Working with the band ...

[loopylou 0]

I know that the standard line around here is "you must work with the band, make healthy choices... blah blah blah", but that makes me turn cold every time I hear it, because I know that if thats true I have no hope. I am not trying to be negative or give newbies a bad impression, but who are we fooling... Have you guys really gone from out of control MO people to moderate and healthy people just because of the band!!??

The thing that gets me is - if I could think about this healthily, eat healthily and make more healthy choices then I wouldn't need the band in the first place! Having a little bit of silicone wrapped about my guts doesn't and hasn't changed my psychological hang-ups.

I have spent the last 10 years in therapy trying to work through my psychological hang-ups, all the while getting bigger and bigger, so really - the only reason I ain't stuffing myself stooopid is because it makes my tummy hurt (my band). And I really am counting on my band to do a great portion of the work for me because if I am relying on will power I'm without hope.

I understand that people can make (what Dr Phil likes to call) 'life decisions' to the effect of "I will not eat myself to death anymore" but surely that could have been done without the band? Have you really all suddenly become full of will power and dedication just because of the band - 'cause I know I haven't. If you can tell me how to flip that switch in my brain please do because I am at a loss.

Life decisions?? made 'em every day baby, and ignored 'em again by dinner time.

Baggage? Are you kidding? I have a moving van that follows me around...

food addiction? Puuulease!! I have taken food out of the garbage to eat.

Binge eating? My favourite sport, watch me go!!!

Psychological hang-ups?? There aren't enough pegs in the universe.

So if anyone else tells someone to 'work with the band' I think I might vomit, on them (watch your shoes ladies!!).

Look, I know this has come across sounding bitter and sarcastic and thats because... well because I am bitter and sarcastic. But really I am just a bit tired of this pollyanna attitude. I didn't have major surgery to 'jump-start' a new diet or healthy eating regime, I had it because I had no other earthly choice; I was killing myself.

So if what you are saying is true and you can 'eat around the band' or 'not really want to change' then I might as well give-up now, because then it can't help me. I am full of shame and disgust at myself here, but I am just trying to be honest.

[Aimze 0]

You took the words out of my mouth.

I got the band as a last resort because I could not " Diet" and Lose the weight I needed to . I am so tired of hearing You have to work with the band. Well I am trying to make better choices and do all the right things but I am just not that good. I need the band to work with me too.

I have not been coming here too much lately because I feel things here have changed. I feel like I am a bad person for eating the cookie. Some of the posts here have really made feel like How dare I get Banded if I am not going to control myself and eat only what I am supposed to. Well gee If I could do that now. I would have been able to do it before. And then not needed to get the band.I never did post much. But I always looked to LBT for support through everyone here.

I am sure there are others here who feel this way as about their bands as well. I am working on the mind part of this. I need my band to do the restriction part.

Thank you for posting this. I t is so nice to know that I am NOT alone.

[sunnykim 0]

If you want to change your life you must change first yourself. If you thought the band was going to be the easy way out you were mistaken. Losing the wieght comes with alot of mind issues. I think everybody is working on those. And as soon as you over come one - two more come along. Well your not alone... Were all struggling with our wieght demons.

Kim

[gogetgoget 0]

Thank for telling it like it is!

Warm Regards

Donna R

banded 12/29/05

first fill 2/10/06

2nd fill 2/24/06

[senorita 0]

hi Guys, I agree is tough, there is a wonderful book that makes u think about why we chose to neglect our bodies, please read it, it will help u. Its called "you can heal your life" by Louis L. Hay. Give it a try it will help u resolve some emotional connection with how u treat yourself. It has made me think alot, lots of luck and NEVER give UP.:clap2:

I was banded in Mexico 4 weeks ago, lost 14 lbs, woo hoooooooooo:p

[HeatherGurl 0]

Just one question to those of you that agree with loopylou...

Did your Dr. inform you that you would have to watch what you eat and work with the band?

Just curious if you knew this before being banded? That was the first thing that came out of my Dr.'s mouth....

[PhotoNut 7]

I knew full well when I went into this that the band was not going to magically take care of all my issues, nor would it allow me to continue eating as I had been and be successful with my weightloss. It was stressed over and over again as I went thru the pretests (which included a psyc evaluation that I failed and had to take again after I had been on meds for a while longer.. yep, I was a mess).

Sure, a lot of us still need to work on the emotional side of weight issues, but the band is there to help us keep from falling too far along the wayside. Our binges aren't nearly what they used to be. So even if you do cave and have a cookie, chances are you wont be eating the entire package of Cookies - which is a HUGE step in preserving yourself.

It has been said here that the band is not for everyone. If your emotional problems with eating are so extreme that you will find ways to destroy any good the band can do for you, then chances are it wasn't the ideal choice.

I am not controlled by willpower. I am controlled by fear. I fear the PBs. I fear another failure. I fear diabetes. I fear death by food. For me, the band is a tool, just like an electric toothbrush. If I don't pick it up and use it as directed, my teeth aren't going to get clean. I think in order for your band to work, you're going to have to put aside the thought that it was supposed to be an end all to your problems and yes.. work with your band.

Can someone hand me a rag please? I seem to have something gross on my shoes! *chuckles*

[Constance 0]

I really appreciate your honesty. When I first started reseaching the band I felt like much of the comments here reminded me of chat boards from Weight Watchers or Body For Life. I thought, "ok, great, so this is just another 'rah rah, make good choices and only then will you succeed' ". So at first I thought, well, I shouldn't get banded, these people have mastered some self-control that I don't have. So before even getting banded I've already said "Yep, I will fail. I can't live up to this discipline".

I'm not saying I don't or won't try. I'm saying I am honest with myself about the level of discipline I have. Reading some of this stuff I feel like I can never reach the "appropriate" level of discipline required to make the band work for me. That is a depressing thought.

Hi, if I could have just "made good choices" I wouldn't be nearly 100 lbs overweight! It goes deeper than that. I am starting to wrap my mind around that. Yes, the band will help me with the physical condition of overeating but mentally I have to do my part. I know it isn't going to happen while I'm under anesthesia and BOOM I'm cured!

So thanks for being honest loopylou. I feel I am not alone! And kudos to those of you who have expereinced an internal makeover. I hope to get there someday too.

[Mikey 0]

Great thread - I appreciate the honesty! I realize that my few posts have mostly been goofy, but I think this thread deserves a real response.

Whether I can write a real response or not remains to be seen - but I'll give it a go...

I'd like to address 2 main parts of this... 1st, the tone of the forum, and 2nd, my opinion about the specifics of the band's role in our weight loss.

Loulou, you're right - a lot of the posts on this forum intentionally minimize the impact that the actual band should have on our weight loss. And Aimze, you're right - quite a few of the posts on this forum have been very effective at pushing the 'guilt button' - a mechanism that is very well-developed in most of us already, and doesn't need any help.

There's an interesting psychological phenomenon that pops up when we're spending time reading these forums. It seems that our individual backgrounds and experiences become a filter that we look through when we're reading. These filters often cause us to zero in on certain topics, key phrases, buzz words - while overlooking other topics, key phrases, and buzz words.

At the risk of sounding too "hippy-peacenik-can't-we-all-just-get-along" I need to point out that there are all types of people on this forum, posting all types of things.

If you are sensitive to guilt-trips, you will certainly find them here... I've seen some that are painfully effective. If you're aware of the danger of pop-psych shortcuts that make it seem like one quick change of thinking will totally reverse 20,30,40+ years of bad decisions, then you'll certainly find plenty of Dr. Philisms here. If you're worried that you're going to find evidence that folks here are doing significantly better than you, you can find all kinds of excited posts that will lead you down that path.

But remember that much of this can be attributed to your filter. You don't have to work hard at all to find exactly the opposite. There are a lot of posts that are encouraging and helpful, with language that could help counteract the worst guilt trips. There are a lot of posts from people being honest and real and open, and avoiding the pop-psych crap, and recognizing that this is a very real lifelong struggle that won't be 'fixed' by one brief shining moment of clear healthy thinking. And there are a lot of posts from people who are sad, hurting, wounded, and wondering if they made the right decision in the first place.

You'll find posts from veterans - folks who've had the band for 2+ years - who will say that this was relatively easy, and some veterans who'll say it's still hard. You'll find posts from newbies - folks who've had the band for 3 months or less - who say that this whole process has been a breeze, and some newbies who are struggling every day.

My point is that it might help us to be aware of the filter we look through when we're reading this forum. Try to see more of the overall motivation behind some of the posts. Most of the folks here are genuinely trying to help - and are genuinely interested in the success and health of everyone in this community. They really want us all to do/be better.

However, since we all come from different places, with some different experiences and personalities and abilities, we all can have different styles of communication. What one person clearly sees as a guilt trip will be seen by someone else as a caring kick in the butt. One person might see shame where another might see empathy. We're all different.

It might be worthwhile to take a little time and search for the posts that speak your language. And when you read the buzz-words that trigger your gag reflex, maybe try to step back and see what they're really saying. And if that doesn't work - just skip it altogether. There's no rule that says you have to read everything. Especially if it might cause you to ruin someone's nice new pair of shoes...

And secondly - to the specifics about the band - here's my way of looking at it. Remember, this is just my opinion. I hope that it will help you - but if it doesn't, feel free to skip it

It seems that some see the band as a miracle - it's a spectacular device that will magically solve all of my problems. It will erase my craving for pizza and replace it with a strong desire for small amounts of soft green vegetables and gallons of lukewarm tap Water. :hungry:

Others seem to see the band as nothing more than an encouraging reminder to continue on this radical path to health that I am taking. This small sign on the road gives me the mental fortitude I needed to make a full U-turn, and now I can make all the healthy choices my life requires. It's easy, now that I'm on the right road.

I think it's clear that the band is neither of these extremes. The cliché is that the band is a tool - and that tools can be either used or misused. It's not a cop-out... it's true.

Is it possible that you could bypass the band's effectiveness entirely with bad choices? Absolutely. On the other hand, is it possible that the band's restriction could give you the help you need to lose weight and become healthy? Absolutely.

The band won't solve all of our problems. And there are some changes that are required in order for it to be fully effective. And there are varying degrees of success that the band gives people.

However, don't believe that you need to completely change your entire life overnight. It's just not true - or even possible. Don't believe that you have to become perfect in order for this to work. It's just not true.

Changes must be made... and some of them are significant. And your success will be effected by these changes. But the band can absolutely help with the changes, if you let it.

I just had the band a couple of days ago - I'm still on liquids - so I haven't really seen what will happen in my life. And I recognize that I have to do some work to make these changes. But I also recognize that the band had better keep it's side of the bargain!!!

[PhotoNut 7]

Bravo Mikey. This is exactly the attitude that we should all adopt. Not only has your post made me nod and say "That's exactly what I've been trying to say" but it has also made me take a breath, step back and see that I could be a bit more understanding of those that don't see things the same way I do. Thank you.

[NewSho 20]

I know that the standard line around here is "you must work with the band, make healthy choices... blah blah blah", but that makes me turn cold every time I hear it, because I know that if thats true I have no hope. I am not trying to be negative or give newbies a bad impression, but who are we fooling... Have you guys really gone from out of control MO people to moderate and healthy people just because of the band!!??...

<snip>

...So if what you are saying is true and you can 'eat around the band' or 'not really want to change' then I might as well give-up now, because then it can't help me. I am full of shame and disgust at myself here, but I am just trying to be honest.

Oh, Lou honey - have you been reading your fellow Bandsters' private journals?

Your words are going to echo and resound within many in our banded community - whether many who read it, have the chutzpah to speak up and say so or not. Everyone won't agree, but that's what makes us individuals and not lemmings, right?

But quite earnestly, I hear you loud and clear - and it is very much a concern to any (sensible?) Bandster whether this tool (or even the DS, the VG-Sleeve, or RnY or heck, even "magic fairy dust" ) will get us where we need to be.

The thing is, we don't know. When I see pre-ops say "Oh, I'll never eat XX XX after I get my band" or "I know I can make this work" I think of course - no one pays thousands upon thousands of dollars (Australian or American dollars) to have something fail. We all go into this with hope of succeeding, and thankfully many of us do achieve success.

But as I've posted before (which gets folks riled up, but then the truth hurts) I have NEVER seen any group of people, like Bandsters, that are so quick to point fingers and assign blame to those within their own ranks that are struggling.

Never.

Not with any other Weight Loss surgery type or any other Weight Loss program I've seen. I don't know if it's the particular types of personality that are attracted to Lap Bands or if it's something that Lap Bands bring out in us - but I know there is more finger pointing, accusing mea culpa, self punishment and self blame among some of us, than any other group I see. Why are Bandsters so quick to blame ourselves to an almost masochistic point (and someone could argue that implanting a piece of silicone, tubing and titanium in ones abdomen is in itself masochistic ) and why do we blame the "fallen soldiers" among us?

So is one a bad person for not having estimated the right tool for the job. ( Have you ever heard or read the following statements? "Well, you're not losing very fast. You're probably not making smart food choices, I bet" and "Are you sure you've done your best to make this work?" or "Gee, I lost 100# out of the 250# I need to lose, I don't see what your problem is" or my favourite, "I've seen people not succeed with the Band but it's mostly because they drink 4-5 ice cream shakes a day, etc... )

Sure it's a tool. Any all tools aren't necessarily right for everybody. What if you do a bit of DIY or home improvement, and you think you need a 1/32" screwdriver. You may estimate it carefully, shop carefully and find the right brand at the right type - then get it home and find that you actually needed the 1/16" screwdriver... Maybe sometimes the tool is right, but it takes some of us longer to learn to work with the tool. Perhaps with some time, that 1/32" screwdriver could be worked with, to complete the task although it might take a bit longer.

I think your post, Lou, is a good reminder that not everyone comes to this journey with a factory--installed set of "FAIL SAFE GOOD JUDGMENT DECISION MAKERS" that are automatically implanted during the Lap Band surgery. Bravo to you for expressing it.

Happy Band Journeys to all.

[Alexandra 55]

Loopy, I applaud your post. Thank you!

For what it's worth, I'd like to offer another way of saying "work with the band" that might not feel so negative. People are all familiar with the AA model of dealing with addiction, the 12 steps that start with "We admitted we were powerless over [insert addictive substance here]..." Well, when I'm having the most trouble I get back in control by acknowledging that I HAVE no control. At times like these, controlling what I eat doesn't take asserting my willpower, but rather admitting that I have no will at all and handing it over to the higher, stronger power--in this case, a band of silicone.

So I rely completely a lot of the time for the band to do its work for me. True. But I have to stay out of its way, LET it guide me away from the table. THAT took some learning and tears, but it came.

Recovery from addiction takes, in 12-step circles, "hitting bottom." Perhaps the decision to have WLS in the first place can be seen as that bottom for people addicted to food. If that bottom hasn't been reached, if the patient has surgery before he or she is ready to give up the addiction, perhaps the time just isn't yet right. The fact is that a lifestyle change has to be arrived at by the patient at some point if WLS is going to help permanently. This is not news to anyone, I'm sure.

[leatha_g 4]

Lou,

Believe me, you are not alone. I've had my band for nearly 3 yrs and today is harder for me than all the days of my first year. BUT, I have my band which reminds me EVERYDAY that I am still working on this journey. If I didn't have this band, I would have yet again regained all that I had lost and more by now. Remember, this is a life change. There is NO race to reach a certain point by a certain time, even though the tickers seem to make some of us feel as if there is a race or a finish line. It is simply not so.

The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that I am heading in the right direction MOST of the time. Yes, my head quarrells with my great need for emotional feeding constantly, but without the band it wouldn't be a quarell. I would have given in and probably died by now from the complications of obesity.

[mousecrazy 2]

Hi, Loopylou. I don't know what category I fall into, but I hope I have something helpful for you. My heart hears your struggle with the eating addiction...I win these battles most of the time now, but I lose them more than I'd prefer. This is what I have convinced myself of...I want to eat like a "normal" person. Now, this requires some actual observation, and not our assumptions about what this is. Normal people eat Cookies sometimes, right? So don't feel guilty about a cookie or two. But, normal people don't eat a box of cookies every day. You sound like you might have some rebelliousness, like me, and when told not to do something, it becomes that much more inviting. So, I have worked hard to take the "no-no's" out of my thinking, and try to make good choices the biggest majority of the time, and not beat myself up over the other times. I'm not setting the world on fire with my rapid weight loss, but I'm okay with the rate I'm losing...it's not a race.

I sure hope this helps and I have not opened the pandora's box of angry rebuttal. Rebuttal is fine; PO'd rebuttal is not. I'm still asking for more civility in all our posts.

Cindy

[Anwyn 0]

I am losing weight on restriction alone. I know this, because I had an unfill a while back, and the old habits came back in minutes. Seriously, I was in the Taco Bell drivethru across the street from the hospital on my way home. For me, it's 90% the band, 10% me. The 10% is the part of me that occasionally gets me to work out. I read posts that suggest that everyone else eats broiled fish and steamed broccoli at every meal, and I think "hmm... what should I get on the pizza tonight?".

I'm not saying that I don't eat healthy sometimes, but no more or less often than pre-band. And yeah, I try to get my Protein in most days. But I'm not kidding myself - if I could still eat 4 pieces of that pizza instead of the toppings off of one piece, I'd be in serious trouble.