Any Advice

[MOON_CHILD7275 2]

I'm about 2 get my surgery on 4/20/12 I was keeping this from my husband because at first he was all for me getting this surgery but was scared at the same time. Anyway I was diagnosed with kidney cancer before I was able to get my lap band done. So now that my left kidney has been removed n I'm cancer free he is totally against this now. I just had surgery on 2/2/12 so I don't know if that is his Issue. So I tell him that I might need him to be off work for the day of my surgery not telling him the reason but he asked me if it is for me having surgery then he is against it. I don't know what 2 do I don't want to ask someone else to go because I was trying to keep this to myself. I don't know what I will do but I need to think real fast.

Tracey Sher

[yellowrose88 43]

I would just talk to him and be honest. Why has he changed his mind? I'm sorry to hear he is against it. You will need someone with you the first day. My husband was scared but he understood why I made this choice. I'm also glad to hear you are cancer free. Good luck!

[Sunshyne068 97]

What is your BMI? What are your co-morbidities? Explain to him that the surgery is neccesary to get you in better health. I'm off my blood pressure medication since the surgery and I honestly couldnt be happier about that.

[MOON_CHILD7275 2]

I'm not sure exactly what my BMI is but I think it 38. Something my weight is currently 249 so I'm doing good as far as losing weight but I need help really need help. I think he is just so sared because of this surgery being so close to my other surgery. My urologist said I was clear to have my lap band. Doctors know better they we do and I would not be doing this myself so soon if I didn't get the ok from all my doctors. I will have to really explain to him this is 4 a better healthier me. I really need 2 take care of this one kidney I have left n try to make him understand this. I talk to but sometimes he acts like I'm losing my mind. He thinks I can do this alone but that is not my reality. I need help. Thank you all for the advice. I will figure this out somehow. Thanks again

[zinhaa 363]

Sorry he is against it. I did not tell everyone but I don't think i could have done this without my husband knowing. May reasons but one being how do you have surgery without him knowng youl need help at the beginning and cant drive home etc.

wendy

[MOON_CHILD7275 2]

I'm going 2 talk 2 him again. He has a day 2morrow so I can really sit down with him. I know he wants the best 4 me n I know he will come around I think he is so scared n he just don't want nothing to happen 2 me. I think it was really hard on him with me n cancer that he thinks it's to soon 4 me to put my self through another major surgery. But the doctors gave me the go ahead so im sure they won't do this if they didn't think my body could handle the surgery. I'm wishing myself the best of luck. Thank you

[Cocoabean 430]

There is no way you can keep this from someone you live with. Not only will you have a port that he will be able to feel when you are intimate, but your eating habits are going to change, drastically.

How will you explain if you have something stuck in your band and you start sliming uncontrollably? The pain is hard to hide, but the slime is impossible. When you cannot swallow your own spit, someone you live with cannot help but notice. He will feel betrayed.

My surgeon won't do surgery on someone if their partner isn't with them on it. We need the support. My husband had to come to a support group and a couple of my appointments with me, or it was a no go for my surgeon.

[MOON_CHILD7275 2]

I'm sure if I mid lead anyone here r not. I was not intending to do that. What I thought I said was my husband was with me from the time I was going 4 the lap band. I wad getting my surgery done in January but I found out that I had kidney can't the same month. So I had no choice but to get my kidney removed. What I'm saying is he was 100% with up until he found out I'm having my lap band in on 4/20/12. He just out of no where told me he is not with me n he don't want me to get the surgery. We went 2 doctor appointment's a Christmas party the hospital had 4 all gastric patient's. So it was all the up until last night he was with me. I'm not going 2 keep anything from my husband I have been with him for 10years n there is no way I could keep something this important from him. He just does not want me 2 have this surgery 4 some reason. I go 4 my per op appointment on 4/5/12 so I will have him talk with the doctor then 2 see if he changes his mind. Thank you 4 the help don't think I don't appercate it. I come off to strong 2 some people. I just don't know if I might have said something that cofussed anyone. He was with me but something happen. Thanks again

[Cocoabean 430]

You did not come across too strong, but you did say you were going to have the surgery and not tell him.

So I tell him that I might need him to be off work for the day of my surgery not telling him the reason but he asked me if it is for me having surgery then he is against it.

So, that was a bit of a leap on my part, I took it to mean that you would not tell him you were getting banded. Do you think perhaps he feels you should recover more from your cancer? Or that he feels perhaps that band surgery or WLS in general is a bit vain now that you have had cancer?

I don't feel that way, but I am trying to see it from his side. He was probably frightened when you got the cancer diagnosis. He might be just trying to cope with all the emotion from that. If he's never had a weight problem he might not understand the desire/need to have this surgery.

[MOON_CHILD7275 2]

Well we talked a long time 2 day n he is just worried I'm putting my body through to much. I explain to him that I would not be doing anything if the doctor's didn't clear me. I have a pre op class on 4/5 so he will be able to go with me n get a chance to hear for his self that it is ok to have my surgery. I also have a per op appointment with my PCP the same day so she will also get to talk to him. He just worries a lot n does not want anything 2 happen to me. But I really had to talk to him a lot before he would give in. So he has agree to at lease go and talk with my doctors. So I guess we will see. Thanks

Tracey Sher

[sakurah 2]

Thats great. You will def need his help. I told my husband and no one else. He was totally against it but I was adamant. Several years on even he agrees it was the best thing I ever did.

[Cocoabean 430]

I am happy you were able to talk about it, and that he will hear what your doctors have to say. My hubby wasn't all fired up for me to have this surgery either, and had I chosen bypass he would have outright fought me tooth and nail.

This is hard enough to do without having to battle a spouse on top of it.