Who Have You Told You Were Banded?

[nancyginnm 5]

I'm very upset with my husband! When I finally decided to have the lap band done, I discussed it with him and he has been very supportive. I had surgery on 9/30/2011. Prior to surgery, he asked me who i was going to tell. I told him I wanted to get used to the idea and "new life" and then would tell everyone. He felt it would be best if I told my adult daughter (in case something happened when he wasn't around). I agreed and told my daughter and my sisters - all of whom have been very supported as well. I didn't want to tell my parents or my sons for a few months. Nor did I want to tell anyone else for awhile. This is a big change for me and I wanted to have time to take it all in. Well, Saturday he informed me that he "decided" to tell his mother! I was absoultely furious with him. I feel very betrayed - i haven't even told my mother! I asked him when he told her and he said a few weeks ago.

So as you can tell, I'm venting. My two questions are: 1) Do I have the right to be upset 2) who have you told that you were banded?

[lifes2short 1]

hi nancy-

you have every right to be upset. this is a very big decision and a very personal one at that. if you didnt feel comfortable sharing this with anyone yet he should have respected your wishes and kept his mouth shut. I just got banded about a week ago. only my parents and husband know- no one else. and i dont plan on telling anyone either. I feel ppl can be very judgemental eventho they have no right to be. this is something i did for myself, for my own future and health and its no ones damn business how i did it.

I hope you can talk to your husband and tell him how much this has upset you. Maybe(hopefully) he will understand and respect your wishes for the future.

Wish you much success on your new journey.

[Banterwonder 63]

I have told only my husband, no one else. I have not told anyone at work, and will not tell them. I am taking vacation, so no eyebrows will be raised. If anyone asks as I am losing weight, I will say that I am seeing a nutritionist and a personal trainer. Not a lie.

[nancyginnm 5]

Like I told my husband, at some point I will tell everyone but for now, I just want it to be the selected few. I'll give it a few days so I can cool off then I'll talk to him again.

[Msfotobug 3]

For me it wasn't a big secret. I'm not ashamed that I needed a "tool" to be able to help me loose weight. Sure, you have those who against it, but surprisingly I've had a few friends who are interested in it and I would have never known that if I hadn't shared my experience.

[Jim1967 3,569]

I think as far as number 1 question you certainly have every right to be upset. It is your news to share and if you asked for it to remain on the down low he should have respected that. As for number 2 I have not kept it a secret and a lot of people know but there are some that don't.

[jayeedee 7]

I told my husband, my two best friends, and my Mother & Father In-Law. I told my family that I am doing a medically supervised diet, which is true.

It is a personal decision who you tell. Everyone that knows has heard it from me, and they all no I am generally a fairly private person... and we all agreed it is for the best that I never tell my actual family. I wanted to make sure the people I told know me well enough to understand the whys, and loved me enough to be supportive no matter what. I also wanted to tell people that, even after they knew, wouldn't be paying close attention to my weight.

You have every right to be upset with your husband. Though you are married, he knew that you were not telling everyone right away and should have consulted with you before disclosing.

[lorena st 33]

I told my husband and my family doctor...that's it. If anyone asks me about losing weight and how I did it, I will unlikely tell them anything beyond...small portions and calorie counting. If it is someone that needs to lose a lot of weight, I would likely tell them about the surgery. Otherwise, it is need to know, with me. Yes, I would be upset if my husband or doctor shared this information with anyone else, without my permission.

[ErinMarie 186]

You have every right to be upset because that wasn't your husband's secret to tell and he may need to be reminded that this is your decision, not his.

I, however, have told everyone and anyone that asks! I haven't gotten any negative comments since my surgery. Some of my friends were against it when I was first talking seriously about getting it, but they have since moved to being supportive and happy for me. IF there ever was anyone that didn't agree with my decision and they voiced it, I would probably politely tell them to eff off and mind their own business. If someone doesn't like it, then they should be happy that they aren't the ones in that situation!

Good luck!

[Mr. Green 3]

I tell people if they want to know how I lost the weight. It is not secret and the reaction I have gotten has been positive. Now, I'm not one of these people that says,"Hi, I'm Mr. Green and I have had WLS". You can pick who to tell, but I found my family is more supportive and helps me that they knew from the start. No one sits by me and wonders why I am not eating or why I don't like all the carbs, junk, etc. I don't think the subject is taboo like it was in the past. Awhile ago WLS was for the weak. As obesity is becoming a global issue, the surgery is not suprising to most IMO.

[CallMeStacy 7]

I have told my family and close friends, most of my close friends have had wls. I am not broadcasting it and have told my children it is not something they need to tell their friends. It is a personal issue and if you want to tell people, it is your choice to do so. I am not ashamed or embarassed by it, I didn't go and tell everyone that I had a hysterectomy either. Medical issues are a need to know basis type of thing. As far as your husband is concerned, you do have the right to be upset but don't hold on it the feeling. Talk it out and let it go, I am sure he knows he shouldn't have told, that's why he told you a few weeks after the fact. Just remind him that what he did was not very nice and ask him to not do it again. Stress and anger can mess with your weight loss. So stay positive and keep moving forward =0)

Good luck to you !!!

[SageTracey 608]

I know exactly where you are coming from but can also (now) see your husband's side of things. Initially I told only my husband, our sons, my mother and one very close friend. I made it very clear to my husband that I wouldn't be telling his sisters until I was ready - because one of them is very judgemental and I didn't want her negativity.

He respected that but after almost 10 months, I have started talking with others about my band and my husband pointed out that it was difficult on him that his sisters didn't know what so many other people now knew. I still wasn't comfortable speaking with one of his sisters but I could see the position he was in. If my surgery was becoming more widely known then it was only a matter of time until his sisters learned about it and they would feel very put out if they heard it on the grapevine.

So, I spoke with one of his sisters and gave him permission to tell his other sister.

I would have been very hurt and angry if he had gone ahead and told them without my permission, but when he explained it from his perspective, I understood where he was coming from.

Good luck.

[pugsx3 39]

My cousin got her lapbad about a year before I did. I was not a negative nelly towards her - but I certainly thought she was taking the easy way out and thought she was making a mistake. Then I started researching it, and the more I saw, the more I liked, so I met with a surgeon who sealed the deal for me. Since then I told anyone and everyone that will listen, and it does not bother me at all if someone does not react well. I just tell myself that they don't understand, much like I did not understand until I looked into it. I also feel like telling people really holds me accountable to actually follow through. I don't want to hear anyone say I told you so!

That being said,I would have been furious if I had asked anyone not to share the info and they did - so you are more than justified to be upset. This is a personal choice, and you have the right to decide who you tell and who you don't.

[nancyginnm 5]

Thank you all for your answers - great help! I want to re-iterate that I'm not "hiding" my surgery or trying to keep it a "secret". I just wanted some time to deal with it and get used to it on my own. I guess I should have also mentioned that my MIL lives in another state and I have talked to her person a total of 3 times since we married in June.

[doctordiva 1]

Yes, you have every right to be upset. I initially didn't tell anyone except my husband, but he didn't tell anyone. In fact, as I started telling more and more people, my husband kidded me for sharing something I had planned to keep secret.

I told my sisters and their kids. I told close friends. I shared the news with my boss and a few colleagues. But, as I started getting a lot of support from MOST of those I told, I realized that I wasn't going to hide it. I am proud that I am taking steps to get well and fit. I have dieted a great deal in the past and many friends and colleagues have seen the weight loss-gain yo-yo I was on.

As I lose this weight, I will tell anyone who asks me how. Think of the positive influence you can have on someone's life by sharing your story. I have a friend and cousin who have had lap bands for several years, and before I had my surgery I sat down with each one-on-one to discuss the pros and cons. I certainly hope that if someone wants information from me I can share it.

And those people who aren't supportive? Forget them. The day of my surgery I posted the following status on Facebook: "True friends support you when they agree with you AND when they don't. I really appreciate the support and love I receive from my friends and family. Thanks for being there for me." That's really how I feel.

Linda