I want to end the shame...

[Crickert 0]

Hi everyone,

I have my Dr. appointment on March 2...but everytime I think about it too much I feel ashamed. Why can I not be strong enough to just eat less? If I have the courage to let a Doc dig into me and put a clamp on my stomach why can't I find the courage and strenght to just limit my calories on my own? It is making me crazy and ashamed at myself...the only problem is I have been fat for 10 years and THAT shame is wiping me out...I figure I can be fat another 10 years and lose the last of my younger years (I am 36) not doing any of the things I love (skiing, rock climbing, hiking etc...) or I can get this done and start living....I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure making this choice. Help me feel better about it! Thanks

[Anwyn 0]

I went through the same thoughts when I was researching surgery too. I had had two back surgeries and my surgeon told me flat out that if I didn't lose weight I would need a spinal fusion operation. Did this motivate me to lose weight? Yes! For about 3 weeks...

I was so ashamed and full of guilt. I needed help. And there is NOTHING wrong with having help. Getting banded is the best present I ever gave myself and my family. Please don't feel bad about yourself. You're taking control of your life and using a viable tool to help you lose weight - be proud of that!

[gadgetlady 4]

Crickert, having the band does not make you a failure. It is not a quick or easy fix; it's just a tool. In fact, I think it takes a lot of strength to be willing to have a medical, physical reason to not go back to your old habits.

I'm sure you do, and you have, had the courage and strength to limit your calories on your own. I know in my case, I was able to diet and lose weight no problem -- it was keeping it off that was the issue. Eventually you cycle like that a bit and it kills your metabolism. Then every diet you face is simply an exercise in losing and then gaining it back in time. Eventually, again, you think "what's the point of dieting when I get right back to where I was in the first place?"

I'm sure others on this board will have some good advice for you too. My advice is don't waste any more years struggling. Take the plunge and get yourself on the road to a lifelong diet that you can't circumvent!

[the best me 6]

An interesting thing I noticed from our recently eroded bandster crowd...the hunger comes back! Somehow, having that band even with little to no restriction, you just aren't as hungry. Not like without the band, as they are experiencing now. That makes me appreciate my band so much more! It HELPS!!!

I got so sick of being ashamed. Screw being ashamed, I was FAT!!!!!!!! No shame in getting help. I have NO regrets, even being a slow-loser, I love my band.

[jqpublic 1]

No matter how you lose the weight! Just lose it, your health is what is most impornent.

with your weight loss comes a whole new CONFIDENCE. be happy that you can get the band to help you maintain your weight. your taking the first step to a new life of better health, GOOD FOR YOU!

[PhotoNut 7]

Wow, I went thru this exact same thing. I was facing spending $26,000 on this band, knowing what it would do for our family.. for our kids.. our house, our debt.. and my entire family gathered around me and told me that nothing is more worthy of the financial investment than my life.

Now that I'm banded, my thoughts do occassionally return to the guilty feelings. Especially when I see my husband losing weight at the same rate as me and without the band. I even made a comment to him about it the other day, and he told me that were it not for me being brave enough to take charge of my life and do something about my own weight, he wouldn't have been able to either.

So now I mostly focus on what that money has purchased. My husband's health. My health. The possibility of actually pursuing our dreams that we thought were unattainable because we were too fat and out of shape to even try. More time on earth (God willing) with our kids and grandkids - good quality time, actually doing something with them and not just sitting on the couch when they come over to see us.

There is a lot to be said for what this band holds for us. It's a brave step to take, it's a worthwhile thing to do if it helps you get healthy. Don't be ashamed of that.

[pugmum 0]

There should be no shame in taking care of yourself. It is a courageous act.

Kelli

[NJChick 3]

I understand how you feel, I think we all do but you should not be ashamed, your going for help and thats one of the hardest things to do, is to admit you have a problem.

Should a person with depression be ashamed of going to the doctor for help and medication, or a person with high blood pressure ashamed? no, of course not and neither should you.

Being over weight is dangerous to your health don't be ashamed of helping yourself get healthy.

Be proud that your making this very difficult step..... YOU CAN DO IT !!!!!

The first steps are the hardest but before you know it you'll be on your way to a healthy life.

HUGS !!!!

[SherryW 4]

Crickert, You're in the right place being here on LBT because lots have gone through this. I'm going to be banded on Monday. Believe me I've thought this as well but, then I remind myself how many times I've tried to diet, only to lose it and gain it back PLUS. I've gone back and forth with this same feeling but, then tell myself....You've tried and you've tried hard Sherry....this time will be different because this time the band isn't going to let you quit. I do realize that there will be times even with the band that I will probably gain weight but it won't be 10-20 pounds like without it. The band will be a constant reminder to me that I AM WORTH TRYING. That's not always easy to say though right? Why? Because we're so busy beating ourselves up for being fat and failing at dieting that we're beating ourselves into thinking we are not worth this Band. It's natural to doubt it will work because we've failed before some of us many many times but....you know what....YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE worth this try, this chance, this TOOL! Some people just need a little push, like myself, to do what we know is best for us. This tool will be there to remind you and me that we are worth every minute of trying. We are worth the effort and we're doing it for ourselves. FINALLY! Finally taking that step to help us help ourselves and in return...the people around us benefit as well

Good luck and remember.....one day, one minute, one forkful at a time will help you lose weight but gain that confidence one minute, one day at a time for a life time.

[mousecrazy 2]

Be proud of yourself for facing the facts and choosing to do something about it! Focus on the personal responsibility you are taking for yourself...you have tried and failed, like all of us here. The only real failure is just the person who quits trying. Good for you for going out there and finding out what else might work, following through, and making a decision. I am proud of myself for doing it, and my friend, family and coworkers have all been completely supportive and proud of me, too!

Cindy

[PhotoNut 7]

Something else to think about here.. Losing weight with the band is NOT easy. Look at all of the support people need here. Many still struggle. Your band will be a tool. It won't do it for you. You will have to exercise, eat right, and drink your Water. Yes, the band makes it easier but so does Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystems, diet pills, yadda yadda.. These are all just tools, but the great thing about the lapband is that its a REALLY GREAT tool that is not only helping people get the weight off, but it's keeping it off! That is something to be excited about.. not ashamed of.

*big encouraging hugs*

[Crickert 0]

Everyone is so wonderful. Thanks for all the replys and support. It makes me nervous when folks compare the Lap-Band to WW or Jenny Craig...etc...I have seriously done all of these...heck I have done WW so many times if there was a Platinum WW card I would have it! Like most I am pretty darn good at losing 20 lbs....but I can't keep the motivation and stamina up to keep going and eventually I gain the weight back. I am so TIRED of thinking about my weight I could cry....what a waste of energy. I just want to be thin and not worry about it.

My husband is thin and very toned and never gives it a second thought...he is a full time firefighter and VERY attractive. We have been married 15 years and my weight is finally getting to him. He doesn't care anymore what I do as long as it works and I can go have fun with him again....and not be ashamed to visit the firehouse...and go to the fancy Firefighter Balls...etc....and of course....be happy. I have about 100lbs to lose. :cry

[PhotoNut 7]

Aww.. I know exactly how you feel. The thought of this band not being that end of this horrible struggle with weight just petrifies me. But here's the big difference between those other programs and the band, unless you by some slim chance lose your band, it will be your safety net. When you slip and fall, you wont fall all the way back to square one like we have all done so many times. I hear so many people saying they have stopped losing but are not gaining. Often times it is only a matter of some adjustments in eating and excercising and they are on the road again.

Hang in there sweetie. You'll do great. I have 144 pounds to go, and sometimes that seems like it will take an eternity. Sometimes it doesn't even seem like a real possibility. Yet, I keep clinging to the goal of two pounds a week, along with the knowledge that I will not be this fat or this unhappy along the way. Each day gets better in so many ways.

Smile kiddo. You're on the right road, enjoy the journey.

[NJChick 3]

Same here, my DH will support me in anything I do to lose weight yet he has never made a remark or made me feel ashamed of myself. He just wants a healthy happy wife again.

I started out with 95 lbs to lose... I'm at a struggling point b/c I haven't had a fill until this past wednesday but dang gum it... I'm gonna make this work... and so can you. Like Photonut said, the band is not the cure, its only a tool. I too have joined WW so many times, nutra system, every stinkin diet you can think of since I was about 10 years old.

Ohhh fireman WHOOHOO good for you... hey I once dated/lived with a fireman and boy did I have good times at the firehouse and going to the wetdowns... ahhh what a blast. BEER BEER BEEEEEEEER lolol...oh but once your banded you might not wanna drink beer....bubbles ya know.

Make the first step and see where it brings you......... you can only try.

Good luck.

Eileen

[CCBSTX 0]

Many of us, as you are now hearing, have felt exactly as you! I did feel guilty before banding, but now I don't so much. I just feel better! How can I feel guilty about that??

Some folks are really good at losing weight, and not so good about keeping it off. I was good at neither. This was my last hope.

Shawn