Concerns/worries/the future/vent

[pendulum 6]

Just thought I would put this out there- I have an appt with my primary doc on Tuesday, I have an appt with a Lap Band surgeon on Dec 1. (with a note if an appt opens up to get in sooner)

Background- 6'5" 400 lbs, type 2 diabetic, 6 shots a day, sleep apnea, 2 anti deps, ZERO energy, no sex life/drive, seem to be taking naps constantly. Right now I am all over the map with my food.Part of me is of the mindset 'if I have the surgery then I can eat whatever crap I want until then' mentality.(dinner was 1/2 gallon of frozen yogurt). I crave carbs/sugars. I rarely eat veggies. My feet/knees ache. I work in a retail warehouse environment, and find myself wanting to work less/sit more. My family, while supportive is concerned that I think this is a magic button. food is my (depending on the moment) refuge, lover, curse, best friend, killer, numbing agent, etc....). I find myself not caring about seeking a relationship (why not I have one with food). I have two wonderful dogs but... and want to 'be around' for them. Yet I am tired and grumpy- my joy is my lunch nap! (smile)

So if I do get the surgery- what prevents me from figuring out how to 'work around it'? I do know I am SICK of 'where I am'. I feel like this is the bottom... I also know I am very intelligent with is a curse/blessing. Am I looking to the band to be a 'magic button'? I have been in touch with some amazing folks from here (thanks guys!)

Why not just get the will power and EAT RIGHT? (I have lost and gained and lost and gained....) Every time I have gotten close to the magic 299 (sound of clouds parting, music, lights) I freak.... I have done eating disorder clinic (30 days) weight watchers (even published a cook book, taught healthy cooking) I 'know the drill' (but hate cooking for one). I even did Protein tablets 20+ years ago (how silly that seems now, tablets 2 meals a day to lose weight!).

Any one else 'there'? Would love to hear your side(s)

I have talked to my doc several times- the last time he showed me the '3 little cups' and I FREAKED but at this point....I dunno i am ready to do what I need to do (yet saying that I turn to ice cream, I guess I worry that if I am 'so ready' why am I not eating salads and low carb stuff??

[Rachel412 116]

Listen, here's the deal. For a lot of people, banded life is a diet with an extra helper. Some people like their bands very tight to KEEP them from eating certain things, other people have their bands loose and this means they need to struggle to control their portions. If you're concerned that you won't be able to make the dietary changes, you perhaps need to look at a different surgery, one that will actually make you sick if you eat sugar, or will make it so you physically can't eat very much.

It's incredibly easy to "eat around the band." And this doesn't always mean eating sliders all day- it could just be eating "normally". This band is sooooo far from a macig pill for me

[Rachel412 116]

double post!

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

I feel the same...I have tried it all!!! I am worried but I think I just came to point in my life that I need to break up with food! I have had enough Bagels, chips, pizza etc., in the last 16 years of my life. Its time for me to regain it back from food. I know it will take work but this time I want to get all the way there and keep it the fat away for good. I will do my part and I am hoping that the Lapband will do its part to help me keep it off. Everytime someone tells me that I won't be able to eat something I am not even nervous about it. I am not even thinking that I going to cheat the band. I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I will be putting a band around my stomach but it not a decision that came to me easily. In 2008 I did not get the Lapand because I didn't want to stop drinking Diet Pepsi!!!! Ridiculous I know. Just reading it, I realize how ridiculous that a drink kept me away from my goal. I went on to lose weight at the gym and I gained it back and then some. Last time that it will ever happen. Its been a nice and interesting relationship but an abusive one...I must move on and live with food amicably. Looking forward to another stage of my life!

Speak to your surgeon about options, believe in yourself and Good Luck!

[pendulum 6]

wait.....what???

I have to give up DIET PEPSI??? the nectar of the gods??? No one said anything about that.....hang on (large smile).

Isn't it odd to read anothers stories and see '264 lbs' and wish you could be 'there'? different paths.

I do think part of this IS the 'process' you know?

I almost fascinate about having energy...sigh

I feel the same...I have tried it all!!! I am worried but I think I just came to point in my life that I need to break up with food! I have had enough Bagels, chips, pizza etc., in the last 16 years of my life. Its time for me to regain it back from food. I know it will take work but this time I want to get all the way there and keep it the fat away for good. I will do my part and I am hoping that the Lapband will do its part to help me keep it off. Every time someone tells me that I won't be able to eat something I am not even nervous about it. I am not even thinking that I going to cheat the band. I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I will be putting a band around my stomach but it not a decision that came to me easily. In 2008 I did not get the Lapand because I didn't want to stop drinking Diet Pepsi!!!! Ridiculous I know. Just reading it, I realize how ridiculous that a drink kept me away from my goal. I went on to lose weight at the gym and I gained it back and then some. Last time that it will ever happen. Its been a nice and interesting relationship but an abusive one...I must move on and live with food amicably. Looking forward to another stage of my life!

Speak to your surgeon about options, believe in yourself and Good Luck!

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

wait.....what???

I have to give up DIET PEPSI??? the nectar of the gods??? No one said anything about that.....hang on (large smile).

Isn't it odd to read anothers stories and see '264 lbs' and wish you could be 'there'? different paths.

I do think part of this IS the 'process' you know?

I almost fascinate about having energy...sigh

Well I am going to try to quit tomorrow cold turkey since I am down to my last can. You can drink it flat so I am not going to kill myself. But I am NOT going to let her (Diet Pepsi) get in between me and my skinny jeans! LOL

One thing I have learned to accept is that weight loss is a struggle regardless if its 20lbs or 200 lbs. People have their own battles and demons with weight. Yes I have a lot to lose some more than other some less but the battle and disease is the same. At this point I don't care if it takes me time to lose, I just want to lose and not gain.

[pendulum 6]

Actually I changed over to the store brand (to save money) but.... some things do taste 'better'.

So where are you on this journey? have you set a surgery date yet?

I had a day off (random schedule) and kept alternating between energy and NO energy (some nice naps) but I DID wind up getting some things done (and isnt' a day off to relax?).

I realize I want the band to 'take away' some of the nightmare of food for me- does that makes sense? to give me a TOOL to work with. 3 bites of food sounds heavenly vs a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, entire bag of (filliintheblank), a drive thru full of..... I WANT that energy 'lift' of weight loss to help me get OFF my huge butt and enjoy life- to walk my wonderful dogs. Will it be hard? yes.

am I making any sense here? (or am I flunking the psyche eval (smile))

'dulem

Well I am going to try to quit tomorrow cold turkey since I am down to my last can. You can drink it flat so I am not going to kill myself. But I am NOT going to let her (Diet Pepsi) get in between me and my skinny jeans! LOL

One thing I have learned to accept is that weight loss is a struggle regardless if its 20lbs or 200 lbs. People have their own battles and demons with weight. Yes I have a lot to lose some more than other some less but the battle and disease is the same. At this point I don't care if it takes me time to lose, I just want to lose and not gain.

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

I feel like I have been on this journey for 16 years. But my lapband journey started on 10/19 with my consult. I do have a tentaive date of 12/19. I do still get nervous about this decision BUT I sooooo done with the struggle. I fgure if I do my part and the band does its part I am hoping to have a success story in my near future.

Actually I changed over to the store brand (to save money) but.... some things do taste 'better'.

So where are you on this journey? have you set a surgery date yet?

I had a day off (random schedule) and kept alternating between energy and NO energy (some nice naps) but I DID wind up getting some things done (and isnt' a day off to relax?).

I realize I want the band to 'take away' some of the nightmare of food for me- does that makes sense? to give me a TOOL to work with. 3 bites of food sounds heavenly vs a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, entire bag of (filliintheblank), a drive thru full of..... I WANT that energy 'lift' of weight loss to help me get OFF my huge butt and enjoy life- to walk my wonderful dogs. Will it be hard? yes.

am I making any sense here? (or am I flunking the psyche eval (smile))

'dulem

[pendulum 6]

interestingly enough I looked into this 6 years ago, but insurance would NOT cover it.

And most of the 'people in my life' were totally against it.

my consult (is that what you call it?) is Dec 1, but have asked for a sooner appt....

only 2 months? I was told 3-6?

I feel like I have been on this journey for 16 years. But my lapband journey started on 10/19 with my consult. I do have a tentaive date of 12/19. I do still get nervous about this decision BUT I sooooo done with the struggle. I fgure if I do my part and the band does its part I am hoping to have a success story in my near future.

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

Well...a little back story. My husband was going to get it in 2008 and I talked him out of it. Last year I told him and myself if I can't lose it this year on my own I am getting the lapband. In September I set out to start dieting, rejoined the gym and realize the promise I made to myself last year. Interestingly enough I met someone this summer who had her lapband put it in 2009. Watching her and asking her some questrions made me take the leap (although as you will see she started to scare me too). I talked to my husband (who BTW lost 100lbs last year and regained it) about doing the lapband together. I really felt like I needed to go through this journey with him, especially because we both enjoy the food addiction together. Actually I think we are bad influences on each other when it comes to food. So we both made the decision and I made the appointment 2 weeks later (I am surprised how long you have to wait). We should be done with all of our appoints no later then 11/22. We already have tentative date, his is 12/5 and mine 12/19. I thought the process would take 6 months and my surgeon told me it could be as fast as I make all the appointments and submit all the paperwork. Both my husband and I are off on Wednesdays, so while the kids are at school, we have all of our Wednesdays booked with appointments lol.

Some advice is when you find a surgeon you should look for a really good one in an excellence center. Also my doctor required to go to the free seminar which we actually went after our consult. So you may want to call the office and see if that is the case with you and find out when the earliest one is, so you can possibly do that before 12/1.

As for the negativity...I started a thread about that called Fighting the Negativity Makers...

This is what I wrote:

Last night I got a dose of negativity I did not tell many people (about 3 people know) about my decision to have this surgery BUT the one friend that knows actually had the Lapband. We went out last night. She just got a fill a couple days ago so she was only able to eat 1/2 of a Soup just the broth and an Iced Tea. So in the middle of dinner, she starts telling me how hard it is...blah...blah...blah and I started to freak !!!! I actually started to think that maybe this surgery is not for me. I understand she is trying to make sure that I know what I am getting into. Fear set in ! Then this morning my mom made a comment about the bagel I was eating and how I will only be able to eat a mini. She then proceeded to tell me that her neighbor got the Lapband and started at size 18 and is now a 20!.It made me sooooo frustrated. I was prepared for the negative talk BUT it's hard not to second guess your decision. My husband who was with me in both incidences and is also getting the lapband, said that he does not care what anybody says. He did not get swayed at all. So as I was getting dressed and was struggling to tie my sneakers I realized that this is the right decision for me. I ate plenty of Bagels in my lifetime it's time for a change!

Then I remembered from a Dr. Robert Anthony book "Beyond Positive Thinking" he says fear is not tangible. You can't go and get a bucket of fear. You create in your mind. Just a couple of his quotes that help me stay strong:

(1) "We fear the thing we want the most"

(2) "don't listen to others who are coming from fear and living in negativity. If you do, you are using YOUR creative powers to help THEM manifest what they fear."

(3) "You can think of this like launching a rocket. Let's call it your "Rocket of Desire". The launching power is feeling excited about having what you want. However, if after you launch your Rocket of Desire you say, "But I am not sure I can do this" or "I am not sure this will work out", you've taken your rocket that was moving with great speed toward your goal and you've cut back the power. The end result is your rocket went from soaring towards your goal to crashing into the ground. That's how your worries and fears push away the things you want. If you unconsciously send up other rockets based on your fears, you're cutting the power you sent to your Rocket of Desire."

WOW!!! Just researching his quotes totally just motivated me. I am launching my "Rocket of Desire" full speed ahead!

What motivates you???? I welcome all the positive support I can get!!! THANKS!

interestingly enough I looked into this 6 years ago, but insurance would NOT cover it.

And most of the 'people in my life' were totally against it.

my consult (is that what you call it?) is Dec 1, but have asked for a sooner appt....

only 2 months? I was told 3-6?

[GoBanana 6]

Pendulum,

I understand your frustration..

have you looked into the other surgery options? Alot of people who have the bypass like it because it makes you so sick to eat the sugary stuff - i havent gotten the band yet but i have reached that point where i have eaten enough in my life and I AM READY to not eat garbage anymore...the band is an excellant *tool* to help you on your diet journey...you can still eat things you want once in a while. In the end, we all know what we have to do to lose weight...its a question of if you really want it or not...and if you dont want it right now, thats ok...you will reach that point when you are ready and you do want it. I totally get the whole "eat whatever you want" mentality...i think it happens to everyone when they starts a some sort of diet...but the one thing that most people here have in common, is that they are ready to have this tool to give them the extra push they couldnt have before. Decidiing to get the band is sort of like an

A-HA moment. Do more research on the bands...and DEFINETLY go onto youtube and look up lapband stories - there are so many and they will inspire you!! i watch them for fun - it gets me so AMPED!!! Theres a girl NewToy4KT i think thats her name look her up on you tube -

Im at the very beginning of my journey as well. PM me if you like!

Best of luck!

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

OMG I feel the same way about how I came to my decision.

Pendulum,

I understand your frustration..

have you looked into the other surgery options? Alot of people who have the bypass like it because it makes you so sick to eat the sugary stuff - i havent gotten the band yet but i have reached that point where i have eaten enough in my life and I AM READY to not eat garbage anymore...the band is an excellant *tool* to help you on your diet journey...you can still eat things you want once in a while. In the end, we all know what we have to do to lose weight...its a question of if you really want it or not...and if you dont want it right now, thats ok...you will reach that point when you are ready and you do want it. I totally get the whole "eat whatever you want" mentality...i think it happens to everyone when they starts a some sort of diet...but the one thing that most people here have in common, is that they are ready to have this tool to give them the extra push they couldnt have before. Decidiing to get the band is sort of like an

A-HA moment. Do more research on the bands...and DEFINETLY go onto youtube and look up lapband stories - there are so many and they will inspire you!! i watch them for fun - it gets me so AMPED!!! Theres a girl NewToy4KT i think thats her name look her up on you tube -

Im at the very beginning of my journey as well. PM me if you like!

Best of luck!

[GoBanana 6]

Right? Im so excited...but in a different way than i used to get over a new diet...its like ...ive just had enough. and honestly, the other night i went on you tube and just watched videos for like an hour - i didnt even realize how fast the time went...i just got so AMPED...it was like..C'MON LETS GET GOING ALREADY!!!! i mean, i get the throwing up sometimes and stuff but, anything is better than how i have been feeling lately...this is just the worst...

It just gives me hope and I feel like, thank GOD i am finally going to be done with this dieting roller coaster...its a different feeling. i cant quite explain it

[pendulum 6]

Wow, thanks all!

As to by-pass surgery, to be honest, that just goes against "me"- the idea of reconnect part of yourself to itself just makes no sense to me (and the horror stories I have heard...my 'gut' says No.) so...

I am just sick of this nighmarish hell relationship with food! I was a chef- but it was like an alchoholic working in a bar- my 'drug' was EVERYWHERE I turned. Now I have good days- I watched Dlife (a tv show for diabetics that is very good....like 'readers digest on tv for diabetics) and felt good- had a healthy Breakfast, frozen waffles, egg and cheese, lunch was okay, then had chicken and veggies for dinner, the day before I had 1/2 gallon of ice cream for dinner. The ice cream thing I can remember doing in 1982.... its like my own private hell. I have seen therapists, done a 30 day in-patient program, gotten a 1 year 'ship' in Overeaters Anonymous, won an Award for a recipe in a Weight Watchers Recipe Collection (ironically what I submitted and what was printed have very little in common (smile), taught Healthy Cooking at a Evening Program, etc...etc...

Wow, I just 'read below' and when I DID make that appt with the Lap Band doc I DID have that A-HA feeling! I think the doubts are normal- this doc does come well recommended, in a very good practice. (my Endo is very very well respected and this doc is person he immediately said to call (in his weird round-a-bout way)

Will post and update after my appt tomorrow (with the reg doc)

What I feel I want is a new....a.....a <break> with the past, a new start/step/tool (yes I am taking notes as I am seeing my doctor tomorrow) I don't want to do therapy anymore...... Friends say 'go for it' my family says "you can't screw this one up" as they have heard the "tomorrow is a new start!!" speech hundreds of times....'next year is going to be THE year" "this is it!" ad nauseum...

Pendulum,

I understand your frustration..

have you looked into the other surgery options? Alot of people who have the bypass like it because it makes you so sick to eat the sugary stuff - i havent gotten the band yet but i have reached that point where i have eaten enough in my life and I AM READY to not eat garbage anymore...the band is an excellant *tool* to help you on your diet journey...you can still eat things you want once in a while. In the end, we all know what we have to do to lose weight...its a question of if you really want it or not...and if you dont want it right now, thats ok...you will reach that point when you are ready and you do want it. I totally get the whole "eat whatever you want" mentality...i think it happens to everyone when they starts a some sort of diet...but the one thing that most people here have in common, is that they are ready to have this tool to give them the extra push they couldnt have before. Decidiing to get the band is sort of like an

A-HA moment. Do more research on the bands...and DEFINETLY go onto youtube and look up lapband stories - there are so many and they will inspire you!! i watch them for fun - it gets me so AMPED!!! Theres a girl NewToy4KT i think thats her name look her up on you tube -

Im at the very beginning of my journey as well. PM me if you like!

Best of luck!

[pendulum 6]

Thanks for the vid suggestion- NEVER THought about that!

Nice to see some male perspective too (no offense), but as someone who does not socialize much at all (I think my weight is part of that), I tend to feel....alone? isolated? the vids help (and am only on the second one typing this)