Please Help! Son With Behavior Issues;

[Kryssa 1]

I fought the ADD label for my son for 2 years. I stayed up until 10 or 11 every night helping him with homework and watched him fall further and further behind until he was nearly failing. Finally, I asked his pediatrician for a referaal to a psychologist. After a couple of tests and a survey from his teacher, he was diagnosed with ADD, no question about it. Since beginning his medication he has been a stright A student with no behavior issues at all. I am still mad at myself for fighting it. On the other hand, the psychologist also diagnosed my daughter with ADD. She is in the exceptionally gifted program at her school and makes all As with an occasional B. I have not, and will not, medicate her. She is highly functioning; my son wasn't.

The point of the story is this: take the child to the psychologist to be tested. Take what they say with a grain of salt. Try a couple of methods or medicines they suggest. You will be able to figure out what works for you and your child. Good Luck.

[lapbander081004 7]

TEACHERS LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE....IT JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL.

Let me start off by saying that I LOVE teachers. They in my opinion should be the highest paid profession as they form the future. (and I don't say that because I teach at a local college)

But they need to stick to teaching. Oh I believe when they see things that need to be reported they do so. But they should not do the diagnosis on our children.

I spent thousands of dollars on two of my children that teachers insisted were ADD Kids....Turns out after many test that my kids were in fact not ADD...Honestly I don't think they liked the school settings. My son did poorly during the years he was continueally told by his teachers that he had problems. Once he graduated and enter the college setting he excelled in his studies and graduated with honors. My daughter was removed from High School after her junior year and was home schooled for her senior year. Fortunately I had the time to do this with her and she passed even my expectations. She also has gone on to college and is doing extremely well.

If there is an indication that your child has any type medical or mental health issues seek professional help.

[CCBSTX 0]

Whew! You have some wonderful advice from the other posters, especially Mandy.

Here's my info and advice: I have a 17 year old ADHD son, diagnosed at age 6 (bright, caring, average IQ, gifted in other areas). But we knew before...

Throughout the years, we've done diet changes, supplements, biofeedback, counseling, non-stimulant meds, stimulant meds, behavioral modifications, 504 modifications, and on.

I have a BA degree in El. Ed, and MS degree in Counseling. I was led into college and careers because of my search to help my dear son. I never wanted to regret not trying everything.

This is what I've learned: I am an expert on my son. All children are truly different and you will know in your gut, if something is working or not. Kids will be labeled one way or another (the hyper kid, the goofy one, etc). I was also afraid of the ADHD label, but I am no longer. Try what you feel is right and positive for your child. If medications work well and allow him to be the person he is proud of, then go for it. Communicate with the teachers at school and work hand-in-hand. Be consistent and clear with punishment. Reward good behavior.

I have much more to share. However, I don't want to overwhelm. If you have specific questions PM, and I'll be happy to share more.

Opinions of a Mom....Shawn

[Thinjen 0]

I have a son that just turned 6 and is kindergarten. When he was 3, we knew that he was having a hard time with speech. We had him tested. He was talking on an 18 month old level. So, we put him in speech therapy through the public school system. They are wonderful!! He was in preschool through the public school from age 3 till he started kindergarten. During that time, we noticed that he couldn't follow very simple instructions. He would just "zone" out. The only thing that could keep his attention were things that he considered fun. If it looked like "work", ie schoolwork- he couldn't focus enough to pay attention.

It was a gut-wrenching decision, but we knew that we had to put our pride away and do what is best for HIM. We didn't want him to have the ADD label, but we also didn't want him to fall further behind because of our pride. He was seen by a doctor, psychologist, counselor, teachers, and was officially diagnosed with ADD. He does not have a behavior problem. He is not hyper. We were lucky to figure it out so early. A lot of these kids that don't have the behavior issue "fly under the radar." They tend to fall behind and this is detrimental to their self esteem.

He is is special education 1/2 of the day at school.

This helps him to stay caught up in his regular classroom by giving him 1 on 1 attention from a teacher. Putting him in special education was so hard for us. My husband and I are both finishing graduate degrees, and the idea of having a child that needed extra help was so foreign to us. Reluctantly, we started him on Concerta 18mg and it has made a world of difference.

When we first put him in special education it was with the idea that "we'll do this for a few weeks and then pull him out." He is still in special education, and you know what, that's ok. Why hurt him for our foolish pride? He is a very bright child, he just needs some extra help. We are so proud of him and feel that we have made the right decision. It's been said that Einstein had ADD- although undiagnosed way back when. I think our children are in good company.

[vinesqueen 2]

My dear Spudboy was diagnosed as ADHD when he was in first grade. I did a lot of soul searching, not wanting to put him on ritalyn because my older brother abused his when we were kids. (raised by wolves and all.)

I took him to the specialists and finally realized that my baggage should not get in the way of my son's health and happiness.

When he was in High school he decided that he was going to take himself off all the meds, and worked really hard at anger managmenet techniques. He ended up being one of the most popular kids in his school with staff and students alike.

Do not let your baggage interfere with your son getting help, if that's what he needs.

And let's face it. Raising a kid with ADD or ADHD is no pic-nic. PM me if you like, I'll be happy to talk to you about our experience. We need all the support we can get.

[schel 0]

THANK YOU TO ALL!

We went for conferences last evening and yes the ADD/ADHD thing came up. Thought my husbands eyes were going to pop out of his head! I think he is in a state of denial. Which is ok, but I dont' want to keep dancing around the issue for my sons sake. I am going to get him tested to see what the profesionals think.

I am still unsure if this is a ADD thing or just a behavior thing. He had no problems until after winter break and not every day is a bad day for him.

I'll have to let the professionals do their job. I did get a name for a referral from the councler we saw yesterday and she said she is very good and not so quick to diagnosis unless absolutely sure.

Thanks again for all your support, my lap-band family is always here for me seems like. More than I can say for that parents forum I joined, not even a peep! You all have been very helpful and I appreciate all the helpful advise.

Schel

[NJChick 3]

Good luck and don't worry about your DH...he'll come around. Keep us posted on your son's progress.

Hugs

[Mvpo8961 1]

My soon to be 16 y/o daughter was diagnosed at the age of five with ADHD. She went through lengthy testing including EEG and other things. What really brought it home was when the pediatrician was going over the testing results with us and my daughter was in the conference room with us. She interrupted the doc probably 20 times or more in 15 minutes. Our pediatrician said that was more telling to him than any testing (the observing in a normal life situation). The behavior in a normal situation is more extreme for ADD/ADHD kids. I was also told the many parents have difficulty telling the difference between "normal" behavior and "ADD/ADHD" behavior. We have lived with it so long the lines have blurred but with ADD/ADHD behaviors are more extreme. Then we question ourselves. Like am I just being overly sensitive. Does that make sense? I don't know a parent yet that doesn't want their children to reach their full potential. You husband will come around. ADD/ADHD is a journey just like WLS. We all had to go through a process to get to where we could accept WLS. It is the same thing with ADD/ADHD and your family.

Most kids with ADD/ADHD are very bright. While the growing up years are/can be difficult the things that make them difficult are truly assests as an adult. I truly believe that the public school system can be difficult for the ADD/ADHD child. Many just can not deal with the cookie cutter school experience. My daughter was one of those. We ended up homeschooling her. She is now in high school making A's mostly. I used to think how would we ever get to the young adult years. It has been an experience but now we are emerging on the other side and I can say I really admire my daughter as a person.

Just know that there are others who have experienced what you are just starting and will support you along the way.

[pocket130 0]

I had the same problems with my son who is now 12 years old. We had him tested and he does have ADD. I feel it is better to know what your dealing with than to wonder. He had to have test in school and be seen by a neaurologist. Regarding the medications - we chose not to put him on any and found other ways to deal with the ADD. He is now in the 7th grade and get's B's and C's. We had to watch his diet. We kept a diary and when he ate something we waited a 1/2 hour and wrote what type of reaction he was having. Some foods triggered his aggressive, hyper spells such as the obviouse like soda, sugar, cake etc. but pizza also causes him to go into a hyper/aggressive spell.

Also, he has alot of energy and requires alot of attention. We had to sign him up for PAL football and that helped alot. He has so much energy that if he doesn't use it in a constructive way and will use it in disruptive way.

That's why i had to get banded to help keep him busy. We bowl, bike ride, he is into football, swimming, and rollerskating/blading.

It's hard without meds. but I believe it was the best for him. I don't like giving a child meds.

As he got older the aggressive/hyper spells became less and less.

Now he is 12 and has discovered girls l0l l0l l0l.

The best thing to do is find out for sure, then atleast you know what you are working with - you don't have to medicate him. If he is 6 and you choose not to medicate him it may take atleast a year or 2 to find out what triggers his aggressiveness and what you can do to help relieve it for him.

I hope this help,

pocket130

[Thinjen 0]

By the way, my husband, too, was in denial. It was so hard to convince him that his offspring was not "perfect." He came around though and we are so glad that we figured it out early.

We didn't want to put him on medication,either. Our pediatrician explained how ADD is biochemical. She went on to say, "If he was diabetic and needed insulin, would you let him have the insulin?" Of course, we would want him to have insulin. We tried Stratera first, because it is a non-stimulant. We were told that it works about 50% of the time. It didn't work for him.

Now he's on concerta 18mg. He only gets it on school days. We did conduct a "secret" experiment. He didn't take it during Christmas break. When he returned from break, we didn't give it to him for 2 weeks--without telling his teachers, to see if they could honestly tell a difference. We got a note home from the teachers asking if we changed his medicine. They said that he seemed "too medicated". That he could not focus. Actually, the opposite was true. Needless to say, we resumed the medicine and he's been doing great.

I think there is a stigma on giving these kids meds because ADD/ADHD does tend to be overly diagnosed by some docs. Some parents "diagnose" their children with it and never seek an honest medical opinion. They want to use the medications as a chemical babysitter. Just because a child is hyper, does not mean that they have ADHD. Let me tell you, if your child does have this and is properly diagnosed, some of these medications make a world of difference. The medicine doesn't change our son's personality. It just makes him able to follow directions and pay attention. He now is gaining confidence in his school work vs. how he used to be. He used to say, I can't do it...I'm not smart like the other kids at school. That is so heartbreaking. All parents have to do what they think is best for their children. All children are different. Go with your gut.

[Liamaroo 0]

Hello. I am a former special ed teacher and have had experience with many ADD kids. I have mixed feelings about meds, mostly because (in my case) the parents weren't educated enough about them. This isn't going to be the case with you!

Someone in an earlier post said it, the meds are for a condition, just like benadryl for allergies. The mistake comes with parents and teachers who imply that the meds make their children acceptable. The children don't undersand enough to know that they aren't bad, and don't need the meds to be good kids. Further, a lot of parents don't administer the meds consistently, or double up "when going to grandma's". Again though, obviously not a problem for those of you on this board. I only mention it because I think that's where a lot of the stigma comes from.

Another thought is that I encourage the evaluations, but feel that parents should not let the school evaluate. This is something that should be done privately. This way, the parents have the choice whether to share information with the school or not. Some schools are knowledgable and supportive, others are not.

Finally, there's no reason why you couldn't combine meds with natural approaches. There are many many causes for ADD, some as simply as food allergies, others as severe as brain injuries. Sometimes, there's no cause at all, it's just something that "is." Each child is different, so each approach will be different.

One final note. I had a student named A.J., who struggled with severe ADD and Dyslexia. He acted out in every social situation except on that baseball field. He felt as though he was a failure in everything - except baseball. Because of his ADD, he could attend to every player on the field at once, and because of his Dyslexia, he could visualize every possible direction in which the ball could go for each pitch.

[schel 0]

By the way, my husband, too, was in denial. It was so hard to convince him that his offspring was not "perfect." He came around though and we are so glad that we figured it out early.

We didn't want to put him on medication,either. Our pediatrician explained how ADD is biochemical. She went on to say, "If he was diabetic and needed insulin, would you let him have the insulin?" Of course, we would want him to have insulin. We tried Stratera first, because it is a non-stimulant. We were told that it works about 50% of the time. It didn't work for him.

Now he's on concerta 18mg. He only gets it on school days. We did conduct a "secret" experiment. He didn't take it during Christmas break. When he returned from break, we didn't give it to him for 2 weeks--without telling his teachers, to see if they could honestly tell a difference. We got a note home from the teachers asking if we changed his medicine. They said that he seemed "too medicated". That he could not focus. Actually, the opposite was true. Needless to say, we resumed the medicine and he's been doing great.

I think there is a stigma on giving these kids meds because ADD/ADHD does tend to be overly diagnosed by some docs. Some parents "diagnose" their children with it and never seek an honest medical opinion. They want to use the medications as a chemical babysitter. Just because a child is hyper, does not mean that they have ADHD. Let me tell you, if your child does have this and is properly diagnosed, some of these medications make a world of difference. The medicine doesn't change our son's personality. It just makes him able to follow directions and pay attention. He now is gaining confidence in his school work vs. how he used to be. He used to say, I can't do it...I'm not smart like the other kids at school. That is so heartbreaking. All parents have to do what they think is best for their children. All children are different. Go with your gut.

ThinJen,

I am following through with my gut, mostly because like you said if it was something like diabetes, I would want him on medication for that, as well as like depression. To bad these kids have got such a bad label for this diagnosis. I certainly see things through a different pair of eyes now.

As with death, any illness can indeed bring on the DABDA grieving process.

I went through it with my illness 3 years ago which changed our lives forever. And now in a sence, we are in the DABDA process now.

In a way I am glad I have moved on from DENIAL to ACCEPTANCE in the grieving process. However, my husband is still in the DENIAL mode of the grieving process, he will come around. At least he is attending the psych and Dr. appointments with me on this issue.

I'll keep in touch and chat soon, gotta go for now.

Schel

[porclndoll 0]

Hey there. I have an eight year old boy with Down Syndrome...and I worked with a student in the high school with Hirshburghs Syndrome which is a form of ADD, on the lower spectrum. I understand your concerns about medication and I SOOO understand they husband thing.

I wanted to chime in here with one thing and I apologize if its been mentioned.....I have like a milla second to make this post and get off the computer.

Please check out a book called the Out of Synch Child. Its all about sensory dysfunction and techniques to deal with a child that is "out of synch" and has controll issues........Its all delt with by stimulating and soothing physical activities. I do this stuff with my child and it is also addressed with his physical therapists and occupational therapist.

The readers digest version is a kid can't always process everything going on around them. There maybe too much light, sounds, activity and thats what makes them out out. Their little sensory system goes bazerk. Imagin being in a room with a radio on really loud, playing nothing but static, the lights flickering off and on, people talking and moving around, your standing on one foot and then YOU need to concentrate on filling out a paper. Sometimes kids can't process everything around them and they act out. Learning different soothing techniques saved me and my son at bed time!!!! Techniques such as joint compression and massage....BIG TIME LIFE SAVERS. We use to do brushing therapy with my son where a soft brissle brush, like a surgical scrub brush was used on his whole body...it was wild. I freeked out when they said here, brush your kids skin with this....but as I learned, it definately did help.

Okay, I gotta jett....but PLEASE check it out. I am sure you can google sensory dysfunction and come up with a bunch of information. If your son has ADD then this would benefit him greatly. Even if your son DOESNT have ADD some of these techniques STILL may be helpful!!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU