Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

Before my weight loss surgery, I tried to anticipate who in my circle of friends and family might attempt to sabotage (with the most innocent and loving intentions) my weight loss effort. Since I share a home with an adult male who has a driver's license, a debit card, a hearty appetite, and easy access to all the junk food at Wal-Mart, fast-food restaurants and dozens of convenience stores, I warned him that I would need his help in keeping junk food out of our house. Although he's slipped up a few times, on the whole, my husband has been great in supporting my weight loss journey. Much to my dismay, I've discovered that JEAN is the worst saboteur in this household.

I've always liked to think that I'm a detail-oriented, logical, analytical person. I just hadn't noticed before that I frequently apply my (occasionally) brilliant mind to rationalizing the absolutely worst self-defeating actions. For example: I work with a dozen or so college students who are always hungry and always short of the cash, time, and willingness to cook for themselves. Since I have no (human) children of my own, I take care of these kids by baking for them. Brownies, Cookies, cupcakes, muffins...you get the idea.

But let's be honest now. Somehow those baking binges happen only when JEAN is in the mood for a sweet treat. Somehow it's OK for me to bake a batch of cookies and eat six of them as long as I take the rest to work for my adopted kids.

And it's extremely ironic that these kids never observe me eating sweets or junk food. I bring my own healthy food for lunch instead of running out to Taco Bell. I have the reputation of being a health nut, but little do they know about the spoonful of cookie dough that disappeared down my gullet before those cookies went into the oven. At a meeting the other day, I forgot myself. I picked a mini Milky Way candy out of a basket on the table and began to unwrap it. The youngster sitting beside me watched in alarm and exclaimed, "I think I'm going to faint!" Someone else said, "What's the matter, Sam, are you sick?" and she replied, "No! Don't y'all see? Miss Jean is eating candy! The world as we know it is ending!"

WHY DO WE SABOTAGE OURSELVES?

As I explained in Bandwagon, self-sabotage is the deliberate destruction of property or the hindrance of operations by an enemy. As you start your weight loss surgery journey, you might believe that your mother and her famous biscuits and gravy, or your husband and his pizza Palace Frequent Customer card, or your children with their 9:00 p.m. demands of "Mom, I need some cookies for our class Christmas party tomorrow", will be your worst saboteurs.

But beware! There is another saboteur who is with you 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Who is it? Go look in the mirror. The saboteur is you. That earnest, innocent face hides a food demon who is determined to prove what you believed for so long...that you are destined to fail at weight loss...that you don't deserve to be slim and healthy....that without your protective layer of fat, you'll be too easily hurt or too easily noticed...that once you're up on the Pedestal of Success, you'll lose your balance and tumble back down into obesity anyway while all your friends and enemies point and laugh at you.

Melissa McCreary wrote an excellent 2-part article about overeating and self-sabotage for the LBT WLS Magazine. Check it out here: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/topic/144909-overeating-and-self-sabotage-part-one/. It describes common erroneous (or dysfunctional) beliefs (“It’s not OK to be selfish”) and head-games (“I don’t have time to spend on activities that are healthy for me) that can trip you up. If you read Melissa’s article and even one of those beliefs or head-games sounds familiar, put that one up at the top of your to-do list.

Unfortunately, self-sabotage is sometimes disguised beyond easy recognition. If you’re feeling frustrated and not losing weight but you’re not sure why, take a look in your mental mirror. Some signs of self-sabotaging thinking are: jealousy (comparing yourself to others), extreme anxiety, negativity, procrastination, giving up easily, ignoring feedback, feelings of worthlessness, living in the past, blaming others, and the all-time favorite: DENIAL.

How can you overcome tough stuff like that? Professional counseling has helped me tremendously. Attending in-person support group meetings such as Overeaters Anonymous has also helped me. Checking in daily with my Accountability Partner helps me. What’s an accountability partner? I’m working on an article about accountability now, so watch for it!

[Humming Bird 275]

Thanks Jean! You bring up some very good points to toss around.

[Jerseygirl82 18]

Absolutely true. I am my own worst enemy. I am so mad that I have not lost more than I have but I know that it is me failing and not the band. I need more help. I need.....?

[Holly Dolly 575]

So true. Just last week I brought home 2 bags of pretzel M&M's for my hubby and girl.....yep, that's right! I ate half a bag myself!!! When I go to the grocery store, I swear I can hear the bags of cheese Puffs calling out my name. That's when I really have to practice self control and say to myself, "Step away from the cheese puffs"!!

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

I need more help. I need.....?

A kick in the butt? (just kidding!)

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

So true. Just last week I brought home 2 bags of pretzel M&M's for my hubby and girl.....yep, that's right! I ate half a bag myself!!! When I go to the grocery store, I swear I can hear the bags of cheese Puffs calling out my name. That's when I really have to practice self control and say to myself, "Step away from the cheese puffs"!!

I can't even look down the snack food aisle when I go food shopping!

[rhiafaery 3]

Brilliant. Thank you for this. I sabotage myself in ALL areas of my life, not just food. It's a pervasive issue with me, and one I think I am finally ready to really take a hard look at and figure out how to STOP. I have no idea how, but I am hoping that the knowledge and desire to do so will be enough to get me started...

[bets70 5]

Thank you for the food for thought....

[#MagicWithinme 173]

very true, what's one fat free pudding why not two? I can't eat a cinnabun but I can have a cinnashake. (mall food place that sells huge cinnamin Buns fresh made) hamburger, I only ate the bottom piece of bread, I did cut it in half but ate the other half at home. yes eating out of bordom. It's easy enough to tell hubby that when he's opening cupboards looking for that late night snack , but I have to remember as well. It's so easy to slip right back into the easier habits of eating. I have to learn to put the fork down inside of shovel food in like someone is gonna take it from me, I eat the right amount, just not the right speed. I talked to another bandster I know and we were talking, and she said after awhile "it's not even about looking good right now" and its true, for me and her, we are so busy trying to stay on the bandster wagon, we don't realize we are the ones driving sometimes. good luck to all of us. I gots to get back in the drivers' seat!

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

I gots to get back in the drivers' seat!

LOL! And hey, hop right in!

[melcat 18]

I do two things to try and keep junk food at bay. 1) I put my healthy Snacks in a different cabinet then all the other stuff and in the fridge I put my snacks at eye level and the others in the drawers. Yes I know the junk snacks are there but it takes much more thought to open up that drawer than just grabbing what is in front of me. By the time my hand is on the junk drawer I beat myself up (mentally) that 90% of the time I don't even open it. 2) I stay very busy, I find if I'm always moving and concentrating on exercise or other things food doesn't even come to mind.

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

I do two things to try and keep junk food at bay. 1) I put my healthy Snacks in a different cabinet then all the other stuff and in the fridge I put my Snacks at eye level and the others in the drawers. Yes I know the junk snacks are there but it takes much more thought to open up that drawer than just grabbing what is in front of me. By the time my hand is on the junk drawer I beat myself up (mentally) that 90% of the time I don't even open it. 2) I stay very busy, I find if I'm always moving and concentrating on exercise or other things food doesn't even come to mind.

Those a great strategies. I do something similar. I like Protein bars - they're like "legal" candy bars to me - so I don't keep them in the kitchen. To eat one, I have to walk all the way through the house, through a bedroom and a bathroom, to the storage room. By the time I get to the storage room, I've either forgotten what I made the trip for, or I've had enough time to consider whether I really need to eat that Protein bar!