What am I missing? Why are ppl leaving?

[Alexandra 55]

I have only one thing to say about "why people are leaving." Message boards such as this one revolve around the subject matter, and in this case it's Laparascopic Adjustable Gastric Banding. That is the ONLY thing that we all have in common. There are an unlimited number of tangential topics related to weight--as we all know--and each of us has different issues, concerns, histories, priorities, approaches, goals, etc., etc.

People come, they go, they do what they want to do, and nothing anyone does/says here has any power over anyone else unless the reader chooses to believe it does. The board reflects the diverse nature of the banding community and will continue to do so no matter who comes or goes. No one is more important than anyone else, and LBT can't possibly be all things to all people at all times. It's no more or less than a thriving message board that helps people share information about banding, and is bound to have changes from time to time.

Business as usual, really. And that's the way it should be.

[MeganA 35]

Alex you are always so darn level headed. You're right, as usual. :-)

Megan

[Pianoman 0]

Well put, Alex!

I suppose as the band becomes more popular, the board will become even more diverse.

["Just" Paul 1]

In a nutshell...

I can most definitely tell you why long time members of this board are leaving. Before I give the reason, I can tell you that it is a darn shame to see these special folks leave, as they have been support on this board for quite some time, and their contribution for the last several YEARS cannot be denied.

First off, I can tell you what is NOT the reason that folks are leaving, it is NOT the x-rated, or Adult threads. These have been around forever, and are nothing new. They are generally in the Lounge, and if you object to the subject matter, then it is not recommended reading. They are well marked as being of an adult nature. This has never been a problem.

Second, another reason is NOT religion. There have been many very religious individuals on this board. They share their thoughts and prayers, and do not hide their beliefs. If you object to their system of belief, then their posts are not recommended reading. This has never been a problem.

So, what is the problem? I can tell you that the problem has plagued me as well, so I have not posted in quite some time, and have considered leaving the board all together. The answer is this... this board has been hijacked.

No, I am not saying that every post is suspect, or that everyone on here has been taken astray. I am saying that for the most part, one individual has hijacked this board, and driven away very important, long standing members of this board. I cannot say why this person has done this, and I cannot begin to imagine why, but that is the fact, nonetheless.

I am not going to name names, but I am sure the inferences I make will be clear. It started quietly, with this individual acting as our educator, and correcting other posters for content. They acted as if it was a joke, but continued nonetheless. From there, it became criticism, and repeated complaints about issues as simple as grammar. No big deal, right?

Then came postings about how one is supposed to do the program. I expect, and love these postings and ideas from everyone on this board, they are helpful and informative. However, this individual became less helpful, and more critical, and even went as far as to make personal comments on other posters relationships based on their own viewpoints and concepts. The remarks this person made were hurtful, whether they meant it or not, and when called on that issue, the individual became even more agressive.

I do not mind thoughtful postings, I do not abhore know-it-alls, but this individual began to make it a point to jump into any and all conversations, and to put forward a pseudo-intellectual superiority towards all that challenged their viewpoint. I know, you say, then "don't read this person's threads." Could be, but they began to post more frequently, and to avoid their agressive, and nonsensical posts would involve not reading any threads at all.

Above, Alex mentioned that we all have something in common. That is true, the Lap Band. This individual is not banded. That is not the issue, many folks here are not banded. This individual shows no intentention of ever being banded... that is an issue. This individual expresses constant expert knowledge of the banded situation. That is something I have an issue with. Yes, I do know that many medical practitioners who are experts on the band do not have one...true... but they are medical professionals, not self professed experts from their short experience of someone they know having one.

This board is for bandsters... people who have the band, people seeking the band, people who lost the band, people who want to know about the band, people who want to support a loved one who is any of the above.

It is NOT a forum for one individual to continually flex their pseudo-intellectual muscles in an attempt to feel superior to all those around them. This individual is doing just that, and I'd rather that they left, and that the folks who they chased away come back, but that is not my call. This person has expressed the desire to NOT GO ANYWHERE, despite numerous comments from members of this board as to the inappropriateness of their attitude, and since they choose to stay, others have left. That is a hijack. That is a shame.

To the individual, show some class. Apologize. Understand how you have made people feel. Be the intellectual adult you claim to be. Go someplace else. I know you won't, however, so some of our best members are now gone. That is a shame.

I'd like to end with the fact that I do not know the individual personally, and I may be judging their actions incorrectly, but whether they intended it or not, this is how they are percieved, and this is the result of their actions... the overall number of postings is dropping, and some of our best, long time members are now gone. That is a shame.

Think about it.

[babsintx3 0]

Hi,

I have been coming here since the beginning of this board. I am 2 years and 7 months post op and when I offer advice here or support, sometimes I feel slighted because some folks dont really want advice. They want to debate the basics of banding. So I dont post very often and I mostly lurk. But I also believe as Alexandra so eloquently pointed out that people go through cycles where they need the support and then disappear for a while to get on with their lives. I know that has been the case for me.

Babs in TX

334/180ish

-150 ish

Banded since 6/23/03

[MeganA 35]

BigPaul-

Thank you. You hit the nail on the head for me. And you know what? I have decided that I will not go quietly...I'm going to stay and if the hijacker starts up again, I'm taking it to the mattresses.

Megan

[Jill_S 1]

Honestly. I am only responding to this because I've tried very hard to not respond much to the other threads in this vein, but this got my last neckhair on edge, and sounds very much to me like a witch hunt.

You're going to sit there and point one finger at one person for all of this?

Over the last month or so, I've seen lots of people get more vocal, more aggitated, more...arguementative. LOTS of people. Not just one or two. LOTS. Hell, I myself have offered up an argument here and there, which is typically not my style on this particular board.

This didn't start in ONE thread. It didn't start with ONE post. And it didn't start with ONE person.

One person cannot have an argument. It takes at least two to do that. One person's posts shouldn't be (and isn't, frankly) causing all these people to leave, as this board comes with an awesome thing called an ignore feature. If it was only one person, why not put that *one* person on an ignore list, and move on?

Frankly, I'm not even sure who Paul is talking about, because there are a few people that come to mind that fit most of his "criteria". Doesn't matter though. Who cares? It's a flawed accusation, meant to call out to one particular person (whoever he meant), and take them to task for what he believes he's seen happen. Thing is, that's not the whole picture, at least from my camera. One person cannot wage a war, it takes an army of at least two to accomplish that.

:faint: Maybe it's me who needs a break from the board. Seems to me the accusations are more painful to read than any argument thread.

[Alexandra 55]

I agree with Jill. There is no ONE person who ever responsible for any change in the tenor of the board. What is MUCH more influential is the way people respond to more-vocal posters. And many are the times I have wished more people utilized the ignore feature when there are other posters they know will get under the skin.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

BigPaul, I hear your post, and respect some of the points, but my problem is I have seen a lot of posters like that. Not just one. And some of them have been around for a long while. I am not sure that this is just one person's problem.

But I think Alex hit the nail on the head. I have gone through the posts in the past. and I have also been very active on many boards over the years. This is normal. "old posters" are always leaving boards. It is the natural progression of a board, and those that enjoy those posters miss them.

Personally I think all the blame can be laid on the dirty bananas. They have corrupted our pure little minds LOL

[HeatherGurl 0]

Personally I think all the blame can be laid on the dirty bananas. They have corrupted our pure little minds LOL

I was thinking the same thing!!!:welldone2:

[mrycrltn 2]

:Banane10: :Banane21: :welldone2: :Banane43: :Banane54: :scared: :Banane23: :fruitsex: :Banane36: :banane58:

[FunnyDuddies 6]

mary you forgot al the dirty ones... lol

but i won't postthem...cause this thread doesn't have a XXX in the title LOL

[mrycrltn 2]

Oh yeah....I forgot.

["Just" Paul 1]

All,

I never said you had to agree with my opinion. However, since this person began their posting parade of 'INTELLECTUAL BULL", the flaming has begun, arguments have escalated, and good people have left in anger. It may indeed happen all the time, but it doesn't mean I have to like it or tolerate it quietly.

Yes, Jill, there are many posters on this board who resemble some of the remarks I made, but only one who resembles them all.

You may be right in that it takes two to have a war...

But, one has to start it!

Oh, and by the way, if anyone does not believe me that this one person is causing the problems, then ask each of the people who have left recently why they left... you'll be amazed at the answer!

Feel free to use the ignore feature on my posting.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

Oh BigPaul, I wouldn't ever ignore you. I am not wholey disagreeing with you, I am just trying to figure out who it is. LOL I think you have very valid points. And yes, you do not have to sit quietly and "like" thee state of the board. But unfortunately it is somethingthat happens on every board all over the internet.

I belong to a salt Water fish tank board. Same issues. Have been that way for the last 6 years. I belong to a fashion board. Same issues for the last 4 years. I belong to a florida pier fishing board. Same issues for the laast 6 months. I belong to a private friend board (group of us have a board just to stay in touch) and funny enough...same thing there too for the last 5 years. Peopleleave. They have many reasons. Sometimes it is little uproars that become the straw and camel thing. But they were ready to go anyway. I will miss seeing the wise people who are leaving too.