Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

For Those At Or Near Goal - Annoying



Recommended Posts

While I am ecstatic to be so close to my ultimate goal, I have been encountering rather annoying comments from family and coworkers to "not lose any more weight or I'll be TOO SKINNY!" The implication in their words and tone is that I obviously couldn't control my weight pre-banding so I probably cannot control becoming too thin now. I don't know if it is supposed to be a backhanded compliment, but it frustrates me because it belittles my efforts and my hard work. I have lost almost 80 lbs and at 130 and 5'2.5" am truly in no danger of becoming too skinny. My goal of 125 is well within (even on the high side) of normal BMI and I am healthy. So why do I feel the need to defend myself? And what do I say to them? Yes, I realize it's a nice problem to have but I want them to back off!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get the same reaction and I am no where near my goal - and no one knows I have been banded. I do understand what you mean when you say it slows your progress in getting to your goal because it does. There is a voice in the back of your head that says - Do I really need to loose anymore weight?? My response to that voice most of the time is - people do not know how I look with my clothes off. And until "I" am satisfied with my weight - I will continue loosing. At this point, you have a tool that assisting you to loose - use it to your advantage. On the flip side, I do believe I would exercise more if I did not get that reaction from people - which would speed up my progression in my weight loss.

It's all about RESTRICTIONS!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would thank the individual(s) for their concern for your welbeing and welfare, and then politely tell them that you are an adult and perfectly capable of making your own decisions about your weight and all other matters relating to your health.

It's all about having healthy boundaries with others, even family members. You should not have to feel as though you are required to defend your choices. If you empower yourself to set those boundaries, then you are being appropriately assertive with others, and you should not feel defensive.

I hope that this information helps...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, the voice in my head is nowhere near as functional or healthy as one that questions whether a nice well covered BMI of 25 is healthy enough, a great achievement and easily maintainable. The voice in my head says "stop eating you fat pig, youi're disgusting, you're fat, lose more weight". I'm 5ft 10 and 145lb or so, give or take. I have been lower and I know I cant maintain it without a tight lapband and very small food intake, and that's not healthy forever. So I do have to stop here.

But people saying it annoys me. Cant they see my enormous thighs? Cant they see that I'll always be the 5ft 10 "big girl" and that I just want to shrink and shrink until I actually am 5ft 3 and cute and curvy? Cant they see that I've still got a few bulges and bits that arent perfect?

Obviously not. But I wish I could see myself how they see me.

Nonetheless I think people say it becuase you barely ever see anyone lose significant weight, enough to really change how they look. It freaks them out. They cant picture how you could lose anymore. People are bigger nowadays, they've lost sight of what "normal" looks like. We accept that after babies and when middle age hits, women are going to get squidgy. I know that me watching what I eat (and succeeding) and running or spinning every day gets right up several people's noses because it simply highlights to them that their own well cushioned rears and flabby tummies are a diect result of their own failure to maintain those same behaviours so they lash out at me for it.

I love the school I work out now. An entirely female staff with a male principal, most between 30 and 50 and at least 3/4 of us all really into fitness. We can sit and talk about who's doing the next fun run and who is a member of what gym and what classes they do and everyone eats well and its amazing. Nobody there knew me fat and nobody there tells me I'm too skinny.

Its really just the shock of seeing you actually shrink that prompts it I think.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would tell them that your weight is something that you've discussed with your doctor, and he is fine with it. You're healthy and fit now. I think when you put a doctor in there, it often shuts them up! Don't take it personally as they're suggesting you won't be able to control it. If you were big for a long time, they aren't used to seeing you thin now (especially those who don't see you that often).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all so much for your responses and support! I think you are all right - I need to be firm (I usually have no problem with this at all in any aspect of my life, but I am just floored b/c I have never had people tell me I am too skinny ever!) and let them know it is under control, healthy, monitored by my doctor, etc.

And I think Jachut is right about how people rarely see significant weight loss. And honestly what they are doing is comparing the former 200 lb me with the 130 lb me and of course there is a dramatic difference. Whereas, if they compared the 130 lb me with another healthy 5'2.5" tall 130 lb woman they would see I looked "normal." Does this make sense? Like if they had never SEEN the big me I would look normal to them!

Really, I just need to smile and say "thank you" for any compliments and leave it at that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • cryoder22

      Day 1 of pre-op liquid diet (3 weeks) and I'm having a hard time already. I feel hungry and just want to eat. I got the protein and supplements recommend by my program and having a hard time getting 1 down. My doctor / nutritionist has me on the following:
      1 protein shake (bariatric advantage chocolate) with 8 oz of fat free milk 1 snack = 1 unjury protein shake (root beer) 1 protein shake (bariatric advantage orange cream) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein bar 1 protein shake (bariatric advantace orange cream or chocolate) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein soup (chicken) 3 servings of sugar free jello and popsicles throughout the day. 64 oz of water (I have flavor packets). Hot tea and coffee with splenda has been approved as well. Does anyone recommend anything for the next 3 weeks?
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        All I can tell you is that for me, it got easier after the first week. The hunger pains got less intense and I kind of got used to it and gave up torturing myself by thinking about food. But if you can, get anything tempting out of the house and avoid being around people who are eating. I sent my kids to my parents' house for two weeks so I wouldn't have to prepare meals I couldn't eat. After surgery, the hunger was totally gone.

    • buildabetteranna

      I have my final approval from my insurance, only thing holding up things is one last x-ray needed, which I have scheduled for the fourth of next month, which is my birthday.

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BetterLeah

      Woohoo! I have 7 more days till surgery, So far I am already down a total of 20lbs since I started this journey. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Well done! I'm 9 days away from surgery! Keep us updated!

    • Ladiva04

      Hello,
      I had my surgery on the 25th of June of this year. Starting off at 117 kilos.😒
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Congrats on the surgery!

    • Sandra Austin Tx

      I’m 6 days post op as of today. I had the gastric bypass 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×