To Tell Or Not To Tell About Lap Band ???

[Amanda61082 28]

I have been pretty private with the decision to have the Lapband. My husband, parents, sister and best friend were all that knew I was even thinking about it, and other than a co-worker, know that I am having it done in February. I own a two-family home, and my brother and sister in-law live downstairs, and who are both very overweight. We always joke about out weight and out horrible eating habits, but she has noticed that I have had a lot of appointments lately, and have changed my usually over-eating ways. I am very close with my sister in-law, and I want to tell her, but I am afraid of what her reaction will be. She could either be really supportive? Or she can be kinda negative, or even worse compete with me and go for it too. She always said she felt like we were always so close because we are heavy. I don't want that anymore, ya know? Am I making sense?

At work, I am a teacher surrounded by men and women who are tiny. I am very tall and very overweight. I would love to have someone to talk to about this in the lunch room, or have them stop asking if I want another chocolate. They won't understand, and I just feel like this is so private for me still. Anyone else feel that way? That is such a private thing that they don't want people to know about?

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

Really? even worse competing with you? My husband and I are both doing it together. I am a bit more obessed with it than me. I am always on here and talking to him about it. I am grateful that I have resources and support. I think that including her you may find it great to have a close supportive person to share this journey with you. Don't think of it as competition but more as support. That goes both ways because you can be the same for her.

[Dawn200321 146]

I was very selective who I told. I told my husband of course, and my mom. Other than that I didnt really tell anyone else except for my job. They needed to know so I could have the time off. I also told one very good friend of mine who had the gastric bypass herself. She of course of was very supportive and understanding.<BR>As far as your sister in law goes,I would not look at as her competing with you if she decided to do it to. I would look at is her chance to get healthy as well

[Amanda61082 28]

Well if she was getting the lapband to be healthy, I would 100% be supportive. However, she doesn't see the need to eat healthy or exercise, so if she automatically said she was going to do it too, it would be more or a competitive thing instead of a doing it for health thing. Hard to explain I guess...

I was very selective who I told. I told my husband of course, and my mom. Other than that I didnt really tell anyone else except for my job. They needed to know so I could have the time off. I also told one very good friend of mine who had the gastric bypass herself. She of course of was very supportive and understanding.<BR>As far as your sister in law goes,I would not look at as her competing with you if she decided to do it to. I would look at is her chance to get healthy as well

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

Well maybe that is more of a defense thing she does because she can't lose weight. I bet once she sees you she will say something about the surgery but I bet secretly she will wish she had it too.

[jaybirds3 1]

I am not banded yet, but I am telling no one except my husband and my daughter. No one else needs to know, and as far as work goes, I will be taking vacation after the surgery. If they notice me drinking shakes, etc. later they will just put it down as yet another diet!

The rest of my family--sibs, mom, etc. live quite a ways away, and while some of them might be supportive because they know how I have struggled with my weight, most of them would be of the "why can't you just loose it on your own?" type, and while I might tell them someday, it is not something I feel the need to share right now!

My best friend is of the "WLS is taking the "easy way" out" group, and so I probably won't tell her until after the fact, either!

It's a very personal decision, and it is up to you who you want to include in it!

~Jean

[Banterwonder 63]

Someone mentioned that you can't "un-tell" , the decision to be banded. I have only told my husband. Work will think I am on vacation. No one else needs to know. Medical matters are protected by privacy laws, so there is no need to tell work.

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

Even my doctor mentioned that he could write a note just saying abdominal surgery. That could be so many things. I am choosing not to tell many right now. Definitely not work and i am hoping to not need a note anyway. I know someone who has had the gastric bypass at work and I know because of a big mouth employee who told me not the actual person. I may decide later to tell some other close people in my life but I just don't want to hear stuff like, should you be eating that, or that is the easy route, or you could have done it on your own or worse people keeping track of your weightloss. The reason why I am on here so much is because I find much support here. I also intend on going to oval support groups and hopefully finding a buddy.

[mgmagnolia 1]

Have you considered sitting your sister-in-law down just the two of you and telling her what is going on? Tell her that you didn't tell her because you sensitive to her feelings not because you didn't want her to know. That's important. It will be hard for her. Emotions are always connected with obesity. And she'll be threatened that you are going to be the one getting thinner and she is not. She needs to know that just because you are changing, you are still you and that you will not change how you feel about her. She might feel different towards you but as much as you want to keep her from getting hurt, you can't fix everything. Sometimes we all just have to work through things for ourselves. She will have to work through this too.

I have worked in a public library for 17 years. My weight loss has been a public event whether I wanted it to or not, which I did not want. My weight loss has attracted a lot of attention. Every day I get asked about it or receive comments about it. Now that I'm getting close, people are asking me for a lot of detail about how I lost the weight, how the Lap Band works, etc. I answer them the best that I can but obviously I can't give the patrons all the information that they want. I'm happy to share it with them within reason, but it does get disruptive at the Circ Desk.

I've had quite a few patrons ask if I am seriously ill thinking that is why I'm losing weight. One patron asked me if she should put me on her prayer list for church. One of the book clubs decided that I had cancer but I was doing better. I had one patron come in the front door, look at me and burst into very loud, hysterical crying shouting for the entire library to hear while I was waiting on another patron.

I don't have a good answer for you. It's hard and I'm struggling with it myself. People mean well overall though. I've had some be threatened by it and say cutting or biting comments just because of that. You have to develop a thick skin but even then it's still hard.

[Amanda61082 28]

Thank you for all your advice. I think I will tell her when I have an actual surgery date.

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

Here is a good quote no matter what you choose to tell or not tell:

"What people think about us, is none of our business"- Paolo Coelho

[Amanda61082 28]

Love it!

Here is a good quote no matter what you choose to tell or not tell:

"What people think about us, is none of our business"- Paolo Coelho

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

I just added it to my signature and status. I got it off a Facebook status and its so fitting.

[FLHgal 68]

Well, I have told only my niece who will be with me on surgery day 11/30/22. My husband is being banded on 11/29/11 so he will be home trying to recover and worrying because he is not with me.

Us too, we have taken vacation time. Not comfortable with the nay-sayers out there.

[Must Be Mad 0]

High,

Good luck on the surgery....

I'm getting the surgery done while on a sabbatical ~1600 miles from everyone I know. I moved to Texas (not for the surgery) to take a break from life and while down here am getting the surgery done. I haven't told anyone at work or my family. I know my family would be supportive (my mother has been encouraging me to get the surgery for a couple of years now), but I am not comfortable with them knowing, maybe I return to New York.

I don't think anyone needs to know about my surgery because my struggle with my weight has always been a private thing. But everyones story is different and how comfortable you feel with sharing this with people is wholly dependent on you.

All opinions express above are my own and should be taken with a large grain of salt.

~Shaz