Disappointed In Myself

[Tally23 0]

Hi Everyone! Sorry I have not written in awhile I have had an EXTREMLY rough year. In may I was hospitalized with stomach pain and vomiting. Thinking it was my pancreas again but it was my gallbladder. I slept a week in the hospital and then had gallbladder surgery. Then in August I had a total thyroidectomy for possible cancer and other problems with the gland. Thankfully it was benign but now I am taking pills for the rest of my life. Then... as if it can not get any more worse I had a very bad horse riding accident. I had two pelvic fractures, a left ring finger fracture and a grade 3 concussion. I had my helmet on which saved my life. I almost lost my job because I was off work so much. I had stopped eating after my accident which was likely due to my thyroid levels being wacky and I admit I was VERY depressed... In august I celebrated my one year bandiversary. By then I had lost close to 50 pounds. Now with the holidays done and over with I have been very stressed and depressed. Struggling financially- afraid of loosing my job- no support...etc... I am back up to 214 ( previously I was down to 198). I have been having a very hard time with my band the last few months. I should be happy because I also got engaged and I am planning my wedding for Sept. this year... One day I can eat ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING and the next day I’m barfing my guts out. The holidays were very rough for me because I couldn’t eat like everyone else... I was very upset... I celebrated my 26th birthday on 1/8 and I am still very unhappy. Between lots of nausea and vomiting- today I am have very sharp pain where my band is... I couldn’t even eat eggs this AM well I did but then the toilet got the Breakfast... Sometimes the vomiting can get so bad that I dehydrate myself and end up passing out...I really really do not want an unfill so I have avoided the doctors. I am concerned I may have done more like dilated my pouch or my band slipped... The last few weeks im questioning why I even got the band...I have been very sad and felt alone. So I am reaching out to you all for some support, information or just some positive feedback...

I feel so lost right now...

[Cocoabean 430]

First, I am sorry you had such a rough year. But on the good side, congrats on your engagement. You did not have cancer, a thyroid pill a day is not a huge deal, I've been doing that since I was 24. You'll need to monitor your thyroid levels about once a year, I am guessing. You survived a horrific fall.

We bandsters cannot eat like others. It's a fact. But vomiting often is not a good thing. I believe you should see your band surgeon as soon as possible. You say you don't want an unfill, and I can understand that. But that might be what you need to allow you to eat a better selection of foods and keep them down. You REALLY need to get things checked to be sure of what is happening.

I don't know about you, but I know very few people in real life who are banded, I get my support here on-line.

I hope you feel better soon!

[Merle 2]

I'm so sorry to hear about your rough year. And it was terrible, but the most important outcome, is that you are alive, young and ENGAGED congrats. I understand what you are feeling and going through. I just recently went through the exact same episode that I didn't want Fluid taken out because I could eat what I wanted, then I would end up in the bathroom. I was dehydrated as well. But we're doing SO much damage to our bodies. It's not worth it to be sick, burning our throats, and not to mention what it does to our teeth. I too needed the support here, to get me back on track. I actually joined weight watchers just to get back into eating healthy. My problem is closet eating. But someone on here told me, remember why we did all this. We went through the pain of the surgery, to be healthy. to be healthy, not to hurt ourselves, dehydrate ourselves, and end up back on the table to have the band removed. We didn't put our weight on overnight, its not coming off that way. One day, one meal at a time. sure we're gonna fall off the wagon, I fell off for 6 months. But the band is our tool to help us succeed. Not to do it for us, we still have to work on it. Take a breath, and be good to yourself. You have a wedding to plan. Go to the doctor, get fluid out, and be healthy.

[pen527 6]

So sorry you've had it so rough lately. It sounds as though you really need to see your doctor. Even if he has to do an unfill, you'll make it through. You have to take care of yourself so you have the energy to plan that wedding!

[1shauna1 129]

Wow, you have had a hard time. But, things are getting better, you are engaged and moving on to the next step in your life!

I hear you about eating anything one day and then nothing the next. My band is like that. Perhaps you need to take it easy and do some liquids (if you've been throwing up a lot your band is probably very irritated), and as others have said, you should probably see your doctor. Maybe you are a bit too tight. I do find my band to be very fickle, and I totally understand your frustration! Take care!