Do you go to therapy?

[amberakamom 13]

Has it helped as far as over eating goes?

I have been putting it off, but now I know I need to go. I have not been eating how I should the last couple months and I need to know why I am always sabotaging myself!

I have been dreading therapy. The only time I've ever been was right before surgery, because it was required. I absolutely HATE talking about my feelings, so I was really hoping I could skip the therepy stuff. But I really want to be NORMAL, and I really really hope this helps. I've had a wonderful life, and wonderful childhood, so I feel like I must just be a lazy pig that doesn't actually have any issues.

So anyway, I have an appointment next Wednesday. How has it helped you?

[Phranp 46]

I am an emotional eater and therapy has helped a lot. I see an obesity specialist so our main focus is how food/eating effects my daily life. I started seeing this therapist 8 months before my surgery and 3 months before I saw my doc about getting the band. I started therapy early because I wanted to be sure that WLS was the right decision for me.

Over the years I have done it all from liposuction (in my youth, paid cash -- pretty much a waste of money), to OA, to WW, to .. you name it. Physical hunger was never a problem for me -- my problem is "all in my head".

Therapy has really helped me because I am willing. I had to stop telling my therapist "oh, I'm not really good at that ... so it may not work". I made up my mind that doing it "my way" hadn't gotten me anywhere so I started saying "ok, I'll give it my best effort".

The bottom line about therapy is that you can learn all the "why's and wherefore's" about your behaviors; but in the end you have to put up or shut up if you are going to get better -- at whatever the problem may be.

Also, all therapist are not good therapist. If you don't "click" with your therapist, it's okay to try another.

One last thing ... a good therapist never forces you to talk about your feelings. A good therapist gains your trust and eventually you want to tell him/her your feelings.

I love my therapist, she is great! I wish you the best.

~Fran

[Wheetsin 714]

Therapy can be intimidating, but it really is invaluable. The band will do some of the work for you. Think of it as built-in will power. However, you're still going to absorb every calorie you can get down, so there's still a lot of personal responsibility. Therapy will help you manage the emotional side of it, from a lot of different perspectives. The pre-op meetings are largely to determine your likelihood of compliance, and set up basic coping mechanisms, help you identify the triggers for your poor eating habits, etc. But there are issues down the road that therapy will be a great help with...

* many people find themselves in a modifided state of mourning, where they are morning the loss of their friend food.

* many people find themselves addiciton hopping, where they're trading one destructive behavior (overeating/binging/etc,) for another.

* many people have a hard time adjusting to their new body and finding comfort in their thinner selves.

* Most overweight people have control issues. This can manifest itself in new ways ince the weight begins to decrease.

All of the above & more are adjustments that therapy can help with. But keep in mind: like with anything, there are great thereapists, good therapists, and miserable therapists. If you can find one who specialized in eating disorders, it will probably be a little more beneficial.

I know therapists can be intimidating. I'mnot a therapist, but I have a graduate degree in psychology and I normally don't tell people in my real life that I have it because their interactions with me almost always change. But really, the world needs more therapy.

[MelindaH 3]

I would urge you to seek therapy and really try to address your fears, hon. It has been valuable for me over the years and I have sought counsel on several issues. I also see a psychiatrist for medication monitoring of a mood disorder. I feel that the medication and therapy saved my life and my marriage during a very difficult time a few years ago. If you don't feel a connection with a certain therapist, do not hesitate to change. Lots of good luck and positive thoughts and prayers for you,

Melinda

[KimK813 2]

I have had my band for over a year now and have lost over 75lbs but I decided to make this work long term I needed some back-up. So I have started going to therapy. In the last few years, I have made several life changing decisions so why not therapy too? Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of inner strength, knowing yourself well enough not to be afraid to ask for help.

Good luck, everyone!

[Jachut 487]

Therapy is only going to be of any use to you if you are into it, and not uncomfortable with it. If you hate the very idea of it, dont go. Its not magic, it takes the therapist AND the patient working together and if the patient is resistant or doesnt want to talk, its a waste of time.

Its really really not my scene. I know myself pretty well I think, and know the reasons for what I do, and I just choose to not face them at times, simple. I dont have any deep dark secrets that need to be unlocked - I just make bad food decisions at time. I'm not trying to damp down uncomfortable feelings - I just like eating! And if I get something out of it that I stil havent realised (likely), it doesnt matter that I havent realised what that is, I just need ot recognise when I want to eat inappropriately and choose not to do it. I personally hate the idea of therapy and woudlnt consider it. And I also think a lot of people go as a way of handing over responsibility to someone else - if their therapist cant "cure" them, then its not their fault if they dont lose weight kind of thing. therapy is really only about helping you to change your thought patterns and responses and it is possible to do that by yourself.

[Phranp 46]

Therapy is only going to be of any use to you if you are into it, and not uncomfortable with it. If you hate the very idea of it, dont go. Its not magic, it takes the therapist AND the patient working together and if the patient is resistant or doesnt want to talk, its a waste of time.

Its really really not my scene. I know myself pretty well I think, and know the reasons for what I do, and I just choose to not face them at times, simple. I dont have any deep dark secrets that need to be unlocked - I just make bad food decisions at time. I'm not trying to damp down uncomfortable feelings - I just like eating! And if I get something out of it that I stil havent realised (likely), it doesnt matter that I havent realised what that is, I just need ot recognise when I want to eat inappropriately and choose not to do it. I personally hate the idea of therapy and woudlnt consider it. And I also think a lot of people go as a way of handing over responsibility to someone else - if their therapist cant "cure" them, then its not their fault if they dont lose weight kind of thing. therapy is really only about helping you to change your thought patterns and responses and it is possible to do that by yourself.

If only everyone were as focused and self-assured as you Jachut, therapist would be out of business ... and that would be a good thing. But, alas, we are all so very different and sometimes we may need someone to talk to about one thing or another ... and talking with your girlfriends isn't always the best thing to do.

I honestly believe that your ability to focus and to overcome the hurdles in your life by sheer will is likely the reason you did so well with the band and throughout your cancer episode. I applaud you for your strength and courage and I am thrilled for you that your cancer is gone. And I wish you good health throughout your life.

Since you "wouldn't consider" therapy I assume you haven't been to therapy, correct? I assure you it is more than just changing "your thought patterns and responses". I am in no way suggesting that you you try therapy, not at all. You have shown that you don't need therapy -- losing all your weight and becoming toned, fit and healthy; and conquering cancer with an attitude that is truly admirable. But, when my best friend and love of my life died in a plane crash (a plane that he was piloting), there was nothing I could tell myself to make myself stop crying EVERYDAY. Nothing I could tell myself to convince myself that my heart had not literally broken in two. I could not burden my friends with my sadness day after day, week after week, month after month. I saw a grief counselor to help me through the time. The therapist helped me work through my grief. I needed a place to go with my grief because it was palpable and I would not do that to my friends - they had done enough for me. The therapy was invaluable to me. I didn't have to go forever or every week ... just when the pain of the loss was too great for me to bear. Time is the only thing that heals the wounds of loss, but during that time we can do a lot of psychological and physical (i.e., eating over the emotion) damage. My choice was to seek therapy to minimize the damge to myself.

As I said in my previous post, even with therapy, ultimately you have to put-up or shut-up. It's just that sometimes therapist can introduce you to ideas that you would have never thought of when you are wrapped up in your issue/misery. You see, some people are not raised in an environment that gives them tools for living a healthy life. You apparently were, and I am happy for you. But not everyone has the tools (or even knows where to obtain them) and often a therapist can help you get those tools, and teach you how to use them.

Again, I respect your stance on therapy and I am not suggesting in any way that everyone needs therapy ... not even everyone with food issues. But surely you would agree that the anorexic that is near death cannot simply 'recognize that they need to eat more and do it'? Surely you understand that their problem is much deeper and requires outside help.

Either way, I acknowledge that this forum is a place for us all to express our opinions and I respect that our's differs. I just felt the need to respond, no disrespect intended.

~Fran

[Jachut 487]

Fran, I'm sorry, I obviously made that sound disrespectful or dismissive, which was not my intention. I havent been but my hubby has - for him it was very beneficial, he responded well to being assisted in readjusting his view of things happening in his life. It was a saviour for him, and allowed him to get on top of anxiety and panic attacks without medication and obviously, this has had a beneficial effect for our whole family. For myself, my coolrectal surgeon wanted me to go, but I felt that well, if you had cancer, felt like death warmed up as a result of chemo, were going through menopause, had been months without a nights sleep due to an overactive ileostomy and a side effect of chemo, had had your career cut short just 9 months after you qualified and began it, wouldnt you be a bit down and negative?. I knew what was bothering me, and I knew that being positive was the best, hard as it was and that the only real healer would be time. I'd had my back end poked, prodded and looked up, to make matters worse by a very attractive male surgeon which made it even more embarrassing, I'd talked about my bowel habits to half of melbourne, heck, I felt invaded enough without revealing my innermost emotions to a stranger. I just felt I could handle it myself. In the mood I was in, I would have gone and sulked and refused to say anything.

The only reason I said anything was that I think people think they have to do it, and its really alright not to, its a process that takes place between you and a therapist and if you dont want to be there, its not going to be beneficial.

My DH is a little prone to anxiety and can be very pessimistic, he also lets stress get to him. I work really hard to empathise, I'm sure it surprises nobody that I'm a pull yourself together kind of person and i have very little patience with things like that. I'd be the first to deliver a slap to a hysterical woman, lol. So forgive my blunt reply, I do understand that others dont have quite the same outlook or ability to just get on with it that I force myself to have.

[Phranp 46]

Fran, I'm sorry, I obviously made that sound disrespectful or dismissive, which was not my intention. I havent been but my hubby has - for him it was very beneficial, he responded well to being assisted in readjusting his view of things happening in his life. It was a saviour for him, and allowed him to get on top of anxiety and panic attacks without medication and obviously, this has had a beneficial effect for our whole family. For myself, my coolrectal surgeon wanted me to go, but I felt that well, if you had cancer, felt like death warmed up as a result of chemo, were going through menopause, had been months without a nights sleep due to an overactive ileostomy and a side effect of chemo, had had your career cut short just 9 months after you qualified and began it, wouldnt you be a bit down and negative?. I knew what was bothering me, and I knew that being positive was the best, hard as it was and that the only real healer would be time. I'd had my back end poked, prodded and looked up, to make matters worse by a very attractive male surgeon which made it even more embarrassing, I'd talked about my bowel habits to half of melbourne, heck, I felt invaded enough without revealing my innermost emotions to a stranger. I just felt I could handle it myself. In the mood I was in, I would have gone and sulked and refused to say anything.

The only reason I said anything was that I think people think they have to do it, and its really alright not to, its a process that takes place between you and a therapist and if you dont want to be there, its not going to be beneficial.

My DH is a little prone to anxiety and can be very pessimistic, he also lets stress get to him. I work really hard to empathise, I'm sure it surprises nobody that I'm a pull yourself together kind of person and i have very little patience with things like that. I'd be the first to deliver a slap to a hysterical woman, lol. So forgive my blunt reply, I do understand that others dont have quite the same outlook or ability to just get on with it that I force myself to have.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Jacqui.

I guess it's true what they say: "opposites attract". LOL You and your husband sound quite the dichotomy. But I can also see how your relationship could be (and obviously is) really complimentary.

~Fran