Divorce, the lapband, and the anxiety diet

[aroundthetown 8]

Did anyone drop a significant amount of weight and leave a spouse? I realized through the therapy that I did prior to and following surgery that I gained weight due to issues with depression. One of the major reasons I have been depressed was that I was in an unhappy and emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive marriage. Low self esteem and feelings of self loathing plagued me- especially after having a baby and gaining a considerable amount of weight- which my spouse found repulsive and used as a reason to stop having sex with me. So after shedding 70 lbs, gaining a fresh perspective on my self and my reasons for staying in an unhealthy relationship I made the decision to leave. Leaving this 10 year relationship with a small child is quite possibly the most stressful situation I have ever been in. In the past when I was stressed I would turn to food. Now that I have been banded I can't and do not want to deal with stress in the same way (namely binge eating). I've found for the first time in my life I am without any appetite at all. Every time I try to eat my stomach churns and I feel like puking. I've also gotten terrible "bathroom" issues. I've lost close to 20 lbs in the past 3 weeks. On the one hand I am grateful for the weightloss, I'm getting tons of compliments and I dropped down to a size 14 so fast my head is spinning (when banded on June 20th 2011 I was a size 24). I look "normal". But I am a complete wreck. I'd love to hear from some bandsters who went through a divorce after surgery. How did you cope with the stress? Did you have to relearn how to manage your feelings when you couldn't turn to food? How did you do it? I'm going to see my therapist soon, but unfortunately she's booked for the next few weeks during the times I have available. So, in the mean time I could really use some outside support from people who have been there.

[RedheadGirl 2]

I had my lap band surgery and got a divorce in the same month. So it's not really after losing weight that I got my divorce but I did make some major changes in the same month. I happen to also turn 34 that month. It was a big change. I divorced my husband who was in the past physically abusive up until I was pregnant with our son and then he was mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc...etc.. in everyway possible abusive! Especiallly controlling. I finally picked myself up from trying to take my own life from all the abuse and decided I was worth more and needed to be treated better. After I left him I had horrible anxiety and I couldn't eat. I would feel so sick and everything went right through me from the stress. I have noticed in the past 4 months since my surgery that I still try and turn to food and I have to mentally try and stop myself. I have learned how to eat around the band the bad thing is that my favorite type of binge food goes down easily. I want to type more but I'll have to get back to you in here. Have to take care of my son!

[pugsx3 39]

I lost 140lbs on my own about 6 years ago, and my ex had a horrible time with it. He was not happy until I gave up and cancelled my membership at the gym, and to make a long story short - I gained all 140lbs back + 30 more. I was miserable and hated myself for doing it, but it just got to the point where it was way to hard to fight him anymore. He was happy, but I wasn't. In addition, I had a hysterectomy about half way through the weight gain - and being post menopausal killed any chance I had for success to get the weight off on my own again. I'm always saying the definition for insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to do something different, and filed for divorce. That was not enough by itself though, because the housing market has dropped so badly in my area, we owed 95,000 more than we could get for it, and my ex was not on the mortgage, and filed bankruptcy to avoid paying anything at all. My lawyer suggested that I either paid the shortage, or I filed bankruptcy - so guess which route I was forced to choose??? The divorce was final 10/25/10, and the bankruptcy was discharged early in 12/10. After the first of the year, I started putting myself first, and began looking into the band. I got my band 9/15/11, and I've lost over 40 lbs to this point. I'm thrilled with all the changes in my life, and if I had to do it all over again, the only thing I'd do differently is I would have done them all 10 years ago!

One thing that has always been a big factor for my is exercise. I feel so much better about myself when I'm working out, so if you don't have a gym membership - I'd recommend that you get one!! It's unbelievably hard to do at first, but once you get into a routine it's a big morale booster. I do "classes" 5 days a week - 3 times weight training 2 times cardio. A lot of the time on Saturdays or Sundays I'll go and just swim cause I love the Water, and this makes such a huge difference to my mental state that I can't believe it.

[Jachut 487]

I was losing 2 lb a day after my cancer diagnosis and i was already thin. But that highly anxious unable to eat state doesnt tend to last, you do improve somewhat. I too used exercise to get me through, focussing on my running helped me through a pretty awful year but i have ended it very thin, its kind of inevitible. Be strong, you can survive this xxx

[123crod 170]

So sorry for all you are going through. You can be strong and get through this just believe in yourself sometimes that is all we can do. I have not been through a divorce and am in a happy marriage of 31 years but I know about stress and depression not because of my marriage but just because of life. We are stronger than we think we are and you have a child look and him/her and find your strenght. I will add you to my prayer list and pray that God will comfort you and show the path He has for you. He loves you and thinks you are great and has great thing for you just expect them.

Nobody should ever be treated liked that. Fight for yourself and don't let the stress get to you

Cheri

[aroundthetown 8]

Thanks for all your support! This week has been terrible. I'm hanging in there but man has it been difficult. The ex cancelled our membership to the Y already so I have to find a new gym. I am definitely going to get back to the gym soon to work off the stress. Down another 2.5 lbs in the past three days. Le sigh. This is not the way I wanted to loose weight and I know it is going to come back on fast since this is an unhealthy way to loose it. Also, because of the time I had to take off for court I don't have enough time to keep my fill appointment this month, and since I'm so early in the process I have only 1cc in a 10 cc band. I have absolutely no restriction at all. If I fall apart completely and start binging my band couldn't help me now. The earliest appointment available with my surgeon is on Dec 8th. I can't get an appointment with ANYONE except my surgeon for fills and he only does them on Thursday. I wish I had know that before I chose him to do this surgery. Seems silly that a PA or RN OR another Surgeon can't do fills for patients every day....

I still haven't been able to get back into my home to retrieve my belongings or those of my daughter. We left on Oct.15th. I'm pretty bummed about that.

[midmich36 1]

Did anyone drop a significant amount of weight and leave a spouse? I realized through the therapy that I did prior to and following surgery that I gained weight due to issues with depression. One of the major reasons I have been depressed was that I was in an unhappy and emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive marriage. Low self esteem and feelings of self loathing plagued me- especially after having a baby and gaining a considerable amount of weight- which my spouse found repulsive and used as a reason to stop having sex with me. So after shedding 70 lbs, gaining a fresh perspective on my self and my reasons for staying in an unhealthy relationship I made the decision to leave. Leaving this 10 year relationship with a small child is quite possibly the most stressful situation I have ever been in. In the past when I was stressed I would turn to food. Now that I have been banded I can't and do not want to deal with stress in the same way (namely binge eating). I've found for the first time in my life I am without any appetite at all. Every time I try to eat my stomach churns and I feel like puking. I've also gotten terrible "bathroom" issues. I've lost close to 20 lbs in the past 3 weeks. On the one hand I am grateful for the weightloss, I'm getting tons of compliments and I dropped down to a size 14 so fast my head is spinning (when banded on June 20th 2011 I was a size 24). I look "normal". But I am a complete wreck. I'd love to hear from some bandsters who went through a divorce after surgery. How did you cope with the stress? Did you have to relearn how to manage your feelings when you couldn't turn to food? How did you do it? I'm going to see my therapist soon, but unfortunately she's booked for the next few weeks during the times I have available. So, in the mean time I could really use some outside support from people who have been there.

[midmich36 1]

You really sound like you are under a tremendous amount of stress. Stress cound be related to "bathroom" issues. Do you feel that getting a divorce was the right decision for you at that time? In other words, are you happy with your decision. Then again, your body could still be adjusting to your new eating plan and is kind of rebelling. This is not professional advice, just some thoughts I had.

[NJGirl32 43]

Girl, you will get through this and you will be better off for it! You have lost yourself through this marriage and now it's time to recapture the essence of who you really are and what you can be!

I went through a divorce years ago and it wasn't easy-never is. Stay strong and focused.

To me, you sound like an amazingly strong person. Deciding to get a divorce and turning your life around atthis point take a tremendous amount of courage-good for you! And deciding to have the lapband was another life-changing decision! You just capapulted your life into a new direction and it will be difficult and scary at first, but then you will land on your feet and realize that life can be a happy and you deserved to be loved and cherished.

I love this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.'

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing Enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

[readytogoforit 172]

love your advice and I agree!

So sorry for all you are going through. You can be strong and get through this just believe in yourself sometimes that is all we can do. I have not been through a divorce and am in a happy marriage of 31 years but I know about stress and depression not because of my marriage but just because of life. We are stronger than we think we are and you have a child look and him/her and find your strenght. I will add you to my prayer list and pray that God will comfort you and show the path He has for you. He loves you and thinks you are great and has great thing for you just expect them.

Nobody should ever be treated liked that. Fight for yourself and don't let the stress get to you

Cheri