Banderversary

[JerseyGirl80 12]

I haven't been around the site much lately but I just felt like posting today.. It's my 1 year bandeversary, although I am not where I wanted to be at this point (I had much higher expectations but was unable to live up to them)... Who was I kidding thinking that being banded was going to turn me into Jane Fonda or Denise Austin?? yeah ok, I don't think so, I know me better than that.. But anyway so far so good, I really can't complain. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help of my band, and of course some determination on my part and the support of my super amazing boyfriend, his family and my bestgirlfriends. I had so hoped to be 100lbs down in my first year, but knowing now what I didn't know before is that it just isn't realistic for all of us. We lose what we lose, Every Body is different. I can't beat myself up or cry about it, it's partially me (partially my PCOS). I know I didn't workout enough, I wasn't as strict with my food as I should have been. But I chose that route because working out like a maniac and eating like a rabbit was never, and will never, be a lasting thing for me. It's what got me to the weight of 309lbs.

For me it was always that old song and dance of losing and gaining more than I lost in the first place, time and time again. Being too strict inevitibly caused me to fail over and over because it never lasted, and I was so afraid it would happen again and I'd truely be a failure with a $25,000 band in my belly, and a lump of embarrassment and devastation in my throat. I still worry that I may fail, I have good days and bad days, who am I kidding I have good weeks and bad weeks, but I can't give up on this... I won't give up on this.

So anyway, I've done everything in moderation, my eating, workingout, and my indulging with the penalty of losing slowly, but so what, I'm still losing and I'll take that. When I really sit and reflect and I notice the little changes, I'm so amazed with myself, smaller clothes, I can feel bones, wait I have bones? lol, yeah I do, and it's so awesome to finally meet them.. I can cross my legs, I don't huff and puff walking up stairs.. my sex life (hehehe).. the list goes on and on.. and to think this is only the begining, I still have a ways to go.. I'm still so excited for what my future holds. A future, before surgery I didn't see one, I didn't want to. Now I see the possiblities and I finally see how wonderful life is/can/and will be.. For the first time in my life my weight isn't weighing me down, I'm not a prisioner to it anymore. I actually allow myself to live, whereas before I avoided most social situations by staying home and burying my face in bag of McDonalds or a pizza or whatever else I could shovel in til' it hurt and I fell asleep..

I don't know who I'm writing this for, maybe just for me because who can I really say these things to? Who would really truely get it, or want to listen? Only other banders, maybe.. Or maybe I'm writing this because there's someone out there like me that just needs to hear this and know that they aren't alone.. I don't know.. If anything I say helps or touches one person I'd be happy. Thanks for listening and good luck to every single one of you..

Remember to Never give up on yourself, no matter how helpless things get.. We can do this..

[jenlyn122 9]

Thank you for sharing. I am just starting so I really enjoy hearing others stories.

[ghofen 0]

I think we all need to find our own rhythm with this device that I am realizing is truly only a tool. It is NOT a silver bullet and the answer to our prayers of being rid of making poor nutritional choices. It only limits the amount of the bad food that we eat. So the reasons that we over feed and are food dependent still need to be resolved.

I eat very healthfully (thank God) but had been eating way more than I needed.

I am also losing slowly, but I am more concerned about the quality of my food as well as my weight loss. Since I can take in only so much (which is a lot more than I thought I would be able to by the way), I have committed to the food being of high and nutritious quality. However, I am not relegated to food that does not taste good. I have become a salsa-holic and hummus -- well love it. I've found scrambled eggs with salsa to be a fav. Cottage cheese is a friend. Steamed Tilapia in the food processor with some spinach is delicious even though it may not sound it. There was a time when I would have put a whopper in the food processor, but no more. May raise the Serotonin for a minute, but does Nothing for me nutritionally.

I am taking in several small meals during the day. Maybe that's not what others are doing, but it

seems to be working for me and it also addresses my need for food. Like I said, I'm not into Ho Ho's

or Cheetos, so I am cool with my process and my progress. Slow is good. It's like being on WW with help in not being able to overeat -- the best of both worlds.

Shalom.

[JerseyGirl80 12]

ghofen, I agree, it is only a tool and we all have to find what works for us. I unfortunately was a food addict, although I ate healthy most of the time prior to surgery I still overate, and still gave in every single time I craved certains foods no one should ever eat. I've found since being banded my cravings have calmed down tremendously and (most of the time) I'm more concerned with getting in my healthy Proteins than eating anything deep fried with no nurtional value. I also agree that it is like WW (which I've done at least 8 times in my pre-band years) I eat right most of the time and now my band restricts me from eating too much, I love it. Thanks for responding

[jamesmom 3]

thanks for sharing! i get banded on friday

[Shelley64 26]

I loved your post!!! I can so relate to the thought of losing 100 lbs in the first year. I had mapped out the whole 1-2 lbs a week deal and figured I'd be at my goal at one year............Well that's not happening. I didn't take into account the whole learning curve, getting the right restriction, not losing any weight for 2 months, etc. I'm in a good spot right now so I think I'll have a good loss at my appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping for 6 or 7 lbs since my Nov 2nd appt. I'm just a slow loser...I was before the band and I still am. However, my lab number are vastly improved and I'm buying smaller clothes and I'm able to do Zumba a few days a week and not pass out! It's all good!

[JerseyGirl80 12]

Good luck Jamesmom!

Thank you Shelley. I too made the mistake of not taking into account the whole "learning" part of this prior to surgery and that it could take months. I guess I just got caught up in the moment and didn't want to think too much about that part. Seeing so many others posting about how they lost over 100lbs in a year made me kinda feel like that was a typical result (regardless of what I knew from medical research and from what my doctors were telling me). Not realizing there were many more people like me, the slow losers, that were probably not posting as much because they felt like failures compared to the big losers. Which to be honest is why I neglect the site from time to time, I'm guilty of feeling that way sometimes. I'm happy for others but it's upsetting when I'm aggravated with myself and struggling and most people posting are doing so well.

But anyway, now I know it's ok to be a slow loser, and as frustrating as it is, I know it's how I need to do it. Before surgery I was just so excited to get banded I couldn't see anything but the end result, I wasn't thinking about the struggles. I hoped to not be one of the slow ones, but it didn't work out that way. Some of us are lucky and the weight just falls off right out of the gate but some of us have to actually find the right place where we and our bands meet. I've had months where I didn't lose, then suddenly I'll lose a big chunk of weight and get stuck again. I'm learning to accept that now instead if being frustrated and annoyed about it. As long as my weight is going and not coming, I'm happy. Congratualtions on your loss so far and good luck at your next appointment!