A Message Board Pet Peeve

[Jachut 487]

I type lots of things and then dont post them. I always think "does this add anything" and if it's just rehashing, if I actually feel like saying something to someone in particular or I'm just pushing my opinion when it realy doesnt add alot, I dont post it.

If someting feels like it's directed at me - which hasnt ever happened on this board by the way - I think about it a while before I retaliate.

[youknowit 11]

thanks for posting this... i really hope we can chill and get back to lovin' and huggin' and bein' here for each other.

but seriously, i'm with TommyO, once again... i find that i can only handle so much of being on here at times, because i've been yelled at (and yes, directly) more than a few times, for things as simple as asking a question and someone taking it personal... i've seen people be overtly and intentionally mean to others (recent thread relating to how Mexico is dirty and how those of us who have gone, or are going are morons, threads asking simple questions and you can see the person responding is miffed at a "stupid" question -- why did you respond then?), on and on. i've ALSO seen a great outpouring of love and support for thos who are banded, unbanded, thinking of banding, etc... that's why i keep coming back... but like i said before, sometimes i need a breather, especially when things get so far off in space.

ps -- someone mentioned previously about people putting IMHO, IMO, my2cents, etc, and you know, you have a point... it is safe to assume that it's the persons opinion, but i think we might be missing the point as to WHY a person feels they should include that seemingly "irrelevant" information. it's not just for clarification, IMO (LOL)

[NJChick 3]

Pet peeve.... I hate it when people spit. There! I've said it. Oh and by the way its JMHO

snort ~

[Alexandra 55]

Hello?? I'd like to place a collect call to the FUN Alex. Thank you.

She's not home. :lalala:

I know, how did I get to be such a poophead, Donali? I need some happy juice or something. I used to be fun! :hippie: :peace: :clock:

All I can say about cliques is this: there are THOUSANDS of users reading this board. Some of them have formed close friendships, on and off the board. But the VAST majority have not. Don't ever feel put out by that sort of thing...just start a new thread if you want. We are here for everyone, and the primary role of this board is to provide a place for ALL bandsters--pre, current, and post--to share information and support and advice. It's been VERY important to me in my journey, and I know we ALL want it to stay right here. So be nice!!

Last, I want to phrase my caution about taking things personally even more strongly. Even if you (speaking generally, now), strongly suspect some comment IS meant personally, you can make a decision to pretend that it's not. Taking the high road is always the better way to go, online and off.

[I'llsucceed 1]

I'd like to suggest that EVERYONE take two steps back when reading posts they feel are directed at them personally, and think if it could be read as a general comment. If it can, it should be.

I'm on another board where people feel they have to qualify every use of the word "you" with "(general you)" and that drives me absolutely NUTS. It's grammatically absurd and shouldn't be necessary anyway. We should just assume that unless someone is directly addressed BY NAME, all advice and commentary is GENERAL.

So that's my hope. Let's start by assuming the best of other posters, and keep the discourse impersonal. Any hurt feelings are usually completely and totally unintentional on the part of the poster.

That is all, carry on. :biggrin1:

So eliquently said. ALEX you truely rock. I mean it ...like seriously all the time. I would so vote for you in an election!! Just let me know when & where your running & I will be there. Again very well put & said much better than I could have ever done. Even though I tried this morning under the post in question. LOL LOL LOL

I really don't know why some folks always have to make things about them when truely that wasn't the intent of the actually conversation 98% of the time.

I will never forget the first time I sent an email to my older sis in caps b/c I thought it was easier to read for her. She didn't talk to me for days b/c she said I yelled at her in my email!!! Go figure.... I had no idea thats what caps meant. I still disagree w/that but she says its TRUE. LOL LOL LOL -- I LAUGH Loudly!!!

[NeenBand 7]

Kathy, that drives me crazy too. I have Fibroymalgia and it's sometimes hard to cut through the brain fog we can have, and I also have some dyslexia, so if I see this:

"hi everybody how r u i was wondering what time it is in Mexico i dont eat b4 Breakfast but i luv to talk so do u my cat dances and goatse is cool so how about we get together 4 ever"

Post with run on sentances with no punctuation or paragraph breaks make it very hard for me to read and soI just skip over them.

As for those who get snarky with other members, I'm pretty new here, but I have noticed they tend to be the same people. This is a support board and should be a safe haven for everyone, so maybe these people should be privately cautioned?? Just a suggestion.:-)

[Alexandra 55]

"hi everybody how r u i was wondering what time it is in Mexico i dont eat b4 Breakfast but i luv to talk so do u my cat dances and goatse is cool so how about we get together 4 ever"

Post with run on sentances with no punctuation or paragraph breaks make it very hard for me to read and soI just skip over them.

LOL!! I'm with you, leenerbups. I don't know what's so hard about punctuation when it's SO hard to read without it. As for the shorthand, I think we're just too old for it.

And something I don't understand: Sometimes People Post With Every Word Capitalized. What's Up With That? It Doesn't Bother Me So Much As I Just Don't Get Why They Do It.

[Alexandra 55]

I'll Suceed, thanks for the nice words!! I'll let you know when I need a campaign manager, K? :clock:

[PhotoNut 7]

Pffftttt.. I was one of the ones getting upset on that thread, and before it was over I was PM'ing one of the folks I was upset with telling them I was sorry I lost my temper and hoped they'd stick around and yadda yadda.

These observations are right. It was a short burts of emotions. Every post here is emotional, whether it be sharing losses, victories, tears or laughter. It's expected that frustration and hurt feelings will happen too. But the cool thing about this place is that everyone stays and chuckles about it when it passes. If not publically, then on a more personal level behind the scenes. And no, Im not trying to make light of any serious concerns or hurts that happened there. Im just saying that everyone seems to be mature enough to know when to calm down and make up.

As for cliques. I thought I detected that as well when I arrived. But what I've found is that everyone is happy to talk and support one another. It just takes time and effort to get to know everyone here and respond to everyone quickly AND keep up personal attention for everyone. There are so many of us. Some are quieter than others. Some are more up front and vocal. And natuarlly, we will be drawn to similar personalities as our own. That's human nature. And yes, there are local groups that have met in person. Well, that doesn't mean they are a clique. It means they.. live close enough to see each other in person on occassion. I'm hoping to get a group started in Idaho soon. I would love to know some of these folks that are close by. But that doesn't mean we would see ourselves as separate from others, or a tighter knit group that would be hard to break into.

Anyway, as usual, I've blabbed enough. I guess Im one of the more vocal people. Surprised by that, aren't ya? *grins*

Tommy, have faith in people. Don't hang on to small amount of (what you precieved as) negative here. There is far too much good that will be overlooked if you do.

*hugs*

(Wow! I went to post this right after TommyO and Big Dog's and by the time I hit "Save Changes" there were 11 other posts on here! LOL)

[ReneBean 3]

I think that we should all try to remember one thing - Everybody is going to have their own opinion. (sorry for those of you who like perfect grammar).

Just because somebody says something that you consider to be assinine and stupid doesn't mean that you have to add to it by making your own possibly assinine and stupid comment. My policy is to ignore what I consider to be assinine - and if thread gets too irritating for me, I simply don't read it anymore... AND, I always read through my own reply before I post - just to be sure that what I am saying is going to add something of value to the initial thread.

It works for me. Even people that I have great affection for sometime say stuff that I don't want to hear. It doesn't mean I love them any less.

Everyone has something to teach us, even if it is just that "no one is perfect."

NOBODY LEAVE!!! The varying insights are what make this board so valuable.

Just my two cents...(adjusted for inflation that's about a haypenny?)

[NeenBand 7]

LOL!! I'm with you, leenerbups. I don't know what's so hard about punctuation when it's SO hard to read without it. As for the shorthand, I think we're just too old for it.

And something I don't understand: Sometimes People Post With Every Word Capitalized. What's Up With That? It Doesn't Bother Me So Much As I Just Don't Get Why They Do It.

ROFL

I know what your saying. I feel like I am reading something written by God The Almighty, The Alpha and The Omega or Yul Brenner as Rameses or something.

Not reading run on sentances without punctuation or paragraphs is not about grammer for me. It really actually confuses me and I can't read them. And I'll be down right honest, they annoy me. I feel like I'm reading a post by a youngster or Paris Hilton. It's not about grammer for me, it's about understanding what someone is posting. Your talking to a dyslexic here....if you want to see some twisted up mis-spelled words just visit my posts. It'll make you feel down right edjimicated and smrt.

I also don't see cliques but more people who have been around longer, so therefore know each other better than we newbies do and therefore their is some kind of bond. I think the longer your here or the more you post, the more a person feels a part of things. That goes for any kind of online forum.

[DeLarla 22]

"Just because somebody says something that you consider to be assinine and stupid doesn't mean that you have to add to it by making your own possibly assinine and stupid comment."

Bean, yes it does (and I say this laughing.) Some of us (me for example) come from mentally ill parents or are mentally ill ourselves ~ the apple doesn't fall far from the tree ya know. So I often lash out because I'm unable to hold back. Then five minutes later I realize I was acting like the child of a lunatic, so I delete my words hoping I didn't hurt anyone yet. Make sense? I'm a work in progress, but at least I catch my faults and correct them when possible.

[DeLarla 22]

P.S. What's a leener? And what's a bup?

[DevilMayKare 1]

I just want to say that--pleasant or not--all the hoopla around here the past several days was definitely the most interesting part of my very boring weekend! I managed to stay away from snacking altogether because my fingers were busy here.

All the kindess and sweet support on this board is much appreciated, but now and then I do enjoy reading a little rabble-rousing!

Does that make me a bad person, or just pathetic?

[NeenBand 7]

LOL!!

It's a me!

My real name is Eileen, my older brothers called me Leen, Leener and one of them called me Leenerbups.

You know, I was thinking about what you just posted about getting emotional. I think emotional posts are going to happen more frequently on a board like this , because let's face it...we are here because we have difficulties to begin with.

I have a personal belief that we eat because we have emotional issues, so pre-band it's there and post band, it's even more so because there is'nt food to stuff it down. It's all out there baby!

Probably why I think for us, observing the "I won't reply for 1 hour/24 hours etc" rule is a good one. I have knee jerk reactions to things people say and if I post while I'm feeling it, I open up a can of worms I regret later when I am more calm or in a better place.

My ex husband noticed this about me and told me not to call or write anyone until I have waited 24 hours.