What am I missing? Why are ppl leaving?

[TommyO 5]

Megan, I agree with you and I have no problem if and when someone decides to no longer be involved with this site. I think you are bang on, this is a very personal journey and it's great to have a place to go and share the experince with individauls who are going through the same thing. I just think that we should all expect to meet people with contrary opinions and that's okay. I believe that it's because of the these differences that participating in this board is a valuable experience.

I am a Canadian and we as a people are in many ways similar to Americans and in many ways different. Participating in this forum not only provides me with support as I take this banded journey it also allows me to learn about another culture (Bonus).

I just don't think that it's a good idea to leave because of a difference of opinion. If you should choose to leave do it for you, not because of someone else.

[HeatherGurl 0]

But isn't this why we come here? Being new and not being banded yet, all these post about what to do/what works/what doesn't work is what is helping me to understand how things are going to be. I think most people mean these as suggestions, and are just saying what has worked for them. I don't think they are trying to say that that is what works for every one or in every situation, just what has worked for them. With out all those suggestions I think I would be lost.

Amen to that!!! My thoughts exactly...

TommyO made a great point also!

[K@t 38]

It's a Heather's thang! :biggrin1:

[Vera 7]

I get frustrated when new people come on board and try to tell everyone else what to do/what works/what doesn't work. It makes my blood boil because this is such a personal journey and I find it ironic that someone who has been overweight all their life can tell anyone else how to lose weight.

Megan I agree! What works for some doesn't work for others.

Not only that but when I read about those that PB all the time, but don't analize what there eating or don't get an un-fill, and some don't even go on fluilds for a few days. What are you thinking?

It's just a tool!

[Penni60 45]

I for one have stopped posting as much as I did because the topics listed in the "NEW TOPICS" are mainly non band related. This concerns me greatly since we come here for LAPBAND support specifically. I mean that is why I ventured into this forum. I think it is great that we share personal things with each other and that we all feel comfortable doing so. It seems that it has gotten out of hand at times and I just chose to NOT participate in some threads. But you see I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am not only a member of this board but a moderator as well. So I have to read some of the threads if they are brought to my attention. I don't have the luxury of not clicking on a post if I don't like the topic all the time.

I just think if we get back to supporting LAPBANDSTERS in their struggles and leave some of the other stuff in moderation this board will continue to thrive. My fear is pretty soon it will be 10% Lapband issue and the rest will be non band related.

Not sure what the solution is but we should come up with something.

I have used the "NEW POSTS" button ever since I have been a member and never in the 2 1/2 years have I seen so much NON band related topics as in the last few months. Amazing!!

I used to come here with anticipation to speak to my friends and answer some questions and share my personal experiences with the band, but now I just skim over the posts and rarely find anything I want to respond to. When I do find something it ISN'T band related.

How did we get so far off topic?

[chameleon 0]

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my frank post on sex related stuff. It wasn't meant to be offensive, just a little humor mixed with some advice (not about banding) and a pinch of silliness. If it was offensive to anyone, I'm sorry...but that's just me. The thread was called "I miss grrreat sexxx..."

[Pianoman 0]

I get frustrated when new people come on board and try to tell everyone else what to do/what works/what doesn't work. It makes my blood boil because this is such a personal journey and I find it ironic that someone who has been overweight all their life can tell anyone else how to lose weight.

I can't argue with that.

Being a relative band newbie myself (banded for six months), even I find it odd that people who have only just been banded, or even worse, have yet to be banded are giving advice like some sort of weight loss super-guru.

[Paulax 8]

Can't be me either, I am new. I just wanted to point out though that I couldn't get on the site for 2 days last week. Didn't know if the site crashed or if I was banned or what....

[Marimaru 7]

I'm not sure exactly what's been going on lately. I don't know if it's that things are taken in the wrong 'tone' or what. I agree that it drives me nuts when someone not yet banded, or newly banded starts talking about 'how to do things'... just because (to me) it feels like they are spouting all the rules they know without really knowing the impact of what they are saying.

I think the other problem is that there's a LOT of new people and some of the new people are clashing with the personalities of some of our older members.

Hopefully it'll blow over. There was drama that was 'cooling down' right after I joined that people were still referencing, and then it happened again last year. Who knows.

[paula 4]

How did we get so far off topic?

I can answer this. (I think)

For me, the relationships that we have formed on LBT have become more then just band/weight related. I enjoy reading most of the other threads that contain personal expriences/struggles/pictures of families, etc. Actually, THATS how we became so close - through the sharing of these personal things.

For instance, last summer ~ my family moved. I posted a thread about us moving into my parents old house - and selling the home we were living in. Didnt have a thing to do with my lapband, but the support I recieved from this place was awesome. I was unsure of the decision, but Penni & Jack was two of the biggest inspirations in making me feel peace over this decision (regarding my kids having to adjust to another move - just 2 years prior to this).

This board has been MORE then a lapband support for ME. Its been a "life support" board.

Also, Im not in favor of leaving this place for another one. I dont even like the idea.

Couple of years ago, I remember going to the mountains with Mikes mom. She told me a story while we were on the 2 hour journey. It was church related (Im going to link this to LBT, I promise!) As we were passing the different communities she said, "You see that place? Thats a church (it was just a shack). People belong to a big church, get mad at some of the members, and go out and start a new church. THEN - some of the NEW church members get mad, leave, and start another NEW church. It keeps going and going! If they would just learn to over look each other's differences. Cause there's unity in numbers, you know Paula!"

Wonderful analogy for us here at LBT!

Last year around this time (must be something with this time of year?!) Rebecca and Darcy started a new board. Many members left, some came back (thankfully).

Now, again - another member (Kelly) has started a new board.

Why? Look what we're doing! Just like the church thing.

There unity - UNITY in numbers guys!

I love ALL of you.... And it hurts my heart to think that I may have to leave LBT's site to look you up.

And while Im on the church thing....

I think we all need to send up a prayer, white light, good vibe or whatever you do - for LBT! We ask it for ourselves and family members, why not ask it for this board?!

(My hands are shaking - Im literally scared to send this through)

[mrycrltn 2]

Well spoken. I agree

[Dianechef 3]

Wow Paula! Thanks for the wonderful post. I sooooo agree. Just get along!!! We're adults. We can do it. Not everyone is going to agree with everything, so just agree to disagree.

As far as not liking the new people giving advice on weight loss. Who cares of they give advice?!?! If it's something that can help you - GREAT!! If not, don't use it. It's that simple. People are going to stop sharing if everyone dogs on them. Just be respectful. :nervous

We are all a bunch of people who come here for strength, help & support. People should be able to say what ever they like. If it's about religion, sex or just personal advice on what they think works - FABULOUS!! We all need to simply respect each others opinions. NOBODY should ever attack another person & that has been happening her WAY TOO MUCH!!

I am saddened by the amount of people who are leaving. I have come to see this place as my family. When nobody understands me at home, someone out in LBT land always does. Very sad that people are getting hurt & offended.

I plan on hangin' around her for a very long time!!!

[Wheetsin 714]

even I find it odd that people who have only just been banded, or even worse, have yet to be banded are giving advice like some sort of weight loss super-guru.

I'm not sure what posts you're referring to - or what kind af advice you're referring to... I personally haven't read a lot of "super-guru" noob posts, but I'm not here that much either, so maybe I just miss it. I am not banded, and I give advice all the time, if it's something I know about. I never stopped to consider whether I'm qualified to give advice based on banded status, post count, or join date. *shrug*

In my short time here I've seen a lot of "I'm leaving", that has yet to happen -- just as I've seen a lot of "I'm done with this thread", followed by continued posting. IMO and IME (DH and I own/admin 3 messageboards), when people really want to bow out, they will with minimal to-do... perhaps a quick good-bye to "friends", usually done privately. Rarely do people make big to-do posts about leaving if they truly plan to do it. (In a really really loose way, it's like suicide... the ones who stand on the roof tops or bidges waiting for someone to talk them out of it never planned to go through with it... it's the ones who slip out silently who mean it).

I've seen and participated with a LOT of boards, and I can't think of any that have a Lounge, yet maintain - as their primary focus - whatever the topic of the board is. That is human nature, and you'll have a heck of a time beating it.

I have my opinions on why people leave, at best educated guesses... I guess I'll have to hang out to see if I'm right.

[NeenBand 7]

I think it's because people sometimes forget to be respectful while still trying to get their point across.

And of course, on the Internet, you will always have a few who are just angry inside and vent it, ripping some poor poster a new one in the process.

Unfortunetly, I have seen many a good support board go down due to that kind of behavior. I hope it doesn't happen to this one.

[Iluvharleys 15]

Everyone has made very good points. I have to add one more to the list. A lot of people are leaving or afraid to post their true feelings because they get put down, jumped on and feel bad just because they posted to a thread. The one thing I hear a lot is I wouldn't touch that thread with a 10 foot pole! What a shame it is that people feel like they can't post to a thread on this board for fear of being humilated!

We have had good people leave this board, people that helped others in so many ways. They didn't announce they were leaving for sympathy, or attention. So many of us has become family on here and we say goodbye to our close friends by letting them know we are leaving and most of the time why we are leaving. If people would take the time to read some of the reasons why, then we wouldn't need to voice it here!

We have always supported someone in sickness, problems, moving, etc. I don't ahve a problem with any of those here on LBT, they are support problems. But some of the posts have just gotten way out of hand and has nothing to do with supporting or helping someone.

If you have problems with someone, take it to pm's or email, or even the chat room! Why make everyone on this board miserable and upset over problems a few of you are having? It usually ends up with you hurting some of the people that aren't even involved with your argument to start with.