Please Help! Son With Behavior Issues;

[schel 0]

:help: I am writing to ask if anyone here has a child diagnosed with ADD. I posted on a parents forum, but have not got any feedback yet and thought everyone here has always been so helpful maybe I should ask here.

I have a child which is 6 years old, and having behavior issues in school such as listening, talking out of turn, arguing with other kids, easily distracted with certain subjects, (not all subjects) and problems following directions in gym, (which is not his favorite thing). He also argues with his dad and I at home.

I have done some reading on the internet, and I am leading towards the ADD thing in which I am scared to death to have my kid tagged with the diagnosis. What do you do though? Fight it, or accept it?

I also did research on diet and herbal meds. (See what I wrote below.)

I am to say the least STRESSED because of all of this.

My husband refuses to accept that his behavior problems in school could be the start of ADD.

I tried to have my husband read with me about ADD, but he is dead set against our son being "tagged" with the ADD label and not to say the least, the meds these kids are put on.

Anyone have any suggestions on what I should be looking for exactally, please let me know.

I also have questions on herbal remedies.

I went to a web site www.nativeremedies.com and did some reading about two meds named BRIGHTSPARK and FOCUS . Has anyone heard of these?

Anyone tried these or have experience with these?

If so any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Please know that I would never put my child on anything without talking to my peds doc first. We are also going to start some family councling tomorrow and I plan on asking the Psych. I am not at all excited about the med thing if thats what things come down to either.

I know this is a lot, but I really appreciate all and any feedback I could get.

Thanks again,

Schel

--------------------

[paula 4]

Schel,

ANYTIME I have problems with my kids regarding school - I talk to: 1. the teacher 2. school counsler.

These people see my child MORE then I do.

His teacher should give you a better idea if ADD is what he has. Does he daydream alot? Thats a BIG indicator.

Herbal meds - yes! Ive heard good things about Focus. One Ive used is called Attentive Child by Source Natural. Definately would recommend this one....

Good luck!

[the best me 6]

Schel, you are smart ot post here, and I'm sure you will get wonderful feedback. If I (or someone) can find some links to old threads about childrearing (they are out there!) I'll post them.

I have a 6yo daughter in the 1st grade. I have long been of the opinion that the development of Self-Control at a young age is crucial. My son is 3 and we are working hard on things like having patience (making him wait for what he asks for...manners, etc) so maybe some research in that area would be helpful?

I don't know you or your family, but I'm sure you are wonderful parents who only want the best for your son. Whatever you do, make sure you are both in agreement (you and hubby). Life is hard enough without being in agreement with your spouse about the kids.

Good luck. Let us know how the family counseling goes.

[~c~ 1]

I am having the exact situation.

My son is 7.

I will do EVERYTHING in my power to not go the med route.I want to research concentration techniques as well as social techniques.Impulsivity is one major indicator in ADD.He just cannot remember to take a moment if a kid pushes him,he won't stop to use words but will push him right back.

He is VERY smart.He likes to read,math, science.BUT has problems staying quiet in class.Waiting his turn to answer.If there is alot of group activity or change in routine it throws him off.He has trouble with his tone of voice(respect) when he talk to people,especially if he becomes frustrated.

My doctor explained that meds are a last resort.They tend to try and teach the techniques to concentrate and control emotions first.If however they are needed they are suppose to enhance they skills he learns.

I found that the research from the net was pretty much the same and medical intervention such a phyc or social worker is needed.My son sees a child social worker every thursday at school.We use a duotang to track his days.Motivate him by using special activities as rewards.It is said that extra activities that require no concentration but high level of activities are helpful(hip hop class,gymnastics,soccer.)But not sport with alot of waiting times in between play.

The whole situation is very stressful for me as i want my son to be the best he can.He just really cannot on his own.His behavior was first noticed in kindergarden and has gotten progressivly worse over the last 2 grades.It is hard to dicipline because of course if he does have ADD he cannot take ALL the blame as opposed to someone without ADD?(does that make sense?)

Please e mail me if you would like to keep in touch.

Chantal

[LivinNY 0]

Hi Schel..

First...If you feel your child may have ADD you need to have your child evaluated by a qualified doctor. If the doctor feels your child may have ADD you need to have the school district do an evaluation and put into place the services he may need. I know this sound a lot but you need to do what is right for your child... not you.

What I mean by that is DON'T worry about your child being labeled!... you will only be hurting your child!.. your child is young and if he doesn't get the right intervention now he will suffer thoughout his entire life...

I have a son with Cerebral Palsy... so I have been there done that..

If you have any questions please ask... your son is very young right now.. and it is hard to deal with the fact that he may or may not have a problem. But you need to do what is right for him.

[NJChick 3]

ADD and ADHD runs like wild fire in my family.

My Mom, Sister, ME, 5 nephews & neices and now I'm keeping an eye on my DD who's 4 years old.

You definitly need to have your son tested by a professional. This is the best thing you can do for him. He can not understand why he acts the way he does. All he know's is that he is being labeled as "trouble" "problem" which we both know, he is neither. He just needs the right help. I've seen so many family member stuffer so. I wish there was help when I was growing up because I spent my entire school years thinking I was just to stupid to learn.... talk about low self-esteem.

I've read that some kids will grow out of ADD and some won't. I have noticed in the past 25 years a big change in ADD ADHD medications. They are much better now than 25 years ago. There are several and its just a matter of getting the right one.

Our kids and adults have had good luck with Adderall, as it seems to have less of a drop off effect than Ritalin (which I don't like).

Some people feel that diet is a big contributor.

Your a good Mom, keep researching, get all your info together and get to a doctor. Then and only then will you be able to come up with ways to help your son.

Good luck and give that little guy a big ol hug from me. He's gonna be just fine.

[mrycrltn 2]

My son has ADD. He has been on medication since 1stgrade. He is now in the 5th. He had all the same problems you have discussed. The school wanted to hold him back a year, and I said no. I wanted the medicine to have a chance to work. He got it the end of 1st grade. Well to make a long story short, he is A-B honor roll and doing great.

I would talk to the doctor, and the teachers. There is help.

[HunnyBun 2]

I have experience with a very hyper, easily ticked off child. My son has been in school for 3 years and the teacher complained about him a lot. He didnt like to listen, didnt do his work, so easily distracted. I had problems at home too.

One thing you have to remember is that ADD is not that bad. It's not a mental illness, he isn't 'crazy' and will most likely grow out of it. It's temporary and does get better. If this is what is happening with your little boy, definately accept it and work with him. He needs help, not denial.

The one thing that has worked with my son is reward. I reward good behavior daily, and most of the time it works wonders. I remind him in the morning 'be a good boy, do all your work, listen to your teacher and after school we can go to the playplayce' etc. Things like this teach children that they have to work in order to get something good. If he doesn't behave well, don't take him. If he cries about it, let him.. but don't cave.

Second thing that is so important is NEVER EVER threaten him with a punishment and then don't follow through. This is the worst thing you can do for your child. I know that giving punishments sucks and no momma wants to do it, but when you don't follow through, you're harming your child. Give punishments that will make him unhappy, like taking away his favorite toys, not allowing tv for 2 days, no videogames for a week. Children need restrictions and without them, they think they can do whatever they want.

Often kids will say things like 'I hate my life' of 'I want to die' and this is not a crisis, they aren't depressed. Children who say that, especially under 10 years old, say it because they dramatize every emotion, and this is normal. They often dramatize good emotions, saying things like 'This is the best day of my life!'. Don't be alarmed if a child responds in this way to being punished. DOn't back down, instead explain that they can be good tomorrow and the punishment will go away.

Don't make it too easy on your child. He needs structure and he needs to be praised. Be firm with punishments, and reward good behavior.

It is a lot of work and requires full commitment from both parents and other family members, but a child with add needs more positive attention.

Also, please please don't ever make your child feel guilty. Don't say things like 'because of you, now daddy is mad at me' or 'you make me angry all the time, why cant you just be good?'. Children don't deserve guilt, they are too innocent for that.

One last thing, don't punish him for being angry, he is expressing emotions, not misbehaving. Instead try to calm him down in a loving way. Give him a hug and a kiss and say somethign comforting like 'I know you're angry about your punishment, but I love you very much and you're my favorite boy in the world. Now lets go read a book'. This often works.

Good luck. I know it takes so much work that it can be exhausting for parents, but just a few weeks can make a major difference.

Maggie

[Mariposa Bella 3]

The one thing that has worked with my son is reward. I reward good behavior daily, and most of the time it works wonders. I remind him in the morning 'be a good boy, do all your work, listen to your teacher and after school we can go to the playplayce' etc. Things like this teach children that they have to work in order to get something good. If he doesn't behave well, don't take him. If he cries about it, let him.. but don't cave.

Second thing that is so important is NEVER EVER threaten him with a punishment and then don't follow through. This is the worst thing you can do for your child. I know that giving punishments sucks and no momma wants to do it, but when you don't follow through, you're harming your child. Give punishments that will make him unhappy, like taking away his favorite toys, not allowing tv for 2 days, no videogames for a week. Children need restrictions and without them, they think they can do whatever they want.

Don't make it too easy on your child. He needs structure and he needs to be praised. Be firm with punishments, and reward good behavior.

It is a lot of work and requires full commitment from both parents and other family members, but a child with add needs more positive attention.

Also, please please don't ever make your child feel guilty. Don't say things like 'because of you, now daddy is mad at me' or 'you make me angry all the time, why cant you just be good?'. Children don't deserve guilt, they are too innocent for that.

One last thing, don't punish him for being angry, he is expressing emotions, not misbehaving. Instead try to calm him down in a loving way. Give him a hug and a kiss and say somethign comforting like 'I know you're angry about your punishment, but I love you very much and you're my favorite boy in the world. Now lets go read a book'. This often works.

Good luck. I know it takes so much work that it can be exhausting for parents, but just a few weeks can make a major difference.

Maggie

This is wonderful advice and it works.. My son is turning four next week and for the last year and a half, we have struggled with similar behavioral issues. I too was very concerned about him and even posted here and asked for advice. It got so bad, that I had to take him out of preschool to a home daycare, that didn't work, his behavior just worsened and his babysitter said she could no longer handle him.. I had to put him back in preschool. The behavior just got worse and worse and I thought that maybe he was ADD. He was changed to a different teacher who worked with me on following through with consequences for bad behavior, consistency and lots of praise for tasks well done. This has worked wonders. Every morning when I take him to school I have to remind him to be good, to listen to his teacher and to pay attention. And I especially tell him how proud I am of him that he is such a good boy. And when I pick him up in the afternoon, we count all his happy checks on the board and I high five him for an awesome day. Or if he had happy checks removed we talk about what happened and how we can improve on that or not do that again. It has made such a difference. Of course, he is a little boy and some days are better than others, but for the most part, we have lots of happy checks everyday.

He is so cute, because I tell him how proud I am that he is doing well in school and he is behaving. Now, when he tells me he loves me, he says,

"I love you mommy and I'm proud of you."

[schel 0]

I knew all of you would come through for me!

I APPRECIATE all of your great advise and help on this issue.

PLEASE keep writing and I'll keep reading. This has helped me tremendously. SIGH.....

Paula,

I would be more interested in hearing what you have heard about Focus.

Thanks again for all your support, I am going to print out everything here and bring it with to my councling this afternoon. I will definately let you all know how things go.

Schel

[piercedqt78 658]

I started having problems with my 4 year old daughter last fall. The ped. said to take her to a conselor. The conselor sent hrer to a psychatrist (sp?) and he sent her for more tests then I can count. We spend the entire Christmas break at the hospital having different test. The EEG came back positive for seizures. Her brain was having seizures and her body was not, there were no outward symptoms at all. Because she felt like she was losing control of her body she started acting out. The behavior became so bad I asked my doctor to give me something to help me cope. She now sees a neurologist and is on zoloft to help her deal with the panicky feeling that the seizures brought on (she will get over this eventually and be able to stop the zoloft) and she is on depakote. I am not saying that your child has seizures, but if we hadn't taken the next step, going to the psychatrist, she would still be suffering. I was hesitant to put her on zoloft, there are some scary things being said about kids on zoloft but I agreed because it was best for her. She is like a totally different child now, she goes to bed when she is told and she actually picks up her own mess without having to be told. There are no more "wars" in our home. We have our little girl back and we owe it all the the wonderful care and suppot that we receive from our medical team.

One other story for you, I hope this helps. I have a nephew that is 9 he has ADHD and takes adderal XD everyday. In the summer he has to go to his dad in another state and dad says he doesn't need meds, he is just an active growing normal boy. When he comes home 2 weeks before school starts he begs my sister to put him back on the meds, he says that he only feels in control of his mind on the meds. Without them he says his mind spins and he is confused about things that he should know and understand.

Sometimes it is hard to admit that our children have problems. I was told that there was a realy good chance that my sweet baby had a brain tumor. I was so scared but it turned out ok, my husband didn't want to talk about it or even admit there was a problem until the tests were all finished. I talked to my mom and sister and told them what was going on and found great support, my husband didn't talk to anyone and he struggled to even look at our baby without breaking into tears. Without the support of my LBT family and my biological family I would have had a breakdown, I am sure of that. If you are having problems with your son, get him tested and if he has ADD or ADHD then join a support group of other parents with the same issues. This is not just about your son, but the whole family. Every one is affected by his behavior therefore everyone is affected by whatever is troubling him. Please, get him tested, you might findout that it is easier then you think to have your little boy back. ~Mandy

[tracey anderson 0]

Hi,

I have a few things to say first off would it be in the End of the world if your child has ADD NO would it be better for him to have Meds if he has it YES why because they will make him feel better about himself!!! Do you think he likes not being able to sit and listen like the other class mates do. Do you think he does not know he is different and do you think he can help himself. I have a 8 year old son that has ADD we took him to a behavioral Dr. when he was only 4 because Im a in home daycare provider and could just tell that he had things going on. Yes he was only 4 he has been on Meds since he was 4. He is very slow in school about a year behind he is in special classes at school. We just took him to a 2 day testing that cost over 1700 dollars for all of this. It is very sad to know as a parent that your child could have a condition a life long condition but just think what you have done to help yourself with your weight condition and know that you would only be helping him just like you are helping yourself. He will feel better about himself and as he gets older he will only notice more and more that things about himself are different .So just remember that know matter what you will be helping him and you have to put aside the worries about labels from others. And believe me if he feels better things at home will get much better for everyone. Good Luck , Tracey

[JulyBandster 1]

How about a teacher's perspective? I work in elementary schools, with kids in grades K - 5. I see MANY parents fight the labeling of ADD/ADHD, and that is understandable to a degree. However, I see what happens when parents do that.......I see the kids when they are left back a grade, or are needing to be placed in a resource room situation rather than a regular classroom due to their lack of control - yes, even the very smart kids with ADHD! An example: I am working with a family that has one child, a boy, who now is 11 years old in 5th grade, with an IQ of about 130, upper average. He has struggled with school since Kindergarten. Nice little boy, who WANTS to do well, but can't help it when his impulse is to yell out an answer, or to turn the game board over when he is losing....things that don't work well in a public school! He is receiving Cs and Ds, and there is discussion of having him repeat the year....he's been so unavailable to learning.........His teachers reached out to parents each year, asking parents to have him evaluated. Unfortunately, he couldn't sit through the school evaluation long enough for the results to be valid. Parents don't want to medicate, even though his family pediatrician believes he has ADHD. They wanted to try hypnosis, the FienGold Diet (from the 70s--eliminates sugar, etc..), nutritional supplements.....each year it was something new and different. Meanwhile, his grades have absolutely plummeted - parents are not hurting for money, so they hired a homework tutor every day so that they could remove themselves from that battle; his peers laugh at him, and he sits alone at lunch time because he seems so different to the others; doesn't do well on team sports since he is so impulsive; was recently suspended when he snapped a classmates bra strap cause someone told him to do it, and he lacks the impulse control to stop and evaluate;

How sad is all of this? He asks his parents for medication so he can be like the others.....just breaks your heart, yet the parents don't believe in medication.

I see many kids throughout my day who are on meds that might be able to handle contracts, charts and stickers....but as they get older, these aren't as helpful to kids, and contrary to what someone wrote earlier, this generally doesn't "go away" and they don't tend to "grow out of it." What happens, is they stop making the growth their peers continue to make, and are kept apart from the group, making them feel like outcasts....grades suffer, and many have to stay back because they have no sped help, and no medication to help - so they learn to self medicate, with drugs, alcohol, food.....pick your poison!

Instead, with help from professionals, these kids learn how to help themselves with organizers, check in/check out in school, extended time given for tests and assignments....but not if the child isn't identified as having ADHD. If you hide from it, nothing good will happen, that I can guarantee you!

I have a lot of experience working with kids and families dealing with ADHD...can you tell have a lot of passion about this subject? I'm not promoting medication, but just warning that if it really and truly is ADHD, medication can work wonders..........and doesn't need to have the stigma many wish to attach to it.

I had a student a couple years ago that by the time he had reached 5th grade, he wasn't able to complete any homework independently, was failing many subjects......friendship issues....parents finally decided to try meds. They tried one, and it caused eating issues. Tried another, didn't work well. Almost ready to give up, and tried another---this was the winner! The child commented to me, "Mrs. K, the room stopped spinning! I hear your voice so clearly now-" Wow - how powerful is that? (ADD kids often have trouble isolating noises - they hear everything all the time and aren't sure how to tune in to one thing and let the others fade...) This kid had been so unavailable to learning for so many years - he had a lot of catching up to do! Last I heard, he was making honor roll! Talk about success...........

A good source of information is Dr. Hallowelll.........can't recall the books he's written at the moment - it's been a long day already, lol! But if you do a search on him, you should come up with a couple books he's written. I believe he equates kids with ADD needing their meds just like a diabetic needs their insulin..........it's a brain chemical interferences, and it's cruel to assume they can themselves can "fix" it with just a behavior modification chart, or something along those lines.........

Feel free to email me any questions - I can be a bit long winded about this stuff! :nervous

[hchandler2005 0]

I agree 100% with Amy (Julybandster). If your child truly does have ADD, the medication will work wonders for him. You may need to spend a little time finding the right med, but once you do he will be so much happier. I am a teacher and it is heartbreaking to see a child struggle so much when it could all be helped with medication. You would not deny your child medication for an illness or glasses for impaired vision, why deny medication for something that is not at all in his control.

One other thing. Someone else posted that they reward their child each day for good behavior. This does work well for some children, but it can also be helpful to steer clear of this if possible. If we reward children now for behaviors that are expected of them, they may struggle as adults to behave appropriately when there are no rewards. Maybe if the child has a good day the whole family can play a game or he can pick dinner. Just my opinion. Have him evaluated by a professional and go from there. You will be amazed at the results! :clap2:

[Mita 2]

Hi Schel,

What you described about your son was the very same thing I went through with my Son 2 yrs ago. I had so many complaints from the school teacher that it was horrible. I went to school everyday. We talked non stop with my son and to no avail. I finally broke down and took him and got him evaluated. They came back with ADHD. But I continued to fight it and would not medicate my son even though I had the results. I am not for medicating so I turned to herbal stuff. It did not work for us - to tell you the truth I was just dragging my son and his self esteem down with my not wanting to medicate him. Anyway each child is different and he does have ADHD and has been on medication (Concerta) My husband does not even want to deal with it but I not only got him help in the dept but I also changed his school. The teachers have been such a great help in talking to him everyday and rewarding good and bad choices. I cannot say enough. But my little guy is on the way to being a fine Gentleman but it does take a team effort to get them to a point that they feel good about themselves and not have everyone harping on the way they act which is out of their control.

I wish you all the best and hope that what ever you do it works for him.

Let me add it took several rounds of different medications to find the right one.

We started with Stattera, Dexidrine and now Concerta

Concerta seems to work better for him since he only needs to be controled in school - at home he is your normal - average - energetic child.