Found marajuana & need advice

[shanna 0]

My nephew (22 years old) has been living with me, my dh, and kids (13 & 11) for a year now. He has a wife and a 5 month baby girl.

I needed to do a load of laundry and they were taking a nap, so I went to take their laundry out of the dryer and lo and behold - marajuana in a baggie.

I'm very naive when it comes to drugs so my brother-in-law, who is a police officer, came over and positively identified it.

My delima is this: I totally agree with dh that they need to move out. We have kids in the house and we have 0 tolerance for drugs. My dh says they need to leave NOW. I would like to give them a couple of weeks to find somewhere to go.

What would you do? If I pushed it with dh, he would allow them to stay for a little while, but is that the best thing? I feel like I'm too close to the situation for clear thinking. I'm so upset - they have a baby - What are they thinking?!?

Thanks for any suggestions and sorry for the long post.

[NeenBand 7]

I understand your position, I have zero tolerance for it too. Plus, pot is VERY expensive, so I would be very pissed that they are spending their money on it while living with you.

Having said that, I would give them time to find a place. Because of the baby it's the right thing to do. But choose a date they know they have to be out by and stick to it. Don't give them too-too long,(I think 2 weeks would be tops in my book) the guy has to feel the consequences of his disrespect and drug use.

Good luck.

p.s. I hate drugs. They destroy families and lives.

[Thinjen 0]

I've dealt with the same thing with my brother. He left that day. Of course, it would have been harder if he would have had a wife and kids. You have to do what is right for your family. Sounds like he needs a wake up call. He gave no regard to you, your husband, your kids...totally disrespectful. That's what I considered when I kicked my brother out.

[StephanieRaye 0]

Pot is not THAT expensive. In fact, it's the cheapest drug out there. He's 22 years old. I would give him a break. Just tell him you found it, you don't approve, and he has 2 weeks to find another place.

[illude 0]

I Think That Your Exactly Right 2 Weeks Should Be Plenty of Time For Them To Find A Place To Go...I Have A 0 Tolerance For Drug Use As Well I've Watch it Destory To Many Lives and Families.....You Were Good Enough To Let Him & His Wife Live with You They Should Have Respected You In The Process.....

[StephanieRaye 0]

and who said he was using it in your home? it was in his pocket, right? I mean, if he was smoking it in your house, that's one thing, but this was his personal stuff that you found it in.

[shanna 0]

Thanks you guys, for your caring responses. I appreciate the input. I just got off the phone with dh and he's only willing to give him the weekend to get out.

Actually, Stephanie, it was found in MY dryer, loose. It had come out of his pocket. I was definiitely not looking for it. He is only 22, but he has a family and he's got to grow up. My sister has dealt with his using during high school and beyond and it has got to stop.

He definitely needs a wake up call and he's about to get it. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the conversation - just writing to you guys has me balling like a baby.

How is your brother now, Thinjen? Did he understand?

Thanks again everyone!

[Guest ASPHALT ANGEL]

Smoking it in her house or not is irrelevant. Just having it in her house is against the law and it is her house. He should have more respect for her and her kids not to be having pot on him. I would tell him he has 2 weeks to find a place and I would tell him you need to go through the rest of his belongings to get the all of his pot paraphenelia..SP? (pipes, paper, etc..)out of your house.

[DevilMayKare 1]

I'm so upset - they have a baby - What are they thinking?!?

He's 22, has a baby and lives with his aunt... thinking isn't big on the list here.

[Bensmum1109 0]

Shanna, you said your sister went through drug issues with your nephew when he was in high school. Did you have reason to believe that those issues were completely resolved?? And did you set ground rules for him when he moved into your house??

I definitely think it's uncool for him to have pot in your house when you have been nice enough to let him stay with you. But you should definitely give him a few weeks to move out, and you should really try to talk to him about the consequences of continuing to use drugs. I am from California, and I think a lot of Californians have a more relaxed attitude about pot, BUT- and this is a strong BUT- not only does he have an infant to think about, but he is living with your pre-teens who are at a very impressionable age.

I hope at least if he was using he was not doing it in your house or around ANY of the kids.

[Dianechef 3]

I agree with your husband. OUT OF THE HOUSE this weekend. Now that you know, you can be held liable.

[shanna 0]

Yes, I did think it was resolved. I believed him when he said he was clean and he had to take a drug test for his current job. I think it is something he is getting back into.

As far as smoking pot in my home - I am pretty sure he has. Like I said, I know nothing about it but now that I have smelled it, it smells awefully familiar. Also, he uses a lot of candles and air fresheners in his room. Call me gullable, go ahead. Hind sight is always 20/20. He's my nephew, whom I love very much and I wanted to help him out.

[DeLarla 22]

SMOKE IT!

Okay, that was just some badly needed comic relief. When I found out my neighbor's kids are smoking dope, it simply broke my heart. Flush it down the toilet, then tell your kid you put it where it belongs!

[princess_n_thep 2]

Okay, as a police officer myself I am going to try and remain objective and think about this not as a cop but as a regular person.....

Regular person answer:

Marijuana smoking is fairly common in the US. I would consider a few things. Does he have a good job? Does he go to work? Do you notice his extra activity (pot smoking) as disruptive to your life or his? Have you noticed its effects?

If everything above is okay, then it is probably just what I call a "functional habit". MANY people do it, and more than anyone realizes. But I WOULD definitely have a serious talk with them that it is NOT welcomed in your house under ANY circumstances. But if he is functional and not some dirt bag then I don't know if kicking him, his wife and 5 month old baby out on the street is the best answer. However.... I am thinking that if he is married and having a baby I am seriously wondering why he doesn't have a place of his own and raising his own family so that leads me to believe that he is irresponsible and a possible dirt bag. (no offense to your family member, we all have at least one of them in the family, as do I).

So for me it falls down to functionality. If he is a good person, with good efforts, honest activity otherwise, good husband, good father, hard worker, etc... then I would try and tell him the importance of your zero tolerance of the drug and your feelings toward his habit.

Now my police officer answer:

Tell him to get a job, get a clue about responsibility in supporting his family on his own rather than mooching off you, and get the hell out of your house.

Hope this all makes sense.

[the best me 6]

He's my nephew, whom I love very much and I wanted to help him out.

Now you know you aren't helping him do anything but take advantage of your kindness and generosity. I don't know all the details, but you are certainly justified in telling him to move along.