So Frustrated...

[misskerri 1]

I was banded on 1/13. My parents came up to Houston to "take care of me" while I recovered. My mother was here the night before and stayed until saturday, thn my dad came up on saturday and stayed until the following tuesday (my parents have been divorced for over 20 years now). My mom was kind enough to go to a resturant to eat her meals while she was here. MY dad on the other hand, whom I love dearly, rolled in with an ice chest of food for himself, fully stocked including ruffles potato chips and oreos! MY dad made hot dogs with chips, hamburger patties with mashed potatoes, ordered chinese, made blts, (my dad is a really good cook!) and topped it off every night with a large glass ofmilk and cookies! All while I am sitting on the couch sipping broth or Protein Shakes or eating sugar free popsicles. I have never missed food more in my life than I did those few days he was here!I never wanted to hurt someone so much over an eggroll! Fortunately, I knew he would get on to me if I had any of that stuff but was worse is that HE LEFT IT ALL WHEN HE LEFT so that he can eat the chips and Cookies when he comes back in 2 weeks!!! IT is all sitting in my kitchen cabinets and refrigerator for me to look at everyday. I feel your pain, and Im right there with you!

[bri_belcher 2]

To answer some questions...

No one else in my family is overweight. It's always been just me. I absolutely know that I can't control what they eat and they know I'm not trying to. The thing that bothered me was the blatant eating them in front of me. I know I have to be strong. If I didnt realize that I would have never gone through the process to get the band. I know this will be hard work. I am just struggling emotionally. Thanks for your support guys.

[petiteflower70 5]

The first 3 weeks of this journey we are on is TRULY the hardest(at least so far for me). It was like some kind of spell got lifted when I was at 3 weeks and one day. You CAN do this. Thank goodness for the support on here!

[ErinMarie 186]

Just remember it's called bandster hell for a reason! The physical and mental hunger you feel WILL go away! It's a real struggle in the beginning, especially when family members don't always take your feelings in to account (my husband got mad at ME for guilt-tripping him for eating in front of me!)

Just remember it will pass and you will eat again, even if it seems to take forever!

[honk 780]

Most people would'nt drink in front of someone who is recently gone sober; but don't realize that a food addict has the same issues. While your family does still need to eat they could be more understanding. I went to Breakfast with my sister about 8 months out and she ordered fresh made donut holes; but when they arrived she said "Do you want me to put them on the booth seat so you don't have to look at them?? " Did not bother me that they were on the table but she did ask.

[blondiepierce 8]

Oh dear. I feel your pain. But I've had to take the approach that my decision to make a lifestyle change is just that. Mine. Not theirs. Why should everyone around me change their eating for me?

I had my lapband a few days after Christmas. That new years, my brother and his family came down to Celebrate. While my husband, daughter and his family sat at the table eating pizza, I sat in the living room sipping on broth. Yes, I wanted pizza, but I knew that this was my decision, not theirs. Why should I ask them not to eat what they want when they don't have the problem?\

My mother in law is a different story. She had no supported me in this at ALL. She was so unsupportive, she would not even pick up my child from day care the day I had surgery. We had to ask a family friend. MIL even works in surgery in a hospital that performs these procedures weekly. She's worked on these cases herself. But her idea of a family gathering has to center around huge meals. No less than 6 sides plus 2-3 Entrees per meal. With multiple Desserts too!

I had to lose 5 more lbs over the holidays. My mother in law actually put a plate of chocolate truffles in front of me three days before surgery. "Here, have some" I hurt her feelings by declining them. Then the day before surgery,she wanted the entire family to eat at Cracker Barrell for Breakfast. I went and drank Water.

Then a week after surgery, she wanted us to all go to Olive Garden. Those breadsticks looked SOOO good. And the salad. Oh my. I drank tea sweetened with splenda while they ate. I had to take the mental approach that I'm there to enjoy their company, not the food at Olive Garden.

Please remember it does get better. I'm 4 weeks out from surgery and while I would LOVE to sit and eat a steak with my hubby, it's not going to happen anytime soon.

Keep your chin UP! You can do this!!!!!! I know if I can, ANYONE can. We all have to get used to people eating things in front of us that we can't have. I know its hard, oh how I know. Remember, it's a much mental to the patient as it is physical. It's a lifestyle change for us. Either our family and friends can understand it or not. Regardless, we cannot make the change for them.

[sherrypep 91]

My mother in law was visiting and wanted to get eveyone Chineese food after I was banded 1 week. I asked them to go out instead and she told me "You made this decision to have the band and now you have to deal with it." No one is going to stop eating just because you can't" It started a big war. I wanted to throw her out but I bit my tongue.

[journey4me 23]

I hate having to make dinner for the rest of the family, but not being able to eat! I guess I should start making things I don't like! I feel like I'm never going to get through this! I am 5 days post op. Thank God I am not even hungry because of the gas pains! Hang in there! I totally get it!

[B-52 7,113]

My mother in law was visiting and wanted to get eveyone Chineese food after I was banded 1 week. I asked them to go out instead and she told me "You made this decision to have the band and now you have to deal with it." No one is going to stop eating just because you can't" It started a big war. I wanted to throw her out but I bit my tongue.

She may be a little gruff in her attitude, but I have to agree with her. The world is still there and rotates everyday the same way it did before you were banded.

I know it's hard for you now because you are just starting out. But as time goes on your're going to have to deal with it.

Wen everyone goes out for dinner and drinks after work, when you go to functions like weddings, thanksgiving, birthdays, it's not going away and you cannot become a social recluse. You're gonna have to learn to deal with it, with grace and style.

[elcee 3,341]

Yes but who's house was it? If it was her MIL's fine but in your own home you should be able to get a little bit more respect and consideration.If that was my MIL i think I would have told her where to go.

[B-52 7,113]

Yes but who's house was it? If it was her MIL's fine but in your own home you should be able to get a little bit more respect and consideration.If that was my MIL i think I would have told her where to go.

I lnow, it was rude and inconsiderate, especially when someone like the op is still recovering from surgery.

But the point I tried to make is that, in the futre, you have to learn to live in a world that is very food orientated. Watching TV there are spots after spots about some super duper (disgusting IMO) triple decker with melted cheese, bacon and God knows what else.

I have gotten to the point, through my own journey, that at times when I look at foods/recipes and people are oh haing about, I find it repulsive. And when I go out to a resturaunt and observe other people eating, I am reminded of John Lennon:

"Have you seen the little piggies with their piggy wives, clutching forks and kniives, to eat the bacon"

[Grider 92]

I live alone so 4 days after surgery I was still feeling ugh so left my family's home- with kids, food and smells of food and went back to my own apt to finish recouperating.. what got me, was the POSTS on FBook. they posted pictures of food and one cousin posted a picture of a huge birthday cake, I swear I tasted that B-cake in my lips, I replied- "will print and eat". I also think I was emotional after surgery, drugs and what not which does nto help. I think the discomfort of the surgery kept me, but now I have my own foods and feel satified, The guys on the job are curious as I have lost 20 something lbs and keep wanting to know what I am eating, and ask me to join them at lunch, ,, and I say I brown bagged it. I think anymore people just into self and not considering other folks at all. Stay strong and remember, even though they might have had a part, no one else helped you gain the weight, no one will help you lose it. This is your walk. So head up -shoulders back and forward march.

[pibble11 1]

Honey I totally feel for you. I was banded yesterday and I have no strength... I am pretty tough usually but when your in this kind of shape the slightest feeling of not being taken in to consideration, and others not understanding what your going through can be an emotional disaster. so go ahead and cry and tell them exactly how you feel. Because they feel fine and obviously do not understand whats going on in your head or stomach. It's not easy to feel the pain of others crying will probably have an effect on them though good luck... and remember it will get better for both of us!!

[jmac75 3]

I was banded 1/21 and my hubby has been scared to eat in front of me. He asks if it's ok and he's been eating things I don't like thankfully. Most of the things I like are smelling really bad right now to me, but I'm so hungry and the commercials, etc. on tv are killing me! I keep distracting myself from it. I know it's going to get better but it is tough this first week.

Have you talked to your family and asked them to not eat that stuff in front of you? Tell them how your feeling, they should respect that. Good luck.

[Holly Dolly 575]

I hate having to make dinner for the rest of the family, but not being able to eat! I guess I should start making things I don't like! I feel like I'm never going to get through this! I am 5 days post op. Thank God I am not even hungry because of the gas pains! Hang in there! I totally get it!

Making your family things you don't care for is a great idea. I have done that many times when I am either not very hungry or don't have many calories left for the day.