What am I missing? Why are ppl leaving?

[Jill_S 1]

Jill,

I am confused. Why are you taking this personally? I was not referring to you in any way, nor was I insulting your intelligence.

To tell someone "if you understood the situation" is akin to telling a teenager that "they'll understand when they're older", meaning, they do not have the capacity to understand *now*.

I do understand the situation. I have read all the same posts you have. To tell me I do not understand (by saying - if you understood), you did indeed insult my capacity to understand.

I think you need to stop reading in between the lines of my post, believe me, if I wanted to insult someone, I would say it directly.

I have quoted each thing I've responded to you for. There's no reading between anything. I use the quoting system to make sure folks understand what I'm replying to.

I absolutley reaspect your right to disagree with me, and to post your response, however, do not denigrate my feelings as to what I feel is happening on this board, and MY OPINION as to the cause.

How have I denigrated your feelings? By disagreeing?

Isn't that how this whole mess got started in the FIRST place?

You are allowed your opinion, Paul, and I am allowed to disagree with your opinion. I have no called you any names, I have not denied your right to voice your opinion, nor have I said "your opinion is stupid."

*sigh*

We're beginning to not see the forest for the trees here, I think.

The Blame Game is what I am initially arguing about here. I don't want to get into a disagreement about semantics. Which is seems that this as slipped down to. I have no interest in continuing a "you can have your opinion, but don't disagree with mine!" argument.

["Just" Paul 1]

You are only arguing with yourself. I have no beef with you.

If you want to quote me, and then assume you know what I meant, then go ahead. By mentioning understanding the situation, I meant that I was privy to conversations about this situation that you were not privy to. It has nothing to do with intelligence. So, NO, you have NOT read the same information as I have on this topic.

Quoting is fine, it makes sure the words are identical. Assuming is not the same. Taking someone's words, and assuming you know the meaning behind them is not. I write what I am trying to say, there is no hidden insult or agenda.

My feeling are denigrated by someone taking a post that had nothing to do with them, and turning it into a personal argument with them. Again, I have no beef with you. Chill.

Let's agree to disagree about my initial post, and call that quits.

[Jill_S 1]

My feeling are denigrated by someone taking a post that had nothing to do with them, and turning it into a personal argument with them. Again, I have no beef with you. Chill.

And telling me to "Chill" ensures that, right? :welldone2:

I disagreed with your initial post, Paul. You came back at me, and I responded in kind. That's how these things get started, even if we don't want them to. I do not like to be misunderstood, and I'm sure you don't either.

Did the initial post have anything to do with me? No, I have the band *chuckle*. But I disagreed with your opinion, and I said so. As far as I know, that's not breaking any laws. I'm unclear of how that "denigrates your feelings", but that's all right, it has nothing to do with this thead anyway. You're allowed to feel that way, even if it puzzles me.

I realize that you have your PMs (which as you say, I'm not privy to), but the typical reader of this board (as I am) has information that perhaps you do not, as well.

As I've said in other threads like this, we all come here with our own goggles of experience. We cannot ask anyone to assume that another's goggles are clearer than our own. And perhaps that's where these sorts of disagreements come from. After 12 years on the 'net, I certainly expect it to happen.

The best we can all hope for is a modicum of understanding.

[TommyO 5]

Paul, you are beginning to sound like that which you profess to appose. Maybe when someone is passionatte about a topic they come across somewhat overbearing. They might even sound like a know it all or appear to be rude and condescending. Maybe we can all try and keep this in mind before we judge others and make assumptions as to who they are talking about.

There is this guy at work and I won't tell you his name because I'm a much better person, it's three letters and it starts with a B and ends with a B. Sometimes it is better to talk to the source of your problems you might be surprised want you discover.

[MeganA 35]

Jill and BigPaul...I just had a thought. If people took conversations like the one you two are having with each other into PM's, things would sure be a lot nicer around here. Just my thought.

Megan

[mrycrltn 2]

I second that

["Just" Paul 1]

Good gracious, all I said was Chill.

I'm done with this conversation, OK?

[Jill_S 1]

No, no. Trust me, I'm done. When my head hurts, it's time to stop.

Too bad that doesn't work with the husband~ :welldone2:

[the best me 6]

Oy Vey, THIS is why people leave! I have a few more to add to my ignore list, I suppose? I HATE debate. It isn't fun for me, it makes me uncomfortable, I'm not thick skinned like some of you seem to be, and maybe I just don't care enough? But enough already! I like what Megan said about taking it to a PM!

Now...where's that ignore list?...

[spldgrl 0]

WOW!! this is the longest post I've bothered with in a long time, and that was only because I recognized the names of a GREAT few who walked me thru my lap questions, banding, and lifestyle changes. Things have sure changed in the past 6 months. When banded in May (HI Trish) I thought this was a great site and refer many bandsters to this site for advice, based on experience, and support. This is a great site for support, have we missed that concept???

It has been a long time and I am sure I am missing some "big deal" to someone. but where is the support? lapband, life issues relating to the changes due to the band? Penni I'm with you, you are an inspiration to me, you help others with your experiences and your heart, that is what this board WAS about and that is the board that will keep people coming back.

I lurk mostly, but feel compelled to remark to the people who posted around March - June of 05, thank you for your advice,words of wisdom, experiences and mostly your support, just knowing I can get online and find a support link to this life change I chose, is greatly appreciated.

THANK YOU!!!

Without support where would you be? Fight at home, kick your own dog not someone elses!

[LilAngel 0]

I can't believe I am writing this... I ALWAYS try to stay out of the heated stuff. But here it goes…

I don’t get to visit everyday, and sometimes not near as often as I would if I weren't so crazy busy. So I can't say definitively what is going on. I certainly could debate the sociology of the whole thing; I think I got an "A" in that class. But still, it is probably too expansive an issue for me to really get into with my less than expert opinion. And no doubt, I would be bound to offend someone. And knowing that (since I don't think it really would provide true support to anyone by my guessing at these things), I think I will skip the larger issues that arise when a group of folks from all walks get together. Certainly sociology is always a factor, and I expect that, but I think relevancy is the larger issue for me.

Quite simply, all I can say is, for WHATEVER reason, almost every time I come by as of late, there is a lot of offended or angry folks going back and forth on something. I am not debating why, or if they should, that is beyond my expertise. What I am saying, is that folks do things that are relevant to them. If I come by a few times a week and constantly find a negative atmosphere, then I come by less (or leave in some cases, I guess). I come here for something positive--sometimes support, sometimes new ideas, sometimes to see others progress so I can believe I will lose more than 2 pounds, or sometimes to be the shoulder for someone else to cry one. But a positive atmosphere is the general idea. But if I "feel" the atmosphere is negative (and perception creates my reality in this case) and I was looking for positive, then the board would become irrelevant for me. And when it is, I move on.

I come by LBT less and less lately for this very reason, but when/if I visit and see more of the atmosphere I was looking for, I will be back much more. It is a cycle, but a very personal one. I don’t know if that is really what others look for, though and I can’t assume that it is.

But as far as atmosphere goes, it is the owners/ creators/moderators (I really don’t know who-these are guesses, but I am sure someone knows who) to decide what sort of atmosphere they want to create and to devise and implement a plan for doing so. That said, of course, I am not blaming these decision makers for people leaving. They might be thrilled with the board as is. And if so, I say fantastic! You have accomplished what you were trying to do. If not, they will reevaluate, and perhaps do some things differently. It’s not right or wrong, good guy/bad guy, or moral or immoral. It is, what it is. If it is relevant to me, whatever the outcome, then I stay. If it is not, I go look for what I need somewhere else. You can’t please everyone, and the folks who run the board must make these decisions based on their own value set and I do not envy their position.

Personally, LBT is currently relevant to me, but like a great friend you can only spend a limited amount of time with. You would hate to never see them again, but when you do it will probably be in small doses.

[Dianechef 3]

I know who you "think" this supposive hijacker is & I really don't see why you think they're hi-jacking!?!?!? :welldone2: I thought that perhaps I had missed a few posts, but NOPE!! I just went back & read every post & thread this person has started & replied to. There was one thread where there was A LOT of disagreeing with this persons opinion. However, there were also several people on that thread who thanked this person for thier opinions & help. This supposive hi-jacker has a right to their opinions just like the rest of us. To attack this person just doesn't seem right. :cry

I don't know this person, but what I have read, this person has a personality that is straight forward & to the point. Everyone has their own personality. We all just need to not take offense & calm down. Nobody can hijack LBT. :scared:

Big Paul, I like you & think you are absolutely HILARIOUS!! I love reading your posts. I am not trying to point any fingers at you personally. I know that you are trying to help out & hope that things can get back to being happy around here. Singling someone out just doesn't seem like it's the right thing to do. I am sure that the intentions of this person were not bad & that they meant well. It was just coming off a little harsh to a lot of people.

If this supposive hijacker really & truly is causing damage to the board, the best place to handle something like that is privately.

We all have feelings & it's important we respect them!!

[fireman20 3]

Can't we all just get along?:welldone2:

[PhotoNut 7]

Can't we all just get along?:welldone2:

Apparently not! LOL

[FunnyDuddies 6]

Well said Diane. I concur. I also wonder why this has all been done on the board, and not in PM. It would have been easy to take of it that way, and it would have prolly solved it all. I know when I have had conflicts with people in the past, sitting down and alking in private was the best way to handle it, rather than trying to bait them or sabotage them in public.