Why do we allow temptation?

[DeLarla 22]

My surgeon addressed this with me. He said we can't control the world, so who am I to deny my skinny husband the crap he's been eating his whole life? I've asked my husband countless times to help me, but he's also trying to switch a whole life of bad habits for me. It's hard enough keeping my own bad habits at bay, but even last night he made one of his staples, which is an enormous soup-pot of homemade mac n' cheese. I've asked him to store it in the fridge so I don't have to see the pot. He forgets all the time and leaves half pizzas on the counter. He always feels bad, but these are his habits, and I married the guy.

I'm with ya, Dawg, but I allowed tempation to sneak back in my life and gained a wad of weight back in the last week. There's nothing the band or anything save sewing our mouths shut to quiet the urges in our minds. Band or no band, it's impossible for me to be on-guard 100% of the time, and temptation sneaks in when I least expect it.

Men don't know what it's like to have raging hormonal cravings every single month. Let me tell you, when the PMS Monster strikes, I'll end friendships over a good binge - nothing gets in my way.

It's much easier said than done. If resisting temption was something we could all do, none of us would have needed weight loss surgery.

[Kryssa 1]

If your spouse is willing to choose potato chips over you, that makes me very sad.

Well, we went to lunch today (it is Valentines Day) and I asked John to take all the icky junk out of the house. All of it. He said: "Ok, baby, it'll be gone before you get home tonight." I asked him not to buy more, he said: "If I do I'll leave it in my truck and you'll never know I have it". As I sat there with my jaw on the table, he looked at me and said, "I love you, I'm not your ex-husband, and everything will be fine." He even came back to the office with me and helped clean out my desk of all carbs. Isn't he great? I'm embarassed that I was so surprised at his easy agreement. Now I have to ask myself why I didn't do this months ago? :frusty: I made myself miserable for no reason? Don't I feel stupid! :doh:

If I get one person on a better path, I've achieved my goal.

Mission accomplished.<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

[PhotoNut 7]

I was going to stay out of this thread and leave this one for my man. But when I saw Kryssa's post just now, it brought me to tears. This is what this thread is all about. Caring enough to speak out on sensative subjects, being willing to take the angry slams, and crying with friends when something like this happens when we do.

Thank you to all the nice comments about Dawg and me. Some of you may not believe it, but we do sincerely care and are trying to offer an helping hand for those that need it. Those of you who don't need it, shouldn't be smacking a hand that was offered in kindness. And shame on those of you who try to shoot us down by saying we are just new to this and we will soon fall too. That's just sad.

[Julie* 0]

I'm not even banded yet but I do have years of dieting, deprivation, binging, and overeating under my belt.

I wanted to comment on a couple of things. First of all, Kryssa, I think it's just awesome that your husband is being so supportive. My husband has been the same way and in fact is on the bandwagon for weight loss himself. Plus, we have 2 small children to think about. My lifes goal now is to be the best role model I can for them so I have found it's much easier to walk away from food that will also be bad for them.

I believe also that we can't and won't always find the answers to the questions: Why do I bring this food into my house or why do I eat so damn much? (Fill in the blank with whatever question you want answered). Sometimes it's just about behavior modification IMO. I know that I overthink things SO much but then I find it's just a way to avoid the behavior that I know is better for me. I think now that I will never understand or have a definite answer about why I became morbidly obese. I don't care as much now as long as I am able to modify my behavior- I figure if I can get to a weight that I am happy/healthy and maintain it then the reasons won't be as important.

So, keeping junk food (ie: Trigger foods) is a very important part of this. I agree that I want my home to be the safe place, free of temptations and for me this means keeping the foods I have a harder time controlling out of it.

[cashley 0]

Why do people cheat on their spouses? Why do we get fat to begin with? Why do people smoke? Why do we spend too much? Why do some people get addicted to drugs?

I wish I knew the answers... I'd have more money and wouldn't have had to even had the lapband in the first place if I'd practiced better control.

Personally I enjoy good food... I decided on the band because I wanted to continue to enjoy good food just at limited quantites. I did Atkins for too many years and it only made me feel more deprived of sweets.

[Ri-Ri 0]

If we could all just stop bringing in the 'tempting' food or just saying no, wouldn't we all BE thin already and not need the band? I've been hearing "just stop..." for years and it hasn't worked for me or I wouldn't be FAT!

[hopefull 0]

I try not to have food control my life, however, I am horrible with self control sometimes and fool myself into thinking I have it. I buy Lindt choc balls for 2 kids and hubby for Valentines day. I end up eating a whole bag(10 balls) over 2 days. Parents bring in 12 cupcakes, 24 brownies, 1 dozen Cookies for party for 5 kids under age 5 and 4 kids ages 6-8. This is too much. Can I simply throw it away...of course not..it has some sort of power over me. I tries to talk myself out of eating thos Lindt balls for 2 days...It put a spell on me. I could control myself somewhat and not eat all of them in one day. I end up eating 5 each day and today eating a brownie. This starts my grazing mode. I hate that I do this. I hate myself when I do this. It takes forever for me to stop, I have done so well,until recently I hit a plateau. I ask myself though...not having kept a food journal am I being honest about plateau or am I picking to much. I realy think plateau, I hope. But having read Pnuts post, tears came and realize I am very powerless over the obsession with food. I have to admit I am powerless and simple not have it around me. HELP

[PhotoNut 7]

Personally I enjoy good food... I decided on the band because I wanted to continue to enjoy good food just at limited quantites. I did Atkins for too many years and it only made me feel more deprived of sweets.

I think the point here is that there are some foods the band will not limit when we are speaking of quantities. These foods can be very tempting and easy to really binge on. No one is saying NEVER TOUCH YOUR FAVORITE FOOD AGAIN!

This thread isn't out to answer the questions of obesity. It is challenging people who know they have weaknesses for certain foods to keep them out of the house as a help to them. That's all. Everyone needs to stop being so defensive.

[cashley 0]

I agree with the keeping them out of the house.... I wasn't trying to be defensive.

i was just trying to dive into the deeper Why... I mean even after I was banded and not hungery at all; I still stood with the refridge door open and just looked.... I wish I knew "Why" ....

[Kryssa 1]

Yeah! What Susan said.

[DeLarla 22]

Why should I expect my husband to suffer just because I have a disease? Why would anyone want their spouse to change? I think that's very selfish. My decision to lose weight shouldn't affect anybody but myself. What next, tell my work I'll quit if they don't stop putting junk food on our community snack table? Asking the neighbors to stop their weekend barbeques because the smell is tempting me? Suing the grocery store for perpetuating obesity by flaunting all the crap in brightly colored packages instead of concealing them in a discrete corner only for thin people with no eating issues?

I think it's great when spouses or partners support each other, but I'm not that selfish. Chris equates the kitchen and so many fond eating and food memories to his late Mom. When she left this Earth, part of him died. His family centered around the kitchen where Momma always had something warm and toasty on the stove. Who am I to take away such fond memories of huge pots of Mom's Mac n' cheese or Sticky Buns, Sunday Pot Roasts, homemade goodies? To me, that is selfish. Dawg, I gotta fwap you this time because nobody should have to chose between junk food and love. That isn't love, that's control. I've stopped 90% of cooking that way for him, but I won't deprive him of his Sunday eggs Benedict or homemade peanut brittle. I don't usually touch either one, but I want the memories of his mom to live. Now that is unselfish love.

My husband was raised with junk food in every nook and cranny of his kitchen. Gloopy, gloppy baked goods from his small community, candy in dishes, puddings, pies, white breads. Now all he gets is a cold, empty kitchen with one tiny drawer for a couple store-brought Snacks.

It's horribly unfair to shove our eating issues down the throats of our loved ones. I'm a little sad for all the parents here at LBT who suddenly tell their kids, "Eating the way you are used to is over because Mommy has a problem." If our spouses, kids, roommates don't have eating problems, then leave them out of it. Deal with it. Food is everywhere, you can't escape it.

[PhotoNut 7]

Cashley - I think we all wish we knew the "Why". I'll be damned if I know. I scratch my head about this everyday. I seriously think food is the worst addiction anyone can suffer from. It's not illegal. It's in your face 24/7 on tv or just driving around. You have to have some.. just some.. and be able to control that? Right. Maybe some can cut back and slowly wean themselves but I'm prone to addictions. Give me one cigarette and I'm on a pack a day in a week. I know this. I had to stop being around my best friend so I could quit. And it really hurt her. It's been 4 years now and we are just starting to talk again. I can't have things in the house that I know I can get around my band. I know for a fact that one of those times while I'm standing there staring at it, I'm going to crumble. I'll curse myself for putting it in my mouth, I'll hate myself afterwards. And I'm sick of doing that. So I don't allow it to be near me. I just can't. The reason why matters not. I know the fact and I'm doing my best to protect myself and my husband who is so much like me.

[DeLarla 22]

"If we could all just stop bringing in the 'tempting' food or just saying no, wouldn't we all BE thin already and not need the band? I've been hearing "just stop..." for years and it hasn't worked for me or I wouldn't be FAT!"

I'm not being defensive, but that statement says it all. Dawg, you asked a good question, but if it's so easy to resist temptation, then why not just do it like Nike said? Why get banded if it's all so easy?

I'm so sick that I thought I saw someone named Cashew in this thread. Cashley, not Cashew, DOH! Now I want some cashews.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

You know I just spent the last hour typing out a response to this. Then I erased it. LOL This is what it comes down to.

We all have a problem with food. We are all fat. I know it isn't PC to say...but we are. We wouldn't be here if we weren't. We all have excuses as to why this isn't working, or why we have failed in the past. We all have to work with what we have, and make everything work to the best of its ability. If we use the band to make things easier...GREAT! But there will always be a struggle. For some it is a medical condition that makes us fat. For others it is a psychological condition. For others it is a matter of time and laziness. Not everyone is the same. But there is one clear fact. Eating fattening foods will not allow us to lose weight. So we should not eat them. Complaining that we don't have the willpower about it doesn't change that. It is a simple fact. And keeping it in the house for any reason is nothing but setting ourselves up for a bad day. Sure we can drive out and get it, but that should not be an excuse to keep it in the house. Why make it easier for us?? Make your house a safe house for you...and get your spouse to help out with this. They are your spouse, they love you, and make it clear that staying fat = death and they ill throw that ice cream and mac and cheese and cookie dough and pizza out faster than you can say "calories".

[DeLarla 22]

"I seriously think food is the worst addiction anyone can suffer from."

That's an understatement! Not only is it legal 24/7, but people can shove it in your face. Imagine if somone brought plates of cocaine to a recovering addict? How about handing the clean heroine junky a nice fat juicy hypodermic needle filled with lovely nectar? What if I pulled up to an AA meeting in a Budweiser truck with "FREE BEER" signs? We'd be shot!

But if we shoot the ice cream man? The poor, sweat ice cream man?