Time To Start A New Beginning (Warning - Long)

[TracieCat 8]

So I have experiencing a huge plateau for months now. I haven't lost any additional weight since this past Winter and am very unhappy with myself. Part of it is my own bad choices and it is time for me to quit lying to myself about those choices, and become accountable for it. HOWEVER part of it according to my own Lapband surgeon is also that being over a year out now, my metabolism has stopped cold. Up until this point, I have been physically unable to exercise (from the waist down) due to severe Osteoarthritis of my hips. However, I could have been doing more upper body workouts, which I did not do, babying myself has been the norm for me for so long, ever since I was a kid in fact (I was born with hip dysplasia and had multiple surgeries and problems growing up due to that). Those things all combined have done me no favors in recent months.

This past January, I finally had the total hip replacement surgery on my left hip that was so badly needed these last years. My other hip will eventually need done as well, perhaps by next year around the same time, we shall see. In any case, it was a very hard surgery for my Orthopedic Dr., my hip had been let go for far too long and my recovery has been a slow one. But finally, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with lots of PT. Last week, I was finally released from structured PT at the hospital and given the green light to start exercising on my own. I am STILL supposed to be using a walker for most of the time as I am still not as stable on my feet as I should be, but I more and more am trying to convert over to cane and keep my body as upright and straight as I can when I walk.

Anyway, today I have my walk through up at the hospital gym. They are the same rooms they use for patient PT sessions, lots of machines in two great big rooms. We were able to join for a monthly fee and I can go anytime I want, just have to make sure to give way to patients first if they have need of the machines, which is fine with me. During the day it is fine for me to go on my own anytime but at night after they lock the main entrance doors, I will need to be with my husband and come through an alternate entrance, he is an employee there which is how we were able to join for the monthly fee. I am EXCITED about starting!!! My Lapband Dr. recommends I start some weight training along with everything else as he says it will get my metabolism going again. PT tells me I Just need to not put weight on that left hip just yet, not until I have more strength in it, but I CAN use the other leg and can also use my upper body with the weights. Hurrah!

I also starting seeing a Therapist this past week and will be seeing her regularly. She was the same one who did my Psych Eval before my lapband surgery and she herself has had Bariatric surgery (gastric bypass) and so I knew she would be someone I would want to choose as a therapist when the time came that I wanted to get into therapy. Which I have been thinking about for months and months now, it has just taken me all of my courage in those months to actually take the step and make an appointment. She is amazing and since she has had a similar surgery, she can relate and understand what I am going through, which really helps me to feel comfortable with her and open up fully. She has suggested I start keeping a written journal again, something I stopped doing last year, no idea why other than I know that when I am not feeling as great about myself, I tend to hide away and not want to write, not want to blog, etc. I need to STOP that and allow myself to express everything, good or bad. When I am doing great, and if I fall by the wayside. It is all important and I intend to start expressing that if only to myself. I am also supposed to keep a written food journal, taking note of how I am feeling emotionally when I eat certain foods. Along with this, I am going to start my blogging regularly to keep accountable to myself and start bringing it up in my support group meetings when I feel like I am not doing so well. I have tended to hide that as well to them, I have been very selective in what I will open up and admit to. That stops HERE.

My Therapist's other suggestion which I am implementing as of today is that I start over food wise as if I did when I was newly banded after my surgery. That is, to start over again with the whole phases of liquids\pureed\mushies. It will likely feel like a long haul again but I think it is a good idea for me. I talked it over with my Lapband surgeon's office and they agree that it would be a good idea for me. It certainly couldn't hurt and I am hoping it will help me to get myself back on track and get the weight loss moving again, along with the exercising that will begin this coming week.

Very excited about this whole thing. I have felt really bad about myself for awhile now. I am so proud of how far I have come in my journey so far though. I know that for me to lose a grand total of 158 pounds was no small feat. (85 of that was since my surgery) and that I should pat myself on the back for coming that far. And I did, I was on Cloud 9 for a good solid year following my surgery. I swear I was happy about every little thing in my life for that year and it felt wonderful. But the fact that my self esteem has been taking a hit lately due to the lack of weight loss has kind of overshadowed that accomplishment. NO MORE. TIme to start over, get my eating back on plan. get my emotions in order (along with professional help) and start living the happier life I have so wanted for myself.

Thanks if you read this whole thing to the bottom. I know it was long but I wanted to share what has been going on with me.

Wishing you all a very wonderful day full of nothing but good things and happy moments.

[TracieCat 8]

And whew, since this was so long, I think I will just copy and paste it to my blog instead of write essentially the same thing over again. lol.

[NWgirl 574]

I read through and am sorry you have felt so down. Look on the bright side- you are only 50 away from goal! You've done an amazing thing losing the weight you already have, and what you really need to do is get your head in the game again.

I think your Dr is wrong when he says you are going to have a good time losing weight because the metabolism- there are people on this board 2 or 3 years out still losing weight. I think you may need to switch some things up, but there is hope!!!

[adorkbl 156]

Tracie... you have done an amazing job. Congrats on your success. Sounds like you have had a lot going on... so don't be hard on yourself. You are re-focusing now and that is the beauty of the band... you can get back on track! You can absolutely keep losing... honesty with yourself is #1. I sent a lot of time with my head in the sand and am freshly back on the bandwagon myself. Journal your food, be active on the support boards or blogs... the weight will start coming off again.

[bigenuff 302]

Wow ! Praying for ur full recovery and continued weightloss ..:-)

[TracieCat 8]

Thanks to the 3 of you for posting, I truly do appreciate the care and support. Am on day 3 of full liquids here and so far, so good. Not too overly hungry, keeping Protein shakes up along with broths and sugar free jellos. I thought I'd maybe feel a little tired or washed out but am fine.

Today going to restart my journal, and Tomorrow headed up to the gym for awhile.

[Dulci 108]

You have made amazing progress and you have the determination to meet your goal. Thank you for the inspiration!