Telling someone new

[Sistersue 12]

Have any of you lost a good amount with the band and then stared dating someone new? When did you tell them about the band? Right away, after a while? If you didn't tell them right away how did you handle eating out? How did they take it later when you told them? Thanks!

[anewlife10 0]

I am dating now... not in a serious relationship though. I know I probably won't tell anyone unless we get serious... but even then its up in the air. I have told my dates that I have lost some weight and I watch what I eat. Going out to dinner is tricky. I went out last night on a first date with someone and I just ordered an appetizer and when he asked if that was all i wanted I just said yes its a perfect size for me. He didn't really think much more of it. Dating is kind of tough because it seems like everyone always wants to go out to eat, I try to think of different things we can do where food isnt the main focus. As far as telling them about weight loss surgery, I think its a personal choice ~ I havent felt comfortable telling anyone about it yet. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it, but I know it would only be with someone I intend to be with long-term, otherwise I dont think it's something everyone needs to know about, at least not right away.

[54Shirley 105]

I'm not Dating, I'm Married. But ! I know that I don't have to tell everything about me to someone new. I would just say I am watching what I eat, trying to take some weight off.

Something like that. You know who your with, so you should know what to say.

A lot of people are shocked when they find out that you have the Band, so ,,, I don't advertise...

I did when I first got Banded, and that was a big mistake.

So in time we moved up north, and I don't have to tell anyone my business. Especially since they will get bent out of shape about it.

If you 2 are serious about each other, and have plans for Marriage ! Well,, yeah,,,, that's different. Then it's time to speak up, and then see how he takes the news.

After all,,, It's not that big of a deal right ?

[honk 780]

I'm at restriction and I don't have trouble eating any foods so it's eating out is'nt an issue for me. Is your concern more about portion size? I find the healthier the food you buy the smaller the portions anyway. I just divide the meal into halves and take half of it home.

[Sistersue 12]

A guy asked me out for lunch next week and I am petrified. I have dated in 10 years. I thought I was going to be nun but it isn't my calling. My first thought was to say no but now I think I will say yes and try to find a place where I can eat.

[54Shirley 105]

A guy asked me out for lunch next week and I am petrified. I have dated in 10 years. I thought I was going to be nun but it isn't my calling. My first thought was to say no but now I think I will say yes and try to find a place where I can eat.

Good for you.... Sistersue.... Hope you enjoy it.

[CheckYes 46]

I'm scared about this too. I have no fill so I am not worries about what I can and can't eat but I am nervous about having to tell someone someday that I have a band. I'm kind of hoping to have it removed when I have plastic surgery done but I havent truly considered whether that's the right move for me yet. I've still got 40 pounds to go.

[AlienBandit 10]

Dating is hard enough, dating when banded makes me so much more nervous. Now I even have had a Tummy Tuck (and lipo) and it is like I dont know where to begin without sending the guy running for the hills.

To top that off, I am scheduled for a boob job in a month. I am dating this new guy who has only been around a few weeks. I have not mentioned I lost a lot of weight but he does notice my eating habits. So far I have been able to pass them off as I am hung over from last night ( we dont get to see each other much and hang with friends and have drinks on weekends) or I just had a snack etc and he hasn't questioned it.

Hiding all my scars hasnt been too hard, but finding the right time to tell him is hard to decide.

If he is still around come new boobie time, I guess I will have to spill the Beans but honestly, each person is different, each story is different, each situation is different.

Once I was on a date with a guy who went on about fat people and I just went off on him. I had no problem telling him I was banded because when he asked why I cared because I was skinny, I was proud to talk about my band ( and knew I would never see him again)

If the topic comes up of losing weight and you feel it is right, then tell them. Me personally, I want a person to get to know me before they know I am banded ( if I just met them) and then they can decide how they feel about it. However if I started to date a friend or someone I had known for a long time, I wouldn't heistate to tell them I am banded ( though generally it is a secret)

[anewlife10 0]

Once I was on a date with a guy who went on about fat people and I just went off on him. I had no problem telling him I was banded because when he asked why I cared because I was skinny, I was proud to talk about my band ( and knew I would never see him again)

Isn't it crazy to be on this end and actually hear all the prejudice people have against overweight people?!! There have been quite a few times that I have been on a date and they guy starts talking bad about 'fat' people... like you I always confront them on it.

Reading this thread is good.. its good to know that I am not the only one that freaks out about how I am going to eat on my date. One of the guys I have been dating keeps telling me that I need to start eating more because I keep losing weight LOL... if he only knew..thats the point

[Corrigan 75]

A guy asked me out for lunch next week and I am petrified. I have dated in 10 years. I thought I was going to be nun but it isn't my calling. My first thought was to say no but now I think I will say yes and try to find a place where I can eat.

From a guys point of view, if he asked you out he must have found you attractive so why not just go, be yourself, and have a good time. Guys aren't like girls, they don't care if a hair is out of place

or your jewelery doesn't match. He's looking for a good sense of humor and a person he can be comfortable with. Don't over think a date, just go and have fun.

[Mewizza 3]

I'm 23 & Single and dating. I tell everyone. I love people supporting me in my journey. I feel like the more people who know then the more people who can help me stay on track and support me. I love all the compliments and encourage me when I tell people. I mean it's better then them looking at me at 340lbs and killing myself with food with those looks. Most people are interested in how it works and how it's working for me. I'm a cheap date. I went out to Breakfast with my family and I share a plate with my mom. I actually just ate her eggs. LOL I'm almost a free meal. I'm not ashamed I had WLS. I'm ashamed I got to 340lbs at 23. I'm proud I took my life back over and going to live a long healthy lifestyle. I tell the guys who want to take me out on dates up front. It's easier. Keep your head up & do what's right for you. <3

[yl2010 0]

I posted a similar question when I was at the freaking-out side of starting to date again. I've now been out there since February, and I can tell you a little about what I've learned. First, you don't have to be at some ideal weight before you start dating. If people are asking, it's because they are interested. So go. Don't let weight or the band be a reason you hold yourself back. I'm starting to cross the line from full-figured into curvy, but I've got a ways to go before I'm really feel satisfied with my weight. Still, getting out there is good practice and fun. And the men who ask me out, think I look good now. I'm open with them about watching what I eat and going to a trainer or yoga classes. I can't eat bread at all, so I have to set up that I'm careful about my foods. But I don't make a big deal about it, and I don't tell them about the band. The few dates I did tell early on were not supportive. Some were very judgmental about my having weighed more or about my inability to lose it on my own. They saw the band as a show weakness and couldn't grasp just how much work it is . This taught me that there's no reason to share that until you really care about someone, and there's a better chance he'll be understanding.

I don't, however, schedule dates for 2 weeks after a fill, because as you can see from my signature I've twice had to have a filled backed out a bit, and I don't want to take a chance at not being able to hold down food.

Hope this helps you. Now get out there and have some fun with it.