ouch (a comment on appearance)

quakergirl · February 15, 2004

I just showed some online friends who had seen a "before" pic my "during" pic (taken a couple days ago). I am way too shy to post them here yet (still very sensitive about my appearance). Someday I hope to find the confidence to post them here too. :rolleyes:

One friend said, "Oh, you look so pretty. You really look thinner".

The other guy...who tends to be rather blunt...reacted with, "You don't look much different, do you?"

Of course, the less-flattering comment is the one that sticks with me. Ouch.

But I'm going to try to remember this as a source of motivation. Hopefully this will help me stay on track so I lose at least another 80 pounds. THEN he'll see the difference.

sassaay · February 15, 2004

Quakergirl,

When I feel as you do now, I try to remember a couple of things I have heard over the years:

1. Sometimes people (especially those of us who are overweight) have very low self-esteem and because of this... some of us find that we can only make ourselves feel better by putting down others.

2. A woman once told me that when others make comments that burn, it is there way of stealing your power. They sense you have something that they wish they possessed and they want it, so by making you feel badly, they in essence are able to "take" some of that away from you and give it to themselves.

You hang in there and remember that this is a journey, any lbs. lost are getting you one step further to a healthier and happier life. Don't let others steal your power. You have what it takes to succeed and you have already proven to your self with the wonderful job you have done thus far. Keep up the great work! :rolleyes:

leo · February 15, 2004

I also tend to remember the harsh comments more. My mom is the worse.... When I was only 155 lbs , she kept calling me fat... Thats the worse.

But I have learned not to care about what others think now. I am doing this for myself, I dont care what others say anymore.

quakergirl · February 15, 2004

Thanks, both of you. I really appreciate the support. :rolleyes:

It might indeed be an insecurity thing. This guy also has a weight problem and would probably qualify for lap-band surgery himself. The strange thing is that this guy seems to have some interest in dating me, so I'd think that he would be more enthusiastic about my appearance and weight loss. At least, that's what I expect from someone I would want to date.

People are strange!

FDATrialGuineaPig · February 16, 2004

Quakergirl, post your pic and let *us* be the judge of his remark!! :rolleyes:

Don't let it get to you--people usually have underlying motivation for the things they say. The important thing is how you feel about yourself. And can I say--wow--amazing weight loss!!

BEBBLY · February 16, 2004

Don't worry, when I first got banded and had lost about 8 lbs. (keep in mind I needed to lose about 50 total), my aunt -who did not know I had the band- came to our house. She said when are you going to lose weight? Well I very proudly said I have already lost 8 lbs. Her comment with a grin "oh you have so much more to lose that 8 lbs. does not make a difference, I couldn't even tell. You have to be on a diet for a long time before anyone notices."

At that moment, as much as I wanted to give her a black eye, I said "that's ok I will lose the weight but it seems to me that you could lose about 30 lbs. yourself, lets see who can do it quicker." I know it was a little unfair.

So here we are 6 months later, I have lost 42lbs. and I look great if I say so myself. Now every time she sees me, my father says to her, doesn't she look great, why don't you diet too, you're getting very heavy!

A lot of people use to comment on how I needed to lose weight, that I had such a pretty face hiding under the fat and etc......

now when I see those people, I say to them "have you gained some weight, you look a little rounder DEAR!"

I know it sounds mean but hay I took 34 years of comments and somethings got to give. But the best way to make people shut up is to look great.

Good Luck to you. Just stay focused.

Mary

MeganA · February 16, 2004

Quakergirl-

If you think the guy is interested in dating you- I'd wonder if he doesn't think you look great just the way you are...OR...that he thinks that you are "in his price range" right now because you are overweight and that after you loose weight you'll be way out of his price range.

Anytime someone says something unflattering, I always think that it has way more to do with that person and how they feel about themselves than it does me. I try to be compassionate and feel for them...it takes all the "it's all about me" thinking away from myself. Cause I'm a champion at that.

I think we are usually bothered most by what people say when we think they may be right. Be confident in yourself and those comments will roll right off your shoulders like water- because you'll KNOW that you're right.

Megan

donali · February 16, 2004

Ohhhhh, Mary!!!

I am just rolling on the floor, laughing! You go girl! I know, we're all going to hell, between your "mean" comebacks, Bright's "dieting tips" and my cheering you on (among other naughty things I do - lol)

I just SO love your story. :rolleyes: Thanks for sharing!

DeniseG · March 8, 2004

I know what your saying about holding on the the bad comments, it's harsh when someone says they can't see the weightloss, I have been pretty lucky in the fact that no one has done that since the band, I have a tendency when someone says"I can tell you have lost weight" and I haven't........to say "really? I haven't lost weight in a few weeks now" I have got to stop doing that, and just accept the compliment I guess. My husband and I have both had the surgery so, thank goodness we have a support system there with each other, but, I think he has become a little more insecure with my weightloss, that, I will lose it and leave him.......Definitely, not how I feel, he's the best thing that has happened in my life. Maybe that is what is wrong with the guy you are talking about, as one poster put.