A Positive Result From A Negative Situation

[Jenn1214 120]

Over the weekend, I realized that my weight loss really has changed my opinion of myself. Something that would once have hurt me and caused me to cry in a corner with a box of Oreos just made me shrug and go "Meh."

On Friday, my fiancé, who is an art teacher, was dealing with a student who is nothing but trouble. He's been pushing all the teachers' buttons and is defiant and obnoxious. He acts out constantly and seems to relish in the fact that he is generally despised by all the staff. Anyway, he found a new way to get my fiancé's goat by picking up a picture of me and him on vacation before I was banded and making comments about my weight. Supposedly my fiancé almost decked the kid and took steps to have him permanently removed from his classroom.

He called me up after the fact and told me what happened. His voice was shaking and he was ranting and raving about "How dare this little so-and-so say something like that about you?!" I was upset because he was upset, not because this obnoxious little snot rag called me fat. I calmly told my fiancé "Don't be upset. I'm not that person anymore and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Let it go." To me this is a HUGE leap forward, because after years of dealing with low self esteem and low self worth, I was finally able to look beyond personal criticism and see the person I really am. I'm not a fat person. I have lost both physical and emotional weight and it feels great!

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

you are 100% right. you are a gorgeous person all the way around. at that other weight and now this weight. and your BF is gorgeous because he loves YOU. that is what matters. proud of you for your confidence. can you put some in a jar and mail it to me please?

[chrissylu 153]

Jenn1214...that is such an awesome NSV. I have to admit...I still get perturbed at comments and actions like that. I just want to scream at people..."You don't like the way I look now??? You shoulda seen me 3 1/2 months ago!" But...it doesn't do any good to get angry over it. We only hurt ourselves when we react rather than respond. I may need to have tattooed on the inside of my arm so I don't forget what I just wrote. LOL.

[SashaWLS 412]

That's a great NSV, but I want to remind you that even if you were still fat, you're STILL not that person. Fat is something we do, not something we are. You will always be you, and you'll always be awesome and have value, regardless of what shape you show the world.

I also would like to offer a suggestion for your husband. Because this student is a kid, even if he's an older kid, this can be turned into a teaching moment... At some point, he could say "I know when you look at this photo all you see is a fat person, but that's because you're a teenager and don't know how to look beyond the surface. As you get older and your brain finishes growing, you'll be able to see more than just that." There's probably a way to tie this into an art lesson, about seeing beneath the surface, and trying to paint what's inside... Or whatever. But if he gets angry, he's telling the kid that he's right... And he's not. He just doesn't know.

[DizzyLizzy 21]

I don't think weight loss should change "who" you are. I'm a good person now at 270, I was a good person at 390. But I was not as healthy and active at 390 as I am now. And being healthy and active is what's made me a happier person. That's the only thing that has changed.

I never made a big deal about being fat or overweight. Maybe because I alway have been and always will be. But my weight, my size, doesn't define me. Never have, never will. I think more people should look at it that way.

I have a cousin who lost a lot of weight with lapband and she always looks at her old pictures, and "eeeeewwww" "yuck" "gross". She's gained the same mindset of the people who hurt her when she was heavier, can't see past the fat, and that's just not right, in my opinion. I look back at my heavier photos and think wow, I feel so much better now and wish I had taken my health more seriously sooner. And that's about it!

[TexasDy 53]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words in your story. I'm still 6 weeks before surgery but very much looking forward to people's comments no longer hurting quite as much.

I had a similar experience the night before my first consultation (what a coincidence!) - but with an adult. Going to start another thread with it... I think it's time to share that. Get it completely off my chest and let it go.

[kbliss78 123]

THis is a great thing! I loved reading this. We all want our husbands to be proud of their wifes. My hubby always says he loves me and the way I look. But I know that when the weight comes off for me, I will feel better knowing he has the wife on the inside and out that he deserves. Good for you for having that clarity and being proud of where you are at now.

You should "drop by" class one day and bring him lunch and show off that he has a awesome wife on the inside and out. Teenagers are so shallow

[Jenn1214 120]

Sasha - There is no getting through to this kid. He is a future criminal in the making and doesn't even respect or listen to his own mother, let alone a valuable lesson from my future husband. Pretty sad, really. And I definitely agree that fat is not something we are...it took getting banded to start learning that.

Lizzy - I don't think the act of losing weight has made me a different person, but the lap band journey certainly has. It has taught me that I am strong, that I can do something difficult if I really put my mind to it, and that I can be successful. These are things I never thought of myself when I was heavy.