I am a lying liar

[Vanilla sky 28]

Hello all, I usually don't post but lurk and I have enjoyed reading this forum, but now I need some advise please.

I feel like such a liar and here is my problem, I was banded 2 years ago and weighed 325 pounds I now weigh 150 pounds and am 5 pounds away from goal. I work out at the gym everyday and eat healthy as well. I have 5cc's in my 10cc band. Lately I have had some people who see me at the gym everyday and say way to go you look great and I always say thank you but recently I have had 2 women come up to me and tell me that they have been watching me and that they remember how big I was when I started and that I motivate them and then they ask me what are you doing? Here is where I become a liar, I don't tell them about the band I always wanted to be private about it. Big mistake I feel.

The only people who know about my band are my husband, (who is banded) my kids, and my side of the family (who live out of town). When people walk by and say way to go I didn't feel the need to say I'm banded. But with these 2 ladies it feels different they are heavier and really seem like they are looking for answers on how they can loose weight. I told them how I eat and how much I workout but I feel so wrong! I remember when I was looking for answers. So I need advise on how do I come clean with people I meet at the gym and have talked to without having to switch to a new gym lol?

[Grider 92]

stop being ashamed of having gained the weight, or how you lost it, Life is not easy, and Thank God you are healhier and feel good about yourself. It is easier to share with unknowns and maybe you will help some one out! My dental assistant convinced me, of having surgery. I finally met a real person I knew who had it done and was well and happy and not paid to tell me different. No sooner she told me I was on my way to attending seminars etc, and now hopefully Oct I will be done!. I think only some folks will judge ya, but you can always ask--- first in your conversation. Have you ever thought about WLS? and if they are receptive, then you can say, ME too! take it from there--

[arkansasmom 0]

Well I am kind of like you. No one at work knows a few people close to me know including my family. Not sure what I will do when I get in your position, if they aren't really overweight and could benefit from lapband, I wouldn't tell them. Just my two cents! Your doing fabulous, keep going, it's for you not the rest of the world.

[steelerfan1 4]

I can see why you are doing it because I do the same thing at times .Sometimes I am honest about it and sometimes I'm not.

I just remember failing every time I tried to diet or lose weight you go run and tell people oh look what I have done you do well and then boom you are back to where you was before if not heavier and people just look at you .

I have told very few people about my surgery , I dont need people to looking at me or judging me. I am hard enough on myself let alone other people being hard on me and expecting to much from me if that makes sense.

[Jonna 4]

I tell everyone that I was banded, not only does this give me the extra push I need but if there is only one other person out there that this band can help then I'm all for that!! I am not ashamed of being banded, I did it for myself and no one else!! Once I get to my goal, I will be one of the best supporters of the band I can be!! They will want to hire me to be their spokesperson LOL

[sweetjane 0]

I don't feel you have any obligation to anyone to explain about how you lost the weight through a lap band....that was a personal choice and if you want to keep it to yourself than that is your right. I am just starting out but I do feel like you and the less people that know about it, the happier I am. My problem is a big mouth husband who thought telling the bigger mouth gym owner about it. His reasoning being that it was OK as she wasn't someone we knew personally....now I have no interest in going back to the gym as I know everyone will have heard about it....it is still too soon for me to return to the gym yet anyway as per my surgeon but I could just kill my husband. Sorry to get off the subject but I am with you in not wanting to share which is your own "secret"....as I thought it would be mine also....and congratulations on your wonderful success.....by the way you are not lying you are just omitting info.....whole different thing...

[kll724 3,055]

I can agree to both points of view. I only tell people I know well. But, my friend had surgery and at the Psych told her to tell everyone to help her keep on track. My daughter-in-law took it upon herself to tell folks that through exercise and diet I lost my 100 lbs. Well sort of, but I did have lapband, too! A neighbor that I did not know heard from another neighbor that I had lost a lot of weight. He aske me about it as he has about 50-70 lbs to lose. I told him about the lapabnd. So, whatever you are comfortable with. It is not a lie, you have had to watch what you eat, and exercise!!!! Karen

[Corrigan 75]

Why say anything to burst their bubble? How and why you lost weight is your personal business and you are

under no moral obligation to tell anyone.

[Dibley Dawn 84]

I personally don't plan on telling anyone that I have the band...ever. 2 people know about it. my DH and 1 very close friend who is already skinny. No one has seemed to notice yet that I have lost any weight, (i'm really fat, so it's understandable) and I kinda like it that way because.....um...less lying I guess. (although, i am eating less and I am working out, but I haven't had any fills so the band is a mental tool for me. it's not making me eat less at this time because i have no restriction. )

when people start to notice and start to ask me, then i'll have to come up with something. when i made my decision to get that band, it wasn't anyone telling me that they had the band and that this is something I should do, it was me personally researching things on my own and seeking out answers from doctors and this community. i don't want to be responsible for any one else's decisions. in other words, i don't want to tell someone that i know IRL that I have the band and that they should do it. it works differently for different people. i couldn't live with it if someone had a surgery like this based on something that I said and things didn't work out for them.

...also..., i would go crazy if people knew about the band and started to montior everything that i put in my mouth and ask "should you really be eating that??" i have food issues as it is and all that added pressure would probably make me hide food the way i used to...so, for now, i'm keeping it a secret and i plan to keep it that way. anyway, that's my .02

[klariade 7]

Whether or not you tell is your personal choice. Personally for me, I'll tell anyone who will listen about my band! I've actually had several friends from high school and college come to me for advice when they were considering lap band surgery because they knew I had done it. If these ladies seem to be looking to you for advice, then I would say go ahead and tell them your secret. You never know, maybe they're considering it themselves and you could be a person they can talk to about it! Most people I've encountered were very supportive and actually very interested in how the band actually works. When I explain it to them, they realize it's not a quick fix and takes a lot of hard work!

[AlienBandit 10]

I am the same way not telling anyone, but when I had lunch with my friend once who didn't like her weight and wanted to know how I lost my weight I just came clean.

Clearly it was a good idea because a year later she got the band by my doctor and is doing great.

I would be a little more reluctant to tell someone I didnt know about my surgery but if someone mentioned they wanted to lose weight and were considering a surgery I would for sure tell them.

Maybe if you talk more to these women and and if you comfortable then you can tell them but I would have not told them if I was in that situation.

[NJGirl32 43]

I am not telling anyone (except 1 friend and my hubby)-that's it. I like it that way. People have asked me how I lost the weight and I tell them low carbs and watching my portion size-which is the truth.

ARe you really lying by saying your excerizing, eating smaller portion, etc.? No, you are not. It's totally up to you, but you shouldn't feel obligated to say anything. And if you do say something, be prepared that it will spread!

[Rachel412 116]

You're not lying. You're telling the truth. The band is a helping tool like a lot of different tools people use to help them lose weight. Don't give yourself a hard time!!

I haven't told people either, other than my immediate family. When people ask what I'm doing, I tell them I'm low carbing, eating less, exercising more. And it's true.

[Jachut 487]

I think you're well within your rights and dont owe anyone any truths. You've done the hard work, accept the praise.

But I told everyone for exactly the reason you're saying. I remember when I was heavy, running into people who'd lost a ton of weight, or seeing my very heavy girlfriend embark on another plan and having success with it. It made me feel so damn worthless and miserable - other people could do it, why not me. I'd comfort myself with mean thoughts that they'd never keep it off (and they didnt) but I was still cut up over the fact that they could actually lose 20kg or whatever, and I could never lose more than about 5.

So I'd absolutely HATE to think that someone else might feel so down on themselves over my success. Yes, it was hard work and I know that these people that know I'm banded think that it was magic, and dont appreciate what I've had to do to lose the weight. But at least they're not thinking that I'm amazing and they're hopeless.

I also think its a marvellous surgery that works amazing miracles for people who are willing to put the work in. I want to spread the word! I dont want people to waste their lives trying to do something that statisically, just isnt possible

[jayres14 17]

You have no obligation to tell anyone anything. But think of this, you are a walking testament of the band. You did it!! You made it work!! No one can take that from you!! Not even negative comments, which actually have no grounds considering you did it wonderfully. I am not saying you owe these women anything, but you never know, you could lead someone to a decision that could save their life in the long run. To me, the band is not just for cosmetics, it is for health and life. Either choice you make is the right one, good luck to you!!