely be that. My husband already gets on me about salt because of the swelling in my leg and foot, and that drives me insane on it's own. If I had everyone asking "how come you haven't lost any weight" or "are you sure you should eat that with your band" (among other questions, I'm sure), would probably make me completely batty.

Having said that, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who finds it prudent to keep it relatively private. My guilt comes in though in that everyone wants to know what my mysterious appointments are, why I'm drinking Protein shakes, etc. Thanks for all of your answers!!

[honk 780]

I have only told my immediate family and a couple friends. Remember you can't unring a bell. One reason I'm glad I did'nt tell lots of people is that my surgery was postponed for medical reasons for 5 months.

Also, you can eat plain chicken breast and steamed veggies everyday for lunch and dinner; but you can guarantee should you eat a 2 inch square of birthday cake someone will remember that FOREVER.

[thebe494 0]

I am going through the same thing. Just waiting for a date!!

I have told my parents and sisters a few of my close friends who are always supportive, and my uncle, because he would be shocked if seemingly out of no where I didn't go to town on chinese buffets with him. I don't mind certain people knowing. I know some of my friends have already told other mutual friends/ their family, which is not ideal, but I don't see them so I don't really mind. I am mostly worried about people I see day to day and people I am not close with (like coworkers who I wouldn't talk about other personal things with) knowing. For me it is a personal life change, and I am only sharing it with people I think will be supportive and care about me, not just what I'm eating or look at me as a statistic for how it works. I don't need judgement or criticism (I do enough of that on my own).

I am trying to get single incision surgery, so that there aren't scars to be asked about. I liked the gallbladder surgery excuse. I have been debating whether I should make up some story about the surgery or pretend it didn't happen at all to those I am not telling. Do other people have excuses they have used for the scars or weird diet or rapid weight loss? I am very curious!

[Imanurse 27]

I am the same way - I've obviously told my husband, and I did tell my best friend but that is it. I feel good about my decision but I don't want to hear from anyone

dionaw

[Bamabander 111]

I really had no choice because I wouldn't be at kids activities, bible study, volunteering at several things I do each week, so I talked to my surgeon and that is what he suggested. I suppose I could have offered no explanation but I feel like I owed these groups or people taking my kids places and filling in for me because I can't some type of explanation. Good luck!

[shonda1536 10]

The only people who know are my husband of course, mom-cause she's so nosey! And one of my close friends who I've known for 20 yrs. I'm not telling anyone else and when it's time to have my surgery and people wonder I'll just say I'm going have my gallbladder removed lol!

[cupcakebabe84 17]

I haven't had my surgery yet, still waiting for approval... However, I decided to make my surgery known to only my parents and two of my siblings. I thought I could trust a good friend of mine seeing as to how her family tells her she needs to do something about her weight, thinking maybe this would encourage her, maybe her and I could do this together. No, She only knew how to be negative about it and decided to open up her big mouth and tell the rest of our group of friends. Of course they all have nothing but negative input. So After that I realized once you ring a bell you can't un-ring it. Since then I just didnt say anything about any appts or dates scheduled for the other testing that needed to be done. I just pretended I forgot about it and am not doing the lap- band anymore. This makes my life so much easier and less stressful. I dont need food police or people telling me I failed. So if you prefer to keep it to yourself then go for it, more power to you! Good luck....

[cfurrey 53]

I have told all my family and need to know friends allot of ppl know im having surgery but dont know what for im completely open to anyone knowing! Multiple ppl in my family have had the band so its nothing new to us! Everyone is very supportive! Lol there was this one incident when a male friend told me he cant wait to see how hot i will become! I turned around and told him this! If you havnt noticed me now what makes you think ill notice u then!!! Im happily married and my husband just thought it was hilarious as he has has always know even at my biggest i had awesome self esteem! Sometime is think it might b easier keeping it a secret but then id lose so much support that i count on! Best of luck to u!