What do husbands think

[mrycrltn 2]

I can relate

[Northernsun 4]

We all "know" the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so will he still love me if I don't cook the way I used to ??? When he stopped laughing at me for even worrying, we talked about risks etc and his fears of something going wrong during surgery. He is so supportive and wants me to be able to do the things I used to b4 bad knees. My biggest worry was he would finish my meals and create his own problem!

[Scott F 0]

My wife fought hard against me getting the surgery. She used every possible argument against it.

However, after the surgery she has been very supportive.

[tilly 5]

my poor man is totally bewildered by the whole thing, seeing as how a single cornflake will feed him for a month!!

he didnt really want me to get the band cos he thought as I did it was risky, but since then hes been fairly good,. if I ask him if I look thinnner he says Definately

but I always have to ask, he never just says it. then again they are looking at us every day and I suppose its hard to tell.

as for people who say "I have the full support of my family" well, my mum says OH stop talking about it Im sick of it. friends say oh good when I tell them Ive lost more weight, they never ask, and I honestly dont go on about it to them I really dont. My sons when asked will say I look "a bit" thinner but Im on my own here lol if it wasnt for fellow bandsters I have met and become firm friends with and conversations with them re the various quirks etc of the band I would have had no support whatsoever.

one thing I have noticed though, if ever I was late home, nobody worried., now, i get a phone call, texts constantly asking me where I am and if Im ok and I used to go on holiday every year with my girlfriends, now suddenly this year and well over 100lbs lighter, he wants to go on holiday just us two.

mmm strange that isnt it

ha haha

[MsButterKup23 1]

Mine has been 120% supportive. He is always telling me how wonderful I look and how much he loves me no matter what. :confused:

I got banded several months before him, so we are a team now. :eek:

[Dody 0]

I'm not in the same situation as a lot of you girls are, but it would be a cold day in hell before a man told me what to do with my body. I lost my husband 10 years ago in an auto accident, but he never told me what to do, and I never interferred in his plans to go hunting and camping with the boys (which I hated). To this day I miss him each and every day, but I do know I would simply have told him I wanted this done and he would have been beside me I'm positive. Maybe when you get older marriages change...not sure, but I don't ever remember asking for a thing in my marriage with him. We both made equal decisions, so you girls who are under hubby's thumb need to step it up a notch and say "This is for me, and I'm doing it". If the door hits him in the rear on the way out the door....he will be back. Men know when they have it good. :confused:

[Minxz 0]

This is actually my first post I have enjoyed everyones posts and can completely commiserate with many of the concerns and challenges.

I have been married a year this month. My husband thinks I am wonderfully sexy, to be honest I have felt prettier this past year than I have felt in a long time.

When I started researching Weight loss surgery my husband was very resistant. Especially about the GB. The past week or so I have been doing some instensive research into the Lap Band. Dan was relieved I let the GB idea go and is moderately supportive over this. He like many other husbands I've read about seems to feel that if I REALLY wanted to lose weight I would but see's how stuck I am on this idea. The surgery scares him though.

My big concern is if he will find me attractive after I lose my weight. I need to lose 130lbs to get to my goal weight. I have been heavy the whole time we've been together. The other women he's dated have been heavy. He likes a voloptuous form. What if everything deflates and I am all flabby that is almost worse than being overweight. Don't get me wrong I am having no second thoughts about doing this. The reason I am doing it is for health reasons. I am 30 and starting to have back and knee problems. I also have PCOS so no matter what I try I can't lose weight. I have diabetes, high cholesteral, High Blood preasure and Heart Disease in my family and know my life will be cut short if I don't lose weight and get into shape. I also have no doubt that my husband will keep loving me because as he's said many times he loves me for who I am. Its just doesn't seem fair to take away things he really enjoys about my body....

Any feedback on this?

[MyKdsDad 1]

OK, feedback from a hubby..... When you get down about 100 lbs. ask him if this is too skinny for his liking. If not, lose a little more. If so, stop losing...

[tilly 5]

well, I can understand your misgivings but at the same time, if it were the other way around and your husband had your health problems and needed an operation that would make his appearance different would you deny him the op, risk his life just so he looked how YOU wanted him to look and stayed that way. even if it meant an early death?

My husband has never seen me as slim (for want of a better word) as I am now, and hopefully in about another year I will be slimmer than Ive ever seen myself for many many years, and you know what, I love him dearly, I couldnt find a better man, but if he doesnt like me thin, plump, fat, super obese, anorexic you name it then thats just tough !

Id love him nomatter what he looked like, Id love him if I couldnt even see him anymore (as happened to a friend of mine whos sight went) so if he cant afford me the same loyalty and love, then fair enough time for him to move on.

to be honest, I never took him or anybody else into consideration when I decided to go for the operation, it was for ME and only me, I was the one going through it, paying for it and though my elderly mother objected strongly as she was scared I would die on the table I told her she was being totally selfish, she wanted me to go on being super obese to save her a few hours worrying until she heard I was ok.

Its your decision, your choice, nobody elses. Your love is based on much much more than appearance, so you have to give your husband the trust he deserves and know that he will love you whatever the outcome,.flabby skin, bingo arms the works. bingo arms never killed anybody, diabetes, high cholesterol ect ect have killed plenty. Your not overweight cos you were sick to death of being a size 6 so thought youd try a 4x for a change, your overweight cos you cant help it and cant do a thing about it, this is something you can do about it so dont let anybody or anything get in the way.

good luck

[sleepyjean 0]

I am 30 and starting to have back and knee problems. I also have PCOS so no matter what I try I can't lose weight. I have diabetes, high cholesteral, High Blood preasure and Heart Disease in my family and know my life will be cut short if I don't lose weight and get into shape. I also have no doubt that my husband will keep loving me because as he's said many times he loves me for who I am. Its just doesn't seem fair to take away things he really enjoys about my body....

Please re-read what you wrote above - out loud. Read it more than once if you have to.

I've been trying to think of a way to say this that doesn't sound harsh and judgmental, because I REALLY do not mean it that way. You are pretty young and already have a number of serious health problems and you're worried that losing weight won't be "fair" to your husband? Your sense of guilt is completely misplaced. I think you are creating a whole lot of stress in your own mind for no reason whatsoever. Your husband is supportive, so either you're worried that he's not telling you the truth or else you're imagining a problem that does not exist. Count my vote in column B.

Your obesity will kill you. You said so yourself. What's not "fair" to him is dying young, leaving him guilt-striken and knowing that your death was preventable. What's not "fair" to <b>you</b> is continuing to live your life in an obese body, with aches and pains and prescription medications and limited mobility because your husband likes you overweight. It is <u>not</u> better to be obese and married than healthy and divorced. It's more important that you love and care for yourself than to hold onto someone who loves and cares for you, but only if you look the way he wants you to. Not that you even have to worry about that. Your husband isn't like that.

I am not married - never even been in a serious relationship, so you can decide that I'm in no position to comment. But there are times in life when YOU and what's good for YOU has to come first. Your husband doesn't like the idea? TOUGH. Your parents don't like the idea? TOUGH. Your friends don't like the idea? TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH. Anyone who really loves you wants you to be healthy and wants to keep you around for a long long time.

When you worry about things that don't exist and may not ever happen, you waste a lot of energy and time. I suggest that whenver you find yourself mentally going down that road, you put on something that makes you feel sexy and jump your husband. I doubt he'll complain and it's one hell of a way to distract yourself.

[Diana Moragon 0]

I am supposed to get the band on March 23, 2006. I am very scared. I am not unhealthy, and I have only about 80 pounds to lose. I lost 120 pound about 14 years ago. I met my husband when I looked my best. I did it the right way, lifting weights, running every day, and eating perfectly, low carbs, low fat, and high Protein. I really looked great, for the first time in my life. I was 33 or so when I got done losing the weight. I met my husband and we got married. He has seen me go thru hell with this weight issue. I kept my weight off for about 5-6 years. Slowly I started to gain it back. Last year, suddenly, I gained 30 pounds. I am miserable. We don't do anything anymore. My husband loves me to death and he will not just leave me, even though he could have any woman that he wants (he is a hunk!). But he will eventually lose his patience. I am not a hell of a lot of fun right now. He cannot wait for me to do the surgery. He wants things to be the way they were when he met me 10 years ago, and I don't blame him because I want the same thing. Anyway, in a way, I am doing it for him, but I am not really sure yet about the whole thing. I am very scared. It seems so final.

Anyway, we'll see. March 23rd is 12 days away! I will be getting rolled into the surgery room and I will still be wondering if I should do it. By the way, does anyone know anyone who has had the band for over 7 years or so? Let me know if you do.

Take care,

Diana

[Angels 0]

In the beginning of the process he saw me go through so much with my ins carrier he probably did not think it would go through. But know that it is approved he is supportive but makes remarks like "you are going to leave me know" Now that I know the process with my eyes closed I am going to help him so he can get banded as well. My surgery date is April 4, 2006.

[Angels 0]

In the beginning of the process he saw me go through so much with my ins carrier he probably did not think it would go through and get approved because MDIPA gave me the run around like you would not believe. But now that it is approved he is supportive but makes remarks like "you are going to leave me" Now that I know the process with my eyes closed I am going to help him so he can get banded as well. My surgery date is April 4, 2006.

[mrycrltn 2]

Best of luck to you Angel. That is sweet to help him out.