General Ramblings About The State Of My Life...

[angel_eyes4477 65]

First off, let me say that I have been depressed for the last week, due to the fact that my mother passed away last Tuesday. She was my best friend and biggest supporter. She was thrilled and excited for me when I had my surgery on February 10th. Every time I would weigh myself over at her house, she would grin and tell me how proud she was of me. So today when I weighed myself, it was bittersweet when I looked over at her chair and no one was there. I lost 8 more pounds since last Thursday, for a grand total of 62 pounds since surgery. I know my momma is proud of me, and watching my progress from Heaven now, but it hurts so much.

I'm surprised that I lost the 8 pounds. I am on my period and retaining some Water. My ankles are a little swollen. Also, in my depression, I have eaten a few things that I shouldn't. I ate a few potato chips. Not many, but a few. Also, at my uncle's house after the funeral, I ate a small piece of cake. I am mostly staying on track, but there are a few things that have called to me. My dad, brother, bf, and I all went to Golden Corral the day after the funeral and I ate my mom's favorites from the buffet. I ate some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, popcorn shrimp, in addition to the pot roast and roasted chicken that I had. I only had a couple bites of each thing, but I wanted to eat her favorites. For dessert, I had a little carrot cake and a bite of bread pudding. Her absolute faves.

On a happier note, I have had a few NSV's. A friend that I hadn't seen in a while saw me in Walmart and when I went up to him said "Huh, that was you. I saw you from behind a few minutes ago and wondered if it was you, but thought it couldn't be because you were too skinny." LOL. He told me how good I look and gave me hug and said congrats. Also, when shopping for pants for the funeral, I fit into two sizes smaller than the last time I shopped for pants! My dad had a hip replacement almost 2 weeks ago, and while he was in the hospital, I walked about five miles over the course of three days. Not bad for a girl who didn't used to be able to walk 80 feet without resting and being in incredible pain.

All in all, things are going good for me weight wise. I'm not going to let this depression over my mom get me too far off track. I haven't had a fill yet, and don't feel like I need one.

[Jen75 33]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom! Stay strong and continue to lose... Don't let his be a reason to get sidetracked!

[Cazzy 725]

I have had bites of many things that one shouldnt have but a bite will do no harm and will often alleviate the craving or the need. Problems arise when its no longer one bite

I am sure your mum is very proud of you, you arent continuing the journey alone, she was there at the start and maybe she felt that it was alright to go because she knew u were going to be ok now.. She will always be with you in your memories and heart. Keep the good work up and i hope that life will improve for you as u lose more weight

My thoughts are with you ..

[Ladybug28 73]

So sorry about your mom, I know how hard that is. Focus on the good times and your love for each other to get you through the several months. Stay positive and delight in the fact that you're losing so well and down so many sizes already. Hang in there...one saying I love is: "Don't cry because it's over, smile that it happened." That you were lucky enough to have a wonderful mother and all the years that you got to have her with you and blessed by the love you shared.

[Violet953 46]

That is really sad honey...I couldn't imagine being without my mom ..she is my best friend and you sound like you are being so strong right now. I would be falling apart.

On a happier note, you should be really proud of yourself. You should consider yourself one of the lucky ones who is loosing without a fill. I had my surgery 2 days before you and haven't lost anything...So I envy you right now. Hang in there.

[TracieR 88]

So sorry to hear about your Mom! I'm sure she was extremely proud of you for taking control of your life! Small bites of things are not bad, as long as it is once in a while and doesn't get out of control! You are doing so great, keep up the good work for you and your Mom!!

[Humming Bird 275]

Great post. I hope posting your ramblings helped. It may take a very long time to work through the depression when you lose someone you are so close to. I am so glad your mom got to see that you got banded and were dropping wieght. I do think your head is in the right place and you are going to do well on this lapband journey.

My mom and I were very close as well and it rocked my world when she died. I was so depressed I packed on 40-50 pounds on my already obese body. She was thin her entire life and I know she worried about my weight and my sister's. She died in 2005 and I didn't get the band until 2009, but I do think she would be thrilled with the weight I've taken off. It's bitter sweet because I ended up with many of her clothes and now many of them are too large for me.

[yellowrose88 43]

I believe rambling helps. I now your mother is proud and looking down on you every minute of every day. Keep on track because you are doing wonderfully.

[Banded in Bear Lake 8]

Sorry to hear about your mother, I cannot imagine what you are going through. Stay positive and you are doing great with your weight loss.

[ready4change2 19]

So sorry about your mother! I lost mine almost two years ago and miss her dearly everyday. She was also my best friend. I know my mom is looking down on me and is happy for me and proud that I am doing this and I know your mother is too! Hang in there and keep working at it.

[angel_eyes4477 65]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your words of comfort and support. It means a lot to me.

[kll724 3,055]

Sorry for the loss of your Mom. Loosing your best friend is hard. Hang in there, she is still with you. She would be proud of you. Bless you. Karen

[bandbun 9]

Sorry for the loss of your Mom. Loosing your best friend is hard. Hang in there, she is still with you. She would be proud of you. Bless you. Karen

I agree sorry to hear of your loss.

[PixiePower 7]

Oh you poor little hen Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in June, 11 days after i gave birth to my beautiful daughter, her first grandchild. It was the hardest time in my life and i still miss her so much and think about her every day. One thing people said to me is time is a healer, i was in so much pain i never ever believed i would feel ok again but one day in December i was coming to work listening to music and it dawned on me i was generally overall very happy again. Don't get me wrong i had many happy moments since her death but the pain always lingered there. So i know it's a cliche but time really will help heal the pain you're in.

My heart goes out to you, strive to make her proud!x x

[PixiePower 7]

Oh you poor little hen Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in June, 11 days after i gave birth to my beautiful daughter, her first grandchild. It was the hardest time in my life and i still miss her so much and think about her every day. One thing people said to me is time is a healer, i was in so much pain i never ever believed i would feel ok again but one day in December i was coming to work listening to music and it dawned on me i was generally overall very happy again. Don't get me wrong i had many happy moments since her death but the pain always lingered there. So i know it's a cliche but time really will help heal the pain you're in.

My heart goes out to you, strive to make her proud!x x