Miss Manners speaks out

[Anwyn 0]

Hi everyone,

I am really disheartened by the number of negative posts I've been reading lately, and I know I'm not alone. I value this website, and I just hate what has been happening lately. So, without further ado, my suggestions for how to make LBT an even better place:

1. Respect the person who started the thread by staying on topic. If you want to discuss a different topic, feel free to start a new thread. If the thread starter tells you straight out that you are off topic, have the courtesy to respect their wishes. Again, you always have the option to start your own thread.

2. Stop flaming people for expressing their opinions. Certainly state your opinion in return, but this can be done without ripping apart someone elses beliefs. I know this point has been expressed before, but it bears repeating.

3. When you do get flamed, try taking the high road and don't respond. I know, I know... yes, you do have a right to defend yourself. But, a true s**t starter will be much more frustrated if you just ignore them. They WANT to fight with you - don't play into their hands.

4. Don't think that by using sweet wording and smilies that you're not being just as inflammatory as someone who "comes right out" and flames. Respect that other people have different viewpoints and opinions and let it go.

5. I am shocked (shocked!) that some people are slamming other users in their signature lines. Nuff said on that one.

Geesh... I feel like the peacekeeper in a big dysfunctional family that a few weeks ago was getting along just fine... WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?! (cue dramatic sobbing).

From the bottom of my heart, I love you guys. Let's all take a deep breath and get back to the support and intelligent discourse that makes LBT so great.

[Zan 0]

Bravo Anne!!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

[Jessiebear 2]

Thank you Anne! I have been feeling the same way.

[DevilMayKare 1]

I am really disheartened by the number of negative posts I've been reading lately, and I know I'm not alone.

You know what Ann? I think I just figured out what's going on! I think the confrontational tone and all the "sensitivity" lately became acute right after the big new membership PUSH at the beginning of the year. We had a lot of new people join all at once and I think some of us had gotten to "know" each other and therefore had some background knowledge that made the posts more in context with the person who wrote them. I think it's a combination of new membership and erosions of some of our most active members that has skewed the environment a bit. I know the SHEAR VOLUME of posts is now overwhelming to me and it didn't used to be.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the above, I'm just suggesting its causiality.

1. Respect the person who started the thread by staying on topic. If you want to discuss a different topic, feel free to start a new thread. .

But OMILORD! there are already sooooo MANY thread headings to wade thru! I think we need to use a little common sense with this and enjoy some of the offshoots to topic. We usually seem to get back into it. (Moderation in all things?)

5. I am shocked (shocked!) that some people are slamming other users in their signature lines. Nuff said on that one..

Hmmm... I musta missed that. But then after my initial introduction to the person I barely glance at the sig line because I'm trying to scroll thru.

In that regard, I wish we could cut down a little bit on the SPACE used in sig lines. I'm on a laptop and scrolling is really a pain and it takes a lot of time to get thru these threads just because of all the space at the bottom of every single message. The bannas are cute and I like to use the smilies as much as the next person, but how many times do we need to see rows and rows of the same thing for pages and pages of messages?

If only there were someway to have the sig paraphernalia only show up in the first post per thread!

And toward that end... I'm gonna go edit my info so it's on as few lines as possible. What do you think? Anyone else like that idea?

[Anwyn 0]

Kare, I agree that some people are taking offense because they don't know us very well yet, but they're also not giving us the benefit of the doubt, and that bothers me.

I also concur with the high number of threads, but there have been a few instances where the person who started the thread politely asked people to stay on topic, and they were ignored.

Oy! This site. I gotta get a hobby.

[Alexandra 55]

If only there were someway to have the sig paraphernalia only show up in the first post per thread!

You know what? There is a way. I've seen it done on another board. I'll ask Mr. Alex if he can wangle that for us. Any objections, gang?

Also, this other board I'm on comments frequently that dustups occur around the time of the full moon...

[HarleyNana 10]

You go girl, (Anne), you surely summed it up for me. I come here to here about the band and experiences others are having band related and not, but I can live without all the drama. Hugs to all.

[mousecrazy 2]

Anne, THANK YOU!

To summarize: be nice.

Sure, everyone has opinions, and I enjoy reading them; I enjoy giving mine. BUT, there's a big difference in sharing an opinion, and personally attacking someone whose opinion is different from yours. Let's try for civility and respectful disagreement...even if in the "outside world" it's difficult to find. Let's start with our little corner of LBT.

Whatcha say?

Cindy

[migbt 0]

Thank you Anne! Well said. Not that I know any different since it has been like this since I joined in January. Boy, from the sounds of it... I must have gotten banded at the wrong time ....LOL

My Mother told me if I couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything at all ...

Here is to some good old fashion compassion and understanding .... Donna

[Wheetsin 714]

Do be nice. One of the most valuable things any message board can offer to its community is a place of diverse opinions, beliefs and practices. It's ok to disagree, but I agree that it's absolutely not OK to flame. I've seen a lot more... what's the word -- insulting, perhaps... definitely passive agression, and a little "ganging up on" -- going on here when someone posts an unpopular opinion (though, no surprise, I won't say that about the band-related topics) than on most of the other boards I use. However, admittedly, this is the only WLS board I spend any time on, and there's bound to be something inherent to the population & its diversity (most other boards I use are local community boards, where most of us know eachother IRL).

As for people insulting others in their siggy, I've missed that.

As for on-topic conversations -- nice in theory, but unlikely to happen. Message boards generally hold true to IRL conversations, and if you follow and IRL conversation, what you start talking about is *rarely* what your conversation ends with.

Ah wel, I'm not teaching anyone anything they don't already know.

[PhotoNut 7]

I completely agree with the need for people to refrain from insulting others simply because their opinions differ. I have jumped on people in threads for doing this because I can't stand to see someone point out others and imply they are cruel, judegemental, stupid, etc. I also agree that a thread is probably not the best place to deal with it. Unfortunately, it has been necessary at times in order to defend the person under attack and to help them not want to run away from LBT. I have gotten many PMs thanking me for standing up for people.

I suppose I could send the offender a PM and then send the person under attack a supportive PM. I'll give that consideration next time. However, I do not promise that I won't speak my mind in defense of another should this type of thing occur again.

There is also a big difference in a good debate and outright insults. We all have the right to explore our successes and failures, fears and joys. Just because the other person's view point doesn't match your own, doesn't mean they are stupid - well, not always. *grins*

[Jill_S 1]

I do agree that sometimes, our anger or our feelings of outrage do seem to get the best of us.

Thing is, it's difficult to know who will take offense at what

Sometimes, no matter what you say, someone will be offended.

I guess with me, I try to decide if it's worth the risk offending people before I say anything at all. Sometimes, it is. Because as another thread stated not long ago, sometimes, we all need a swift kick in the pants.

Other times, it's not worth it. At those moments, I give myself a little smile, and flip to another thread. The last thing I need in my house is someone else's drama.

Many of us - myself included - have very strong opions about certain things. Those of us with those feelings may try and try to come up with a way of expressing them in such a way as not to offend. But again - there are people that will be offended no matter what, if you disagree with their point of view.

I try very hard to make points as generically as possible. That's all you can do, if you're trying to avoid a flame war while stating your point. /shrug

[I'llsucceed 1]

Also, this other board I'm on comments frequently that dustups occur around the time of the full moon...

lol lol lol - TODAY IS A FULL MOON! LOL LOL LOL LOL

[vinesqueen 2]

Oy! This site. I gotta get a hobby.

You need another hobby? Geeze.... This isn't enough for you?

[vinesqueen 2]

You know what? There is a way. I've seen it done on another board. I'll ask Mr. Alex if he can wangle that for us. Any objections, gang?

As the Turtle's Turtle, we would be so greatful if the sigs could be dropped... I know I'm overly sensitive lately, but it is so hard for the Turtles to be faced with all the "neener neener, I'm losing weight and you'll be fat forever" sigs. Now, I know that isn't the intention of the Rabbits, but that's the effect it has on the Turtles. Or this Turtle in specific.

I haven't been around much lately, for a varity or reasons. I was sick all last week, celulitus in my skin graph, and this Cushing's thing has me depressed and ready to throw in the towel, drop my membership here at LBT.