Run My Life! What Should I Do?

[running_scared 125]

A few days ago, along with my DH, I made the decision to get a lap band. My BMI is over 50, and I've got a lot of joint pain, but no other, more serious complications (yet). I've had my consult, and have a surgery date booked for April 20th.

But now, I'm freaking out a little bit. I feel like I've failed myself by needing to have surgery, when lots of my friends from weight watchers have lost their weight with diet and exercise alone. I know that this is foolish though, since I've been doing weight watchers on and off for 5 years, and I've never been able to keep the weight off (or lose more than 30 pounds).

The more I google (and read the forums), the more cases I see of people not getting much out of their bands, and I wonder if I'm just doomed to be fat forever, no matter what I do.

My Mom died when she was 50, from an obesity-related side effect, and I've worried since then, that I'm heading there. Then I thought that maybe the lap band would be the tool that I need to get things moving in the right direction. I don't know what I'm saying here, other than I'm scared. I want to make the right decision. If I work at it, and journal food, and follow the surgeon's recommendation, I will lose, right?

Thank you for your support.

[GLove 44]

Im in the exact same spot you find yourself in. I started this last Feb, post poned it for awhile to be sure it's what I want/need and Im now on track for surgery in March sometime. it is scary. I am mad at myself for getting to this point. Im competitive enough to keep saying I can do it on my own, but cant seem to get it done. I lost 80# 6 yrs ago. Why cant I do it now? Im 57 and beginning to develop obesity related issues such as joint pain, pre-diabetes, peripheral nueropathy. LB is a permanent change in your body and lifestyle.

[lellow 1,713]

My Dr wanted me to have this surgery about 18 months before I actually got to the point where I was ready to have it. Like you, I felt like I should be able to do it on my own, but in the past, I'd lose some, then gain again. I felt like a failure at life, because if I couldn't control my weight, then how weak was I?

But the truth is, I eat less than my 5yo now in order to be at a BMI that is considered 'normal'. I am not sure how I was supposed to do that without a lapband. Especially since, unlike other addicts, I have to use what I'm addicted to 3 times a day, and apparently have the 'will power' to stop eating after just a few mouthfuls. Or to not eat again when just a tiny bit of food results me in being ravenously hungry an hour later. C'mon now, under any court of law, that would be cruel and unusual punishment!

The good thing about the band, is if you've successfully lost weight before, you'll probably do wonderfully while you're in 'bandster hell' (the time between surgery and getting enough fill to keep you satisfied on very little food). Because the truth is, I lost most of my weight before getting to my sweet spot. But what the band does now, is helps me keep it off.

I know it's scary, but it does work for a lot of people. I am one of those people. I got to goal then wandered off to live my life for nearly a year, not really posting or checking into this site, and I suspect that's what a lot of people do when their band works. But when you have problems with you band, what do you do? You check the net, you post, you ask for help. That's the mainstay of this site. I don't think you necessarily need to consider all the issues you read about here to be a representative sample of all lapbanders.

Anyway just my 2c.

[B-52 7,113]

First, that is exactly why I have not told anyone, except for close family, that I even had the surgery.

When it all comes down to it, it is all about me, my health, and my well being.

Everyone else can just go and ....well everyone and go and do their thing, but I had to take care of mine and my own.

Second, I have tried all diets known under the sun. I'm not kidding! Medical supervised programs to cabbage soup!

I started out good, lost weight, and it all came back, and then some.

I'm one of those people who cannot diet, and stay with it and be succesful. I quess some people can, the celebrities on TV pushing these programs say they did so I guess it's possible, but not me.

I needed surgery to alter me physically and force me to eat better and loose the weight, permanently!

[running_scared 125]

Thank you very much for responding Glove, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in doubting myself. Lellow, you look fabulous, thank you for taking the time to reassure me. B-52, I also appreciate your take on who to tell, and who not to tell.

On that front, what did you tell people, when you had surgery? I have to travel for mine, and I'll be gone for 5 days. I'm also going on vacation 3 weeks after, to Hawaii, and my Mother-in-law is coming with us. I should probably tell her, but she is the worst at keeping secrets. My naturally skinny inlaws just wouldn't understand, and I don't want them to know. I also don't think my Dad and sister would get it.

[Banded G-ma 1]

This is not an easy decision to make. You are making a forever change. Its worth it though. If you are going on vacation with your mother-in-law after surgery she will figure somethings up pretty quick with the changes in you eatting and drinking habits. At first I didn't tell anyone I was getting the lap band. I felt like I was taking the easy way out. NOT!!! It's the hardest diet I've ever been on-you just cant cheat or take a day off from the diet! I'm glad I did it. Now if anyone asks I tell them. It might inspire someone else to do this. I'm happy and proud of my lapband!

[TheRealSouthernBelle 22]

The only people that know about my surgery is my hubby and Lapband mentor (she told me all about it and shared her story with me, etc.). I didn't worry about telling anyone else because it's not their business and am not really up for hearing comments, opinions, or you didn't need that, or you are going to die, etc. Now that I've lost so much weight so many people ask me what am I doing, etc. and I just plainly tell them watching my calories (which is something I started doing more as the weight loss has slowed) and exercising 4-5 times a week (something I've done since a month after surgery). I had to tell work though and they just know I had a hernia repair, which is true! It's no one's business, but your own. If you know your mother in law doesn't keep secrets well and you want it to remain a secret, don't tell her. You are not obligated to anyone, but yourself and your immediate family (hubby and kids). She may ask you why you are eating funny or is that all you're going to eat, (which I get often LOL!), I just tell people I'm on a diet, which I guess is true and that's why I'm loosing weight. As far as being gone 5 days, how will people know that you're gone unless you tell them. If they ask just tell them that you needed to get away.

Whatever decision you make it's yours. Don't listen to negatives because that will only dampen your spirits. You make the Lapband, it doesn't make you, so you have to work. True indeed others have to work more than some, but you will find what's right for you. It's not for the lazy, the faint of heart, or the emotionally unstable. You will have your ups and downs, but for me it's all been well worth it! Don't ignore the risks, complications, side effects, etc., but don't let those deter you from making an informed decision that could change the course of your life forever. Good luck!

[xavier 153]

How many people do you know that lost their excess weight on Weight Watchers (or any other diet) and have kept it off? Seriously, diet alone has a long term success for like 5% of poeple. I have failed every diet and my band is the best thing I ever did!

[running_scared 125]

Thank you Southern Belle.

I'm feeling a lot less hesitant today.

[TheRealSouthernBelle 22]

It's major surgery, you should have hesitations. I had hesitations and I'm sure everyone else has too. But listening to naysayers and negative people is only going to amplify them. You have to do what's right for you, whether it's Lapband or not. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better about it. It will be okay!

[cyn2011 32]

You are not alone about having doubts. I had doubts even in the prep room waiting to go into surgery. I kept asking myself, "am I doing the right thing?". I probably realized about a week after the surgery that i did do the best thing for me. I'm 7 mos post op and 62 lbs lighter. I'd lose weight in the past but only about 20lbs and then it would come back with friends:). The lap band is work. If you're willing to work ( ie monitor your diet, exercise, etc), then the band will work for you. You already have an advantage with the support of your spouse. I think some type of support system is critical for success. Good luck to you.

[running_scared 125]

Thank you everyone.

Last night, I told my best friend about my plans, and she told me that another acquaintance of ours is having a band put in a week after my surgery is scheduled. We are meeting for coffee this afternoon to talk about our 'journeys'.

[laddie1229 18]

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Welcome to Bandland!!!

[running_scared 125]

Thank you Laddie (and everyone else)!

[1shauna1 129]

You don't need to tell people if you don't want to. They will see you eating healthy, small portions and think you are doing great! Don't think of it as a failure. Some of us have more issues with food than others. And it not "the easy way" to get surgery and have something implanted in you. I have never had a harder journey! But I know I would just be larger than ever without it....think of yourself as smart because you recognize you need the help!