This Is A Wake Up Call!

[donali 57]

I love these posts that make us think! :grouphug:

I believe I was misunderstood when I said that I believed that others here who have had WLS had the same attitude about this as me. I didn't mean that if I can do it anyone can. I meant I thought it was a deeply serious emotional and intellectual decision and commitment to saving our lives.

*grin* This was Gyou, not Syou. *laughs*

BUT...

I meant I thought it was a deeply serious emotional and intellectual decision and commitment to saving our lives.

...isn't any different than thinking that everyone is the same, and that we all have the same expectations and commitments.

:eek: Believe me, I do this ALL the time. I think most people do. When something is just so OBVIOUS and downright darn LOGICAL, it's virtually impossible to understand how any reasonable person could do/think/feel differently. I don't know why I'm constantly amazed at this... You'd think I'd have learned MY way ISN'T the only way by now. Just because it's the best way... *laughs uproarously at self*

:pray2:

((PhotoNut))

[PhotoNut 7]

*grin* This was Gyou, not Syou. *laughs*

Ohhh.. well why didn't you say so?? *laughing too*

[migbt 0]

So many good things said.... Some I don't agree with, some made me angry, some made me think......

I KNOW NOTHING!!!! The way I ate did nothing for me except get me fat! I am a newcomer.... I am here to change, to listen to those who have time with their band, who have had time to impliment the changes needed to succeed.

Just for TODAY, I want to remain teachable! To take everything in ... things that I don't think apply to me because one day I might need it... for the day that I am standing in line at that McDonalds ....

I still have the "newcomer" enthusiasm. The people I respect are the people who one day at a time work this new way of life. No one elses diet will work for me, but it will steer me in the right direction. I will HOPEFULLY learn to live a good life with food!

Thank you to everyone who posts. Even the ones who keep posting their bad eating habbits. If you are still posting you are not sitting their hopeless, you keep coming back and only those that keep trying will succeed.

JUST FOR TODAY

Donna

I am

[PhotoNut 7]

Just for TODAY, I want to remain teachable! To take everything in ... things that I don't think apply to me because one day I might need it... for the day that I am standing in line at that McDonalds ....

Thank you to everyone who posts. Even the ones who keep posting their bad eating habbits. If you are still posting you are not sitting their hopeless, you keep coming back and only those that keep trying will succeed.

JUST FOR TODAY

*big smiles* I just love this gal. She is so awesome.

And I was just thinking back on what Donali had said about there being other boards that have no tolerance for people who don't eat healthily.

When I started initially posted my feelings on this, I did it on a thread where some were talking about the issues I addressed. Then I realized that it would be taken as a direct slam at those posters in particular. So I quickly deleted it and started a new thread because it wasn't my goal to point fingers, but rather to raise awareness in folks. I knew it would be a touchy subject but I was hoping it would also be one that made people do some soul searching.

And my question now is this.. If you come here and post that you are struggling and eating unhealthily and are depressed or wondering why you are eating so much, don't you then expect support? If I give you a big hug and say, "It's perfectly alright that you did that. Chin up and you'll do better tomorrow." am I not supporting your downfall? Alcoholics Anonymous has a group called Alanon for family and friends of alcholoics. It is designed to teach these people how to be a real support, and to be aware of the things they do that enable the alcoholic's behavioral issues to continue. To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"?? This is how MY mind works. *shrugs*

[Marimaru 7]

I too am getting a little touchy about all the things being taken personally that *to me* seem general to begin with. But that doesn't mean I wont read something tomorrow that I don't turn around and take personally *grin*.

I think this is a good thread. I don't eat nearly as bad as I used to. I can't remember the last time I went through a drive through and didn't just get a side salad, and maybe a yogurt. Sure, the dressing is still bad, but it's better than I used to do. And that's all I can really aim for right now. I am doing better than I used to do. Obviously, I'm not doing as well as I NEED to do because I'm not losing weight, but I just need to work on doing EVEN BETTER than I used to do (which would then be better than what I am doing now).

I have to take it a step at a time, or I get burnt out, which is what has already happened. Granted, I have not fallen back into all of my old habits, but some of the better habits didn't stick so well.

Baby steps is my new motto.

[donali 57]

To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"??

I think you have an absolutely valid point. Howeer, support doesn't have to end with a hug and reassurance that one will do better tomorrow. After the hug, you can offer loving, helpful suggestions on how to DO better tomorrow - things that help you do better. Then you can hug them again.

:eek:

One of the things I learned in my emotional eating counseling was that thinking negatively about one's self wasn't constructive. Sometimes we prevail, somtimes not so much. But we (none of us) are completely one thing or another - we are never complete successes or complete failures - we are always a mixture of both.

Progress, not perfection. How can we do better next time? The old way is always an option, but let's try a new way first. Every time we can do the new way instead of the old way is a success, and eventually we will mostly do the new way.

Most of us have lived our lives punishing ourselves, degrading ourselves, and dragging ourselves down into a pit that we felt there was no climbing out of. Do not underestimate the power of those negative tapes. If we can erase those negative tapes with positive reinforcing thoughts we WILL get better.

Sometimes before we can love ourselves and get better, we have to be given permission by total strangers that it's not only OKAY to do so, but necessary and encouraged.

And we are worth it.

We ARE loveable and worthwhile. Fat or thin. Today, tomorrow, and yesterday. This is only a part of the journey, and is transient to the better selves we are working towards.

My humble thoughts...

xxoo

[migbt 0]

To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"?? This is how MY mind works. *shrugs*

Because I need tender loving care.... Because when I screw up with my food, I beat myslef up more then anyone else could.

When I came to the site last week and told about my two bad eating episodes in a three day period, I knew I did something bad that could have resulted in damage to my band. Some ppl came on and blasted me for bad eating, Others showed compasion and gave me hugs and THAT is just what I needed. Not everyone is the same, some would need that "what were you thinking", others need the ((hug)).

As it was said before, we are all different. Most of these aren't attacks on people, they are opinions and God knows we, all of us, seem to have LOTS of those LOL

That's why ..... I love you all,,,,,, for who you are, not what I want you all to be!:eek:

[donali 57]

Oh, yeah...

Changes do not have to be drastic to be effective.

We do NOT have to change everything at one time. In fact, trying to make multiple changes at time time is a sure way to set yourself up for failure. Babysteps, babysteps, babysteps.

We do NOT have to suffer in order to be trying our best.

Suffering does NOT = success.

Suffering does NOT = better.

[dawg 0]

It's a case of cold turkey, or weaning.

Some can wean themselves gradually, and some can just scream NO MORE.

I see this as the hardest addiction to get over. This is like alcoholism where the alcohilic is required to drink 3 small low alcohol drinks a day.

Equally, some of us need a hug, some of us need a slap. Just so you all know, I'm to be slapped, REALLY HARD.

If anyone ever has a post from me say "I screwed up!" I grant you all exclusive permission to use me as a punching bag for 24 hours.

[PhotoNut 7]

*laughs* This is a great thread, even if I did start it. :eek:

Now this is about me - I have spent my life trying to love myself, be kind to myself, forgive myself. And I have ended up soft coating the fact that I was really -killing- myself. For me, and obviously for many others (thanks for all the PMs), it is time to stop treating myself with tender loving care and start excepting the cold hard facts. If I keep doing this to myself, there won't be a tomorrow in which I can forgive me.

[one gone dog 0]

I never eat what im not spossed to,

now why did i set my Cookies and milk on the table when im at my computer telling lies ?

:eek: :grouphug:

and some of you have had some really good thoughts on this subject.

[Alexandra 55]

I have spent my life trying to love myself, be kind to myself, forgive myself.

Not too long ago I said pretty much the same thing. (If I had the time I might even dig up the post.) I have always and still think that loving oneself is the foundation of happiness in this one short life we have. I'm not going to waste a second on self-flagellation.

In the same post I allowed for the possibility that this attitude may be partly responsible for ending up where I did. :eek: I still don't think self-flagellation gets us anywhere. Self-understanding is the key to progress. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, we can't change what we don't acknowledge. And one thing I truly don't see a lot of on this board is denial.

[LilAngel 0]

*Hey Photonut* I really appreciate that you are open to learning. You have acknowledged some really good points made here that maybe you hadn't thought of yet while making excellent points of your own. That's the kind of theads that are so cool and we all learn from them. I know I have. Thanks.

[fee 0]

There are people for whom pizza does hold attraction post-banding; surgery doesn't magically make that go away. And for many of us, eating "badly" doesn't always mean paying a price we are unwilling to pay, so why not do it from time to time? That's where I am, and happy to be here. :biggrin1:

Working with the band doesn't necessarily mean forcing yourself to give up everything you love and live a life of deprivation and denial. It's about learning, and I think we can all agree that takes time.

i totally agree with you there Alexandra:)

well said

[dawg 0]

Not too long ago I said pretty much the same thing. (If I had the time I might even dig up the post.) I have always and still think that loving oneself is the foundation of happiness in this one short life we have. I'm not going to waste a second on self-flagellation.

In the same post I allowed for the possibility that this attitude may be partly responsible for ending up where I did. :eek: I still don't think self-flagellation gets us anywhere. Self-understanding is the key to progress. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, we can't change what we don't acknowledge. And one thing I truly don't see a lot of on this board is denial.

Self-flagellation.... drool dawg like self flagellation.