Starting The Process Very Soon....nervous

[dubsteppsycho 13]

Hello all,

My name is Charlie i am 27 year old male and have been overweight since about the 3rd grade, so basically my entire life. I never had a tramatic experiance or significant event in my life that triggered this sudden obsession with food, that i can remember anyways. A little bit about my self, I live in New Jersey, my parents were divorced from each other twice with several seperations togehter inbetween that so my childhood was quite fun as you could imagine. Deep down i think alot of the stuff i went through with that has played a huge role in my eating but who knows. I have always looked to food for comfort my entire life whether it be for happy,sad,mad whatever i ATE. I am 6'0 and currently weigh about 450lbs(havent weighed myself in a few weeks) and have a consultation with a surgeon at a local hospital on February 14,2012. I have contimplated having this surgery many times in the past, attended 2 seperate seminars, learned aboiut the different procedures offered, even met with a nutritionist. Over the years i have always backed out due to my extremely high level of anxiety i suffer from and to be honest the saddest thing i could possibly imagine which is ending my "love affair" with food. I dont look at food as something to survive, i look at it for what it is...beautiful, delicious and can satisfy you in ways some things in life just never could. When i eat something i just cant put into words how great it makes me feel especially when its particularly tasty, im sure ALOT of you out there know/feel the same way i do and know where i am coming from!

So why get surgery now? Ive basically come to a point in my life where i am just literally disgusted with my self, what ive allowed to happen and continue to abuse. Like any drug user, i need a massive intervention and i feel with the band in place i will be FORCED to stay on a diet, no more bad day binges, depression binges etc because i will physically be unable to eat the food. Another good factor is i do have a irrational fear of vomitting so i also think that will play a huge part in my success with the lap band in not over indulging due to the risk of vomitting.

I know there will probably be some foods ill never be able to eat again due to them getting stuck in the pouch or things of that nature and as the days go on im trying to become ok with that. I know after i get this done i am going to have my good days and my bad days which will mostly consist of " what did i do?, i cant eat anymore :" i know it sounds stupid but this is a massive life change. No one wakes up in the morning and decides you know what today im going to work incredibly hard and continue to do so until im morbidly obese and have health issues just because. People who suffer from weight problems, like my self, dont really choose to be this way it just kind of happens. I mean granted im sure some people out there dont want to change bu I DO. I have been making a list of questions for my surgeon to ask him, im at about 50 or so haha hopefully he has some time to spare. I am scared to death of being put under as i have never had any surgery or even a procedure involving a :"twilight" sedation. The one major positive thing for me is as far as the liquid diet required i could eat Soup 3 times a day for the rest of my life, so i dont think that would be a huge issue for me, im mostly scared when it comes time for "real" food again what i will be able to tolerate etc. I know this is just a tool and only a tool, but its what i need to do.

If anyone can offer me any advice, or some encouraging words to help me through this process it would be much appreciated as i am just terrified about everything, but it needs to happen and i WILL NOT back down anymore! Ive had high blood pressure since the 8th grade, i have sleep apnea for the last few years ( documented anyways), and over all am just a miserable person, mostly due to my weight and hopefully i wont become a diabetic( fingers crossed). I want to know what its like to be thin, wear normal sized clothes and do things ive missed out on my whole life due to being overweight and shy. Thanks everyone for letting me vent. Hope all are well, and i am looking forward to this journey reguardless of how tough it just may be!

[Ric 89]

It took me a couple years to finally make the decision but was never nervous! I researched every aspect of the procedure!

[maryfran 19]

I have been over weight for the past 20+ years and it tookk me 3 years to finalloly say I am going to do this. When the scale hit the 300 mark that was the final straw. I was banded on 12/13 and have lost over 40 pounds. Now I look back and think why did I wait so long but I to researched everything about it read everything I could find watched videos and talked to people. It is worth it all. The surgery is easy it takes about 2 hours max and you are in recovery. See if you can find a support group in your area and attend there are a mix of people in mine both that have already had the surgery and who are consideriing it. You will hear great information and can ask all kinds of questions to people who have been through it. We are all here on this site to help you too there are so many on here who can offer you advise. E-mail me anytime and friend me if you like and I will talk anytime. What most people don't understand is our addiction is not like drugs where you can stop and still live your life ours you have to still eat to live and that is where the band can help you learn to control the addiction and live healthy. I can't believe in just these few short weeks how I dont crave things I thought I could never live without but you can. Good luck and keep us posted

[dubsteppsycho 13]

yes i know, ive done tons of research i guess its just going through the surgery as i said i am terrified of being put under. But i know this is something i need to have done, i distinctly remember a day i think it was the summer before i went into highschool and i weighed my self and the scale said like 265 and i was like oh hell no...now several years later and 200 lbs heavier i just cant believe i let it get like this. Now is time for change and i just keep telling my self how great life will be. Another problem is i dont know what its like to be thin, ive been over weight forever so its not like i was some skinny person who lived a somewhat normal life and then just blew up, its been forever so i guess in a weird way that is also another fear, a fear of the unknown ( being thin, or thinner) but hey i would love to never have to goto Casual Male ( Store for larger sized clothing ) again for clothes! I plan on possibly doing a blog on my journey once i get things going in motion, maybe it will help someone else out who was as timid and afraid as i was.

[Mck xx 15]

Hi charlie! Youre definitely not alone in being scared & unsure, every bandster has been there! I went back & forth with the decision every day & it felt like a ton of bricks was sitting on my chest every time I thought about the surgery. The further I got into the process, the more panicked I felt when I considered NOT going through with it, though. After each day of cursing how fat I was, feeling self conscious, day dreaming about life if I was thin...and here I'd found this solution that wouldn't be just another failed diet, it was something that would hold me accountable & enable me to get the job done! How could I give up on this path to my new healthier, better looking life?? There was no turning back once Id started. I was terrified of surgery -its a big deal! - and just as addicted to food; eating is the highlight of my day by far. But I went through with it because I couldnt stand the disappointment of giving up...and charlie, ill tell you now that im on week 3 of my post op liquid diet and it SUCKS but I havent regretted the band once! gosh, if I can live on liquids and love my band, I imagine eating solids again will be heaven! Its so exciting and such a relief to finally be on a path leading to where I want to be, im so optimistic! There will be bumps I know but I wont fall off like every failed diet & gym phase in the past. I tried on some clothes at the store yesterday and eh, they didn't look too great, but I didnt dispair like every time in the past because im slowly losing and I KNOW theyll look better soon. Its the most hopeful, exciting feeling ever! The band might not be for everyone but my advice to you is that if you truly want to lose weight and live healthier (and in turn, probably a lot happier), put your fears aside!

[maryfran 19]

If you have been heavy most of your life then this surgery will be the beginning of a whole new life! Just think of the new adventures you can have that you never could do in the past. The places you can go and the freedom you will feel.

[loutenia 2]

Your posting made me sad. You are so young and have so much to look forward to. I haven't been banded yet and worried I will get turned down because of my age, 73. So wish I had done this a long time ago. Even if I live for only 3 more years thats okay, I don't want all these pounds to slow me down. Probably in your late 30s you will develop lots of obesity related health problems. If you are a prayful person please pray about it. Being put out is so simple, I know you will be anxious but just tell the nurse and she could hurry and put you out. Good luck, I pray alot and will keep you in my prayers.....Loutenia

[NWgirl 574]

Hi Charlie. I think you are doing the right thing. I am 23 and have been overweight the majority of my life too... I have dieted and lost some weight, but have never been able to lose enough or keep it off. I look at this like a new adventure and a new chapter, where I can experience new things and really be an active participant in life and not just the person on the sidelines.

I ultimately made the decision when I saw my Aunt, who yo yo dieted her whole life, lose a majority of her weight and keep it off for over two years with the Lapband. I don't want to feel defeated each time the newest diet fails, and I don't want this demon on my back for the rest of my life. At this point in time, this is the only thing I can do to assure I get to a healthy weight. I have gone through all of the emotions, and still feel a little ashamed that I have to resort to surgery to lose this weight. I am one of those people that has always excelled in everything I've done, so admitting I'm a failure in this department is still hard. I'm sure a year down the road I will not feel any remorse over this decision.

[auntielle 42]

I am thrilled with my band and hope you have as wonderful a time as I am having. I had surgery 9/7/11 and have lost 57 lbs. so far. I was nervous about surgery, too. However, it was a breeze and I went home after about 4 hours. I have a great doctor. I had a single incision and had an easy recovery. Not totally pain-free but not horrible either. I even lost some during the holidays.

I would recommend looking into therapy of some kind. That has been very important and helpful to me. I've had weight issues all my life and have lost 100+ lbs. twice. Once I kept if off for 5 years. I'm taking each day one at a time and am learning not to put all my feelings into food.

All the best with your journey!

[dubsteppsycho 13]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I too have yo-yo dieted most of my life im good for 3 monthes then i have that slice of pizza or something bad and then it happens again and again and next thing i know all my hard work is gone. I dont care how scared i am, i am going to go through with this, no more backing out! To stephyanders, dont be afraid to "feel" like a failure because you had to result to surgery, drugs users have to goto rehab often if not several times over many years, it just so happens our "rehab" if you will is more perminant. Of course you can gain it back, but you now have more control over your self. I just wish i could fast foward a few monthes and be on my way already! I can only imagine how much the liquid diet sucks! Fortuantly i do love Soup as stated before, so if i can make some good broths hopefully i would be to bad, but i know its going to really suck staring at someone else eating regular food but hey i gotta do this for me and if i have to "divorce" myself from food then so be it because it NEEDS to be done. I have been seeing a therapist for most my life, mostly for small personal issues, but breaking the bond between food has been proven to be the most difficult thing in my life. I am just looking forward to the chance to be more normal sized, i just want to know what its like already!!!!! i want to know what its like to be cold, not have to worry about if im going to fit in a booth or a chair, and DAMN those stupid white plastic outdoor chairs hahah! man those things hurt! The ability to sit in a chair with sides or arms, and not feel like im going to lose circulation in my thighs because the chair has now become one with me! Some people truly dont understand how emotionally disturbing it is to be so over weight, and just how much an over weight personal literally anaylizes EVERYthing and worry about weight limits or be restricted from doing certain things and im tired of people calling me big guy, or any name referencing my size! Heres to greener pastures ahead! No looking back!

[morelgirl 177]

I wish you all the best of luck, Charlie, and totally support your decision. I, too, have been overweight to varying degrees since I started school at age 5, and by the time I was 9, I had started dieting. Here's the thing, though, the bug secret that no one tells you: DIETING DOESN'T WORK. In fact, it has a 95% failure rate. Can you name one other thing that humans do with that failure rate that they continue to preach and push and make others buy into? Of course not, it would be ludicrous. The band, though, CAN work, if you work with it. You never failed by not losing weight by dieting; you just didn't have the right tool.

Here's hoping your new tool helps you build a better future!