I think I need to wake up to myself...OT

[Kelliebelly 13]

Each kg I lose the more I lose my mind I think. I have been going through these highs and lows, ups and downs...no sex drive then one that is through the roof. Tonight DH asked me what was wrong with me when we were in the middle of "IT" because I was doing all these different things. I invited BOB in and we gave it a go and well I dont think he liked it much.

NOW, I feel like I need more excitement, I feel bored. Being really fat and unhappy I think I just put up with the way things were and that was that....I want more. I want excitement, romance and butterflies. I am asking too much arent I. After being together so long these things go...an you get them back? I didnt think losing weight could bring so many probs as well as so many good things. What is wrong with me...I should be so grateful to him, he stuck by me when I was fat, he paid for me to have this op. He is paying for me to have the TT and BL next month, yet all I can think of is EXCITEMENT!!!! Wanting more. Please is anyone feeling like this or am I officially losing my mind this time. The last couple of months have been rough with all these different emotions running through me. I dont know what to do? :help: :phanvan

[I'llsucceed 1]

Well first off you really should have a soft & personal talk w/your DH. Becareful what you say & how you say it. Be as honest as you can at this point & just let him know how much he turns you on & always has but you would like to try some different things. He may be more open to it than you think. Maybe try telling him that you feel like a sexier, more vital women around him now & want to please him differently. Try making it about pleasing him first before changing how you want things done to yourself. Men in general are usually up to change if they think its their ideas-----so ask him to share a few fantasy he may have had over the years with you. Do this not in the bedroom but maybe over a nice nightcap or romatic drink near a fire or something like that. If he does open up & share his thoughts, encourage him & tell him you'd be up for that - even if its not exactly what you wanted. Cause I am sure if you give into his fantasys he will be more open to acting out yours. Good luck. Keep your communication open & don't push too hard, let him think he is the one in control. Remember he is the man & right now he isn't taking care of his woman & may feel very depressed about that. Don't let him think your not being satisified, just that your ready to experiment abit.

Happy Sex Drive;0)

[I'llsucceed 1]

After you have your "open talk" I may suggest going shopping together. Let him pick out something for you or something he thinks might be fun to try together. Karma Sutra makes great lotions & men tend to not find these has intimading. Once he gets past a point , I am sure he'll be open to other things.

[I'llsucceed 1]

HI Kel- I hope your V-day is a good one;0)

[kimalicious 5]

I know exactly how you feel!! Like I have always settled with my life because I was/am fat. When I am shedding the pounds I want more excitement, fun and a more easy going atmoshpere. What has really helped me is to remember why I picked my husband in the first place. I don't know what the answer is for this yet and I am so fickled that I will change my mind the minute I think of ever doing anything drastic. Try to add your own spice without affecting anyone else first and then if that doesn't help look into something more drastic. Just don't do something you will regret later, like losing the love of your life because you wanted to live out fantasies! That's the part that scares me. Let me know if anyone else give you some good insight on this. I would like to hear it too.

[La_madam 20]

I can so relate to this post OMG!!!

[Jachut 487]

Kellie, romance and butterflies are for the early stages of the relationship. Its OK to miss them but you also need to realise that when they go and the relationship continues, you end up with something WAY better.

And also that in losing weight, you end up just being you, only smaller and healthier. It wont magically transform your life the way we all tend to think. That's probably harder to come to terms with in reality than it is to say out loud.

[Kelliebelly 13]

Thanks for the comments everyone. DH ended up asking me again last night what is going on with me. I wasnt sure where he was coming from so I asked him to clarify what he meant. He said I am changing. There has been a big change recently and he doesnt know where I am going. Is it because I am not content to sit around all day doing nothing...is it because missionary day in and out isnt as appealing anymore. Is it too much to ask for a little spontanaity? I couldnt really explain to him what was going on with me...I just explained we needed to spice things up alittle, add some fun back into it.

I hate that I am feeling bored, and I hate knowing I am changing and I dont know where I am headed. Comfortable and normal is secure, where I am at now is well...scary.

I know butterflies are for the start of a relationship, but I dont agree romance is. I love romance...It is hard with kids I know, but I have explained to him time and time again we need to get a sitter and go out occasionally by ourselves, its just been so long since we spent some REAL time together. I dont know what is wrong with me.

I am bored..but bored from what? Am i simply asking too much...I dont know. ughhh who said this was meant to be easy?

[Jachut 487]

I dont know, I find life with kids sucks the big one sometimes. You just give up everything for them and wait years and years and years for your life to start again.

Most days of course they are the light of your life but you really get sick of being everything to everyone else sometimes. You've done this for you and perhaps you're feeling a bit jipped that you dont really get to enjoy it just for you? Everyone else's life continues as it was and the demands dont stop do they?

I dont know what the answer is to that, being a complete bitch to everyone around me and throwing tantrums generally makes me feel better but you sound a bit more down than that.

[Kelliebelly 13]

lol Jacqui...I needed that chuckle...thanks

Being a bitch is just me, so that wouldnt be any different for anyone :Banane40: jk

[bandayed 0]

I think that the longer you are together, the harder it is. Throw in a couple of kids and it's down right next to impossible to capture that feeling. DH & I have learned a couple of ways around it. about 2X a year we pawn off the kids and go to a local hotel for the night (we do price line and usually get a $59 room) and then we just have at it like the old days. Sometimes we bring fun toys or lingerie, and usually wine. We just laugh and be alone and make up for lost time. This kind of intense intimacy usually carries us through the hum drum sof life with kids for the next few weeks/months. I think it is OK to feel that way AND to tell your partner that you do. Why not use it as an excuse for an adventure. Go do it in a semi public place, or lock yourselves in the bathroom for a quickie, go on the shopping trip suggested above. Just acknowledging it and doing somethin about it may give you guys a thrill itself. Your old mind just needs to catch up with your new body and DH's does too Just remember too, everything in a relationship goes through cycles -- up & down and in & out :Banane40:

[vinesqueen 2]

Romance is not just for the beginnning. Romance is for sustaining the relationship.

Okay, I can't talk about losing weight, and the changes it brings, but I think I can speak to the base issue.

Everyone gets bored occasionally, even I do. But the key is find something passionate. I'm not just talking sex, but passion for life.

Of course you are in a weird place right now, and of course you wouldn't know what you are doing, where you are going. You, my dear, are entering uncharted territory. You are physically changing dramatically, and with those physical changes come emotional changes. Instead of hating what is happening to you, instead of hating the changes, I think you need to fully embrace the new you. Celebrate because you are going where you wanted to go.

But it's hard to understand the why and how when you are right in the middle of the transformation. I think butterflys don't like it when they first change. They used to be one thing, and everyone around them knew what to expect, they knew what to expect as the catapiller. Becoming a butterfly means that they have a whole new skill set to learn, they must learn to fly, they must learn a new way to eat, they must learn a new way to interact with everyone around.

You have all this new found energy, that you are not used to having. Of course you want to shake things up because you now have enough energy to want something more, something different.

I think your needs go beyond the bedroom. I think right now you need a little apprication, because we all do. I think you need some extra TLC because you are changing so rapidly, and change can be very scary. But I think if you want more romance, you will need to be more romantic in turn. But only you and your husband can decide what is romantic for you. Latenight pic-nics under the stars, love notes, camping trips, dancing... all different.

Perhaps that's it! Dancing! I know that ballroom dancing is making a comeback bigtime, and for good reason. It's great excersize and romantic at the same time. It will give you a way to connect with your husband on an intimate level, that doesn't involve being naked, but rather on a different level that is just as important as sex.

But one thing I think is important here. You need to find something that you are passionate about that has nothing to do with sex. You need to channel this new energy you have into something constructive. I don't know if you have communtiy parks and recreation centers where you can go learn a new hobby like painting or ceramics or woodworking or soemthing like that. You might look at your working situation, maybe transfer to another group or take some classes that will further your career. (my career is one of my passions) Perhaps volunteer with an organization that you feel strongly about, the local animal shelter, homeless shelter, or battered woman's center. Get involved with politics or the local gardening club. Start a catering business where you only do children's parties. Buy a new video game....

Your husband and children cannot fulfill all your needs. I don't believe it is fair for you to ask them too either. You need to find something else you can focus on, something that gives you passion, or fires your smoldering passion

[oh2bthin 0]

i was reading your post and found it funny how we are all probably around the same age and this happens to more of us than you think, i have been going through this too, i haven;t lost hardly anything yet but i know when i do i will probably be right were you are! you know my grandfather on my husbands side said something to me once and i am going to pass it on (he had 18 kids by the way) make sure everything you need is at HOME ! i think i turn alot of my own insecuritys onto my husband and need constant reasurance as i feel like poo alot of the time. as far as the sex goes i found the more i brought it to a head all i was really doing is killing it !! my husband and i talk all the time but i had to bite my tounge and try to let things happen and it is hard but the more the subject is brought up the more you kill the romance and then all your getting is (how was that sex) if you know what i mean. you are what you give of what i mean by that is , if your feeling sexier and more horny and give of that vibe let him see that without a big conversation and that might work. who knows men are a different species and i often wonder what planet my hubby comes from ha ha . you know one thing that i do know for sure is all about the cat and mouse , stop being the cat men like to be in control let him come after you and feel like he is getting the prize and that your not just there for the taking,, and as far as the boring nookie girl this is about 75% of us !!! what can you do after years of bonking the same man to put the thrill back apart from swinging from the light fitting lol i like toys and hey if he doesn't cut it i know theres something there that will !!! you have been down on yourself about your weight for years probably and now its like you are a moth turning into a beautiful butterfly and you want him be all over you as you feel the bomb now well truth is he probably loved you just as much when you were larger and is happy for your new self confidence but loves you just the same huh , i know i have a one in a million at home and yes he's boring and lazy and his ass often takes root on the couch but he's been through thick and thin with me i see so many people around me mess up in there marrages and it nearly always ends up in heartbreak and its just not worth it , keep working at it girl if your not in love anymore and it seems hopeless then theres no need to flog a dead horse but i think you do love him otherwise why would all of this be bothering you people that don't love eachother don't give a sxxt , keep your chin up and hey a horny movie and some k.y warming jelly and who knows lol !! he may of run out of idea's give him new ones by renting a few horny movies !! good luck from a overweight 36 year old trying to keep it together !! sherry