What do husbands think

[Mariposa Bella 3]

Well, let me give you some background on my husband and our relationship. When I met him, I was instantly captivated by this tall, dark handsome gorgeous guy in his cowboy hat. Wow, he was striking. Still is. Well, guess what- this good looking guy noticed me too. All through our relationship I always felt unworthy of him, I knew I wasn't ugly but I also knew I was fat and I felt so unsexy. I was always very proud of what a good looking guy I had and although I know all the good qualities that I have, I never felt pretty enough to be with such a good looking guy. And what made things worse some of his family members would gossip that the only reason he was with me was because I was rich. After being together for two years we decided to purchase a house for us to live in and around the same time he bought himself a new truck, so rumors started flying that I had paid for them (I didn't of course). Wow, little did they know that I was a divorced, broke student that had to work full time to support herself and her daughter. It really hurt me. I thought well I must look that bad that people are justifying a good looking guy being with a fat girl like me. Well anyways, like all relationships we had rough Patches and good times. We eventually got married and had two more children ( I have one daughter from my previous marriage). My husband is not a very affectionate person, especially in public. (never learned it from his parents). I know he loves me, but he rarely tells me he does, he does show me, but he is also not the type to offer a compliment or critisism for that matter. All the times that I complained about being fat he would just tell me "well if you don't feel comfortable with yourself then do something about it, don't just complain and not do anything to get to where you want to be." But he never complained about me being overweight. I was the one that didn't feel comfortable. My self esteem was so low that I was constantly terrified that this gorgeous good looking guy would find some skinny girl and leave me for her, so this made me an extremely jelouse and possessive person towards him. After yo yo ing with my weight for so long I decided the band was for me. I know I was a lower bmi than most here, but I was tired of being fat and wanted a different life. Slowly after two more pregnancies the pounds crept up more and more and that was it. I could not take control of my weight on my own, so I needed help. I talked to him and he was 100% supportive of my decision, not once did he question it, he gave me the money and said if this is what you want, then go for it. He was concerned for my safety but I reassured him and presented him with all the research I had done. Well, I thought for sure that once the pounds dropped he would be so much more into me, or would lavish me with compliments. But guess what he is still the same man, nothing has changed. He loves me the same and treats me the same. I question him and ask him, don't you think I look hot, cause others sure think I am. He hates when I say that. But as I said on another thread, while on vacation, he looked straight into my eyes and said I think you have lost enough weight and you don't need to lose anymore. I don't want you to get anorexic (As if that could ever happen, ha, ha..) but anyways, for a guy that doesn't know how to express his feelings, this was the biggest compliment anyone could have ever given me. I love him so much. And hey late last year he almost beat up some guy in the produce department at Wal-Mart that was staring at me.. I keep telling him, he is just going to have to get used to me being so damn fine, he, heeee.......No really, I know this is a long post, but what I'm really trying to say is that, losing weight will not change someone else's attitude or feelings towards you. You will change, because the self confidence that I know have makes me be a better person and a better wife to him. And yes, there will always be younger, prettier girls out there with better asses and breasts than me. But that is okay, because I finally feel good about myself and know that the love that he has for me is not messured by what I look like but for who I am inside. And I am still me, just better and with more confidence in myself ready to take on the WORLD!!!

P.S. In the last nine years since we have been together, he had gone from weighing 180 to 210 and he is not fat because he is so tall and so muscular, but I love teasing him about how much more he weighs than I do...

[mrycrltn 2]

Girl you have the best stories. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mariposa Bella 3]

Thank you.

[dsrjrr 0]

My husband says Im being lazy I could loose all my weight if I would stick to a diet,but of course hes never had a battle with weight either so easy for him to say!!I wish he would support my desicion but if not hes not going to slow me down or pull me down!!!(im pretty head strong)

[Refound_Hope 0]

Although I'm not actually ValhallaGirl, I am her husband. I saw this thread and felt that married women considering the band could benefit from hearing the viewpoints of another husband.

My wife has been banded now for nearly two months. The months before the surgery were some of the most difficult of our marriage. I love my wife very much, and the thought of her undergoing an elective surgery terrified me.

Chelsie has been heavier set for as long as I've known her. That fact has never been bad or good, it's just a fact of life. It's hard to say you love a woman but don't care too much for her body. I have always been attracted to her. Even from her 50 X 50 pixel thumbnail, anyone can tell she's beautiful. She never needed to lose weight to accomplish that.

We had read a lot of documentation on the lap band; I would pick out the risks, and Chelsie seemed to only find the benefits. The more and more I read, the more and more concerned I became. I was convinced that the lap band surgery would be a horrible mistake. I could see myself holding my wife's hair back as she threw up from overeating or from eating food that wasn't on the recommended list. I could see her steadily becoming more and more lethargic as she was forced to live on a diet more suitable for a toddler.

Chelsie was determined to go through with the surgery in spite of my protests. Her responses to my arguments went something to the tune of "My body, my choice."

Now that the surgery is two months in the past, I've been pleasantly surprised by the results. None of my worst fears have been realized. Chelsie's doing better than I've ever seen her. The surgery was just the push she needed to turn over a new leaf. She's been doing everything possible to get in shape and stay healthy.

The most important change I've noticed is the newfound happiness she feels as she has been regaining control over her body. For that fact alone I'm happy she chose to have the surgery.

[Paulax 8]

Great post Valhallahusband.

Thanks for sharing.

[LilAngel 0]

i haven't made it to I do's yet but a couple of years in shoudl count for something, eh?

Anyway, I was SHOCKED he was so supportive. I was scared to death to tell him and finally did after months of research. It was my idea, but when i almost backed out he keep me in there swinging. He even took a second to pay for it. It's weird I haven't lost any weight, but he still tells me I am beautiful (what a liar ), and keeps encouraging me by saying it will happen for me. I just love this guy!

[wannabelean 0]

Hey Sarah, I just read your post and realized we are almost neighbors. I live in yorba Linda, CA... anyway, do you go to Dr. Rumbault for your fills? If so, what time do you leave in the mornings and what time do you get home? I am trying to plan my first fill and I just can't figure out how long I will be gone for. Anyway thanks for your help. Hope you are having lots of success so far.

[skbishop78 0]

Gosh...wish my hubby was like the few I have read about. he was not supportive of me getting it done. He likes me skinny but he thinks I should just be able to do it, I have lost it before...why not now??? I said "yeah I lost, but gained it back, lost it again..gained it back" this is a tool to help me keep it off. He still wasn't 100%! Now I have the band and he is somewhat supportive, but he gets pissy because I am not comfortable with fixing dinner for everyone when I can't eat it. And they want fattening stuff not healthy stuff!! MEN UGH!

[Mariposa Bella 3]

Stacey, don't get frustrated. I too had lost it many times, 30, 40 even 50 lbs, but then I gained it all back. The regular diets don't work, this has to be a lifestyle change and for whatever reason we weren't able to do this on our own. So be it, we needed help and so we now have the band. This little trusty friend will aid us in our weightloss journey. As for your husband, he will come around when he see's all the benefits that you will gain from the band. A healthier, happier you!!

[Marimaru 7]

wannabelean, I sent you a PM

[maudeispam 2]

My DH wasn't too keen about me having any form of weightloss surgery. My initial intention was to have GB. I had to wait a year for the insurance, while waiting the surgeon closed shop and moved. While searching for a new GB surgeon in my area, I discovered the Lap Band procedure. DH was very supportive and went to all my appointments. He told me from the get go he was nervous, because of my weight and the risks involved with surgery. We had a good cry and discussed funeral arrangements and the future, always keeping things as positive as we could. He also said he feared once I lost the weight I would leave him. There was more crying, holding, and reassurance that no matter how thick, thin or fluffy I am...he is the only one for me. Now as my weight slowly melts away, my DH is slowly melting with me. We are both healthier and happier than we have been in a LONG time.

[Tricia K. 0]

My husband has been 100% supportive through the entire process. He knows that I have PCOS and couldn't lose a significant amount of weight without the help of the band. He did almost as much research pre-surgery as I did. He wanted to be well aware of the advantages/disadvantages/possible risks, etc. before I had the surgery. He went with me to my first appointment with the surgeon so that he could ask his many questions. I flew solo on subsequent appointments because we didn't feel it was necessary for him to come. The morning of surgery, he asked the anesthesiologist a bunch of questions. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wonderful husband.

[juliek 0]

My hubby could not have been more supportive. He constantly surprises me. He probably did more research than I did. A couple of weeks ago, when I have having problems b/c the band was too tight, he was the one pushing me to the dr. I now actually weigh less than he has ever seen me (was 294 when we got married). He has seen me struggle our entire married life and only wants me to be healthy.

As far as being worried about the surgery goes, I had major spinal surgery 2 years ago and came thru just fine, this seemed like small potatoes in comparison

[j.s. 0]

My husband has been great also. When I first started researching I was looking at bypass, he looked over all the info and thought about it (3 days to be exact) and said nope. I would rather you do not do this. So back to the drawing board. Then I found the lapband. Again researched and told him about this. He was all for it. He has seen me fight with the weight for the past 20 years, it always got the best of me. He does not have any weight issues, nor does his family. My family has terrible weight issues and all the health problems that come with it. He wants me to be happy and healthy and stay alive for a long time to come so he is completely behind me. He's a good husband :-)