Emotional Baggage Anyone?

[apreezy1 13]

So I guess this post is really just so I can get some fustration out. Maybe to just get it off my mind for the time being.

Let me first start off by saying 44 pounds in 4 months and 19 days I was pretty happy with that up until a few weeks ago.. My daughters great aunt came down from Maryland for a family outing a few week ago, The last time I saw this women I weighed at least 290-300 pounds that was a year ago right I had my sugery at 284. So 44 pounds Ive worked my ass off to lose and she says to me " Well You dont look like youve lost any weight at all".At That Moment My whole world came crashing down around me like some crazy horror movie, and it took everything I had not to burst into a frantic hysterical outburst of tears and pity.( okay well I sorta did when I got home, But i didnt infront of her). Now Im not new to the whole its a slow weight loss, it doesnt happen over night talks. I know this, The reason I opted for lapband was because Im still young and Im hoping when I finally get to where I want to be I might not need drastic amounts of cosmetic surgery, I wanted it to be slow and steady I dont want tons of nasty hanging skin everywhere( I know it will happen anyways, but I have my fingers crossed)

I know Im not alone, I know there are a lot of people going through this right now and maybe Im crazy or F'd Up? But the past few weeks my self esteem has bottomed out, for a while I wasnt weighing myself because when the scale didnt move I would get upset so i stopped but lately its become some crazy obsession everytime I see a scale I have to get on it. I stand in front of the mirror and just stare at myself thinking " gross" I look at my arms and stomach and almost cry. I had a fill almost a month ago and ive dropped those last 12 pound and part of me was like " hell yeah amazing job" and the other part of me just thought " oh wow is that all, not good enough" It just seems like Im picking myself apart and because I cant see a change I just get even more depressed. ( I take pictures so I mean I see the change, I just have this image burned in my brain of myself) I see the pictures I see the change but its just not registering?

Its hard to find people to talk to about this because all of my friends and family, they dont know the first thing when it comes to something like WLS, I try to explain that its just not registering with me yet, and I get the " You're so crazy, you look amazing and you're doing so great just shut up" Its nice to hear those things, dont get me wrong but its not really what I want to hear if that makes any sense at all. Maybe Im just Broken this week.

I attached 2 pictures one is from 4 weeks out and the other is 20 weeks out..

* really loud scream on the inside*

So anyone been through this, going through this, any uplifting advice?

Sincerly,

Bonkers!

[Shoshanna 98]

When this aunt isn't making unkind remarks to you does she get her jollies from pulling the wings off butterflies? Honey,if you will pardon a usually dignified older lady's language, f**k your aunt and the mule she rode in on. Toss the scale into the closet for a couple of weeks, use the mirror to reflect a smile and pride in your accomplishment, and concentrate on "hell yeah, amazing job."

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." She also said, "When you know to laugh and when to look upon things as too absurd to take seriously, the other person is ashamed to carry through even if he was serious about it."

Next time the Wicked Witch of the East makes a nasty remark to you, laugh outloud at her. She really is ridiculous, you know.

[farmgirl04 231]

You may not see a difference, but there is one, a HUGE one. You are looking great. Your aunt must have some major issues that cause her to make herself feel better by trying to stomp ontop of other people. Avoid her, if you can. Think of the old saying 'with friends like that, who needs enemies?'

[kmt1973 92]

First off, "hell yeah, amazing job!"

don't give that aunt power over you. For one, she must be blind. And two, shes hateful. I understand what you're going through. I've only lost 27 lbs, and when people say how good I look, I don't see it. The dang scales an obsession. But, I only weigh in the morn, the scale goes up mid-day. I'm so thankful for this forum bc even though I have a supportive family, they don't know what or how we feel about this. Sorry for the rabbit trail but I was trying to cover all I just read. Congrats on your victory so far!

[dee257 1,516]

wow i see a huge differance in you hun....your looking great....

Look like its your aunt that has the problem ...just saying no matter who would be so cold sounds like a jelouse person...

You keep doing what your doing cuz you are the winner....and yes its a tuff job...but oh so worth it....

~hugs~

[lawismylife 41]

So, I think there are people out there who just see someone overweight and whether they are 200 lbs or 300 lbs they will not notice a weight difference. So long as you are not thin. It would be easy for me to just say she's a b£€<<~, which could be true because she's missing a sensitivity chip, but there are some people like her out there and you have to learn how to deal with the fact that they are just ridiculous in that they can't see a difference.

My husband lost 100 lbs + with the band, but he still needs to lose a good 80+ pounds and has all his weight in his stomach so he still has that portly appearance. He gets down about the fact that some people don't say anything or complement him after not seeing him a while. But the fact is some people just generalize "fat" in their head and won't notice a difference until you're at goal. It's just the way some people are. The same way some people are. Ad about judging spaces and what furniture will fit where, just by looking at it.

You have to stop getting your reinforcement from those morons around you, and focus on the positive comments and your own noticing a change.

In myself, I really just started to really feel amazing, and I went from a size 22 pants to a 14. It takes a while but all the pounds add up and before you know it you're a very different person.

PS I would kill to lose 12 lbs in a month - I have lost 70 lbs in 1.5 years and it has been slow and steady. You'll get there!! You look great! And a smile works wonders

[clarks4willie 153]

First off! Great JOB!!! Im only a pre-op patient thus far, but it's been a steady 2 months of healthy eating , exercise and an emotional roller coaster. I've only lost 8.7 lbs, but feel amazing!!! I don't say 'diet' anymore. I tell everyone 'I'm getting healthy and ready for my fabulous 40's!!!' some days I wish I hadn't told people in doing the surgery. There are so many questions, I'm tired of repeating myself. And tired of explaining myself. I'm a grown woman and made a decision to change my life and my appearance just happens to go hand in hand with that! I have a few that are fully supporting me and a few that are totally against the WLS. Oh well for them. And shame on them for judging! The only one who will judge is the One who stands at the pearly gates above:) this aunt of yours defiantly has some self confidence issues. Jealousy truly is an evil monster. I feel certain people that are against the surgery is that they're scared someone will look better, thinner or prettier than than. It's a shame and very weak on their part.

Keep up the good work!!! Worry about YOU and it will all fall into place. Keep the Faith!!! (sorry for rambling lol)

[shrcumm 953]

Learn to ignore the negative energy you know some people where placed in our lives to be negative and discourage us!! She is completing her goal making you feel bad!! Learn to trust in God and ignore those who have no purpose in your life but to bring you down!! If they cant add positive to your life then delete them!!!! delete delete delete!!! I think you are doing a great job and look great and I dont even know you!!!!!!!

[apreezy1 13]

Thank you everyone ever so much for all you insipring and up lifting encouragement. Im going to start focusing on me and not worrying about everything and everyone else. You guys are awesome

[honk 780]

Screw her! She needed to take the energy to trivialize your work rather than just keeping her mouth shut.

[SashaWLS 412]

First of all, let me just say that I totally feel for you. I understand how you feel, understand how that set you off, and hope you can click back in the groove!!

But I think the issue for most of us, long term, is how do we all maintain focus and momentum WITHOUT external reinforcement... There will be a time when we've lost all the weight we need to lose, when people get used to seeing us thinner, when we're not the "news item of the week" anymore and are just dealing with our own day to day crap...

After being on Weight Watchers for many years and following the boards, I heard this from folks on maintenance over and over... "No one's complimenting me anymore, I feel so bad, I lost my motivation, now I just want to eat"...

I don't know what the answer is here for HOW to be ok without external reinforcement, but (without knowing her) I doubt your daughter's great aunt intended to be hurtful. Maybe you don't look like you've lost a lot of weight to her, because maybe she was expecting if you lost 44lbs you'd be skinny. Who knows what preconceived notions of what X pounds = X body shape she brings to the table. For people who have always been thin 44lbs is the difference between out of control fat, and thin. For those of us who had the surgery, 44lbs is a good solid start, but often not even halfway to goal!

But chin up. We're here for you and we can help reinforce you and you're doing AMAZING!!!!

[honk 780]

I have to disagree Junior I do think she said it to be mean. She's an adult in control of her faculties. She knew what she was saying and she said it.

I can't tell you how many times I've read comments on internet articles that said "Well great you lost 50 pounds but you still have TONS to go." REALLY. If you can't say something nice don't say it at all. Expecting someone not to be dismissive of you efforts (and that does'nt mean gushing over your loss. Just not demeaning it.) is reasonable.

[SashaWLS 412]

I have to disagree Junior I do think she said it to be mean. She's an adult in control of her faculties. She knew what she was saying and she said it.

You certainly could be right and I guess we'll never know, but I was making the assumption that if she's a grand aunt, that she is pretty old. In my family it's always the old bats who have a slightly warped and rigid view of their reality, and there's no telling what's going to come out of their mouths! My grandmother would have dropped dead from shock if she knew what I weighed... She was from the depression generation, which brings with it a whole different worldview...

[Skyvic 226]

I'm in my second year just a few months. In a size 12/14 from a size 24... I promise it will happen. Don't let the people who are jusgemental or jealous let u down...concentrate on the journey, I know it takes longer, hang in there. Sometimes people say hurtful things because they are people who are unsure or hurting themselves. U r going to do great!!!!

[Skyvic 226]

Honestly I have had a broken week too. Concentrate on all of your personal accomplishments even the little ones that only you recognize:)