No support from my husband

[Marcib 1]

I was banded June 6th, 2011. I have lost about 30lbs. I have no support from my husband. He brings all the bad foods into the house and if we're out on family day he always wants to go to restaurants. I am having a hard enough time trying to learn to live with the band. I have found myself eating more than I should and all the wrong foods. Drinking soda (he conveniently forgets to get me diet tea when he is purchasing soda). When I went for my last fill I gained 5 pounds. I went through this surgery to become more healthy and have a better quality of life. I don't know what to do to overcome his sabotage. Any comments or advice is appreciated.

[quileness 0]

I was banded June 6th, 2011. I have lost about 30lbs. I have no support from my husband. He brings all the bad foods into the house and if we're out on family day he always wants to go to restaurants. I am having a hard enough time trying to learn to live with the band. I have found myself eating more than I should and all the wrong foods. Drinking soda (he conveniently forgets to get me diet tea when he is purchasing soda). When I went for my last fill I gained 5 pounds. I went through this surgery to become more healthy and have a better quality of life. I don't know what to do to overcome his sabotage. Any comments or advice is appreciated.

Yes, I completely understand. My husband seems to be a bit more understanding than yours, but he still picks up treats and eats them in front of me, etc. One thing I have learned is that you can't expect everyone around you to understand how hard it is and to change their lifestyle with you. I mean, be honest, if you didn't have a weight issue, would you ever give up yummy foods? I wouldn't.

That being said, your husband should at least TRY to make things easier for you. If you haven't done so already, sit him down and have a serious discussion with him about how hard this is for you and that you could really use some help. Ask him to get his treats in when he is out of the house and to not bring bad, tempting foods home. If he won't at least pick up healthy foods for you along with the bad ones, make sure you're doing the shopping. In fact, do ALL of the shopping. Pick up foods that work for your diet along with some treats that only he will be tempted by. I basically get the treats that my husband likes but I don't. That way he has something yummy if he wants it and I don't care. It really helps. Also, this may seriously be an effort on his part to actually sabotage you. I remember my husband expressing to me once that he's worried about the change. About me getting all skinny and leaving him, or my personality changing, etc. Make sure this isn't an issue with your husband, and remind him of how much more beautiful he'll think you are once you've lost all that weight. It's a win-win situation, after all, and he should help you as much as possible.

I guess it just has to work both ways. You're never going to live in a temptation free world, and will-power is probably the hardest part of dieting. It would be nice if he could refrain from eating anything bad in front of you, but it probably won't happen. Just make sure that you have heathly alternatives in the house. If he's sitting there eating cake and you're dying to have some, it helps to have a little weight watchers cake on hand. Or some sugar free ice cream, etc. I've found that even though I can't always stop myself from "cheating" I can lessen the impact by choosing better treats. There's no worse feeling for me than sitting there hungry with no food watching my husband gobble down something delicious. You must have choices on hand that will help you feel satisfied.

I hope this helps... =)

[Corrigan 75]

You knew the band journey wasn't going to be easy, and this is

just another obstacle. In the long run, you're responsible for

everything that goes into your mouth. many of our spouses

have a little insecurity, but we can't let that ruin our weight loss.

My wife is an excellent cook and she brings some delicious

things to eat, but it's up to me what I eat or don't eat. I don't

mean to be harsh, but my telling you how sorry I feel for you

isn't going to do the least bit of good. In the end, we're all in

charge of our own bodies and what we end up weighing is up

to us. Be strong, hold your head up and do what's best for you.

[KBaum 7]

My husband did not want me to get banded, period. I guess I'm fortunate that he still finds me attractive and still loves the way I look. I think his problem was about how much the procedure would cost, the possibility of me not coming out of anesthesia, and the possibility I would expect him to lose weight.

Fortunately for me, he started coming around once he came to the conclusion that I was making up my mind about MY body and MY health. It has absolutely nothing to do with him, but at the same time it has everything to do with being here for him and our kids. I'm 8 days pre-op and thankfully I'm the 'grocery getter' in our family.

Dont let the negative nelly's of the world get you down. Sometimes you just need to vent and this is what we are all here for Stay focused and remember why you got the band. The glorious part of the band is we can eat what we want in time, however, in small amounts. Think of it as a win-win!

Wishing you success!

[SageTracey 608]

That's a real challenge for you - maybe look on it as training for living in the real world as a banded person. There will always be temptations around us. Most times people won't even really notice if we just say no thanks to whatever they are eating or offering. We had cake for morning tea at work this morning to Celebrate a big win. I just said no thanks when offered and no one even cared or commented.

I'm really fortunate to have an incredibly supportive husband, right from initial considerations of getting banded. He even raised it with me, although he didn't know at the time that my GP had also suggested that I look into it.

Just keep on making the right choices for you and let him see the benefits. Hopefully he will come around! And if not, you'll always get support (and sometimes some tough love!) on these forums.

[elcee 3,341]

My husband baked the yummiest muffins about a week after I was banded - they smelt divine - I could have happily killed him. But as the others have said you are responsible for what you put in your mouth and I also agree that you should be doing the shopping or at the very least give your husband a list. Keep a supply of crystal light or something similar at home for when he drinks soda. And who says that you can't eat out/ having a band doesn't stop you doing that. Go to restaurants, pick something that you know you can eat and is a healthy (or healthier) option . And don't forget the 80/20 or 90/10 rule. No one expects you to be a dieting saint 100% of the time - the occasional treat helps makes life pleasurable.

[thinnerS 15]

I have the same situation and I have been banded 12 days today. Don't worry you are not the only one. My husband has turned on me since I got banded. He is not supportive or shows he cares. He doesn't even ask how I am feeling. He also eats what he wants. I don't know what its from but he seems like a different person. We are very distant now after the band. I have 3 kids and I had to get up on my feet real quick by the 3rd day.

[123crod 170]

My husband has never had a weight problem. He still weighs the same as when I married him 30 years ago. But he eats all the junk food and lots of it. We went together to the Doctor we both did blood work, mine was not that bad but his numbers were perfect. I walked out with 4 prescriptions and he walked out with “Try to drink at least one glass of milk a day” What? I have lost 84 lbs . . . him nothing. I workout . . .him no workout (unless you you consider mowing grass on a $5000.00 lawnmover) Yes I said $5000 he got that and I got the band.

I make him buy all his junk food pre-packaged for one person. It cost more, but I will not open a package to get a cookie but I might eat one if it is already open. I also have a 2½ and 5 year old grandbabies who I have at my house about 4 days a week for about 4 hours/day. They want ice cream and fruit Snacks, chips, crackers etc. I never knew a Dora fruit snack could taste so good. But I do the same with them. if they open a tiny package of Cookies and do not finish them, they have to take them home.

Right now in the kitchen there are 2 chocolate filled donuts sitting in a box on the table, not the so so ones from the grocery store but the good ones from the Donut Shop. They are calling my name, even though I could not even think about one passing through my band. I am just crazy enought to try.

So my point is buy stuff in one serving size packages or make him keep his junk in his car, we did this right after I got the Band done untill I started getting fills.

Cheri

[FLHgal 68]

So happy that my hubby and I are both getting the band, back to back.

It's just the two of us at home now so we can help each other.

Just waiting for the insurance approval.

[waynef 25]

My 2 cents.

Spouses of a banded person have no clue how to be supportive. We cant expect them to change overnight after many years of wrong eating, it is us with the band, we choose what we put in our mouth.

Why cant you eat out? Why cant you drink pop? I do both of those and have lost 165 lbs in a year. We live in a real world, where people are going to eat junk food, and it is going to be around.

Did you talk to hubby before your surgery? Did he support your decision? Does he not let you order? If so speak up and tell them you want Water to drink or nothing since you shouldnt eat and drink together.

[Lady Lap Band 71]

My husband does not sabotage me but he doesn't eat healthier like me. He goes to the store and brings home bad things all the time. It would be nice if he would not do that but at the end of the day it is up to me and I decided what I put in my body.

I realize easier said than done but if he forgets your tea don't drink the soda he brings home, have Water instead. When you go to a restaurant order off the appetizer menu or a kids meal. If you know ahead of time where you are going look them up online before and pick something that is lower in calories.

Its not easy to do it without full support but it can be done, you can do this!!

[kcg 6]

It`s extremely difficult when one feels like she is not being supported by a spouse. However, they did not make a decision to change their lifestyles, we did. Therefore, the altimate responsibility rests with us. Instead of relying on him for the shopping to be done, why don`t you take on that responsibility since it would give you an opportunity to exercise as well.

We are also alright with eating in restaurants. It all depends on what you order and as others have already mentioned, it`s up to you to monitor what goes into your mouth. Your spouse has no control over that. Sorry if I don`t sound sympathetic but I feel that not assuming the victim role is a start to winning this difficult battle that we are fighting.

Good luck with your journey which could be won despite the difficulties hun.

[LifeIsBantastic 1]

Jeesh, I'm glad I don't have a husband!

[katiebug3608 0]

My husbad thinks that because i'm getting a lap band means that i'm cheating and that its a quick fix and it wont work! i've tried to explain to him that it's a tool to help me help myself and that i'm still going to have to exercize AND eat healthier!! but he's crazy and just doesn't get it. I just think the hard part is that when i get it done that i'm going to have to do it all by myself. My husband litterally (and i'm not exaggerating) eats only chicken strips, cheese burgers,and gumbo. and thats horrible!! i'm hoping that i could avoid him during dinner!! lol but i also have a friend that is about to get her surgery done so i will have her!! Just find a friend to help you through it! and if not i can help!

[sparkplug 106]

My husbad thinks that because i'm getting a lap band means that i'm cheating and that its a quick fix and it wont work! i've tried to explain to him that it's a tool to help me help myself and that i'm still going to have to exercize AND eat healthier!! but he's crazy and just doesn't get it. I just think the hard part is that when i get it done that i'm going to have to do it all by myself. My husband litterally (and i'm not exaggerating) eats only chicken strips, cheese burgers,and gumbo. and thats horrible!! i'm hoping that i could avoid him during dinner!! lol but i also have a friend that is about to get her surgery done so i will have her!! Just find a friend to help you through it! and if not i can help!

I have the most supportive husband in the world. He has been my main support from day one, even after surgery and I was in such horrible pain, he kept telling me it will be alright and you will feel better soon and look great again. AGAIN, yes I had gained and lost the same 90 pounds a million times over before the band. I have been to goal for almost 3 years and could not have done it without the band and my husband. Yes he still eats his Cookies and doughnuts and I could care less. We do tend to eat healthy with no fat and greasy foods like some people and it is just a little modification of smaller portions since I can only eat very little at meals. We go out to restaurants and I even bake a cake or brownies for him. Normally I don't care about tasting the fresh made cake but when I really want a taste, that is just what I do have a small bite to taste it and that is enough! If I tell myself that I can never have a piece of cake or pie, I will get obsessed over it and want it more than ever, so I have learned to give in to a taste or bite of something and get it out of your system. There are so many things I cannot eat because of the band and I can live with that too. I am so greatful for my husband especially when I get stuck and he tells me to walk around I will wait for you until the food passes through! What a guy!!!! I hope you all succeed on your journey and it really is up to you to figure things out and work the band, it would be so easy to say it was my husband's fault I failed but I am the one accountable not him. You need to figure this out as you go along, nobody tells you how this will work for YOUR body, everybody is so different and it is a learning experience.