One of the last accepted forms of prejudice

[feliciadawn 22]

I don't know about you guys, but I have been fat most of my life, apart from a short stint a few years ago, and apart from my childhood (when I was always a "big" girl, but not necessarily fat) and I have come to the conclusion, after years and years of feeling like I don't fit in, being embarassed that I don't look like the "skinny girls", not being invited to things, or just not going because I felt ugly and fat., that obesity really is the last accepted form of prejudice in our society. It is seen as the fault of the obese person. If you are obese, you are gross and you eat too much and you should excersize more and lose that weight! You are obese and you deserve to be treated differently because of it! It is so, so horrible and wrong.

anyone else feel this way or had any experiences with this?

[kaydin81 8]

I absolutely agree with this. And it is horrible and wrong. Just like the post said weeks ago "i am 50 lbs lighter and people are nicer to me"....how true that is. And no matter how big of a heart I have inside, all people saw was my weight. It is definitely starting to get better, but its sad when you don't get noticed/accepted because of the way you look. Now that I've had the band people are jealous that I'll be skinnier than them. Damd if you do, damd if you don't. lol

[Scuffy 11]

I don't know about you guys, but I have been fat most of my life, apart from a short stint a few years ago, and apart from my childhood (when I was always a "big" girl, but not necessarily fat) and I have come to the conclusion, after years and years of feeling like I don't fit in, being embarassed that I don't look like the "skinny girls", not being invited to things, or just not going because I felt ugly and fat., that obesity really is the last accepted form of prejudice in our society. It is seen as the fault of the obese person. If you are obese, you are gross and you eat too much and you should excersize more and lose that weight! You are obese and you deserve to be treated differently because of it! It is so, so horrible and wrong.

anyone else feel this way or had any experiences with this?

Oh I ABSOLUTELY agree with you! I can't tell you how validating it felt when I went to my surgeon's WLS and he actually said the same words---"mistreatment of obese people is the last accepted form of prejudice in our society." You're right, it is horrible and it is wrong!

Good luck on your journey!

Scuffy

[cat_texan 13]

I agree and it is so sad that it is acceptable.

[K1SM3T 1]

I feel like that constantly. All my girlfriends are skinny, all size 2's. Some of their boyfriends ignore me and never speak to me like I'm some disease and they are all nice to the other girls. I feel like people just see fat and it says stay away from me, or I'll eat you, lol. It's ridiculous. I have more personality them half of them girls and I'm nicer. Yet, i don't get a second look. I keep wondering when I lose all this weight...how will my confidence be? I keep worrying that well they didn't want to talk to me when I was fat, why talk to them now. My nut keeps telling me I need to just enjoy myself, but I guess years of being tortured by my weight has brought me down.

It's like going to a buffet and walking pass tables, like your walking down to the electric chair. All eyes staring at you...ugh. It's weird, I eat less food then some skinny people I know, but because I'm fat, I'm lazy or I eat too much. People are ignorant and it pisses me off. Especially people who think WLS is stupid or we're being lazy because we couldn't do it ourselves.

I'm getting to worked up, but your right!

[Jenn1214 120]

You're absolutely right. I was on Twitter the other day and one of the TTs was #onlyfatpeople. Everyone was posting things like "Only fat people tie their shoes before putting them on" or "Only fat people think of lunch while they eat breakfast." And this is considered acceptable. Obesity is an epidemic in this country and we are slowing killing ourselves with food. And yet people still think it's ok to poke fun. It's not funny and never has been. I wish people would wake up and see that obese people are human beings like everyone else, not scary monsters that should be reviled and ignored. Very sad.

[brenda62 47]

The one good thing about us is we know how it feels to be on both sides. I had a man go through my line at work a few weeks ago. We got to talking about good shoes and he told me his sister worked at a place in town that I buy mine at. He said you would not believe the fat people that go in there looking for comfortable shoes and his sister always wants to tell them to lose weight and the shoes would be comfortable. I looked at him and said "Sir I am one of those fat people, I have lost over 100 pounds and we all deserve comfortable shoes" oh and have a good day! He did shut up rater quickly. The next day I went down to the store and talked to the manager, made me feel better.

[stateofzen 46]

Total truth.

Here's the thing-- most people would not BELIEVE how different people treat you when you are thin(ner). And at least for me, it's total crap that I'm more confident now (that's the nice explanation I've seen used) -- I have always been confident and outgoing and the person I am has never changed. What has changed is that the hot girl (ha) that I've always felt like now matches my exterior. It's one thing to get more attention from strangers-- that's totally expected. But it is quite another to suddenly get attention from people who haven't given you the time of day in YEARS of knowing them. I have a few coworkers (male) who have regularly ignored my presence for a long time and who now want to talk to me every time we cross paths. I have gotten to that point where I'm just rude when they approach me, because you've got to be kidding me. The thing is, I don't even think it's a sexual thing, like they are coming on to me-- I just think they suddenly "see" me because they aren't trying so hard not to look.

[feliciadawn 22]

I am almost glad that I will get to be on both sides after I lose this weight. It makes me mad at the people in my life. I know it's natural to be more drawn to people who "look healthy" no matter what their sex,; women are drawn to make friends with other women who look good, men are more attracted to women who look "healthy" (and who are smaller than them, thereby giving them more of a "manly" feeling since they are all insecure and most wouldn't accept a woman who is larger than they are) it's really, really gross and horrible.

I am single, I have had a few relationships, and my weight has been a factor, whether in my own mind or their's, in every single one of my relationships. I have forgone dating now until I lose the weight because I cannot fathom, on top of all the other things to worry about and deal with when you are dating, fitting into a restaurant booth or a movie theater seat, not to mention the physical part of it when things get more serious. It's hard not to be angry at the world for the fact that everything is made for a certain size, and if you are over that size, it's just too bad for you - you get to feel like you are less worthy, less beautiful, and less of a person because you are not the average size of the rest of the population.

I am hoping with all my heart that the band will help me to lose the weight, feel better about myself, and enable me to start living again. But, I wish it didn't have to be that way. I wish we were all accepted as we are. No matter how much I deny it, although one of the biggest reasons I am getting the band is for my own health, an even bigger reason is that I want to look good, feel good, and be accepted and liked by others.

[cakegirl 12]

It really is one of the last acceptable forms of prejudice and discrimination... I won't go so far as to say "the" last, since there are plenty of people that don't get equal rights in most countries still...

The thing is, I get drawn into it. I had the lapband because I was obese and I hated it. I hate fat. I hate it on me, and I hate it on other people. I was just lost about how to get rid of it personally, if that makes sense. But I hated looking at it on myself, and I hated looking it on my friends, family, and strangers. And I still hate looking at it. When I see fat people (including myself in the mirror), I see all sorts of horrible things - health complications, horrible deaths, lost potential, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, creaking achy joints, skin problems, etc. And it both horrifies me and disgusts me.

Now this doesn't stop me from treating people like people - I have just as many friends that are overweight as I do healthy or underweight friends. I have heavy family members as well as thinner ones. And I'd certainly never deny someone friendship, or a conversation, or an opportunity because they were overweight. I just can't stand looking at the weight. Which, once again, is why I got a lapband.