I need an intervention

[Suzzzie. 3]

OK. I had surgery June 15, 2007. Yes, 4 years ago. And I weighed myself this morning, and I am 1 pound away from where I was the morning of my surgery. How did I let that happen?

When I first found this forum, a couple months before my surgery, I would read stories from ppl who have had their band for a while but hadn't lost, or who had lost, but had since regained. I thought they were crazy, weak, STUPID - for going through a surgery and then not following through an what was needed to ensure long term weightloss and health.

I am now one of those people.

On June 15 2007 I weighed 382. Today I weigh 381.

Within the first 10 months after my surgery I had lost 120 lbs, weighing in around 260. That was thinner than I was in high school. I looked great and was wearing a size 22. (Down from a size 30.) But then, right around the 11th month I started having horrible reflux. After 2 weeks of living on about 3-4 crackers and a few sips of Water a day (because the pain when I'd swallow anything was HORRIBLE!) I finally went in for an unfill. It was my birthday. I felt immediate relief! One of my close friends was with me, and since it was my birthday, and I could finally eat (plus I could REALLY eat, cause I only had half the Fluid left in my band) we went out for Italian food, and then ice cream. I had not had either of these in nearly a year. It felt WONDERFUL to be able to eat like old times. That was the best ice cream I'd ever tasted.

Here is the deal with me. I'm a food addict. But not for 'food'... for SWEETS. candies, Cookies, cakes and pies - Oh My! Lol. I hadn't had ANY of these AT ALL in 11 months. And it literally took just that ONE ice cream to do me in. I became unraveled. I could suddenly relate to drug addicts and alcoholics, how just one slip up can do you in, and destroy everything you've worked so hard for.

The weight didn't come back all at once. Its taken me 3 years to gain back that 120lbs. I guess thats something. At the time, initially, I was still exercising, and eating fairly healthy, except for the daily ice creams and other assorted sweets. Once I couldn't fit into my gym clothes anymore, I quit going. Then I started thinking "I've got to do something, I've got to get back on track. Tomorrow will be a new day!" But that proverbial 'tomorrow' never came. I've been back for fills, and unfills. I'm either so tight I can't eat and get reflux, or I'm too loose and can eat anything. My band doesn't let me eat fast, but I can eat more than I should - probably because I eat slow. If I go slow enough, I can eat an entire meal (large portions) in about an hour, sometimes 2. I rarely ever get full. And when I do get full (band signalling full) it doesn't last long and I will be stomach growling hungry again within an hour.

I have a TON of bad habits with regular food. But sweets are still my addiction. Just this morning I had half a large bag of M&Ms for Breakfast. Sweets fill me up emotionally, mentally, and physically in a way that nothing else can.

I guess the benefit is that I know my downfall. I know when and where and how things went wrong. I even know HOW to fix it... but I do not think I am strong enough to do so. Downstairs, right now, I have 6 large bags of M&Ms (they were on sale...) and a huge glass vase full of other random mini chocolate bars. I cannot throw them out or give them away. I need them. It would be like asking a herion addict to just throw away her drugs!

I need an intervention. All comments and suggestions are welcome. I know I need help.

[waynef 25]

Suzzzie 98% of the battle is in the mind. I was banded 10 months ago, things are going great so far. I too love sweets, ice cream, Cookies, etc. I still have them in moderation and continue to lose. You shouldnt think you can never have those things again, thats crazy talk, but everything in moderation.

As far as the band, it sounds like there are problems there, I dont think you should have reflux unless something is wrong??? Not sure on that

[Dibley Dawn 84]

Suzzie, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am only 5 months out, but lemme tell ya, if i had to do 100% completely without sweets or treats, I would have already failed. I don't know how you made it for 11 months and no wonder you went overboard when you finally let yourself cave in.

the good news is you can start over today. start with now and go one meal at a time. allow yourself to have a treat now and again. if you HAVE to have chocolate every day, start by only having it every other day...then gradually work down to maybe 3 times a week, or only on weekends...or just whatever. choose a sugar free Chocolate ice pop or something. i promise if you deny yourself something that you really love, eventually it will be all you can think about and you will fail again.

i'm not a big snacker, but my issue was eating huge portions and not being able to stop. i still eat what i want to eat, just probably in portions 1/3 or even 1/2 the size that i used to eat (i haven't had a fill, so i have no restriction).

i still need chocolate every once in a while and when i'm on my period, I allow myself to have anything that i am craving. i have found that if i just allow myself to have it, i'm not thinking about and obsessing over it, so one or 2 bites of something is all i need to have before i am done with it.

don't give up. you've hit a bump in the road and you just have to get over that bump. keep us posted on how you are doing.

[TKW 501]

I agree, you need to get your head hunger under control right after you find out what is going on with your band. All that reflux does not seem right. I also agree that you can not tell your self that you can never have chocolate again or ice cream again. Everyone deserves a treat once in a while but to succeed we need limits. When I was researching the lap band before I had surgery I read an article about a woman who had an uncontrollable chocolate addiction. Her Doctor or counselor suggested this to her. Become a chocolate connoisseur. Once a week allow your self 1 serving of the finest chocolate you can find. Not M&M's or hershey's but fine chocolate. She did this every week of her lap band journey and was remarkably successful. She trys all sorts of different fine chocolates. One serving, once a week. I don't know if I could do it. If it is in the house I eat it! But it worked for her.

Many people on this site have also seen a counselor. Have you ever thought of that.

Suzzie... you did it once. That was incredible! I bet you can do it again. Do It For YOU!

I wish you the best of luck!

T.

[JerseyGirl80 12]

I'm a food addict too, and like many others on here I believe in eating everything in moderation. Deprivation was a major mistake for me everytime I "dieted". I'd quit all my favorite foods cold turkey and when I'd become weak or just fed up with salads and grilled chicken I'd eat all the garbage I loved til I was sick to my stomach. I'd go on a bender that wouldn't stop until I just didn't care anymore about what I shoved into my face. That is the reason I've gained back all the weight(and then some) I've ever lost (pre-band).

For us, unlike drugs food is everywhere. We dont have to go to a dealer to get a hit. We won't go to prison for odering a 20 peice nuggets

and washing is down with #2 supersized. We are surrounded by food everyday. We just have to be aware of what we are doing. Seriously now if I feel I "need" chicken nuggets, I'll go get it, maybe I'll eat 3 or 4 and be full. That will kill my craving and I'll move on. This is how my life is now and I'm happy here. The weight is coming off slow, but for me the weight coming off fast means deprivation and that's never worked before and won't work now, even with my band.

But Suzzie the other issues you are having with reflux are terrible, I'm so sorry. I hope you can find a happy medium with your band and start losing weight again.

Also, here's a tip that might work for you when it comes to cravings/addiction. Do not keep crap in the house, ever. If you crave something or feel you need it buy a small bag of it, or a serving size. That's what I do and it works, for me anyway. I want something, I eat some in that moment once it's gone it's gone. Having it laying around would cause me to eat it just because it's there. These are very hard habits to break but it is doable, it's not a scam when people say "everything in moderation" there is truth to this. Also look for lower fat snacks/ice creams, at first they don't compare to the real thing, but they can kill those uncontrollable urges. There are many "healthier" alternatives to the garbage foods we love.

I hope you do not think of yourself as "crazy" "weak" or "stupid" we are all struggling with the same or similar food issues and anyone of us could be in your shoes in a year or 2. The band was never a garuntee, we need the fills to help us, if you're out there with no fill how could you even be getting help from the band, it's as if you are on your own again battling your weight. Getting the band was for help, no fills+no restriction = no help. Wasn't that the point of all this? Perhaps you should see your doctor and get very small fills until you find that "sweet spot" where your reflux is under control and you have restriction.

I wish you the best of luck and try to stay in touch and active on this site, it surely helps when you are in need of motivation or feeling down. Who better to understand you than others that have walked and are walking in your shoes?