Getting back into this after LIFE happened

[gMommy 4]

I had my surgery in April. By the middle of June I was staying focused. I was attending my OA meetings every week, I was walking at lunch time, I was eating the right things. Then on June 16th my oldest son (10) told me that my husband, his step dad, beat him up while I was at my OA meeting a month prior. Needless to say my life became different instantly. I had to kick out my husband the next day. There was a lot of unpleasant stuff over the next 3 weeks that resulted in a restraining order against him which included no visitation with our 2 year old daughter. I was devastated. How could a man I was so in love with be like this? So, 3 months later, at my 3rd fill appointment, I had only lost 4 pounds. Considering all of the emotional eating I was doing, I was pretty happy that I had lost those 4. At my 2nd fill appointment, a week after I kicked out my husband, I told my PA that was giving me the fill, about what was going on in my life. She said to just focus on getting though it and not stress over the weight loss. Then at the 3rd fill appointment, when I only lost 4 pounds she was disappointed in me. I think she forgot what I was going through and I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

My concern was that my PA seemed like she didn't want to give me a fill at the 3rd appt. because I hadn't lost enough weight. I finally got some restriction from that fill (5.5cc in a 10cc band), but I am not quite in the Green Zone yet. My next fill is Nov 8th. I lost 5 pounds after that fill, then more stuff happened with my husband and I gained back 4. I'm back to it now and lost 2, for a net loss of 3 pounds since my last fill. I'm worried that my PA won't give me a fill at my next appointment because I have not lost enough weight. So, I'm back at it, hoping that all of the divorce/custody stuff has settled down, and sticking to my meal plan. I can stick to it as long as I don't have the major emotional stuff going on in my life.

Anybody else have major life changes happen during their journey? How did you deal with it?

I can manage the head hunger that comesl with daily emotional/stress stuff. It was just the big whammy life stuff that knocked my train off the tracks.

Has anybody out there be refused a fill because they didn't lose enough since the last fill?

[elcee 3,341]

I feel sorry for you with what you are going through at the moment. It must be truly awful.

But the thing is even when you have a band life happens and we have to deal with that. A lot of us eat for reasons other than hunger. It can be emotional eating like you are experiencing, or habit eating or boredom eating or whatever. We need to recognise the eating as destructive and find ways to cope with it.

You are going through a lot at the moment but the same can probably be said for about 50% of people with a band. Your emotional eating is not helping you to achieve your goals and you need to remember what they are. You got the band so that you could be healthy to take care of your family and that hasn't changed. Focus on that. You have to look after you now even more than you did previously.

Getting more and more fills is not the solution. It doesn't matter how many you get because ultimately you are in charge of what you put in your mouth. The band does not make the choices for you. And sadly the tighter you get the worse your choices will become as you will find that you may become too tight and then the only thing you can get down are high calorie sliders.Reaching for a chocolate bar when you feel like s@@t doesn't make you feel good for longer than 5 minutes and then you feel worse than before you ate it. Look for other ways to handle your emotions.

You could:-

get a boxing bag and put a pic of your ex on it and take your frustrations out on that.

go for a walk.

join some kind of social group

clear some of your cupboards and baggage out of your life

start a new hobby - it is difficult to eat when your hands and mind are busy

ad your own ideas here...............

Good luck -I am sure that soon you will be losing weight and looking forward to your new life and new opportunities. You don't want to let your ex score another victory against you by sabotaging your health and weight loss.

[Jachut 487]

I got cancer. I had to totally unfill my band forvradiation, surgery and chemotherapy. I had an ileostomy and had to live on a low residue diet which eant white bread, cornflakes, banannas, rice both to avoid bowelobstructions (had three anyway) and to thicken my poo up so i didnt get dehydrated.

I handledit by vowing cancer was not going to win. I was going to survive, tht was a given, but i was absolutely not going to give cancer the power to take away all that i had worked for. So i stckbtonsmll portions, did not eat more just because i was unfilled and since the low residuevdiet was notvworking that well nyway i stck with lods of salads, fruit, vegies. Despite feeling like deathvwarmed up some day, i ran through ll my treatment (ten days after surger which is somewhat stupid in hindsight). That was my power, my control, the thing i clung to and my medical team were encouraging.

I suggest you dont give a man like your husbnd the power to derail you from your goals. You are worth too much, worth ten of him and the best way to recover is obdisvover your inner strength. Get angry! Fight!

[Jachut 487]

Jeez, sorry about the spelling, typing on my phone.

[elcee 3,341]

I thought you'd been at the Chardy!

[kll724 3,055]

I so agree with the ladies above. Don't let a man mess with your progress. Also, my fills were never whether I lost enough weight. My surgeon gave fills IF I didn't loos enough weight! I think a punching bag sounds like a great idea. You can take out agression on it, and stay away from eating as an answer. Good luck! Karen

[healthy and happy 64]

Wow! Elcee and Jachut said it all. Who could top that. The advice that both of them gave is exactly what you need. You have to control your own destiny! I know how painful a difficult divorce can be. Ive been there, done that. But get determined girl! Pull yourself up by the boot straps and dont let him bring you down. Just think of how rewarding it will be for him to see how good you are going to be looking and to see that you are living life to the fullest without him!

Good luck! You can do it.

[Jachut 487]

I thought you'd been at the Chardy!

Well......... There is a little bit of that going on too, lol

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

I have learned that I cannot let ANYTHING disrupt my goal....

In the past 10 months since being banded my husband was layed off, my adult daughter had a baby, didnt marry the father and she and the baby are now living with us, I travelled out of state for work 6 times, I cooked holiday dinners and attended countless eating related social functions and lost my grandson, mother and grandmother. In addition I somehow perferated my ear drum and lost hearing in one ear.(that will be fixed in OP surgery tomorrow). I went on vacation to Jamaica, personally bagged 10,000 pieces of Halloween candy for the troops and I cook every single night for my family. My team mate at work was fired and my workload increased 25%

Basically life happens and didnt stop because I got a lapband. I was tempted so many times to just say forget it because I was too busy but my band is my permenant reminder that I must take care of me or I am not going to be around to handle what life is inevitably going to throw my way.

That said... the drama you are going through is awful and I am so sorry to hear of your troubles however this is the perfect time to take care of yourself and focus all your energy on staying on track.

All the best...I am cheering for you!

[NJGirl32 43]

You girls are fearless!

I think the best thing you can do is get in shape-you'll feel in control. you'll have more energy, and you'll be doing something postive for yourself!

I don't get why a doc wouldn't give you another fill when you aren't losing weight-I thought that was the whole purpose of a fill!

Hang in there-you can do this girl!!

[KristinInCO 2]

I am going through a divorce as well. I am concerned about the opposite problem. I can't eat when I am under stress. In fact, if I try and do anything beyond sipping Water or herbal tea, I feel the need to vomit.

I was banded a month ago and have lost 30lbs. YUP...you heard me...30lbs in a month. I am telling people it was because I had WLS, but the truth is, I have no appetite. I am worried about this because I am not getting the medical benefits of learning to eat real food, recognize when I am full or any of that. I have emotional anorexia.

My husband left because he was convinced I was cheating on him. I know my weight loss would only have added to his crazy suspicions, so I know it was time to end it. He is VERY controlling. I guess I should be happy for my freedom, but I have been "institutionalized" over eight years. It's like a prisoner leaving jail...but not knowing how to function in the "real" world.

Good luck to us all having to deal with such major life changes together!