Eating disorder

[vlp1968 83]

I havent actually indulged in any of these behaviours, nor thought about it, but I certainly have been underweight and been obsessed with staying there. I was sick and having chemo at the time and I was thrilled with my ultra low weight - I couldnt see that it looked bad although others were expressing concern. Now I'm back to a normal weight - with a BMI of about 20 to 21 and it's driving me crazy, I feel compelled to diet hard to get back to that low weight and I'm getting myself into that binge/starve cycle again where I'm ultra "good" for days and then my body rebels and I pig out on bad foods. Which only leads to more weight gain.

I can usually get myself on track again though. I know its disordered thinking/behaviour and I can recognise it when I do it and with concerted effort get back to healthier ways. I really need to accept my current 65kg which is still less than I was at this time last year - thinking of 140ish pounds at 5ft 10 as fat is really ridiculous.

It was cancer that sent me on that spiral too, but in me, not a relative. I'm so sorry for what your mother is going to have to go through - and you too. Stay strong and healthy.

I am having a similar battle with maintainance. I am really "good" for maybe a week, then take a day and "pig out" on all the things I have been craving. It's been a cycle I can't seem to get myself out of. I am battleing to loose 5 pounds I've gained (well it's about 10 I gained but I'll be happy if I loose 5 of it). I keep telling myself once I loose the damn 5 pounds, I will eat a balanced diet more consistently. Any advice would be great!

[Jachut 487]

I know for me, and its soooo hard to do - I need to eat MORE. My idea of healthy eating adds up to about 1000 calories a day and at 5ft 10, 140lb, running about 10kms most days, working as a teacher, busy with 3 kids etc, I cant survive on that. I can hold out with willpower and my band makes me not hungry, but my body knows a) that its not being fed and that it doesnt need to lose any more weight. So after a few days of that, it sends me urgent EAT signals and I cave and binge. If I eat more, like 1500 or so a day, this never happens. But I think I'm fat and that I have to starve.

Its probably the biggest longer term problem that's come out of cancer treatment - I'm pretty sure my surgeon and oncologist suspect I'm anorexic and it does spring from anorexic sort of thinking - I had lots of thoughts about being forced into all these nasty treatments like radiation, surgery and chemo and when my doctors started commenting that I should try to gain a bit of weight, I thought "this is one thing nobody can make me do" - I got secretive and sly about it. Scary stuff - I'm much better now and have actually gained a healthy amount but its hard to accept ANY gain, needed or not.

But eating a bit more healthy food does seem to help me, I just have to make myself do it. And I just pretty much accept that my relationship with food will never be "normal" but I suspect that's true for most women. I eat from all food groups and pretty much what I want to eat, but I restrict quantity and I'm pretty darn obsessive about getting my exercise.

[betheboo 40]

I met with my counselor today & we talked a lot about my eating issues... I haven't been to see her in a yr & a half, by the end she looked like "holy crap u need some major work!". It felt good to tell someone to their face about my problems arising with food. However I fear with the stress of my moms cancer the anorexia part may become worse... I finally forces myself to eat a couple of bites of chicken & some cottage cheese this evening. It's going to be a rough road ahead for both of us I fear