Am I Going To Lose Friends Over My Lapband?

[NJ2NC 62]

Hello Everyone,

Tuesday Jan 17th is my big day to get banded I'm so excited it's been a long "well worth the wait" journey. In addition to my family I've shared my lapband journey with my closest friends and a few close co-workers. All through the journey everyone have been very supportive but now that I'm down to final week I'm hearing comments from people like "well I guess I better get to the gym now that you're gonna get all skinny" and "I've joined the gym so I can keep up with you" or "you really don't need a lapband if you stay on the diet you're on now (the pre-op diet)" and the best one yet is "don't get to sexy".

I'm not sure how take those comments and I know there will be more. Now I just laugh and say It's not a competition! Has anyone experienced any of these kind of remarks? How did you respond? Its truly not a vanity thing and as people in my closest circle should know but they now only see the 'skinny' aspect of it and not the improved health aspect, could they be possibly jealous?? Has anyone had friend issues since getting banded?

[Short and Chunky 230]

I work at a University and I hear that stuff all the time..Some are jealous and some just don't know what to say - they surely don't want to say - Hey fatty, glad you are finally doing something about your big butt... I would think of it as a compliment and move forward - Hey, your surgery is just around the corner and it is not going to be a day at the park. You are doing this for health reasons and anyone who thinks this is a "quick fix" is in for a rude awakening. You are getting a "tool" to help you with your weight loss. You are still going to have to watch what you eat and exercise (walking is great) and you will start hearing true, sincere compliments. Your true friends are going to know what you are going through and that is all that matter. You go girl ! I was banded 7-7-11 w/plication and I am down 75 pounds (40 more to go). I have dropped from a 22W to a size 14 in slacks. It is a great feeling - but - my blood pressure is now normal, my sugar is now normal and lots of other tests are now in the normal range. This is about you and your health and you will do just fine. Support from friends and family is great and you are so fortunate to have that. Hang in there and just do your thing.

Melinda in Jacksonville

[mandyMO 67]

it already looks like your going to do wonderful youve got the right attitude and deturmined and your already loosing weight your on the right track with your journey! people that havent been in your shoes dont understand the aspects of it they ! its not all about getting skinny its so more then that and they dont understand and i know with me yes we all want to be skinny but realistically we want to feel better and live a healthier life and you are already focused and ready to roll ! cngrats and you are going to do wonderful and you will have some bumps on the way but if you can get over those bumps its all good good luck and God Bless

[mandyMO 67]

I work at a University and I hear that stuff all the time..Some are jealous and some just don't know what to say - they surely don't want to say - Hey fatty, glad you are finally doing something about your big butt... I would think of it as a compliment and move forward - Hey, your surgery is just around the corner and it is not going to be a day at the park. You are doing this for health reasons and anyone who thinks this is a "quick fix" is in for a rude awakening. You are getting a "tool" to help you with your weight loss. You are still going to have to watch what you eat and exercise (walking is great) and you will start hearing true, sincere compliments. Your true friends are going to know what you are going through and that is all that matter. You go girl ! I was banded 7-7-11 w/plication and I am down 75 pounds (40 more to go). I have dropped from a 22W to a size 14 in slacks. It is a great feeling - but - my blood pressure is now normal, my sugar is now normal and lots of other tests are now in the normal range. This is about you and your health and you will do just fine. Support from friends and family is great and you are so fortunate to have that. Hang in there and just do your thing.

Melinda in Jacksonville

Melinda you are so right the quick fix and just thinking the band is going to lose the weight for you is in for a rude awaikning like you said its a tool you have to work with it !

[NJ2NC 62]

Thanks ladies, I definitely know it is not a quick fix. I've told them plenty of times I'll be a the gym too! the weight won't magically go away without my hard work, but sometimes I think they forget that. I just keep telling myself to be strong especially since I was just asked today (jokingly I hope) about going to eat Japanese food from someone who know I can't. Luckily I'm not easily tempted and have no trouble saying NO.

Short and Chunky, I think you should change that name now 75lbs size 14 wow..that's great but what's fabulous is your normal blood pressure and sugar and all your other normal ranges!

I have a hard time picturing myself "thinner" but don't get me wrong i would LOVE to look in the mirror and say wow, I've really slimmed down LOL

[NJ2NC 62]

it already looks like your going to do wonderful youve got the right attitude and deturmined and your already loosing weight your on the right track with your journey! people that havent been in your shoes dont understand the aspects of it they ! its not all about getting skinny its so more then that and they dont understand and i know with me yes we all want to be skinny but realistically we want to feel better and live a healthier life and you are already focused and ready to roll ! cngrats and you are going to do wonderful and you will have some bumps on the way but if you can get over those bumps its all good good luck and God Bless

Thanks for the support! and God Bless you too..

[LosingitinVT 0]

I am going through the exact same thing and my surgery is one day after yours! It is good to see we are not alone. My co-worker actual said to me that weight loss won't reduce your asthma or sleep apnea symptoms. LOL. When she said that I knew she was jealous and ignorant to boot. Don't let the haters bother you. I also am going to you say to them "You never had an opinion when my weight was 247 pounds. Now your concerned for my health. How noble of you.

Let me know how your feeling after surgery! Good luck.

[Allison0927 329]

I am 6 months out and 85 pounds down (size 22/24 to size 14 so far). I have not gained or lost any friends - and everyone (at least to my face) has been extremely supportive (i'm very open about the surgery to anyone that asks how i'm losing all the weight). You will find after a while that the frequent positive comments from co-workers may change from a feel good "novelty" to almost a nuisance or uncomfortable feeling. I hear comments every single day from at least one co-worker (there are about 50 or 60 employees where i work), Surprisingly there are times when I am actually uncomfortable with all the attention (i never would have thought i would feel that way as i thrive on attention/compliments normally). It's hard to explain and only something you will experience when you get there. People are very well meaning and I know they feel they are just giving me positive encouragement. I'm sure the attention will die off eventually - maybe after i hit goal and maintain a while. Still - I would not trade the weight loss for anything in the world - this whole thing has been a life changer. I truly wish you and all of us the BEST OF LUCK ON OUR JOURNEYS!!!!!

[123crod 170]

My Mom said you better not get smaller than me. My own mom, so it is just people knowing they need to get theirselves healthy but now they see you doing it and feel guilty. I did get smaller than my mom. My sister-in-law started a diet the day I got banded and lost a lot of weight but 2½ years hers is back and mine is not!!

Cheri

[pink dahlia 2,513]

wow ! ive only been banded 1 month and ive had nothing but supportive comments from family a nd co workers who know about it. i feel great , and ive lost 15lbs total. in the last 2 days ive received 2 compliments about how good im looking! some of my old clothes fit and so im dressing nicer. if sombody gives you grief about anything just explain youre doing something healthy for your body. wait until you get your 1st nsv ! (non-scale victory) clothes that finally fit, a nice compliment, walking without being tired, etc ) hope all goes well for you, mine has been a breeze !! just had my 1st fill. doing fine ! i'll be thinking of you on surgery day !

[Lisa75 3]

I lost a friend the very next day after my surgery but ya know what i found out, she wasn't my friend in the first place. I think it takes time for people to adjust to our changes as much as it does us. Don't sweat it. You're gonna do wonderful and more than likely you'll have a LOT of support. Not much longer now. You'll be so happy!

[PattyGirl66 1,243]

I had a friend of 30 years who lost weight. She lost 40 pounds on her own and had 25 pounds sucked out by getting a full Tummy Tuck and breast lift. With that, she became insensitive, rude, obnoxious, and crude. I can say a lot more, but won't go there. We both have struggled with our weight all of our lives. I am much taller than she is and always weighed 100 more pounds than her. Even though I carry my weight very well, she had no problems of ridiculing 'fat' women in my presence. The last two years of our friendship, I could no longer bare to be near her, not to mention be her friend of 30 years. She became difficult to talk to, confide in, and plain just be a friend. It was about her and only her and no one else in her life mattered anymore. We are well in our 40's, close to 50 and with behavior like this I could no longer deal with her and ended the friendship over a year ago.

The only people who know I am getting surgery is my daughter, husband, Mother, and my precious 5 year old granddaughter (even though she doesn't understand) she knows Nana is getting a band around her stomach to get healthy.

I hate to say this but, in my experience with seeing people lose weight (especially women), they become competitive, envious, and even jealous. I can't deal with these types of personalities and that is why I chose to keep my weight loss journey hush hush with only certain family members. My brothers and sisters don't even know....

Best of luck to you all and remember to always stay true to yourselves

[kll724 3,055]

Well, my 2 cents worth, is if you loose a "friend" because you loose weight, they aren't or weren't much of a friend anyway!!! So good luck, and any online friends you meet here will be supportive of your losses! Karen

[bluetigereyes 95]

I work in an office with about 100 women. I specifically chose NOT to tell them about my surgery. I had my band placed on Dec 22nd. Many people here are rail thin and there are a few that are heavyset like me. I have only confided in a couple of people that I would say are my close friends at work about my band. I had one find out when she looked in my Medical Record (I work for the hospital where I had my band done) and when she confronted me about it, I turned her in for a HIPPA violation.

My family is VERY supportive as are all of my friends. I have one person that was supportive when I was thinking about the band (for over 3 years) but when I finally had it done her whole attitude changed. Well, I figure, with people like that, they are not TRUE friends and do not need to be a part of my journey. She is my ex-husbands sister and I thought she was a friend, but has proved otherwise. I dont see her that often, so as the months pass, the weight comes off, and I start looking better and getting healthier, she is the one that will realize that she has missed out on being with me through this amazing journey.

Many people think having bariatric surgery is a quick fix, we all KNOW its not. The band is just a tool to assist us in the journey, we still have hard work and dedication ahead of us to bring out that beautiful, healthy person that is hiding inside us all.

I would love to keep in touch with you after your surgery...let us know how you are feeling and this board is great if any questions come up.

[SageTracey 608]

How sad that people you believe are friends will judge you by your weight and your success in losing it! I am happy to say that my friends have all been supportive, although I am only just now, nine months post-op, telling many of them that I have the band. I wasn't ashamed of getting WLS but I didn't want to be judged for it. So far only one person has referred to it as taking the easy way out and I put him straight very quickly!