For Those At Or Near Goal - Annoying

[CTMom 6]

While I am ecstatic to be so close to my ultimate goal, I have been encountering rather annoying comments from family and coworkers to "not lose any more weight or I'll be TOO SKINNY!" The implication in their words and tone is that I obviously couldn't control my weight pre-banding so I probably cannot control becoming too thin now. I don't know if it is supposed to be a backhanded compliment, but it frustrates me because it belittles my efforts and my hard work. I have lost almost 80 lbs and at 130 and 5'2.5" am truly in no danger of becoming too skinny. My goal of 125 is well within (even on the high side) of normal BMI and I am healthy. So why do I feel the need to defend myself? And what do I say to them? Yes, I realize it's a nice problem to have but I want them to back off!

[Fabulous Sasha 5]

I get the same reaction and I am no where near my goal - and no one knows I have been banded. I do understand what you mean when you say it slows your progress in getting to your goal because it does. There is a voice in the back of your head that says - Do I really need to loose anymore weight?? My response to that voice most of the time is - people do not know how I look with my clothes off. And until "I" am satisfied with my weight - I will continue loosing. At this point, you have a tool that assisting you to loose - use it to your advantage. On the flip side, I do believe I would exercise more if I did not get that reaction from people - which would speed up my progression in my weight loss.

It's all about RESTRICTIONS!!

[Sojourner 2,446]

I would thank the individual(s) for their concern for your welbeing and welfare, and then politely tell them that you are an adult and perfectly capable of making your own decisions about your weight and all other matters relating to your health.

It's all about having healthy boundaries with others, even family members. You should not have to feel as though you are required to defend your choices. If you empower yourself to set those boundaries, then you are being appropriately assertive with others, and you should not feel defensive.

I hope that this information helps...

[Jachut 487]

Well, the voice in my head is nowhere near as functional or healthy as one that questions whether a nice well covered BMI of 25 is healthy enough, a great achievement and easily maintainable. The voice in my head says "stop eating you fat pig, youi're disgusting, you're fat, lose more weight". I'm 5ft 10 and 145lb or so, give or take. I have been lower and I know I cant maintain it without a tight lapband and very small food intake, and that's not healthy forever. So I do have to stop here.

But people saying it annoys me. Cant they see my enormous thighs? Cant they see that I'll always be the 5ft 10 "big girl" and that I just want to shrink and shrink until I actually am 5ft 3 and cute and curvy? Cant they see that I've still got a few bulges and bits that arent perfect?

Obviously not. But I wish I could see myself how they see me.

Nonetheless I think people say it becuase you barely ever see anyone lose significant weight, enough to really change how they look. It freaks them out. They cant picture how you could lose anymore. People are bigger nowadays, they've lost sight of what "normal" looks like. We accept that after babies and when middle age hits, women are going to get squidgy. I know that me watching what I eat (and succeeding) and running or spinning every day gets right up several people's noses because it simply highlights to them that their own well cushioned rears and flabby tummies are a diect result of their own failure to maintain those same behaviours so they lash out at me for it.

I love the school I work out now. An entirely female staff with a male principal, most between 30 and 50 and at least 3/4 of us all really into fitness. We can sit and talk about who's doing the next fun run and who is a member of what gym and what classes they do and everyone eats well and its amazing. Nobody there knew me fat and nobody there tells me I'm too skinny.

Its really just the shock of seeing you actually shrink that prompts it I think.

[1shauna1 129]

I would tell them that your weight is something that you've discussed with your doctor, and he is fine with it. You're healthy and fit now. I think when you put a doctor in there, it often shuts them up! Don't take it personally as they're suggesting you won't be able to control it. If you were big for a long time, they aren't used to seeing you thin now (especially those who don't see you that often).

[CTMom 6]

Thank you all so much for your responses and support! I think you are all right - I need to be firm (I usually have no problem with this at all in any aspect of my life, but I am just floored b/c I have never had people tell me I am too skinny ever!) and let them know it is under control, healthy, monitored by my doctor, etc.

And I think Jachut is right about how people rarely see significant weight loss. And honestly what they are doing is comparing the former 200 lb me with the 130 lb me and of course there is a dramatic difference. Whereas, if they compared the 130 lb me with another healthy 5'2.5" tall 130 lb woman they would see I looked "normal." Does this make sense? Like if they had never SEEN the big me I would look normal to them!

Really, I just need to smile and say "thank you" for any compliments and leave it at that.