The Battle of The Bulge - for once I actually won a skirmish

[NewSho 20]

Whew.

This has probably been the busiest month I've had in years. But I wanted to take some time to reflect on my year since my band repair and Celebrate a small joy.

It's been one crazy year - almost to the day - since my 2005 surgery. This time last year, I had my band access port replaced to a lower profile port, the access area moved to a different part of my body - and my tubing repaired due to a leak. (And I just found out from reading my medical records, I had some never-before-mentioned-to-me minor surgical things tweaked during the '05 procedure.) In other words I was practically rebanded a year ago.(I was banded 5 years ago originally, but after major league complications, I struggled mightily to achieve and maintain any real loss with my band. But almost one year ago to the day, I began a sort of "second chance" with the band.)

Since my doctor insisted I treat this as a new band as if I was "brand new," that's what I did. I tried life almost as a "new" Banded patient again. One year later, the experiment didn't quite work as we thought. But I am grateful for some of this past year's progress. No, I'm not considered much of a success after only losing 51# -52# of my 70# goal in all these years but although I may have to now consider other non-band & surgical options to get the weight off, I am trying to reflect on some of the positive things that have happened at least in this past year.

One difference - with the newer band I once again felt, at least for a time, some real restriction which was really good. It's helped me to have some renewed success and to help deal with the Monster of "Head Hunger" vs "Real Hunger". That's a good thing as a popular domestic diva might say. But now I'm overdue for a fill. Once I get some things settled and situate myself with a new fill doctor I'll be on my way again. Stay tuned.

The positive stuff? Well after a busy 2-week period including an out-of-state trip and then some parties and events, I had a small Non scale Victory (or "NSV"). Well, non-scale victories are the only ones I have since I haven't had a "SV" since I got my weight into OneDerLand. But hey, a girl has to take her joys where she can find them.

Here's what happened:

I had to go shopping to find things to wear (most of my clothes seem curiously big, and although the scale isn't moving much I think my Tummy Tuck is finally starting to 'kick in'). As a shopped I saw a Clearance Rack for regular (non plus sizes). I rarely can find anything good on the sales rack in larger sizes (A silent curse for the tiny size 4's who can always find something good on sale or clearance :phanvan ) Well, as I browsed, I saw a great dress and grabbed my normal size 16 and put it over my arm. When I peered at it later, I realized that size 16 might be too big after all. This is a major relevation.

Some of the thinner among you can't possibly fathom this - but eyeballing a size 16 and having it possibly be too big? Omigawd, that's a big deal for someone like me. I had to make myself hold the dress up and keep looking, because in my head, I didn't believe it, although my eyes were clearly telling me the dress was just too large. On a good day I'm a 16 in jeans, especially with slimmer-fitting brands.

[ Background: Now keep in mind I'm a Professional Fat Person - I sometimes feel like being fat, or fighting fat is what I seem to concentrate so much of my energy on. I mean, I'm the girl who can't get her BMI under 30 after having had WLS 5 years ago :rolleyes so my weight is a constant struggle. So after dieting, exercise, LapBand surgery and then a "Well, Dang, I had LapBand 4.5 years ago, why am I waiting? Tummy Tuck" operation- I am usually a size 14 / 14W or so. Sad but true - after all this money, time and effort - honestly I'm grateful just to be able to get to the "regular bigger sizes." Habit still makes me head for the Plus Sizes & Womens Sizes clothes rack. My larger frame means they usually fit a bit better. And really, I'm a Size Tall so there are no regular sizes in Jeans/pants for me, but hey, that's life, eh? But being taller makes my rather uneviable heavier weight a bit more tolerable as I have a larger frame to space my fat out on.]

So I'm in the store, right? After arguing with myself for the longest, I drag myself back to the dress rack so I can pick up the same dress in a size 14. I avoided dresses for the longest due to the hanging pouch of skin at my belly. Now that's been minimized quite a bit. So this is the first dress I've bought since my Band Repair and my Tummy Tuck. And although I didn't lose a pound (actually like most TT patients, I initially gained weight due to swelling & Fluid retention) I think my abdomen is finally starting to look trimmer. I have to convince myself to pick up the size 14 but since it's the only one left in that size, I do get it. I really had to quiet my self doubt just to grab the Size 14.

Later in the dressing room, I go to pull it over my head and wiggle into it, only to realize it's too tight. I'm crushed - literally. Then I realize two important things:

#1

. It has a hidden inner zipper which I never bothered to undo - once I unzip it, the dress slides down and fits.

#2

. Although it was on the Size 14 section of the rack, the dress is tagged as Size 12. Yep, me, NewSho - Professional Fat Person managed to get into a Size 12 slinky silk spaghetti strap dress. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had it on, and it wasn't ripping or splitting.

When I saw myself in it, I almost cried. The lady in the next fitting room probably thought I was having a Nervous Breakdown but I was so full of emotion. I never thought I'd see a size 12 again - and although this wasn't my real size, it felt great.

I just twirled and twirled and twirled around in the fitting room - I couldn't believe it!

Now reality is - I'm not delusional - I can't wear size 12 jeans or shorts. But this dress actually got on my body. Honestly, I need a Boob Lift but until then I have to solve any breast-related issues with well-engineered bras. So this dress does call for a bulletproof strapless bra. Plus my butt really is a size 14 - that should have been the size I should have bought but since the Size 12 actually got on, looked OK and since it was on clearance - that baby came right home with me. A beautiful little silk slip dress in size 12 - and I actually got in it. It was worth its weight in gold.

Me? In a 12? Even for just one night, it was so exciting.:confused:

I wore the dress to the party that night. There was lots of media & TV coverage of the event, but I felt confident. It did the job, but after losing some weight (and after treating "The Twins" to a much-needed Boob Lift) I would look GREAT in it. But for right now, just getting in it was the victory. I'm still fighting the war but it's nice to win a battle now and then.

Thanks for letting me share this. It ain't all gloom and doom over here, all the time.

And though I'm always fighting the Battle of The Bulge, at least I got one good shot in this war. :clap2:

Happy Band Journeys To All,

New Sho

(a.k.a. "I ain't a size 12 but I got to play one on TV, just for one night :kiss2: ")

[I'llsucceed 1]

You seem & sound so happy!!! Congrats to you & your success!!!!

[banded_for_life 2]

Congratulations!!! That must have felt great!!

[JanetC 2]

Congrats!! That sounds like an awesome dress! :confused:

[Tootarts 0]

I am so thrilled with your story!

I have dreams of fitting in the size 14 dress let alone a 12! I would be swirling and twirling in the dressing room too.

I'm so excited for you.............

[SherryW 4]

Hmmm I think I was a size 12 as a sophomore in highschool ohhhhhhhhh that was a long long time ago lol.

Congratulations YOU GO GIRL!!!

[Iluvharleys 15]

That's great! Congrats to you! I know you looked beautiful!

[Cheri 0]

Hey, it's only right to battle the bulge when the bulge is in the wrong place!!

I am so excited for you!!! For me, it's from size 20 to 18. I refuse to try any 18s on (except those low rider jeans beacuse they are so slouchy) because I don't want to feel that disgust when they split at the seam.... maybe I should try them, huh??

Good job, and keep it the positive mindset - it wil take you places you couldn't get to before!!!

~cheri

[vinesqueen 2]

Excellent work New Sho!

So, have you had your body fat measurements taken yet? I'm serious Dahlik! I'm going to hound you on this till you get it done. But only because I care.

When I had a job I used to work out with a personal trainer, who looked F-A-B!!!! She was a size 12. Not a size 8, not a size 4, but a size 12 and she looked amazing. She weighed 160 pound, and looked amazing. But best of all, she was in amazing shape, being a professional workout person.

Technically speaking, her BMI was more than 25, but she would sink in the swimming pool.

[Alexandra 55]

Congratulations on your size 12, NewSho! You may find your body shrinking even more as time goes on, whether you lose more weight or not. I've had that happen--things that fit me last fall are now too big, even though I haven't lost any weight in that time. Guess I'm shaping up, or something!

[NewSho 20]

Thank you, everyone.

I haven't had many good things happen to me (weight-related) lately so this it was nice to share a (lengthy) but heartfelt victory with my fellow Banded folk.

I might have seemed like Cinderella for one night, but my busy schedule seems to have wreaked havoc on my silhouette (*sucks in stomach*). It's back to Real Life now.

I forgot to add that it was freezing cold that night, but I was determined to wear that dang spaghetti-stap dress anyway - so I just threw a coat over it and strutted through the cold weather, anyway.

But I will definitely consider getting it altered. Right now it's hanging on the outside of my closet so I can pass by and stare at it. Hey, maybe instead I should hang it in the kitchen - so I will have to see it before I go near the refrigerator, LOL.

Thanks for sharing with me.

[NewSho 20]

Excellent work New Sho!

So, have you had your body fat measurements taken yet? I'm serious Dahlik! I'm going to hound you on this till you get it done. But only because I care.

<snip>

Hey, Vines.

Just wanted to let you know. You know I'm trying to start getting second opinions on what I should do next. I'm kind of bummed to be starting over but I might as well try and pick up the pieces and see what's what.

So I (finally) got to meet with another WLS surgeon today - he's a RnY specialist but is now doing Lap Bands. (As if enough surgeons haven't gotten a chance to practice on me :rolleyes )

Anyway I presented my full medical file (that clipboard soap opera that is also known as "As The LapBand Turns" ) and he didn't even run out of the room screaming, LOL.

He thinks my original LapBand surgeon is one of the best around and concedes that my former surgeon knows WAYYYYY more about LapBands than he does. In fact, tomorrow he is observing and later being proctored by my original LapBand surgeon. (Oh boy isn't life ironic?) But he also agreed with me that my ex-surgeon is one of the most conservative around, and as he's been doing bands much longer than most U.S. doctors, he admittedly has some of least successful LapBand stats. It's an enigma.

Anyway, we're trying to figure out what I can do to continue my weight loss.

He also conceded that with my current BMI - a revision surgery will be probably not an option unless there is something wrong with my band. (And believe me, there is probably something wrong with my band. It's like a household appliance that has just gone out of warranty, LOL, and five years seems to be the "let's act up" point for LapBands.) Even then, his hospital requires 35 BMI for any surgery. But he fully understands why after 5 years of ridiculously slow weight loss, I'm trying to decide what I need to do to finally have some success. But he said he'd hate for me to have another surgical procedure just to lose 20 lbs. {I forgot to tell him that if I were to have to be revised to the dreaded RnY, I sure as H-LL plan to lose more than those unambitious <18 lbs that my Lap Band surgeon set as a goal weight for me.}

Once he has some data in his hands he'll see what he thinks will be next - whether I have a working band that can be coaxed into being filled a bit, or whether the band is having issues, and I need to consider being revised to another form of WLS.

Anyway, he thinks he's willing to explore options with me but first he wants me to have an Upper G.I., an analysis and a full nutritional workup with (drum roll) a basal metabolic test and probably a body/fat analysis.

There, Vines. Are you happy? :clap2:

I'm going to go let a licensed professional officially announce what we all know: My metabolism is remedial, if not downright dormant.

As soon as they schedule me and I have my results - I promise to let you know.

I have no idea what's next for me, but I sure don't want to spend the rest of 2006 at a BMI that defines me as 'obese.'

Happy Band Journeys to all...

[vinesqueen 2]

Excellent Sho! Excellent!

Of course, I'm fully expecting you to be within the 25-35% body fat that women SHOULD be at, and that you are actually within tollerance, and TO HELL with the BMI Chart. I don't care what it says, it's a scale and scales lie.