Support For Lap Band Spouse

[msusar 0]

Hello all! I decided to join this site even though it is my husband who had lap band surgery. I am the spouse who is supposed to be the ultimate in support for him. I decided that I am the one that needs support too.

Here's our history in short. My husband was 370lbs. He had his band put in in July 2010 in Tallahassee, FL. He did pretty good for the first year. We attended monthly support group meetings and he saw the dr. about once a month (our visits and fills for the first year were free). He lost 80lbs.

We moved to Atlanta in May of this year. Since then he has lost absolutely nothing! We even went to Tallahassee in September and he got a fill. He has lost nothing.

I know that this has a lot to do with our lack of support network. I tried to find us a new one, but he made excuses not to go.

I have tried to find us a new dr that is closer, but the ones that will see us want so much money up front and per fill and office visit, it's cheaper to drive to Tallahassee once a quarter.

So, here's my thing though. I don't think my husband wants to lose more weight. He's right at the 3X/2X cusp and I just think there's a mental barrier there. He needs a fill. BAD. But he won't go get one. And I'm so tired of being the only one who cares about it.

I read that when you are very overweight, you become rebellious when people mention what you eat or weight, so I have not mentioned either for several weeks. But it's killing me!

Does anyone have any advice for what I should or should not do and how I might help him get back on the wagon?

~Michelle

[Humming Bird 275]

He should join the site and jump back in! There are some really great banded men on this site. There is "the men's room" where he could start talking to some of them and find new motivation.

[highland 168]

Michelle,

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to help your husband. From reading these posts you know one of the most important components to success is keeping you doctor's appointments throughout the entire weight loss time. It kind of sounds like he's not ready to step up to the plate and start over. It is so hard and takes so much effort to be successful. I don't think there's any quick fix to his situation. You may just need to continue supporting him until he's ready. Best of luck to you and your dh!

[SageTracey 608]

Perhaps you can prompt him back into action in a different way? One of the most powerful things that husband said to me was that he didn't want me to wind up in a wheelchair or to lose me.

try reminding your husband of how special he is to you and that you want him around I your life for a very long time.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You cant make him do something he doesnt want to do. Its like making and alcoholic go to AA when they dont want help. Although you are his spouse and care about him he needs to care about him and if he doesnt then its kind of hard for you to keep wanting this for him when he doesnt want it. I would say just leave him alone for a while and see what happens.

[msusar 0]

Thanks everyone! I am still hopeful. I do try to be positive about the fact that no matter what, he's 80lbs lighter than he was before the band. Even at 80lbs, it truly did save his life!

[Jenn1214 120]

It's really great that you are committed to being so supportive of your husband! However, I must agree with sanction...no matter how good your intentions, you will never get him to do what he needs to do unless he wants to.

I have a similar situation with my fiance's cousin. He got a lap band a few years ago and he did lose a heck of a lot of weight, but he is still morbidly obese. His band is way too tight, he vomits constantly, eats only slider foods, etc. I talked to both him and his wife about the fact that he NEEDS to go get an unfill and speak to his surgeon, but he won't listen. I know there isn't anything I can do about it, but it is definitely frustrating because his health is at stake. All I can do is hope he will realize that things can get better if he puts in the effort. Just keep loving and supporting your hubby and hopefully he will get there!