Surgery Date Is June 6!! Should I Tell Family??

[Lapband Maggie 0]

Hi all, so glad I found this group! I'm 24, 5'4 238lbs getting lapband in a week or so-- I'm having such a hard time deciding whether or not I shoul tell my family about getting WLS. Any thoughts?

[m1aman 944]

Not knowing you or your family it is really hard to say. But I do know this, once you tell you can't take it back. I only told two people I absolutely had to tell. Much to my dismay, they have told many people.

[klawson617 2]

I'm with you. I just got my approval letter yesterday and while it was easier to share my decision to get the Lapband with my close friends, I've gone back and forth on whether I should tell my family. I've been talked out of it by a sibling (who weighs 110 lbs) a couple of years ago and just don't want a repeat this go 'round. I decided to tell my mom that I will be having surgery (gave vague details) this June since the procedure itself, though simple, is still surgery and with it comes inherent risks and possible complications. At some point down the line, I'm sure I will tell the rest of my family...in my own time. I know for certain that not everyone will understand or be pleased with the choice I'm making but at the end of the day, I am the only one who will truly know what is best for me and if they're really family, they'll love and accept me, regardless of my size and weight.

Ultimately, the decision to tell your family (or not) is yours to make. Do what you're comfortable with and share as much or little as you would like them to know. Either way, just make sure you surround yourself with supportive people, family or otherwise, especially the first few months post-op.

[DeAna N 229]

I haven't told my family yet I know they would have a lot to say I come from a family with the mentality if u want to lose weight get up & exercise so they wouldn't understand the work it takes with the lapband so I know they would look at it as the easy way I don't even want to have that discussion it will b hard enough limiting myself at family functions " remember all you have to do.it run yourself till death" and whollah you will be thin so just my husband

[Grandma3 73]

I told only people I wanted to share with AND that I knew could keep their mouths shut.

It is my decision to share what I want to share and with whom I want to share it with.

I have two kids and I told only one, I have two sisters and I told only one.

Remember you will need some support so you need to have a special someone to share this with you.

As a previous post said, you can not take it back so make sure to make the correct decision for you before you tell.

Good luck!

[honk 780]

I am 42 and single. I have not told many friends but did tell my immediate family. I did not tell my brother until after surgery. We get along and everything but we don't call to chat like I do with my sisters. Hey's a boy what can I say.

I can't imagine not telling my sisters and mother. I had a stroke at 39 which the doctors could'nt 100% say was because of my weight but they certain inferred it. I had to take a serious step towards fixing my health.

[Lapband Maggie 0]

Sorry about the lack of info- i was on my iPhone, and I am SO BAD at typing on it! So I am the youngest of 5 girls in an Irish Catholic family. I have 45 first cousins, 18 of us are double cousins (My mom's two sisters married my dad's two brothers). We Celebrate with food. We Celebrate food. Hahaa. We are very close. We share everything. But, I am also a 24 year old married mother of two under 2 years. When I am around my family, I feel like its ok that I'm overweight. It's normal. When I am at home with my husband and two girls, I want better for myself, and them.

Here are my thoughts:

WHY I SHOULD TELL THEM:

1. We live 10 minutes apart, and see each other at least 3 times a week

2. It would be easier to tell the truth than to try to keep covering up a lie

3. It is so hard to keep something so big from my parents/sisters-- guilty conscience and all lol

4. They will be able to help me succeed, by not tempting me with unhealthy food at family gatherings or trying to get me to "grab seconds" or "have dessert"

5. Maybe I can motivate my other overweight sisters to get WLS and be healthier!! This is probably the biggest motivator for me. Three of my sisters are overweight, one just had a baby and is having complications from her obesity. She doesn't have the resources I have to even know about WLS. If I told, maybe she would start considering WLS too!

WHY I SHOULDN'T TELL THEM:

1. My husband doesn't really want me to

2. I am the first in my ENTIRE family to ever do something like this- not sure they would understand

3. Word would spread. Sometimes I think my sisters and parents would support me, but I don't want to trust 15 people with my secret, or the entire family would know

4. I feel like I should be able to have some privacy in my personal life

5. When my daughter's are old enough to understand, I don't think I want them to know I had WLS

6. I DO NOT want my in-laws to know, and they are close with my family.

Right now, my family believes that the surgery I am going in for is an Incisional Hernia Repair on my C-section scar. If I don't tell them the truth about getting WLS, my plan is to tell them that I took the hernia surgery as a 'jump-start' for dieting.

Is this completely nuts, or what? Feedback please!

[DeAna N 229]

No not at all I was planning to say they found a hyiatic hernia when they did my scope and they need to fix it and when I am on the liquid diet it is to give it time to heal my family wouldn't understand( see my early post above)it's like cosmetic to them not medically necessary so I'm. Keeping them in the dark why Stress myself out

[DeAna N 229]

Except my husband he sees how my confidence has declined and only wants what makes me happy and healthy so I have his support 100%

[Lapband Maggie 0]

DeAna,

your situation sounds so much like mine! my husband sees how badly my weight is affecting me, but my family doesn't because i put the facade on around them. my husband knows how hard it is for me to go out in public, keep up with him, see anyone from the past or keep in touch with friends. my weight has become such a burden to our family life- i know this is what I need to do.

[DeAna N 229]

Exactly I feel like they are on the outside looking in I love them but I just don't show them that my weight bothers me because they would minimize how I feel I too have a big family and id love to tell my sis she would support me fully but she is the mouth of the fam so she is out to And...then the dreaded what if I tell everyone and I'm. Not success to have them think you went throught such drastic measure to end up still fat that would be so embarraring to lives down with as many diets I've be unsuccesful with I can see why they wouldn't. Support surgery fully so this will be me & my husbands secret it's kind of nice having something only me & him know & having him as my rock through it all

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

hi banded , that decision is yours to make. i am proud of you wanting to get healthy. that is what i want also. stay positive. your pic is so pretty

[dianalyn 11]

Lots of people do not realize that it takes your effort to lose and keep the weight off. I choose not to hear people give 100% credit for my future weight loss to the band. Nor to hear "you're not THAT big" I have told only my husband and one out of town friend who was banded herself. I may change my mind later.

[kah1213 311]

My surgery is on Tuesday. I told 2 people: my dad and 1 friend. Both know that this is a big deal for me and I can trust them not to say anything to anyone. Who knows how I will feel in the future, but for now I really want to do this for myself and don't want to tell many people. I love all my friends, but I don't really want to hear their opinions on my decision. LOL It's so easy for people to think, "oh that's the easy way out" but we all know this isn't an easy journey. Good luck!

[corilinn14 3]

I was banded this feb and to this day only my mom knows. People can tell I'm losing weight, but they also see the better food choices I'm making and that I talk about going to the gym. Part of me feels silly for keeping this secret, but I am a very private person. This is only a tool (like exercising and eating right) and not a magic bullet. Lots of people just don't get that.

In the end it's your call... I can see why you want to, but I totally understand why you think you shouldn't. Just know that if your family isn't ready to deal with their weight issues, they may feel this is a judgment on them. I know it isn't and so do you, but I know how my friends and family reacted when I said I was thinking about having wls.

My prayer is that you come to a decision that is right for you. Good luck!