Working with the band ...

[PhotoNut 7]

First of all - *Hugs Lou*

Secondly - Thank you for hearing and responding in such a gracious way.

And last but not least - Shame on the people who misled you and NJChick and everyone else who was sold a pipe dream. Josygirl started a thread called "Never gain weight again" in which it was her hope of letting new people considering the band know that the band is not a miracle cure all to the eating disorders that many of us have. Perhaps we should all be stressing this more on this board. It is just unfair and cruel to make people believe that they can maintain the lifestyle that made them fat and miraculously lose the weight because of a stupid piece of silicone around their stomach. Some people recommend the RNY surgery to those people, however, I think that is far too extreme and it still doesn't change the root of the problem, so many of those who have had the RNY end up gaining all of the weight back again, and are then stuck with all of the associated problems for life - on top of the emotional problems.

Perhaps you are right and I should never have been banded - but I have, so now what??

I would recommend finding someone who really understands your struggle, and begin working on behavior modification.. one small step at a time. Do not focus on the big picture of reaching any goals. Start with one very achievable goal - say, giving up one thing you know is harming you. Then when that is accomplished for some time, set another small achievable goal. Perhaps add in 10 minutes of some form of exercizing per day. As NJChick said, baby steps. And while you are doing this, really research all kinds of foods. Compare the calories, carbs, fat, and Proteins and you will be amazed at just how much you can eat by simply choosing foods that stick with you longer and help you lose weight (higher in Protein, lower in carbs).

You have a huge family of support here. Nobody here wants to put guilt on anyone else. We are all trying -together- to beat this thing and when we talk together like we have on this thread, and really lay ourselves open for others to see and understand us, then we start getting somewhere. *smiles* You're going to be ok Lou. This is not an impossible thing to do, and while it may be extra hard for you (because of the negative you are battling in your mind) I believe that with lots of encouragement and support, you CAN do this. And prepare yourself, to me.. support doesn't mean accepting defeat and getting comfort for it. To me, being a support friend means being someone who will come back for you time and time again when you fall, offering you another hand up, and taking you along the road to success - not sitting down with you to feel bad about your fall and leaving you there. I want you and everyone else here, including me, to beat this thing. And together, I believe we will.

Sincerely,

Me

[heresdeb 0]

Just going through these post and I agree to a certain extent but is it not the reason that most people are over weight, is because we cosume too much. So by cutting down on what we eat, we should loose wait. The problem really is the cutting down. You should be able to eat what you like but within reason. Having one cookie is not surely going to make you put on weight but having a packet is.

[gentlespirit 1]

Susan~

I always appreciate your posts...you always have well thought out and considered things to say, and they are helpful to me. Thanks!

Emily

[loopylou 0]

Deb - but why do we want to consume too much?? Please dont take this personally (I am sure you were just saying what others were thinking) but... when someone says to me "just eat less" I'm sorry but that tends to make me angry. I have spent thirty years trying to lose weight not thirty minutes!! Of course I need to cut down what I am eating - do you think I'm an idiot??? A nurse said to me once "just put a little less on your plate" - I balled for an hour and eventually had to be sedated!! I am here with my heart and guts hanging out and the best advice is 'eat less' - well I'm sorry that aint going to cut it. Doesn't anyone understand my frustration here!!??! The food is a symptom, not the problem!!!?! I dont eat because I have no willpower - I eat because if I dont I am cutting my arm with a razor blade to cover the pain that not-eating reveals!! I know you guys aren't psychologists but *$#&*#@ doesn't someone else get this?? I dont want someone to tell me what to do, I want a discussion on what we can do now (surely I am not alone here) - ok we are here we are banded and all this emotional crap is coming up like vomit and ...."just eat less" - I dont *$&@*@# think so!!! Look weight loss is the last thing on my mind here, I just want the pain to stop. I am looking for people with hearts and blood and messy feelings not little automatrons with rule books. Does anyone hear me?? I mean really hear me??

[loopylou 0]

And Susan thanks for your calm response - I guess I thought I would find some kindred feeling here!!!! (or as you put it 'someone who really understands my struggle') - I already see a psychologist already who keeps me (mostly) sane; it was fellow feeling that I was looking for thats all. But thanks for your positive energy - It is appreciated. And no I am not after a 'pity-party', I am just waving from the bottom of the barrel and looking for someone who truly 'gets' what I am going though down here, even if they are not down here with me.

[PhotoNut 7]

Aww Lou, I don't think Deb meant it like that. I think she was trying to say what's wrong with eating a cookie? And I think she meant it to those who say not to eat a cookie.

I hear you. I really do hear you and my heart is breaking for you. If you are seeing a counselor, I would strongly suggest you change to one who can also hear you. I think Jachut is right.. you need to take care of your insides first. And while you might get a lot of well meaning advice here, I think your need goes beyond what any of us can do and I worry that your disappointment in the responses you get here will only lead to deeper feeling of despondence.

Please forgive those us of like me who are only looking on the surface and handing out more pep talks for losing weight. I really do hear you now, and I really do want you to find someone who is qualified to really help you. Not just charge you $100 an hour to feed you crap. There is someone out there that you'll relate with and can help you. I'm sure of it.

And please dont think I'm telling you to stop looking for support here. By no means. Stick close to your friends here, but try to be patient with those of us who fumble around while -trying- to give you the right answers.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I promise. *hugs*

[loopylou 0]

Thanks Susan - must run now though I am late for work. I didn't mean to come down hard on Deb - I think she just caught the major blast of my frustration - sorry deb!!

[PhotoNut 7]

I figured that's what happened. I've done that before too *grins a Donali*

I'm sure Deb will understand that she just happened to be in the way when the blast finally came.

*hugs* Try to have a good night at work Lou.

[Jachut 487]

I wish I could give you the fellow feeling Lou, but I simply cant. I ate too much because I liked food, it was that simple. I wish I could empathise or understand what you're going through, but i just cant fathom it. I'm so blessed that my entire life has been functional and happy - weight problems do not always result from some sort of psychological pain. I sat around waiting for my epiphany for years, that magical moment when you suddenly understand why you overeat - and it just wasnt coming becuase it wasnt there to come, there was no reason for it other than it was a comfortable habit.

I can only reiterate whether or not you find empathy amongst others here, which i'm sure you will at some level, that you have many other things to work on that are more important than your weight, you're right, the food is only a symptom, not the problem you need to be tackling.

Its not that people dont want to understand on a deep level what you're going through, its just that lots of people ARE fat simply because of bad habits, crazy lifestyle and not because of any real underlying problem. We're not all walking round wearing our fat to hide something underneath, it doesnt mean we're not caring and willing to try to understand but I'm not sure that the average Joe can give you the support you need. I really hope someone here is brave enough to admit to having similar feelings to yourself.

[pugmum 0]

I think the poster is looking for an outside answer to something only one can only answer for themselve, inside. No-one LIKES rules and I often become angry and frustrated when I realize that following the rules really is the only way to achieve certain goals. It's my own immaturity, if you will. Not getting my own way.

Sometimes we make issues really really complex because we do not want to face the easiest answer of all which is surrendering and actually making behavior changes. I mean, who is possibly going to come here and say that by doing anything other than calorie in/calorie out control, they have lost weight? No-one because they would be on Oprah making zillions of dollars.

Lap band a miracle cure?? I find it difficult to believe that lifelong dieters would believe for a minute in a miracle cure. We generally know better than that.

Kelli

[CCBSTX 0]

The difference between myself pre-band vs. post-band is that I no longer can GORGE myself! I can't eat a full entree plus bread plus salad and desert. I no longer can eat a whole bag of cookies! It is a big "Stop Sign" for my eating.

Yes, it is a tool. I started out as a perfect bandster. Now, after the end of 2005, I started some occasional treats. I am trying to eat in moderation like many of the slender folks do!!! Shawn

[dacr64 0]

Lou,

I definately think you should seek professional therapy...the mention of suicide makes me nervous. That is a depression issue and you need to take care of that.

If or how you loose weight, with or without your band, you need to heal all of you and make all of you healthy, not just your body. Help yourself and get your mind healthy first...then maybe you will be in a better state of mind to get your body healthy.

Keep plugging along...we are all struggling with our inner demons...some are just struggling more.

[the best me 6]

The food is a symptom, not the problem!!!?! I dont eat because I have no willpower - I eat because if I dont I am cutting my arm with a razor blade to cover the pain that not-eating reveals!!

Look weight loss is the last thing on my mind here, I just want the pain to stop. I am looking for people with hearts and blood and messy feelings not little automatrons with rule books. Does anyone hear me?? I mean really hear me??

I hear you. I see the pain you are in. It has nothing to do with food, with weight, with the band. It's an open, wounded heart, searching for an answer.

I am hoping someone with your spiritual background will post here, because I'm a Christian and I will point you directly to Jesus. I'm afraid you will knee-jerk scoff at yet another "just eat less" answer, because maybe that's what it seems like to you (based on what I know of your spiritual background from previous posts). I can only say that Jesus is Hope. Take it or leave it, but it's the only answer I have for you. It just may not be what you want to hear. I'll give you the best I got from a sincere heart. If that's off the charts for you, I'll move along. I totally respect that.

I, we, care about you and want you happy and emotionally healthy. Your cry for help is palpable. Most of us are on the other side of the world from you, but if I could give you a hug and it would make it all better, you bet I'd be there. I'll be praying, if that's okay.

[Marimaru 7]

Lou,

'Work with the band' is a phrase that drives me nuts as well. Mostly because I feel a bit irritated that I cannot lose weight unless I eat less than 1300 calories a day. The band can restrict me to 1500 or so on a daily basis, and "it's not fair" that I can't lose weight at that rate. I'm a turtle, but I think it's mostly because of my own refusal to stay at or below 1300 calories. I've been doing that this past week and have FINALLY seen the scale move. I know that I quit eating at this low level and I'll quit losing and I'll whine for a few months before I do it again.

At the very least I hope that venting has made you feel better.

[loopylou 0]

Thanks Susan and Jaqui, Kelli you make a good point about immaturity - but still seem to be toting the party line. Deb - yup already there, saw her today. Kathy I thanks you for your words and I understand how Christ helps at these times (I used to be a born-again Christian myself and still look back at those days with longing - even though I know I can no longer believe.) And yes Sarah venting has made my feel somewhat better but I still feel that people are treating this rather too shallowly - I disagree with Jaquie when she says the not everyone who is over weight has "underlying issues". I think we do, unless perhaps like Vines there is an underlying metabolic disorder. We are all addicts. And like all addicts we are running from pain - 20 pounds you can put down to bad lifestyle choices, but to get MO - man we are in some serious pain.