Friend Beening Very Negative

[down in the dumps 5]

Hi lads this is more of a rant than anything. I'm sure you have or will experience friends been very negetive.

My good friend is been very negative towards me. I started weighing 16st 9lb, now at 13st 12, my goal weight is 11st 7lb. So not and don't want to be skinny mini as I'm 5ft 7, and would be quite big built.

Any lately my friend keeps talking about how I've lost loads of weight and to stop cause if I lose any more, i'l look AWFUL, yes she uses that sentence alot when talking about me.

Now god lads I'm hardly thin at my weight now, any other person looking at me would still say I'm fat. I don't think I'm been mad in wanting to get down to a normal BMI. This has already been explained loads of times to her. She's just so negetive !! Another thing she does is she keeps saying "oh I couldn't live like that" or " your struggling eating everything ", I'm sick of explains to her that I can't eat fast any more, I have to slow down.

Now here's the thing. I was always the fattest girl in the group, now it's her. I really think she's been very negetive because she realises that I'm never going to be the fattest one again. Now obviously this has not been mentioned as I know how it feels to be the fattest girl on the block, but I'm running out of patience!!! She's driving me mad, any advice would be great before I say something il regret . Thanks for listening xxxx

[bev712 28]

I think you'll have to sit down with her and talk about it. You can tell her first all the positive things you've been experiencing, and then contrast that with how you feel after she says negative things to you. Don't attack her - she'll just get defensive. She's probably feeling very insecure right now and may even think she'll lose your friendship if you get so much thinner than she is. Stick to how you feel. It seems she doesn't understand how her words are affecting you.

[down in the dumps 5]

Thanks Bev, everything your saying I can actually see in her, it's just getting very difficult because it's never ending. There's four of us girls that are friends and the other 2 are very postitive. We're going away to a hotel on a girlie night soon, so I might try have a chat as I'm sure she will bring up the subject again as she always does anyway. It's so difficult as I dont want to fall out with her.

Any other suggestions welcome, has this happened to anyone else . You know my dietitian warned me about 'begrudgers' and I laughed it off!! God was I wrong!

[KimberlyCoyle 2]

I know how you feel. My parents like to attack me every chance they get with my weight loss. But instead of pointing out the fact that I have lost weight, they like to point out the fact that I'm not at my weight goal yet. As far as your friend goes, I agree with Bev. You definitely need to sit down and have a talk with her and tell her that you're doing this to make yourself feel better. Not because you want to make anyone else uncomfortable. I had a friend that basically did the same as yours. Me and her were pretty much the same size before I got my band, and now 2 of me make 1 of her. She likes to make comments like, "oh you're gonna be so skinny and you're going to look anorexic and you won't know when to stop and you're gonna look horrific." Bottom line is people will always be people. Some don't know how to handle change so all they can do is be negative and talk down on it.

[GermaineF 25]

Sounds like she's drinking that haterade...Educate her and let her know that's it's not about you being skinny it's about you being healthy. If she don't want to be one of your cheerleaders then so be it, but tell her true friends are should motivate one another...

[ccsweetss 8]

Hi! I have been subject to this type of negativity with a few really close friends. And sadly, they are no longer close to me. Try to talk to the person and explain your side but do not be surprised if they do not understand. You need to look out for you and your new life Good luck and if you ever need anyone to vent to. Please feel freee

[sam3841 57]

I know how you feel, its defininty weird going from the attention you don't get when you a big girl I being one of the sexy/pretty girls in the group. I would also say to her, hey let's go workout together so we can get our sexy on. Or something funny like that, while supporting her if she wants to get healthy as well. And let her know that you need a positive environment cause its still a difficult journey and it isn't about looking skinny but being healthy.

[journey4me 23]

I have the same problem with my best friend(since Kindergarten). She has always been overweight when we grew up and I was small. When I mentioned to her that I was going to have the surgery she was so negative and not suppotive at all. She said she'd have to be in the 'Fat club" all by herself? It's not like we have ever had a fat club I think she just doesn't want me to be thinner. I am doing this for my health. She said I am looking older since I ve started to lose weight. I told her I realize that might happen, but what I want is to be healthy so if I look older at least I will still be alive! Its kind of pointless otherwise! So I just take it with a grain of salt and stay away from the subject as much as possible. good luck!

[SageTracey 608]

Congratulations on your success and also on having such consideration for your friend to stop and think before reacting to her. You must be a great friend! I hope that you can find a way to let her know how well you are doing and feeling about getting healthier without her getting negative and seeing it as an attack on her. Try saying things like: "When I hear you say....I feel..." Make it all about your feelings and reactions. Maybe something like, "I'm sure you don't mean for me to feel this way, but I do."

Good luck.

[down in the dumps 5]

Thanks so much for all the replies. You all have given me a lot to think about . I'm going to have a word with her in a nice way this weekend. I realise she's hurting in her own way but I need it to stop. It's very dishearten thinking your best friend is talking about you like that with out what others are saying.

My other friend thinks this friend is worried about me that il go too thin but even after I told her my weight and what I will be at the end of this journey (11.7 stone) she said, il look decrepit !!!! That's a horrible word to use about anyone.

I need to tell her how her words are effecting me and at that to just not talk about it anymore cause it's not as if she'll change my mind.

Anyway thanks again, it's terrible to think that so many are going through this and all from our loved ones!!!

[down in the dumps 5]

Thanks so much for all the replies. You all have given me a lot to think about . I'm going to have a word with her in a nice way this weekend. I realise she's hurting in her own way but I need it to stop. It's very dishearten thinking your best friend is talking about you like that with out what others are saying.

My other friend thinks this friend is worried about me that il go too thin but even after I told her my weight and what I will be at the end of this journey (11.7 stone) she said, il look decrepit !!!! That's a horrible word to use about anyone.

I need to tell her how her words are effecting me and at that to just not talk about it anymore cause it's not as if she'll change my mind.

Anyway thanks again, it's terrible to think that so many are going through this and all from our loved ones!!!

[TheRealSouthernBelle 22]

Hi lads this is more of a rant than anything. I'm sure you have or will experience friends been very negetive.

My good friend is been very negative towards me. I started weighing 16st 9lb, now at 13st 12, my goal weight is 11st 7lb. So not and don't want to be skinny mini as I'm 5ft 7, and would be quite big built.

Any lately my friend keeps talking about how I've lost loads of weight and to stop cause if I lose any more, i'l look AWFUL, yes she uses that sentence alot when talking about me.

Now god lads I'm hardly thin at my weight now, any other person looking at me would still say I'm fat. I don't think I'm been mad in wanting to get down to a normal BMI. This has already been explained loads of times to her. She's just so negetive !! Another thing she does is she keeps saying "oh I couldn't live like that" or " your struggling eating everything ", I'm sick of explains to her that I can't eat fast any more, I have to slow down.

Now here's the thing. I was always the fattest girl in the group, now it's her. I really think she's been very negetive because she realises that I'm never going to be the fattest one again. Now obviously this has not been mentioned as I know how it feels to be the fattest girl on the block, but I'm running out of patience!!! She's driving me mad, any advice would be great before I say something il regret . Thanks for listening xxxx

Maybe I'm the only one that thinks eff her and she's not your real friend, but that's just me. Just because she's your friend doesn't give her the right to say whatever is on her mind at any point in time. I'm sure she is just jealous and insecure and that really has NOTHING to do with you. I understand if you value her friendship and she really has something to offer you then yes, I do believe that you should talk to her. She may not really realize how she is making you feel or she may be some type of comedian (although you don't find her comments very funny). This talk may be what actually brings you guys closer. On the other hand, if she feels as though she's done nothing wrong to you or can't imagine how her words hurt she is truly an insecure, b***h and doesn't deserve your friendship. I guess I just have been hurt a lot in my past and have a low tolerance for others' bull. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a normal BMI, I promise you WILL NOT look like the crypt keeper. I so desire that (I have NEVER been under 200 in my adult life). BTW you can't educate the ignorant! Good luck and keep losing!

[LapBandBarbie 5]

Sounds like pure jealousy to me. Sometimes it can feel like you never left high school. Tell her if she doesn't have anything nice to say, then keep her pie hole shut! LOL

[lorena st 33]

If she is a true friend, you should be able to agree to disagree. Your weight loss and goal weight are between you and your doctor. And perhaps you should just not talk about the lap band and weight loss with her. But telling you that you will look decrepit, is just plain mean. This journey is hard enough work on it's own without those sorts of comments! If you have to stay fat to be her friend, then she is not much of a friend.

[readytogoforit 172]

I really like that you have not attacked her. she is jealous and worried that she will lose you. none of us like change, we never know what will happen!

be the same as you have been, vent with us. maybe she will look into getting some help for herself too!

I hope you will still be friends as time goes on.